crush all humanz: :: PRIVATE COMMUNICATIONS: ACCEPT Y/N? ::

WordsofthWise: ::y::

crush all humanz: :: EXPLAIN TO ME WHY I'M SUDDENLY NOT GETTING ENJOYMENT OUT OF TORTURING AN AUTOBOT. :: *sounding pissed, confused, and upset*

WordsofthWise: *He blinked, not expecting this in the least.* ::Crusher? What happened?::

crush all humanz: :: SLAGGING OPTIMUS FUCKING PRIME HAPPENED! ::

crush all humanz: :: HE INTERRUPTED AN INTERROGATION! ::

crush all humanz: :: HE MADE ME LEAVE THE VOK ALONE! ::

crush all humanz: :: HE MADE ME LEAVE AND IT'S HIS FAULT I RAN INTO TRACKS, SLAGGIT! ::

WordsofthWise: ::What? Wait....Tracks?:: *unfortunately, he hadn't checked the journals yet today....>.> *

crush all humanz: :: I COULD HAVE GOTTEN MY FILL WITH THE VOK STARSCREAM HAD BUT THEN I HAD TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE AND TRACKS IS TOO FUCKING EASY A TARGET AND I DIDN'T MEAN TO GO THAT FAR AND I DON'T GET WHY I CARE! :: *is now sounding less pissed and more frantic and plenty upset*

WordsofthWise: ::Crusher, calm down, it's okay....:: *his voice was calm, but inside he was worried* ::Calm down, take a moment, open your vents fully, and then explain what happened to Tracks....::

crush all humanz: :: THERE IS OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING NOT OKAY IF I'M FEELING SLAG FOR THAT STUPID, VAIN, SELF-CENTERED GLITCH! :: *but still follows his suggestions, growling into the comm as he tries to at least somewhat organize his thoughts* :: I FOUND HIM AND BEAT THE EVER-LOVING SLAG OUT OF HIM. ::

WordsofthWise: *he was quiet for a moment, and then spoke* ::Why is it you went after him?:: *his voice was a calm, curious voice. He was only trying to figure out what tipped him off so he could help a bit better...*

crush all humanz: :: BECAUSE PRIME INTERRUPTED MY FUN WITH A PRISONER. I WAS GOING TO REMOVE ITS FACE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BEAUTIFUL. :: *there's

WordsofthWise: ::....You realize, though, that we may yet need him alive, though, for information. I am sure that is why Optimus stopped you. I understand your need to destroy things sometimes...we all have that want, that need. But sometimes...knowing WHEN to do so is the key....:: *he spoke thoughtfully...*

crush all humanz: :: I WOULDN'T KILL IT! I HATE KILLING THEM. THEY CAN'T SCREAM WHEN THEY'RE DEAD. THEY CAN'T BREAK IF THEY'RE DEAD! :: *oh, there it goes, he's upset again*

WordsofthWise: ::But too much CAN kill, Crusher. And that is probably what everyone was afraid of...::

WordsofthWise: *calming voice&

crush all humanz: :: THEY OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN DO. ::

WordsofthWise: ::Crusher...I believe they know what you CAN do....perhaps they just don't know your level of CONTROL...:: *headtilt to the comm, thoughtful*

crush all humanz: :: THE FACT THAT THEY DON'T GET IT IS WHAT GOT ME INTO THIS ENTIRE SLAGGING MESS! ::

crush all humanz: *growling*

WordsofthWise: ::Crusher...have they ever SEEN you with that kind of control...?:: *still a calming voice*

crush all humanz: :: OF COURSE NOT! BECAUSE I'VE BEEN KEEPING MYSELF REELED IN THIS ENTIRE TIME I'VE BEEN ON THIS STUPID FUCKING PLANET! ::

crush all humanz: :: YOU'D THINK THEY'D APPRECIATE THAT! ::

WordsofthWise: ::Crusher?::

crush all humanz: :: WHAT. ::

WordsofthWise: ::...Breath.::

crush all humanz: :: I'M DOING THAT, THANKS. ::

WordsofthWise: :: TRY to calm down. I understand that you HAVE been holding back. But sometimes, yes, an outlet is needed. Unfortunately, it looks as if this was something that broke your patience. What was it Tracks did to invoke the rest of your rage?:: *curious, still calm*

crush all humanz: :: HE WAS THERE. ::

crush all humanz: *hisses* :: IN MY WAY. ::

WordsofthWise: ::...I see....:: *pause, then...* ::He didn't say anything? Just...crossed your path?::

crush all humanz: :: HE'S AN EASY TARGET. ::

WordsofthWise: ::You were looking for an alternate outlet...still enraged...and he was there.....Crusher.....sometimes we do things we don't mean to. Sometimes others won't understand right away. Right now appears to be one of those times. Things will get better, and I am sure, in time, others will understand. I doubt anyone is going to seriously hate you....:: *calming....*

crush all humanz: :: I DON'T CARE IF THEY HATE ME! I DON'T CARE THAT I DID IT! I DON'T CARE! ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS WHY I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT! I DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT TORTURING STUPID FUCKING AUTOBOTS, I LOVE IT! :: *doesn't sound so sure about that, but he's hiding it under "i'm-pissed-off" tones*

WordsofthWise: ::.....Perhaps you consider him a friend...? Could it be that he is someone besides Blackout that you find an interest in....?::

crush all humanz: :: .................. ::

crush all humanz: :: I'M GOING TO IGNORE THAT LAST COMMENT, TRION, BECAUSE I HONESTLY DON'T THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE IMPLYING. HE IS HARDLY A FRIEND. ::

WordsofthWise: ::Actually, I DO know what I am implying. You love Blackout. We know this. And then, add in a third, secret, possibly not even fully realized third party, but realized enough to know you hate the feeling of possibly betraying your first. Thus, already infuriated, you take it out on the other party, angry at them for making you feel that way....:: *very thoughtful, calm voice.*

crush all humanz: :: I HAVE NEVER SAID I LOVE BLACKOUT! :: *wow, way to get snarly and completely off the whole topic. AVOIDANCE IS BAD CRUSHER*

WordsofthWise: ::hey, calm down, Crusher. Besides, if you didn't love him...you wouldn't still be there for him, even in his current state.::

crush all humanz: :: .............................. ::

crush all humanz: :: WHATEVER. WE'RE NOT GETTING INTO MY RELATIONSHIP WITH BLACKOUT. ::

WordsofthWise: ::It's alright.::

WordsofthWise: *soft voice*

crush all humanz: :: DON'T. START. I DON'T HAVE ANY ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR TRACKS. IF IT HAD BEEN ANYONE OUT THERE STUPID ENOUGH TO LET ME CATCH THEM, THE RESULTS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE SAME. ::

WordsofthWise: ::Alright, alright. You DID ask why you feel bad about it. Would you feel bad about it if it had been someone else...?::

crush all humanz: :: I DON'T KNOW. IT'S NOT NORMAL FOR ME TO FEEL THIS SLAGGED AFTER BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF AN AUTOBOT. I ONLY STOPPED BECAUSE HE BEGGED ME TO. ::

crush all humanz: :: YEARS AGO, I HAD AN AUTOBOT BEG ME TO STOP. ::

crush all humanz: *hisses* :: I DIDN'T. ::

WordsofthWise: ::.....Do you feel bad that you stopped? Or feel bad that you slagged him?:: *wonderingly*

crush all humanz: :: I DON'T - BOTH! ::

WordsofthWise: :: It is confusing, isn't it? Crusher...EVERYONE has times like these, where they are faced with something they are not familar with. It is something we learn to live with. As for WHY you feel bad about it...I am more willing to bet that it has to do with the war being over, and that you have, dispite the fact that you 'hate everyone', made some friends...and that he was/is one of them....::

crush all humanz: :: THE WAR IS NEVER GOING TO BE OVER. THERE ARE TOO MANY AUTOBOTS THAT HATE DECEPTICONS - TOO MANY DECEPTICONS THAT HATE AUTOBOTS, TOO MANY CHANCES FOR THINGS LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN! ::

crush all humanz: :: IF STUPID FUCKING PRIME HAD JUST LET US HANDLE THE VOK, NOTHING WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. I WOULDN'T BE DEALING WITH THIS SHIT! ::

WordsofthWise: ::Crusher, it may seem like the war will never be over. But that is because it takes TIME for things to change. Meanwhile, mistakes ARE made. But we can learn from it, learn to control those feelings.:: *he paused for a moment* ::But again....everyone was possibly afraid of your control ability. But there is another factor: Who is to know what the Vok's damage limits were? We have no idea....::

crush all humanz: :: I WOULD HAVE FOUND OUT. MEGATRON SLAMMED IT INTO THE GROUND A FEW DOZEN TIMES AND IT'S STILL ALIVE. ::

WordsofthWise: ::And how would you have found out what its limits were, without killing it...?::

crush all humanz: :: WHEN THEY START GURGLING, YOU HAVE TO STOP. ::

WordsofthWise: ::At that point, the damage is done, and it progresses from there. There is no turning back, unless you have a way to repair the damage to something like that....And they were trying to stop you from getting to that poing, I believe...::

crush all humanz: :: BELIEVE ME, I WOULDN'T DARE KILL IT. IT DOESN'T DESERVE DEATH. I TRUSTED IN STARSCREAM'S ABILITIES TO REPAIR IT IF IT WERE TO START SLIDING. HE'S BEEN ABLE TO DO IT BEFORE. ::

crush all humanz: :: IT DOESN'T MATTER. THEY DON'T HAVE TO BELIEVE IN MY ABILITIES. I'M SURE THERE ARE STILL A FEW AUTOBOTS ALIVE THAT KNOW HOW CONTROLLED I AM. ::

WordsofthWise: *he remained silent for a moment, then, * ::Does that mean you have spared others in the past...?::

crush all humanz: *darkly* :: IT MEANS THEY WERE ALLOWED TO GO. ::

crush all humanz: :: THEY ENDED UP BEING USELESS, BUT THIS WAS EARLY IN THE WAR. WE NEEDED SOMETHING TO PROVE OUR STRENGTH. ::

WordsofthWise: ::You see....normally, when something becomes useless, or you need to prove something....normally the proven method is to utterly destroy it, not let it survive....am I right?::

crush all humanz: :: ..............YOU HAVE NEVER MET A MECH I HAVE PLAYED WITH. ::

WordsofthWise: ::Perhaps not....but even so...wouldn't letting them live be considered a sign of weakness? Especially that far back?:: *curious, calm tone*

crush all humanz: :: ...................LETTING THEM LIVE IS A HELL IN ITSELF. WE ACHIEVED THE GREATEST LEVEL OF FEAR IN PLACES WHERE WE RELEASED OUR PRISONERS... THEY KNEW WHAT WE WOULD DO TO THEM. THEY KNEW NEW LEVELS OF WHAT THEIR BODIES COULD TOLERATE BEFORE DEATH. THEY REALIZED, VERY QUICKLY, THAT THEY COULD LIVE AFTER WHAT WE DID. ::

crush all humanz: :: THERE WAS ONE I RELEASED WITH HIS SPARK IN HIS OWN HAND. ::

crush all humanz: :: ...... :: *quietly* :: THAT ONE DIDN'T GET FAR BEFORE CRUSHING IT HIMSELF. ::

WordsofthWise: ::.....................:: *he was silent fo a bit...he had heard a LOT of horrific stories in his time...but never one such as this....*

crush all humanz: *still quiet... almost upset but in a whole new way* :: I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE REMORSE FOR MY ACTIONS. IT'S NOT ONLY MY JOB BUT MY PLEASURE TO BE ABLE TO TOY WITH A MECH TO THE POINT OF THEM BREAKING. I JUST.... ::

crush all humanz: *sighs* :: i just don't get it. ::

WordsofthWise: *he thought for a moment* ::Some things we are never meant to understand. Sometimes we are put into a situation that we may never know the outcome to. It gets hard, and frustrating. Perhaps the reason we are put into those situations are because it is not to find the immediate answers, but moreso to find out who it is that care for us, who would be there for us no matter what. Then, only then, can you find the answers you are looking for....:: *he stroked his beard lightly, his voice a soft contemplative voice....*

crush all humanz: :: ....................... ::

crush all humanz: :: I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE TO WAIT FOR ANSWERS. :: *sourly, not really serious* :: I SHOULD JUST GO KILL TRACKS WHILE I CAN. ::

WordsofthWise: ::No. Don't do that. Who's to say you won't feel worse for it afterwards? It is, infact, a good thing you stopped when you did. Don't feel bad for sparing him. You did the right thing....:: *his voice was calm.*

crush all humanz: *scoffs* :: THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG TO A DECEPTICON. IT'S ALL A MEANS TO AN END..... :: *frowns to himself*

crush all humanz: :: ........NOT WITH THIS, THOUGH. THIS WASN'T EVEN PETTY ENTERTAINMENT. ::

WordsofthWise: ::....It was something else. But you aren't sure what yet. Something like this, it DOES take time in order to be able to decipher the meanings behind the actions. Granted, it may feel like you don't have the patience for it, but you will. Take it a day at a time, Crusher. Pace yourself. Things will be fine, and things will come to you as they need to.::