| I was typing happily until I hit another letter and the whole thing died so I just lost that entry. *sigh* So now I have to recreate it all but I�m using Word and then I�ll just cut and paste, which seems to work better, but it sucks. Each thing you write is so hard to duplicate. I�ll have to try to remember all the things I talked about. I ended up not going home, and received calls about that, but they said that I just have to get better, in the head you know. Heh, like that�s gonna happen any time soon. It�s not really something that can be fixed overnight. It takes much work, and patience. The best right now is to chip away the edges while repressing the whole. Anyways, I�ll probably go back next weekend, and maybe Jennifer will come with me. I stayed up like most of the night, being in conflict with myself and decided to watch a movie from the network. Hooray for the network, which provides hours of entertainment even though we don�t have a television here. ? I saw the movie Gattaca, which I had wanted to see for some time. It was good and I liked it, although I must have been pretty far gone, since I was very emotional, to the point of almost crying near the end, and near the middle I was gripping the sides of my chair. Now that�s farrrrr gone. Heh. But I liked it, and it was fun, and I had a nice discussion with Kori about the ethics and values of cloning and genetic manipulation. We brought in my favorite book, Brave New World. I know the book is supposed to speak against conformity and stuff, but I always thought it would be nice to be a part of that Society. To always have a place, to belong. To give up your individuality, although that�s one of the goals of the cloning plants, for happiness, fake or real. To know what you have to do and be able to do it, because you were conditioned that way. Not to mention never getting emotionally attached to anyone, and yet being able to have many friends. And if you ever got sad or something other than happy then all you have to do is take the magic pill and all your troubles just fade away. Yeah, it would be nice to feel wanted and needed. To not be afraid, to not hurt, or want anything... On another note, I registered for my classes next quarter. So I�ll continue Biology, Chemistry, and go into Calculus, and then I�m gonna try to get into Creative Writing: Poetry. My advisor said he�s not sure if I�ll get in, since it�s a 400 class. That�s upper level, ooooh. But I�m gonna try anyways, because I�ve wanted to go to creative writing class since I was in high school. And then those bastards took it out because UC schools didn�t recognize it as an english class anymore. This is it, and I don�t want to have to wait 3 years to be able to take it. So it�s gonna be interesting to see what happens. If it doesn�t work out I�ll just have to try for psyc or something weird like that. So we�ll see how that goes. I had to sacrifice my friends for my education, but I guess that�s life huh? I wanted to be in biology with everyone else, but I had to go to math, and logically it makes great sense. I guess it�ll be ok. Lastly I suppose, is yesterday�s Biblical Ethics class. We got to watch a video about a man who had 3rd degree burns over like 70% of his body. He wanted to die, but the doctors wouldn�t let him. Of course passive voluntary euthanasia is perfectly legal, and he was of sound mind and all that, so I don�t get why they forced him to go through such treatments. Like every week at least he had to be soaked in a vat of water and Clorox or something so that he wouldn�t get infected because his skin was gone. That sounds sooooo painful. Lying in bleach with no skin. And then having bandages put on you after that. Wow, and his eyes like melted, and they gave him plastic ones. He�s a lawyer now and fights for patient�s rights and people who were hurt doing something work-related. It�s just, everyone was all ewww, and depressing and all that stuff. But I didn�t really, feel anything... I just thought that he wants to die, he should be allowed to. Living in pain isn�t living at all. But for some reason people just want to hold on to what little they have. But I think it�s strange, that for a fictitious movie, I am on the verge of crying, while here is a man who really makes people cry because of the ordeals he has had to go through, and all the pain he has felt. He lost his eyes, 1 and a half hands, and he�s so emaciated now it�s ridiculous. And yet when I see him I feel nothing but a void. I wonder how that is. |
