Sharona stands with Benjy outside an apartment building. She reaches up and rings the bell. A woman with blonde hair and familiar twang in her speech answers the door.
Gail: "Sharona." She says limply. She turns to Benjy and smiles brightly. "Hey, Baddabing!"
Benjy: "Hi."
Sharona: "Gail, I am so sorry, I didn't know who else to call."
Gail: "Hey, no problem, that's what I'm here for! It's gonna be fun!" She smiles at Benjy, who smiles back. "I just talked to Mom, she's freakin' out! She heard some guy on CNN talk about aftershocks. I could not get her off the phone!"
Sharona: "You should get caller ID."
Gail: "I have caller ID, I had it before you."
Sharona: "No you didn't!"
Gail: "I told you about caller ID!"
Sharona (face twisting in perplextion): "What!? I had caller ID when I lived in Valencia, remember, you came over and I showed you how it worked?"
Gail: "I had caller ID when I was living with Lenny in Seattle."
Sharona: "Ok, you never told me that!"
Gail: "I know, I was avoiding your calls. I had caller ID!"
She scores the point with a jaunty tip to her head. Sharona is about to respond when she is interrupted.
Benjy: "Mom, Aunt Gail, can we go inside please?"
Gail slides her body to the side to allow Benjy inside, but not Sharona.
Sharona: "Gail, remember when I went out to visit Mom, when she broke her wrist?"
Gail: "Yeah?"
Sharona: "And remember you said that you owed me big time? Remember?"
Gail nods, agreeing grudgingly. Sharona turns to look behind her. Gail follows her glance, and catches sight of somebody peeking around a light post across the street. His arms are loaded with suitcases.
Gail: "Ohhhh... nooooo!"
Sharona: "I swear, I swear, he's gonna be good!" She turns around and gestured for Monk to approach. "Come on! Come on..."
Gail groans, misery settling like a dripping wet blanket.
Sharona: "You know, he's not as bad as he was. He-he's just so freaked out about this earthquake, I can't leave him alone!"
Adrian crosses the street at Sharona's urging.
Gail: "I guess he can sleep on the couch..."
Sharona: "Well, actually he's gonna need the guestroom. He doesn't sleep on couches."
Gail: "Riiight..."
Sharona: "Gail, I spent two weeks with Mom!"
Gail (glaring): "Now we're even."
Adrian reaches the door, Gail slowly moves aside.
Sharona: "It's gonna be ok Adrian!" Sharona grins widely. Gail smiles painfully.
Adrian: "Hi Gail. Listen, don't worry about Sharona, she won't get in the way."
Sharona opens her mouth, then decides a smile would be more tactful. Gail grabs her arm and hustles her inside.
Gail (pointing at Sharona): "Even."
The door closes firmly behind them.
Inside
Adrian walks about in the background, cell phone in hand.
Adrian: "Yes thank you, I'll hold."
Sharona and Gail sit on the couch while Adrian walks about in the other room. Benjy sits on the floor with headphones on and a magazine in his hands.
Sharona (to Gail): "You know, I like those earrings!"
Gail: "You ought to, you gave em' to me."
Sharona: "Oh, yeah, forgot." She lifts her drink. "So, um... are you still seeing that actor?"
Gail: "Hal Meyers? Yeah, in my nightmares. You know, even in my nightmares he can't act."
In the background, Adrian can be heard counting under his breath as he walks about, phone in hand.
Sharona: "I liked him."
Gail: "I don't know, maybe I'm getting too picky in my old age." She waves her arm about. "How about you, you in love with anybody?"
Sharona (smiling): "Well... actually, I met somebody this morning. He's a journalist."
Gail: "Really?"
Sharona: "Yeah, from Australia."
Gail: "Uhh. Complete with accent?"
Sharona: "Oh yeah, uh huh. The full package. He's to die for."
Gail: "Oh... bring him by, I'd love to meet him!"
Benjy glances up, shakes his head, and returns to his magazine.
Sharona: "I'm sure you would..." When Gail looks away, Sharona glares at her. Meanwhile, Adrian's mutterings have begun to intrude on their conversation.
Gail: "What's he doing?"
Adrian: " Twelve hundred thirty seven, twelve hundred thirty eight, twelve hundred thirty nine..."
Sharona: "He's counting the bricks in the wall."
Gail: "Oh good, you know I've always been curious about that." She twirls her hand by her head in the classic 'is this guy nuts' gesture.
Sharona glances at her sister, sighs at the look she receives, and turns to her boss.
Sharona: "Adrian, don't tie up Gail's line."
Adrian looks down from the ceiling, taking the phone from his ear.
Adrian: "I'm on hold... waiting for Disher." His voice faintly pleading. Sharona gestures at Gail, shaking her head slightly, trying to subtly pass him a message. Adrian, taking silence as allowance, returns to his counting.
Adrian: "Twelve hundred... twelve hundred..." He squeezes his eyes shut. "Ah, CRAP!" Turning, he walks back to the other side of the room: "One, two, three, four..."
With Gail's attention diverted from Adrian, Sharona leans over the side of the couch to retrieve her bag. Gail eyes it instantly.
Gail: "Is that new?"
Sharona: "I got it a coupla weeks ago. My other one was way too big."
Gail leans over the couch, snatching something from the floor. It's the same bag.
Gail: "Check it out!"
Sharona: "When'd you get that?"
Gail: "Two months ago! Like you didn't know?"
Sharona: "What, y-you think I'd buy the same handbag on purpose?"
Gail raises her brows and begins digging through her bag.
Sharona: "Now why would I do that?"
Benjy tosses them another look.
Sharona: "What, you think I-I wanna be like you, like-like I'm obsessed with YOU?"
Gail: "Who moved to San Francisco first?"
Sharona (raising her hands in outrage): "Oh my... GOD! You BEGGED me to move up here!"
Benjy: "Hey, do I have to separate you two?"
Adrian: "Yes, yes Lieutenant, yes I'm here, I'm still here."
As Adrian walks past behind the two women, Gail puts her headphones on, effectively shutting out the present annoyances. Sharona shakes her head disgustedly and throws her bag to the floor.
Adrian: "Yes, I need her phone records. Every call from that house, and her cell phone for the last two weeks... right, right. And what about the background check? Really, really..."
Later that day, Gail sits alone on the couch with a giant bowl of ice cream. The phone rings, and she picks it up.
Gail: "Hello?"
Darryl: "Sharona."
Gail: "Oh, nope, this is her, uh, younger sister, Gail."
Darryl sits up on his bed: "Really. Hmm, you two sound so much alike... Do you look alike?"
Gail (smiling): "No, I'm the sexy one!"
Darryl: "Really!"
Gail: "Mhm! Hey, are you the Australian guy she met on the street?"
Darryl: "Ye... that would be me. Unless she met somebody else."
Gail takes another mouthful of ice cream.
Darryl: "What are you eating?"
Gail (not missing a beat): "Rice cakes. God, I hate this diet!"
Darryl: "Being the sexy sister's hard yakka?"
Gail: "It's a full time job."
Darryl: "Listen, is Sharona there?"
Gail: "You just missed her. She and her boss had some business at St. Claire's church."
Darryl's eyes narrow: "St. Claire's..."
Gail: "Yeah, you know, the one on Fulton Street."
Darryl looks pensive.
At the church, Christine Rutherford enters slowly, dressed in black. Adrian and Sharona watch as she takes a candle and lights it for her husband.
Adrian: "It's quite a performance."
Sharona: "Look, you don't know her. She and her husband practically saved this church. They're like saints!"
Adrian: "Your saint didn't pay for her candle."
As Sharona gives him a look, the two walk up to Christine.
Adrian: "Mrs. Rutherford..."
Christine (looking tearful): "Mr. Monk, Sharona... would you light a candle for my husband?"
Sharona: "I'd love to."
While she carries out the ceremony, Adrian turns to Christine.
Adrian: "Which husband? I understand that Henry was your... third."
Christine: "Excuse me."
She tries to walk past him, Adrian follows.
Adrian: "Mrs. Rutherford, in 1997, you and your second husband were indicted for mail fraud in Nevada."
Christine: "An indictment's not a conviction Mr. Monk."
Adrian: "A stirring defense. But Henry didn't know about your other marriages, did he?"
Christine: "Of course he did."
Adrian: "I saw the photographs in your house ma'am..."
A worker looks up and has them move aside from the construction area. Adrian glances down, then continues as they stop in front of the doors of the church.
Adrian: "You were married at the Sacred Cross Chapel in Chicago. Henry was a deacon there. And even if he wanted to, he couldn't have knowingly married a divorcee'."
Christine's mourning look drifts to a look of wary irritation. Sharona approached from behind.
Christine: "Ok, you got me. I kept a secret from my husband." She pushes past him to go out. Just as she is exiting, Darryl enters. They share a brief glance.
Darryl: "Oh, beg your pardon." His eyes fall on the two by the door. "Sharona."
Sharona smiles widely. Adrian looks uncomfortable.
Sharona: "What are you doing here?"
Darryl: "I called the number you gave me. Your sister told me where you were and, I was a couple blocks away so... as you do."
Sharona (still grinning): "Well it, it-it's great to see you... yeah." Adrian looks at her.
Darryl: "And you too!"
Sharona (with Adrian still watching): "Um, oh, I'm sorry. Um, Darryl Right, this is my boss, Adrian Monk."
Darryl (holding his hand out): "How do you do?"
They shake, and Sharona quickly digs out a wipe.
Sharona: "Darryl is a journalist from Australia. He's doing a story about the earthquake." She hands the wipe to Monk.
Darryl: "Um, speaking about the earthquake, you back in your apartment yet?"
Sharona: "Uh, no, not yet. They said maybe Monday."
Darryl: "Monday, right. So, uhh, who was the, was the widow?"
Sharona: "Christine Rutherford."
Darryl: "Now why does that name ring a bell?"
Adrian: "Her husband was worth about forty million dollars. And I think, she killed him. Excuse me." He walks out.
There is a beat of stunned silence, which Sharona quickly breaks.
Sharona: "Oh, he-he's a former detective and, you know, he gets a little paranoid so..."
They laugh.
Darryl: "Well, sounds like a much more interesting story than this earthquake I'm doing..."
They laugh some more, easing off the tension.
Darryl: "You can tell me all about it over dinner."
Sharona smiles in delight: "We're having dinner?"
Darryl: "Your sister invited me."
Sharona's smile drops off: "Gail?"
Darryl: "Yeah, is there a problem?"
Sharona: "Oh, no, no that's great! Fine, yeah."
At Gail's house that evening, Darryl brightly shares stories of his life in Australia while they eat dinner.
Darryl: "Four months in the outback, hundred and ten degrees in the shade, if you could find it, sleeping on the ground."
Benjy: "That musta been tough. What would you eat though?"
Darryl: "Well, we ate grubs, bugs, snakes... danger, danger, danger!"
At his Steve Irwin impersonation, Benjy raises both brows and smiles widely. Sharona also smiles. Meanwhile, Adrian struggles with his dinner, using a chopstick to wipe icky parts off a pea pod.
Darryl: "Anyway, finally got back. Got my messages, it's my editor. He's telling me he's changed his mind, he doesn't want me to go!"
Sharona turns to Adrian: "You know, Darryl was nominated for a Pulitzer."
Adrian: "Really..."
Darryl: "It was a story I wrote awhile back for the Sydney Morning Herald."
Gail: "Ooh, do you have a copy of it?"
Darryl: "Nah, not on me."
Adrian: "What was it about?"
Darryl: "It was about a bridge collapse, five people died."
Sharona: "Oh my God..."
Darryl: "Yeah, five people from all walks of life. There was a wealthy old woman, an orphan, a maid. You know, I wrote about each of them, who they were, how they touched the different people in their lives."
Gail: "Oh, I'd love to read it! You gotta send me a copy, you can't forget!"
Benjy: "This is fun! I wish there was an earthquake every week!"
Gail: "Don't say that Sugar beet! The earthquake killed three people!"
Benjy: "Not according to Mr. Monk, he thinks one of them was a murder!"
Darryl: "Yes, I've been meaning to ask you about that. How's the investigation going?"
Adrian: "Well, so far, just a hunch."
There is a moment of silence as the two men regard each other across the table. Darryl looks away first, then smiles when Benjy speaks.
Benjy: "Hey, can we play a game after?"
After dinner, Darryl, Gail, and Benjy sit on the couch in the living room while Sharona stands in their midst, parodying holding a microphone. Several voices yell out at once.
"Uh, song!"
"Song, song!"
Sharona waves her hands.
"Stop, stop!"
She places her folded hands over her heart.
"Stop, stop, stop for,"
"Bus stop, bus stop!"
Darryl: "Stop in the Name of Love!"
Sharona grins, pointing at Darryl. Her smile fades as Gail jumps up to sit by Darryl.
Gail: "Oh! How did you know that, I want you on my team!"
Sharona (pointing to the other couch): "I'm gonna sit over here."
At that moment, a smiling Adrian walks in, wiping a plate.
Adrian: "Excuse me, uh, where does this go?"
Gail: "Above the sink with all the others."
Adrian looks at the plate: "Well this one... ah, all the others are square. Should I just throw it away?"
Sharona: "No, no, just put it down, I'll take care of it later."
Adrian complies.
Sharona: "Adrian, why don't you join us?"
Darryl: "Yeah, come on, we're playing charades, it's fun!"
Gail: "Yeah, it'll be fun."
Adrian: "It's a game."
Sharona (sitting down next to him on the couch): "That's right, it's a game."
Darryl: "Benjy, it's my turn, you take it. Off you go!"
Benjy jumps up from his seat by Adrian: "Ok, thanks!"
Darryl (clapping): "Fast game's a good game!"
Benjy begins moving his hand in a rotating motion by his face.
"Movie, movie!"
Adrian: "Spiderman."
Everyone's eyes look at him. Downcast, Benjy lowers his hands: "He's right."
Adrian: "Well... he's seen the- he's seen the movie twenty times and, he was just reading the comic so I figured..."
Benjy whaps Adrian lightly in the back of the head with a throw pillow.
Sharona: "He's eleven years old, let him have fun."
Adrian smiles and nods. Sharona pats his back.
Gail: "Ok, I'll go!" She does the movie signal again.
"Movie..."
"Movie!"
"Six- six words!"
Adrian: "The Man who came to Dinner."
Gail: "How did you know that?"
Adrian (twisting his dishrag): "It was a movie about a houseguest who wouldn't leave. Six words, you were looking at... me..."
Sharona: "Ok, Darryl, why don't you go next?"
Darryl: "Ok, I got one!"
Sharona: "Ok, now, instead of playing charades, we're playing let's stump Monk!" She laughs loudly in his face and pats his back.
Gail: "Yeah, stump Monk!"
Darryl stands, then opens his hands, palms up.
"Book..."
"It's a book!"
Adrian: "The Bridge at San Louis Raye."
Gail: "Is he right?"
Sharona: "Of course he's right."
The looks sent Adrian's way are anything but friendly.
Sharona: "You know, why don't we watch TV?"
Benjy: "Uh, you said I'm not allowed to watch TV."
Sharona: "Well, I changed my mind- turn it on."
She hands Benjy the remote. Then she stands, pauses to glare at Adrian, then walks out of the room.
Later, Adrian wipes down the cabinets in the kitchen with a bottle of spray and a towel. He probably needs to escape from the group as much as they need to escape from him.
Sharona stands in the kitchen with him.
Sharona: "How'd you know the name of the book?"
Adrian: "The little story he told at dinner about the bridge collapsing? It was a novel, from the twenties, called The Bridge at San Louis Raye."
Sharona turns to face him, her arms loaded with a tray holding coffee and cups.
Sharona: "Don't do this. Every time I like somebody, you ruin it."
Adrian turns and watches her walk away. In the living room, Gail and Darryl sit close to each other on the couch watching TV. Benjy sits on the floor. Sharona sets the coffee on the end table. Darryl smiles, and Sharona squeezes in on his other side, forcing an unhappy Gail to slide down.
Sharona: "Um, I wasn't sure how you took it."
Darryl: "Light and sweet, thanks."
He looks at the two women on either side, then shifts his shoulders, confined. His cell phone rings.
Darryl: "Excuse me, hello? Yeah, I know, I know." He places a hand over the receiver and turns to Sharona. "My editor."
Actually, it's Christine Rutherford.
Christine: "Did you get into her place yet?"
Darryl: "I'm working on it. I'm aware of the deadline, and I know it's important."
Christine: "You said you'd have it by tonight!"
Darryl: "Look mate, the sooner I'm off this phone, the sooner I can get back to work... correct. Bye, bye."
While Sharona is pouring coffee, Gail reaches over and rubs Darryl's leg.
Sharona: "Here you go."
Darryl: "Ah, thank you, you are an angel."
Gail shifts gruffly, running her fingers through her hair.
Sharona returns to the kitchen. Adrian is waiting, and returns to their conversation as though they never stopped.
Adrian: "And there's no way he could have been nominated for a Pulitzer."
Sharona: "Maybe he's a good writer."
Adrian: "It's not that. The Pulitzer is only for American journalism. He said that story was published in Australia!"
Sharona gets the cream, then walks behind Adrian.
Sharona: "So what! Maybe he's trying to impress me. Maybe, he likes me!" She exhales as Adrian turns to look at her, his face tight.
Sharona: "God! You're scaring him away, Gail's trying to SEDUCE him, and I'm stuck in the middle as usual!"
In the living room, Gail and Benjy watch 'Tobar the Great' on TV. Darryl walks toward the hallway.
Darryl: "Gail, where's the bathroom?"
Gail: "First door on the left."
Darryl makes a pretense of walking down the hall. Then, while no one is looking, reaches into a handbag and lifts a set of keys.
Back in the kitchen, Adrian and Sharona are still arguing.
Adrian: "All I'm saying, is there is something about that guy, be careful."
Sharona: "No, no, no! You be careful! I am sick and tired of being careful!"
She turns and walks out again. Adrian watches her, then turns, frustrated, back to cleaning the shelves.
Later that night, Darryl walks down the sidewalk to Sharona's house. He approaches the back door and tries the key. There is a keypad below the lock.
Darryl: "Son of a bitch!" He tries to shoulder the door open. A voice stops him. It's a construction worker.
Worker: "Excuse me, ah, this building's off limits."
Darryl: "Yeah, yeah I know. I'm, ah, I'm with the phone company."
Worker: "I was told we had this block to ourselves. Do you have a work order?"
Darryl: "Yeah, sure, sure it's, ah... You know what, I musta left it in my truck."
Worker: "I didn't see any truck. Look, wait right here. I'm gonna have to call this in."
While the worker turns away, Darryl reaches into an open toolbox and pulls out a cutting tool. Swiftly, he turns and grabs the worker, placing a hand over his mouth. With barely a pause, he plunges the tool into the man's heart. The man dies instantly.
Darryl: "I'm afraid I can't let you do that."