| The Coast Part One When our friend Ray Mattie left Barrie and returned home to Antigonish County in the summer of 2000, we felt partially obliged to seek him out amongst as some may call it the �uncivilised world�. While Matthias and Ray worked together at the CanSave in Bee-dot the bond between them grew and when Matthias put Ray�s poster on the wall in his house his infatuation was blatant. We had last seen Ray at Canada Day where we showed up to hand out flyers to his throngs of fans. Perhaps we disappointed him as we had been drinking all day in Early�s garage and Callum and Early were slopped and decked out in a plethora of unrelated national symbols and Matthias was slopped and wearing a tuxedo with Velcro sneakers. We asked not to be paid in penny, dimes or quarters but happily with a case of beer and album jacket respect. When Ray�s work load had been returned to sender we left in Early�s phat ride that he smashed only a few weeks later from Barrie at about 10pm eastern time � Early and Matthias had both worked all day. Matthias, Callum and Derek (who sold out last minute on the trip) had gone to the Lockeroom and taken many chicken wings from the buffet to eat on the trip. We rode through the night and made very good time and Early�s phat ride would top out at 160km/h before Matthias would have a worried fit. The caffeine pills, coca-cola and coffee gave Early a giddy trip that could rival that of any ephedrine product. Early drove from Barrie to Rivere-du-Loup � a trip of over 1200km in only 9 hours � the logistics may scare all. Then Early hit the wall after breakfast. Callum took over the wheel, as Matthias cannot drive because he doesn�t want women to be able to control him. Callum�s rage got the best of him as a convoy of army vehicles hindered his progress through much of New Brunswick. We made a stop at the Skosh/Brus border and then on to the �Fax to try to find a room. Delirious with fatigue the three deviants had a hell of a time behaving themselves in the car and on the phone with hotel people. Matthias would tell hotel people we just wanted to drink beer and yell which made it difficult to make reservations. Finally we crashed and then got up soon and went the Liquor Dome and our deviance followed. Not knowing the proper etiquette and even if we knew it would be a stretch to practise it. Bartenders and bouncers quickly were on to our leering ways. We did not last too long as we were not prepared to sit and drink until 3:30am. Upon waking the next morning Early had come down with flu of some type and to the casino they went where he tried to clear his head with coca-cola. Then the boys began to win a little money and then walked through downtown Halifax but then had to leave because Callum was a sleepy bitch. Then they went to the Liquor Dome again that night for a rave scene but became disenchanted with the amount of calluses on the brains of the patrons and took a sloppy walk to the casino. Matthias heads straight to the bar. Matthias � Alpine Bartender � here you go Matthias � I love this town Bartender � Why is that? Matthias � I just love to think that if I got up early in the morning I can come down here for a beer at any time Bartender � we don�t encourage drinking, this is a gaming house Matthias � then why do you serve 24 hours a day? eh eh eh eh eh eh We took our chances on the roulette table and we immediately won a small jackpot but our minds were not in it and arguments with the dealer ensued. Drunk at table � do you sell beer here? Dealer- at the bar Drunk � what the fuck? Dealer � no swearing Drunk � sorry Matthias (places chip on non-betting area according to house rules) Dealer � you can�t bet there? Matthias- you can in Ontario Dealer � well this isn�t a charity Casino Matthias � Holy fuck easy Dealer � that�s two warnings no swearing, this is a gentlemanly gaming house. Callum � put it on the fuckin black-man�s hoss Dealer (call�s pit boss) � I warned you guys Pit boss � ease up on the language fellas or I�ll have to ask you to leave. Early � I haven�t said a fucking word yet Pit boss � hey� Matthias and Early � We were just cashing out anyways Then we crash large and Matthias isn�t going to pay for the cot rental at checkout as he claims it is an overhead cost or hidden tax and they could have charged $300 but they only charged $10. Anyways we got the cot free for one night, which still irks Matthias when referenced to. Then we went to Antigonish. We went to the Beer Store first and loaded up on funny beers, then we went to Shopper�s Drug Mart downtown to buy some lemonade or some type of water-based beverage. Then we looked in the Yellow Pages for Mattie only to find half the town is named Mattie. Then we stood on the corner outside the Insurance Store yelling at passing hot babes if they knew him and the second hot babe we asked knew of him saying he was from the same town and gave us directions to Monastery. Later Callum and $id would stand on the corner outside Big Bucks in St.C�s and yell for prostitutes but then almost get mugged by darkness even though they didn�t have any money. So we go to Monastery and stop at the Petro-Can to find out where the homestead is. The pretty girl working there directed us to the house. While driving down the country road we are unable to find the house and up ahead we see a four-wheeler and pull over to ask where the house is. Just before they pass Early quips maybe Ray traded in his Suz for a four wheeler � and sure enough Ray was on the four wheeler. Then we go to his sister�s house for apples and Pepsi and then to Rays house and we started to get drunk. Then Ray took us off to see some mountain people. We went to Shakin� Bake Sinclair�s trailer and then to Sinclair�s parent and Ray played a trick on them that we can�t really remember now. Then we went to the Wheel for dinner and then to Port Hawkesbury for pool and beers. Good company with Ray and we heard his spiel about the Indians burning down houses in Afton. Then we left him sloppy and alone and went into town to crash. His mother was worried as she said to Ray�s wife �three guys I�ve never seen showed up here with a couple cases of beer and they went off to find Shakin� Bake�. Then we went to Charlottetown and Early got drunker than he had ever been in his life and started to pick up beautiful babies by telling them how much bugs were splattered on the window of his car. Matthias kept it together good enough but then yakked all over the side walk in front of a cemetery and a dude who was smoking pot appeared out of nowhere and told us how excited he was that organized biker gangs were starting to show up on PEI. Callum won a $50 gift certificate for his karaoke rendition of �Quando, Quando, Quando� so we had to go back the next day for lunch. Matthias and Early ordered lobster but Matthias couldn�t eat it because the shellfish still had a head and he has problems eating anything that was looking at him. On the ride home Early got pulled over in Maine for speeding and following too closely and managed to rack up 6 points and $190.00US in fines. It didn�t matter Early liked the coast and fit in well with the mountain people so now he lives on the coast and tell stories about the coast but only he knows for sure if they are true or not. Later that year PK, $id, Matthias and Early returned for a short trip�that tale is even more deviant is to follow. |