IM History with buddy OnTheNightBeat

Sunday, January 13, 2008</

OnTheNightBeat (7:39:07 PM):

Is there an AIM name for Landmine or just use this one?

KurumiRP (7:39:29 PM):

I'm not planning on having him come back to base yet

OnTheNightBeat (7:39:39 PM):

Okies. ^__^

Thursday, January 17, 2008

KurumiRP (2:13:59 AM):

I see that you're being very active in the chat, and I want to know if you've thought about what was said last night.

OnTheNightBeat (2:15:26 AM):

Yea, I did. I'm going to give myself till the end of jan to see if i can improve, If not, then well.. I'll probbly end up leaving. Dont want to, but if I can honsetly NOT learn from my mistake, then why stay?

KurumiRP (2:16:34 AM):

What is the basis by which you'll decide if you've improved or not?

OnTheNightBeat (2:19:07 AM):

I dont know yet, Self reflection i guess. // BRB too, dads on the phone

OnTheNightBeat (2:24:31 AM):

back.

KurumiRP (2:25:48 AM):

Be aware that people aren't necessarily going to wait until the end of January to deal with a situation they already find uncomfortable enough.

OnTheNightBeat (2:26:13 AM):

Yea, I know. But I am going try.

KurumiRP (2:26:35 AM):

Alright, that's your choice.

OnTheNightBeat (2:26:52 AM):

Yea.  It is is.

KurumiRP (2:28:13 AM):

For the record - the fact that your spelling and grammar aren't at all better here than they were the night before doesn't really inspire much hope in me.

OnTheNightBeat (2:29:27 AM):

I  try my best.

KurumiRP (2:30:36 AM):

I personally don't understand - if you're trying your best, how come occasionally your spelling and grammar are almost perfect, but other times it seems as though.... you aren't trying?

OnTheNightBeat (2:31:24 AM):

I honestly don't know.

OnTheNightBeat (2:31:40 AM):

but.

OnTheNightBeat (2:32:03 AM):

I do know that i still do hit the enter key without stopping to look at what I have typed.

KurumiRP (2:32:54 AM):

....So, in other words, you're not putting in the effort to check your spelling.

OnTheNightBeat (2:33:50 AM):

No, I am.  I am not a touch typer, and believe me, I am trying. I have actually slowed down down on my typing alot.

KurumiRP (2:35:22 AM):

You do realize that, even as you're trying to explain to me that you're working on correcting your errors, you are making just as many as you normally do.

OnTheNightBeat (2:35:53 AM):

What do you mean?

KurumiRP (2:38:27 AM):

This entire conversation has been about you working on improving your spelling.  And yet, you spelled "probably" "probbly", "honestly" "honsetly", you repeated "is" twice, "down" twice, and randomly capitalized "Self reflection", while not capitalizing most of your "I's".  You don't have  to type fast.  You can take time to check your responses before you input them.

OnTheNightBeat (2:39:33 AM):

Thank you for pointing that out to me. I truely didn't notice that I was doing that.

KurumiRP (2:40:37 AM):

It's "truly," and that's a problem.  You need to be aware that you're not spelling things correctly - when you're not sure, you should put words through spell checkers.

OnTheNightBeat (2:41:52 AM):

Right.  Though, I do use the Aussie spellings for somethings. But, yea, thanks for actually pointing that out to me. I am glad. ^_^

KurumiRP (2:42:35 AM):

This isn't "Aussie" spelling, this is "typo" spelling.

OnTheNightBeat (2:43:03 AM):

True, it's not.

KurumiRP (2:43:44 AM):

Then why bring that up?

OnTheNightBeat (2:45:03 AM):

I just mean with some words, but - it doesn't matter.

KurumiRP (2:46:25 AM):

It seems that the things that matter least to you are the things that concern others the most.

OnTheNightBeat (2:47:48 AM):

As to me, they don't really matter, and if they do, I have a hard time articulating myself to say what I mean, without giving the wrong meaning.

KurumiRP (2:49:00 AM):

Like with the Vok.

OnTheNightBeat (2:51:25 AM):

Yea, to an extent.  I just... Forget it, I would sound even more crazy than last night.

KurumiRP (2:52:07 AM):

No, I'm not going to forget it.  The thing is, I seriously don't think you're crazy.

OnTheNightBeat (2:54:32 AM):

I'm not. I have mild-borderline MPD. I was diagnosed last year after an incident in church. Please don't tell any one.

KurumiRP (2:55:31 AM):

....Then it wasn't true when you said that the Vok wasn't  a split personality.

OnTheNightBeat (2:56:10 AM):

The Vok was one.  And I hate it.

KurumiRP (2:59:32 AM):

Look.  I can tell you that I don't even know what to say about this, exactly.  I honestly don't believe that you should be RPing with such a medical condition, because it opens too many doors for you to slip.

OnTheNightBeat (3:00:42 AM):

I know. .. but It's what I enjoy.

KurumiRP (3:01:43 AM):

And it's what other RPers enjoy doing as well.  But they honestly can't  enjoy it, if they have to worry about things like this.

OnTheNightBeat (3:02:16 AM):

That is why I never told anyone. Because I don't want others to worry.

KurumiRP (3:03:49 AM):

But these worries are legitimate.  Their worries came to light because it was visible to the point where you couldn't keep it hidden.

OnTheNightBeat (3:04:56 AM):

And it will not happen again. I will make sure of that.  It will not happen agan.

KurumiRP (3:07:02 AM):

Here's the problem:  now that it's out in the open, you could become a perfect RPer and still, people would be too worried - or just plain too uncomfortable - to RP with you.

OnTheNightBeat (3:09:11 AM):

I see your point, but I still have to try.

OnTheNightBeat (3:09:34 AM):

Becuase I am not just going to give up.

OnTheNightBeat (3:11:36 AM):

But it is not a problem when I start to RP. Honestly.

KurumiRP (3:12:08 AM):

Frankly, I disagree.  It's obviously a problem, if the people you've been RPing with have noticed it.

OnTheNightBeat (3:12:55 AM):

Expand on that please? I don't quite understand you.

KurumiRP (3:15:52 AM):

This entire conversation - not just this one, but the one from last night, and in private - came about not because of how you are OOC, but because of RP related issues.  People don't want to RP with you, because things are either too awkward or too uncomfortable for them.

OnTheNightBeat (3:17:59 AM):

Understand that i dont - Didn't want it known, simply as well... No one really want to know a person that has MPD. At least, that is my experiance.

KurumiRP (3:22:50 AM):

We don't have an issue knowing you as a person, but just can't RP with you.  This is a role-playing community, based on personas that we play, and the idea that someone might not be in control of their own persona is downright frightening.  And it's not even a matter of us knowing you have MPD - we can see it when we try to interact with you.  It's just plain uncomfortable.

OnTheNightBeat (3:24:56 AM):

Believe me, I more than wish that I didn't have this. Its beyond frightening. It is beyond words. And I understand,in a way, that it would be uncomfortable.

KurumiRP (3:25:34 AM):

Then you understand why we simply can't RP with you.

OnTheNightBeat (3:26:17 AM):

Yea. Sadly I do.

KurumiRP (3:27:22 AM):

You understand why we can't RP with you, and yet you insist on staying and making us all uncomfortable?

OnTheNightBeat (3:27:41 AM):

I don't want to leave.

KurumiRP (3:28:59 AM):

Do you really want to stay when almost everyone has real issues interacting with you?

OnTheNightBeat (3:29:32 AM):

I want to leave when I am ready, that's all.

OnTheNightBeat (3:46:59 AM):

Indeed you have, and I thank you for that. However, i do not understand that you will not accpet that I have given a leaving date. I will not drop a bunch of characters on every ones laps and then merely leave, This way, I can drop then over a period of days and you do not have a massibe hole to fill.

KurumiRP (3:49:25 AM):

You didn't give a leaving date.  You said, " I'm going to give myself till the end of jan to see if i can improve, If not, then well.. I'll probbly end up leaving. Dont want to, but if I can honsetly NOT learn from my mistake, then why stay?"

OnTheNightBeat (3:51:50 AM):

She will not improve. She knows this, and to her mind, it is as good as giving a leaving date.

KurumiRP (3:52:28 AM):

You just switched to third person.

OnTheNightBeat (3:54:35 AM):

I am sorry for any confusion that might have sprung forth. And of course. I had to take over somewhat to aid with the eloquence to get points across.

OnTheNightBeat (3:55:06 AM):

The childs' mind is a mess when it comes to these kinds of things.

KurumiRP (3:56:46 AM):

This is the exact reason why I can't RP with you and I don't think you can really stay here.

KurumiRP (3:56:51 AM):

This is alarming.

OnTheNightBeat (3:57:28 AM):

then I shall put her back and you can deal with her jumbled thoughts. Good day.

KurumiRP (3:59:13 AM):

I cannot keep this private.  This is such a huge concern that if I knew you on a personal level, I would be trying to get you help.  As it stands, I just can't, in good conscience, keep this private at this point.

OnTheNightBeat (3:59:45 AM):

... ok... make it seem like im crazy.  up to you Kurumi. ... im sorry.

KurumiRP (4:00:34 AM):

Do you consider this reasonable, the way this conversation just turned?

OnTheNightBeat (4:01:32 AM):

*scrowls up* .. wtf? not again. ... im sorry. I didnt want this to happen.

KurumiRP (4:03:04 AM):

Do you even understand why this is a problem?

OnTheNightBeat (4:04:41 AM):

Yea... but this... it's NEVER to my knowledge happened before when I am talking/RPing with some one.

KurumiRP (4:05:41 AM):

So you have even less control than you thought you did.

OnTheNightBeat (4:06:20 AM):

Look, as far as I know, It's NEVER happened when I am in RP with someone.

KurumiRP (4:09:14 AM):

If this has only started happening in this RP, then I don't think this RP is for you.

OnTheNightBeat (4:12:04 AM):

Look, as far as I know, its not happened like it just did in any other RP groups that I have been in. I know that I have missing spots in my memories, but i do remember all the RPs that I have done. Just give me to the end of jan. Then I'll go, regardless of what happens.

KurumiRP (4:13:28 AM):

No, I can't give you  to the end of January.  I can't make you leave this community, I don't want to drive you away, but I simply cannot continue to interact with you.

KurumiRP (4:13:59 AM):

This is, as far as I can tell, the last conversation I will have with you.  I cannot have peace of mind talking to you.

OnTheNightBeat (4:14:12 AM):

Ok..

KurumiRP (4:14:57 AM):

And I cannot keep this in confidence.  This is a serious issue, and I don't think it should be something that is hidden from people who will no doubt have serious issues about  it.

OnTheNightBeat (4:16:03 AM):

yea... I know.

KurumiRP (4:17:22 AM):

Then you understand and accept that people will know about this?

OnTheNightBeat (4:18:55 AM):

this is NOT your thing to tell.

OnTheNightBeat (4:19:49 AM):

Oh and btw, Sunstorm knows about this convo.  pretty much most of it.

KurumiRP (4:20:20 AM):

So you want me to hold this from everyone who said that you made them uncomfortable last night.  You want me to have this kind of personal responsibility over you in a thing I do for fun?  That we all do for fun?  That we don't want drama in?

KurumiRP (4:20:37 AM):

I wasn't joking when I said that I couldn't not speak about this in good conscience.

KurumiRP (4:21:00 AM):

I cannot NOT tell people that I like on this community about this, when I know that they would find it deeply disturbing.

OnTheNightBeat (4:24:50 AM):

I'm bringing Sunstorm in on this. She knows pretty much the whole thing anyways.