| Scene 21 � The Diary Entry 2 (Mitchell writing in diary) Dear Diary, Today SUCKED!!!! Julius is restraining my artistic expression by strapping me to a chair!� (Flashback) "Are these ropes necessary?"... But I know that he means well, diary. Honestly, I do. I need to learn to control my passionate rages to win this battle of the bands! Jeremiah is dirt! Well, G'night! (Jeremiah writing in diary) Dearest diary, Sigh! Jeremiah has found a new reason for living and its name is... Tiffany. Oh, the very work gives Jeremiah goose bumps. But you can�t tell anyone diary! Not even my dog Charlie! (pets dog) Well, Jeremiah's gonna cut it short tonight, he has a lot of dreaming to do. Ciao! (Timmy writing in diary) Dearest Log (no pun intended), Get it, termite� log Alright� My mentor, Kyle Blaze, so much to say about him. I don't think he knows my true feelings for him. The way he grins when he laughs devilishly... It drives me insane! Anywho, he built a time traveling Ford Ranger. The intelligence of that man really turns me on!!!!!!!!... (deep breath) Sorry about that, I must calm down now. Until tomorrow, log. And Timmy is done (Kyle writing in diary) Dear journal: My evil plan is moving along as planned. My time machine was finished today. Tomorrow I�m going to test out its time traveling capabilities. Soon the world will be mine! Muwahahaha! Yes� well, journal, that wealthy heiress, Veronica Helmsley, is getting obsessed with me. That spell I put on her is working too well. She is very distracting with her sexual moans and such. I think I�m going to gag her with some sort of sock tomorrow. A white sock possibly, maybe a black sock. I�ll decide tomorrow. Journal, remember that good-looking secretary? What was her name? Ah yes� it was Tiffany Wright. I would like to meet her again. I wonder where she lives? I could invite her to see a movie. You know, strictly business of course. Well, journal I should probably get going now. I have a long day of evil ahead of me. Tootles! (Veronica writing diary. Since she is tied up, holding pen in mouth, somehow writing is still very legible) Dear Diary, Oh, that Kyle Blaze is a sexy, sexy man! I wish he would untie me though. I thought he tied me up so we could have kinky sex. But that was yesterday and nothing has happened! I�m beginning to think maybe that Kyle Blaze is gay. Why would he tie up a rich, sexy person like myself and not have his way with me? Hmmm� This is a serious question diary. Do you know the answer? Well, do you? Ugh! I can�t believe you diary! All these years of friendship and you won�t answer an important yet simple question?!?! How dare you! I don�t think I�m going to say another word to you �til you apologize! Well, I�m waiting! Ugh� Why do I put up with you!?!?! I shouldn�t you know! I don�t think I�ll put up with you anymore! Good day! (Tiffany writing diary) Dear diary, Things have certainly been strange around here lately. I lost my job working for Miss Helmsley due to her strange disappearance. I�m beginning to wonder if that Russell Braxton guy was responsible for it� Anyway, I've found a new job. I'm the lead singer in a Christian rock band! Isn't that exciting??? Jeremiah Cottonsworth seems like a nice guy, although he does seem to have an attraction to me. I better watch out for him. Well, I better get some rest, I have practice early in the morning. C ya (Julius writing diary) Dear Diary, Today was productive, I... What in the hell?... I must be a damn fool! I don't have a diary! (Cornelius writing diary) Dear Diary, Did I ever tell you about my wife walking into the wrong store. heh heh heh, man was that a riot, she� Wait a minute, I don't own a diary! Zoinks! Scene 22 � The Grits 3 Julius: Man, that Mitch Rickelstein is going to be a star one of these days. Cornelius: Oh yeah? Well Jeremiah Cottonsworth is going to beat him to the top. I think you�ll agree with me when I say he has more potential than Creed. Julius: Yeah, that�s saying a lot (sarcastic like). Cornelius: What do you mean? Julius: Creed sucks, Cornelius. Creed sucks the big one. Cornelius: You�re the same fool that said they should name a galaxy after the inventor of grits. Julius: Well they should! I think that if the inventor of grits were here today, he would agree with me that Creed sucks. Cornelius: Hey! They may suck, but they do have a large following. Julius: True dat. Cornelius: Hey, did I tell you about the time my wife went into TJ Maxx thinking it was Old Navy? Julius: Yeah, you damn fool! Cornelius: Well� dose signs are confusin�. I don�t blame my wife. Julius: I blame your wife� Are you telling me that dumb idiot can�t read a god damn sign. Cornelius: Ahh� (moving hand from right to left (like in Seinfeld� �Seinfeld wave�)) Julius: (shaking his head and laughing, muttering....) damn fool, heh heh... damn fool Cornelius: Well, this morning has sucked. Julius: Yeah� at least we got our grits. Cornelius: Yeah, I love grits. Julius: Me too. Cornelius: I bet the inventor was a cool guy. Julius: Dig Cornelius: He probably wore a big hat. Julius: Word. Cornelius: It was probably the biggest hat this side of the Mississippi. Julius: Uh huh. Cornelius: I wonder where he got such a hat. Julius: Probably made it. Cornelius: Now that�s the stupidest thing I�ve heard all day. Julius: Ahhh (Seinfeld wave) (silence for a few moments, both are eating grits) Cornelius: TJ Maxx� dats hilarious. Julius: Haha, indeed. Scene 23 � The Time Machine 3 Kyle: Timmy, it is time to see if this time machine really works. Timmy: All right Kyle: Okay, Timmy. Get out the video camera, I want this taped. Timmy: Okay boss. (picks up camera and starts taping) Kyle: Okay, well first, you start the car like so (starts car) Timmy: Oooo Kyle: Then, you turn on what looks like a radio, but is really the control panel. (turns on radio) Timmy: Okay, then what? Kyle: Then, you use this remote control to type in your destination date. Say you wanted to see the signing of the Declaration of Independence (types it in) or the birth of Christ (types in date) or even maybe the day I was born (types in date) Timmy: Then what? Kyle: After that, you accelerate to 50 mph, and once you get to 50 mph, you press this button on the shifter that�s labeled overdrive. A few seconds after that I should be in the future, looking for an evil villain. Timmy: Cool. Kyle: All right, Timmy, you ready to tape this event? Timmy: Yes I am! Kyle: Okay, let�s do this! (Kyle gets in car, revs engine and drives off) Timmy: Holy Crap he did it! (Kyle comes back a few seconds later) Timmy: Damn, that was fast! Scene 24 � The Meditation (Mitchell strapped into chair, while Julius blindfolds him and holds a bowl of grits infront of his face. Chinese music is in the background) Julius: (sounding strangely, like an old Chinese man) Ah, young Mitchell son, use the chi of the grits to restrain yourself. Mitchell: What the hell? Julius, you sound like the old guy from �Karate Kid!� Julius: (back to being an angry black man) Boy! What the hell you talkin� about! I ain�t no Chinaman. (under breath) Damn fool. Mitchell: Well, whatever you are, stop this nonsense! We need to get ready for the show. Julius: Boy, that�s the smartest thing you've said all day, now lets get crackin'! (�Love Hurts� playing in background while trying to practice) Scene 25 � Jeremiah is Shut Down (�Love Hurts� still playing� almost finished with night practice) Cornelius: All right� your sound was groovin� tonight, kids. Jeremiah: Thanks Cornelius. Cornelius: Okay, I�m outta here, I�ll see you kids tomorrow. Jeremiah and Tiffany: Bye (a few seconds after Cornelius leaves, Jeremiah walks over to Tiffany and sits down next to her) Jeremiah: So, Tiffany, what kind of guys have you dated in the past? Tiffany: Ummmm.......... hmmm. Let�s see..... a lot of jerks. Jeremiah: Well that�s no good. Would you ever, oh, date a guy like, let�s say.......... Jeremiah? Tiffany: (uncomfortable) Umm, I have to go over there now. (walks to the other end of the pool and sits down) Jeremiah: (to himself) Looks like Jeremiah needs some work on his game. (sitting sadly while Cat Stevens plays in background, once it gets to chorus, Jeremiah gets up and walks away) |