Stottlemeyer: "You got a name?"
Disher: "Yep, David Bushner, age forty-four. He was a gas company tech... stabbed, one in the chest- he went missing late last night. Phone company crew just found him."
While Disher is talking, Stottlemeyer looks around the scene, taking in the activity.
Stottlemeyer: "Where's his truck?"
Disher: "It's, uh, parked up on Downey, where he left it. We don't know if this was the murder scene, or if he was dumped here."
Stottlemeyer: "No, he was killed somewhere else."
Disher: "Are you sure?"
Stottlemeyer: "Yeah. Body's on an incline, head down. Look at the bloodstain on his chest. Blood doesn't flow uphill. At least, not in my experience."
They begin to walk from the scene.
Stottlemeyer: "When was the last time he was seen upright?"
Disher checks his notes.
Disher: "Uhh, according to his log, the last gas line he inspected was, ah, 304 Downey Road, 10:00 last night."
Stottlemeyer: "304 Downey? That's two doors down from Sharona's."
Back at Gail's house, Benjy turns on the faucet, only to see a gout of brown liquid.
Benjy: "The water's all rusty."
Gail (preparing food): "Oh, it gets like that after every earthquake. But I always keep some mineral water on hand, just for emergencies." She stoops down and opens a cupboard, only to find it completely empty. "Hmm, where's all my water?"
Moments later, Gail is knocking at the bathroom door.
Gail: "Mr. Monk... Mr. Monk, are you in there?"
Adrian turns his head.
Adrian: "Don't come in, I'm taking a bath." Around him sit dozens of empty water bottles. He looks very comfortable.
Gail: "Are you taking a bath in mineral water?"
Adrian: "Uh- the tap water was a little rusty."
Benjy is grinning by this point.
Gail: "Well enjoy it because that bath is costing me ninety five dollars!"
Adrian: "Kay... thank you."
Meanwhile, in another part of town, Sharona and Darryl have drinks at a small bar.
Sharona: "He can tell, what you're thinking, just by how you're sitting in your chair."
Darryl: "Wow! I should write about him!"
Sharona (smiling): "You should! Nobody will believe it!" She laughs gently, looking through her lashes at Darryl. "You'd have to put it in the science fiction section." She lifts her martini, feeling a little tipsy. While she sips, Darryl subtly motions to the waitress to bring another drink for her.
Darryl: "So... what about you?"
Sharona: "What about me?"
Back at Gail's, Disher raises his hand and rings the bell. Gail answers, then preens at the sight of Disher.
Gail: "Ohh! Hi! Can I, um, can I help you?"
Disher: "Good afternoon. I'm Lt. Disher, San Francisco police. I need to speak to Adrian Monk."
Gail flips her hair: "Oh, uh, he's in the bathroom right now, wash- washing up."
Disher: "That would be Monk."
They exchange a short glance. Then Disher lifts a manila envelope.
Disher: "I need to make sure that he gets these, it's very important."
Gail: "Ah, sure. Are you, um, are you really a cop?"
Disher flips out his badge.
Disher: "Yes, I am."
Gail takes the hand holding the badge, pulling him close and stroking his fingers while she examines the picture.
Gail: "Oh, wow, look at that! Nice picture! Why'd you get rid of the mustache?"
Disher: "My Captain has a mustache. I shaved mine off so that people could tell us apart." He pauses, looking at Gail. "Sharona never told me she had a sister."
Gail: "Younger. How long have you known her for?"
Disher: "Four years now."
Gail: "Really... and she never mentioned me at all?"
Disher: "Well, she's obviously a little jealous."
Gail laughs: "Exactly! Say, Copper', you like Italian food?"
Disher nearly blushes at her flirting.
Disher: "Yeah!"
Gail motions for him to enter her house, stripping off her light shirt as she walks inside. Disher eagerly follows.
Gail: "Ohhh, it's hot!"
She walks to the stove in her sleeveless pink undershirt.
Disher pauses by the chair where she threw her other shirt, looking at it nervously while Gail stirs her pasta sauce.
Gail: "You know, I dated a cop once! I still have his handcuffs on my bedpost."
Disher: "Well, then I should inform you, you are still in possession of stolen property. I might have to take you down to the station."
He leans on the counter, trying to look suave. Gail looks over her shoulder at him.
Gail: "Really? I might not mind that!"
She swivels around, bending way over the stove to taste her cooking, giving Disher a good look at her derriere. Disher stares.
Gail: "Mmmm! Here, try this!" She shoves a loaded wooden spoon at him, forcing him to taste it, or get a face-full of tomato sauce. Both happen.
Gail: "Too spicy?"
Disher: "No! It's perfect!"
Gail: "Ohh, perfect!" She laughs, returning to the stove while Disher wipes his mouth.
Disher: "Uh, so, uh, what's it like having Adrian Monk as a houseguest?"
Gail: "Well, a few years ago, a squirrel got into the house- and I could hear it running through the attic and the walls. Took me two months to get rid of it- drove me crazy." She stirs the sauce some more.
Disher: "And?"
Gail: "It's like that. So are you, um, you gonna wait for him?"
Disher (pausing a moment): "Monk... no, I can't" Gail looks disappointed. "If he's washing up, he could still be another two or three hours. I should, ah... could you make sure that he gets this?" He holds out the envelope, Gail takes it.
Gail: "Oh, of course."
Disher: "Thanks for the, uh, the sauce." Gail smiles sadly.
At the bar, Sharona is beginning to blink heavily.
Darryl: "Now, what do you do when you're not working?"
Sharona: "Oh, I don't know." A waitress gives her another drink.
Sharona and Darryl both thank her. Sharona giggles as she lifts the new drink.
Sharona: "One more..." She sips thoughtfully. "It never comes up. I'm on call twenty four seven."
Darryl: "That's terrible. I mean, you don't ever feel the need to cut loose, do something crazy?"
Sharona munches her olive, smiling slyly.
Sharona: "Like what?"
Darryl: "Dance, with me, here, in the afternoon."
Sharona tilts her head, smiling: "I'm a good dancer."
Darryl: "I bet you are, come on."
Sharona: "Why not?"
Sharona stands with Darryl, stumbling slightly as she gains her footing. She looks at the other bar patrons.
Sharona: "I'm fine, I'm fine!" She leads Darryl to a cleared out area, where they start to slow dance.
Darryl: "I love you."
Sharona: "You what?"
Darryl: "Your apartment's... two blocks from here?"
Sharona (looking up at his face): "umm, we can't get in, it's blocked off."
She smiles: "You know what they say, good things come to those who wait."
Darryl leans forward: "Well, I can't wait. We could just, sneak in..."
Sharona (breathing out): "It's too dangerous."
Darryl: "That's what makes it so... exciting!"
He leans his forehead against hers.
Sharona (casting about for words): "... You sure?"
Darryl: "Oh yeah, I'm sure."
Sharona steps back suddenly, covering her face.
Darryl: "What?"
Sharona: "I just remembered. I promised Gail I'd be home by two-thirty."
Darryl: "We got plenty of time." He smiles.
At Gail's house, Gail sits at the dining room table. Adrian walks in, slipping into his jacket and shaking water from his ear.
Adrian: "You have any Q-tips?"
Gail stands, walking to the closet: "Oh, um, Lt. Disher stopped by."
Adrian: "He did?"
Gail: "Yeah, you know, he's kind of cute. I've got a thing for cops."
Adrian: "Yes, I know. That's why you and I get along so swimmingly."
Gail smiles tightly, returning with a box of Q-tips. She holds them out to Adrian, who looks at them with distaste.
Adrian: "Do you have any white ones?"
Gail: "What's the difference?"
Adrian: "These are blue... I'll wait for Sharona."
Gail: "Anyhoozle... he dropped this off, some phone records you wanted." She passes the envelope to Adrian, who immediately opens it.
Adrian: "Uhm."
Gail: "Oh, and get this. They found a body near Holbrook Park. A gas company repairman. Lt. Disher said, uh, they think he was killed near Sharona's house."
Adrian turns to her, his brow furrowed in surprise.
Adrian: "What?"
Gail: "He said it was probably no big deal, but the Captain wanted you to know."
Meanwhile, Adrian has pulled the phone records from the envelope.
Adrian: "This is strange."
At the bar:
Sharona walks over from the back, cell in hand, while Darryl pays the bill.
Sharona: "Darryl. The phone lines are working!"
Darryl: "Really."
Sharona: "Yeah, I can finally check my messages!"
She walks away, tapping at her phone. While her back is turned, Darryl slides a knife from a plate and hides it in his pocket.
At Gail's:
Adrian (reading the records): "There was a call from the Rutherford house, to Sharona's, at 8:41 yesterday morning. That's just before the earthquake hit." Gail listens while digging through her bag.
Gail: "They were probably talking about the fundraiser."
Adrian: "Then there was another call to Sharona's, again, at 8:45- right, right after the quake." He sits at the table. "She called Sharona's house, before she called 911?"
Gail (still digging): "Maybe she panicked, maybe she hit redial... Damn, where are my keys? I could have swore I put them in my bag!"
Adrian focuses on her handbag, standing abruptly.
Adrian: "Your bag... It looks just like Sharona's bag."
Gail: "So?"
Adrian runs to the hall, then pauses, his face pinched with concentration and worry.
Adrian: "He said, who's the widow..."
Gail: "Who did?"
Adrian: "Darryl, when- when he saw Christine Rutherford at the church- he said, who's the widow? She could have been mourning her father, or a child..."
Gail: "Maybe he recognized her from TV?"
Adrian: "No, no, no- he said, who's the widow... He knows her..."
Slowly dawning panic slips across his face.
Adrian: "Oh my God, Sharona!"
At the bar:
Sharona stands with her cell to her ear.
Sharona: "Oh my God!"
Darryl: "What is it?"
Sharona: "It's Henry Rutherford." She taps the buttons, rewinding to the message. "Listen." She hands Darryl the phone.
Recording: "Sharona, this is Henry Rutherford. I just spoke to the caterer and, oh my God, it's an earthquake!" Darryl hits a button, advancing the message.
Recording: "Christine, what are you... no, nooo!" There is a crunching sound.
Darryl lowers the cell. Sharona takes it, horrified.
Sharona: "I gotta call Adrian..." She gasps as Darryl presses the knife to her throat.
Darryl: "I think, we're going to go by your apartment after all. Move." He wraps an arm around her shoulders and escorts her from the bar.
A short while later, Sharona and Darryl drive to her house, Sharona at the wheel. Darryl sits at her side, teasing at her throat with the knife.
Darryl (on Sharona's cell): "We're coming up to her place now."
Darryl hangs up, tossing the phone into the backseat. He proceeds to slide the knife around Sharona's throat, teasing and tapping at her while he speaks.
Darryl: "I've been trying to get that idiotic tape from your machine for two days."
He glances up as a police cruiser goes by.
Darryl (watching): "Don't park here, go around the block."
Sharona, face stiff and angry, does as he orders.
At Gail's, Adrian stands holding the phone, his expression fearful.
Adrian: "Captain Stottlemeyer please, it's Adrian Monk! Tell him it's very important!"
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than the house begins shaking violently. He and Gail both grab for the table to steady themselves. The rolling only lasts a few moments. When it ends, Adrian tilts his head down, squeezing his eyes shut for a second.
Gail: "Are you alright?" Adrian nods, breathing out.
Gail: "How bout that, my mother was right, an aftershock! Can you believe it..."
At the police station, Stottlemeyer leans against the door, arm folded, while Disher continues to battle the sprinkler.
Stottlemeyer: "Lt., either fix that pipe, or buy everybody an umbrella."
An officer passes Disher a note. He scans it quickly.
Disher: "Yes sir. Can you take line two sir? It's Monk." He crumples the note while Stottlemeyer goes for the phone.
Stottlemeyer: "Better be good."
Adrian: "Dro glori'ior en us' dro von un glor'n sketer."
Stottlemeyer (eyes widening): "What?"
Adrian: "Dro glori'ior en us' dro von un glor'n sketer!"
Stottlemeyer: "Wait, no wait... M-Monk... Slow down, try it again."
Adrian: "Von zo robus she dos mosk." Here, he flashes on Christine dropping the wall unit on her husband. "Um wullie mar teck." Christine picks up the dropped phone. "Per block ingar! Tir block ingar hol joc wheez!" Christine hits redial, getting Sharona's answering machine. "Toutimas szlock tru t' zhahdheek." Christine writes Sharona's name on a piece of paper and hands it to Darryl. "Bavula frime bu vula blen. Grula pech han stripen. Grula pech han stripen!"
Gail (grabbing some paper): "Why don't you write it down?"
Stottlemeyer: "That's a great idea, write it down."
Gail takes the phone: "Well, he's writing it down..."
As soon as he finishes, Adrian dashes from the room.
Gail: "It's- it says, uh, Grula la pach, han strypen!"
Stottlemeyer: "Look, tell Monk that I'm gonna send a squad car, ok?"
Gail: "Well, no, he's- he's already gone!"
Stottlemeyer: "He's gone. Wadda you mean he's gone?"
Gail: "Captain, I think Sharona's in trouble!"
Stottlemeyer's eyes widen. Lowering the phone, he turns to Disher.
Stottlemeyer: "Lt., get the car!"
Outside, Adrian rushes to the street and flags down a taxi.
Adrian (waving madly): "Cracka!"
A yellow cab haltingly pulls to a stop. Adrian jumps inside.
At her home, Darryl forces Sharona to her door.
Darryl: "I was trying to avoid all this. I wanted to get to the answering machine before you heard that message."
At that moment, Christine approaches from the stairs.
Christine: "Darryl..."
Darryl: "Honey, what are you doing here? I told you, I'd take care of it."
Sharona: "You heartless BITCH!" She shoves at Darryl, who pushes her back.
Darryl: "Open the bloody door!"
At the same time, Adrian's cab rolls down the street.
Adrian: "Cheych quf, urly on juli haham."
Cabbie: "How, hold on, hold on... W-what the hell is that, Korean?"
Adrian's face is panicked, he tries again.
Adrian: "Deje frosh coma dime!"
Cabbie: "Chinese?"
Adrian stares out the front of the cab while the cabbie studies him in the rearview mirror.
Adrian sits forward and waves his hand to the side.
Adrian: "Vin ro trowl! Vin ro trowl!"
Cabbie: "Turn here? You want me to turn here? Is that what you're saying?"
Adrian: "Vdi brosh coma dime."
The cabbie starts talking to himself.
Cabbie: "They come over here and take our welfare..."
Adrian: "Vin ro trowl!"
Cabbie: "... take our food stamps..."
Adrian: "Vin ro trowl!"
Cabbie: "... don't learn our damn language..."
Adrian: "Vin ro trowl!" "Vin ro trowl!"
At Sharona's house, Darryl shoves her inside, followed by Christine.
Darryl: "Inside."
Sharona looks around slowly, then up. The ceiling is falling apart. Large cracks criss-cross each other; and in some areas, whole sections of plaster are gone.
Sharona: "Oh my God..."
Darryl immediately rushes for her answering machine while Christine pulls her gun.
Darryl: "Where's the tape... Where's the tape!"
Sharona (angry): "It's digital!"
Christine: "Just take the whole thing!"
Darryl tears the cords free from the machine while Christine keeps Sharona back with her gun.
Darryl: "Now, what are we gonna do with you?"
Sharona looks on fearfully.
Christine (pushing the gun at Darryl): "We've got no choice. Come on, Darryl, do it! I've come too far to stop now!"
Darryl sighs, taking the gun. Sharona looks around for something, anything. She looks up at the ceiling.
Darryl: "Here?"
Christine: "Yeah, here, why not?"
Darryl: "Cause blood is gonna go everywhere!"
Christine: "Who's gonna see blood in this mess?"
Darryl turns from Sharona to Christine, eyes angry.
Darryl: "Monk will, Monk notices everything! He's a damn freak!"
Christine: "Look, just take her out..."
At that moment, Sharona jumps, catching hold of her ceiling light. Her weight drags the rest of the ceiling down on Christine, Darryl, and herself.
The cab pulls up outside, Adrian jumps from it, kicking the door shut behind him. He runs toward Sharona's. The cabbie leans out and yells.
Cabbie: "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!"
Adrian turns back, agitated, and grabs his wallet, yanking out several bills. He passes them to the cabbie without counting them.
Adrian: "Keep the change!" He turns and races back toward the building.
Cabbie: "So! You CAN talk! Bilingual sons of bitches!"
Inside, Sharona unsteadily pulls herself to her feet. Large chunks of ceiling slide off her body. She coughs at the dust in the air, then screams as Darryl comes up behind her, grabbing her shoulders roughly and spinning her around.
Darryl: "Where are you going?"
He smiles. Sharona screams again, and Darryl backhands her sharply, knocking her against the wall, where she slides to the floor.
That same moment, Adrian bursts inside. He sees what is happening, and launches himself at Darryl as the other man grabs for Sharona. Adrian wraps his arms around Darryl's arms, pinning them to his sides. His face goes from fearful to furious. Darryl pulls himself free by slamming an elbow into Adrian's gut. Adrian gasps out painfully, and is unable to stop Darryl from getting away. Darryl then grabs Adrian by the shoulder and punches him. Adrian stumbles back, hitting the floor hard.
Angrily, Darryl turns back to Sharona, who is just gaining her feet. He shoves her to the bed.
Sharona: "Oh God!"
Darryl smiles, pulling his knife. Sharona stares up at him in terror.
Outside, the police cruiser flies up, grinding to a stop. Stottlemeyer jumps out and runs inside.
Upstairs, Darryl lunges at Sharona, who screams and kicks at him with her feet, knocking him away just as Stottlemeyer arrives. The Captain grabs Darryl's knife hand, forcing Darryl to drop his weapon. He then wraps an arm around Darryl's throat, while pinning his hands behind his back.
Darryl: "Son of a bitch!"
Stottlemeyer: "I'm surprised you can talk with a broken jaw."
Darryl: "I don't have a broken jaw..."
Stottlemeyer spins him around, smashing his fist into Darryl's jaw, knocking him flat.
Sharona pushes past, rushing to Adrian's side.
Sharona: "Adrian!"
She kneels down beside him. He lays on the floor on his stomach, vainly trying to wipe up the clutter with his hand. Sharona lays one hand on his back and another on his arm, rubbing him gently.
Sharona: "Adrian, are you ok? It's all over."
Adrian glances up briefly, then resumes wiping: "I'm gonna need a broom."
A few days later.
Adrian and Sharona enter his apartment. It is immaculate. Pictures are returned to the walls, glass replaced. Everything is back where it belongs. Sharona stares around, amazed. She rubs her hands on Adrian's back.
Sharona: "Oh my God! It looks great! Back to normal!"
Adrian: "I-I had a cleaning crew take care of it. Insurance company paid for most of it." He touches the CDs on his shelf while Sharona looks around, smiling.
Sharona: "Oh, ooh! I almost forgot! Here's the note you wrote. Now do you believe me?"
Adrian takes the paper, looking at it with bemusement.
Adrian: " Grula pach, han strypen?" He shakes his head. "Did I really write this? Unbelievable."
Sharona looks down, her face growing serious.
Sharona: "Uh, Adrian, listen. Now that you're home, there's something we have to talk about."
Adrian's face fills with mild panic: "Uh oh..." He turns around, fiddling with his CDs again.
Sharona: "I haven't been paid since the earthquake."
Adrian: "Are you sure?"
Sharona: "Yeah, it's been three weeks!" She digs in his desk drawer.
Sharona: "Hm? Here's your checkbook."
She hands him the slim folded leather.
Adrian looks at her, his eyes growing confused.
Adrian: "Dinga bogga, wagga shagga?" He shrugs twice, haltingly.
Sharona stares at him unblinkingly.
Sharona: "That's not funny."
Adrian: "Brogga wog, chaga rog... wagga shorg."
Sharona waves her hand: "Kay, will you stop it? You owe me money!"
Adrian remains serious, walking to the other room.
Adrian: "Suru, wrogger, wroggi shog."
Sharona, irritated: "I know you're faking it!"
Adrian: "Not faking it!"
Sharona's mouth drops open: "You just spoke English!"
Adrian (voice fading): "Wog shoggle woggle... Doro Goro."
Sharona rolls her eyes, sighing heavily.
-End
*credits*