Part 4. And if thou wilt, remember. And if thou wilt, forget.

It was as he left it, the hidden dark room beneath Portia's castle. It was her dungeon. The chair he sat at was there. The small table and the bed near the wall were there too. A small stool was beside the chair. She had sat on that stool facing him. The smell of earth was in the air. There was a staleness too as though the room had not been used in years. He looked at Portia and wondered if she came down here after that day. He went to the table and took the water glass. It was all dusty and grimy. He was the last person to drink from this glass. He was the last one who had lived in this room.

"This is where I was brought?� he asked her. She nodded. He walked slowly around the room and images of his confinement here started coming to him. After sixteen years, he actually remembered what this place looked like. The ceiling was low and the walls bare. A single door separated him from his freedom. If he hadn't been so weak, maybe he could have escaped. Another image came to him, of a small, dark apartment. There were stairs that lead down to it. There was little furniture there too, but this one felt familiar to him. My old place, he thought to himself. It was underneath...some restaurant? What was the name?

He still couldn't remember all, but he was remembering. "So what do we do now?� he asked her. "How do we...do this?"

Portia walked up to him and touched his arm. "When you're ready, I will release the mental block I put on you."

"You'll release ...so what you're saying is I was... what, hypnotized?' "That's what you're saying right, lady."

"You can call it that. I prefer to say, I persuaded you."

"Persuaded!" He laughed then. It was actually sounded funny. "Yeah, you persuaded me alright. I guess it didn't take much effort huh? I mean, I'm not smart or anything like that. Must have been really easy to persuade me to forget. Right. RIGHT!" He shouted at her.

"No Steve, it wasn't easy. It wasn't"

"Yeah, sure baby!" He walked around the table, nodding to himself. He could feel himself ready to explode. His anxiousness magnified to a thousand percent. He thought he could go insane right then. "You know, you missed your calling. You should have been a politician, or no, no...You should be on the home shopping network." "Yeah, imagine getting all those suckers out there calling in to buy things. All you'll have to do is talk to them. Right? Just tell them, buy this and Poof! You're a thousand dollars richer."

 

"Steve?' She tried to touch his hand and he pulled himself away. "No! Don't touch me. Don't!" He took several deep breaths and looked down at the chair. He was waiting, waiting. He tried to control his breathing but the breaths came fast and hard. "Okay. Okay!� he thought. "Just do it! Just do it now." "Turn around and sit in the chair" "Let it end, make it end now!"

"I'm ready. I'm ready.� he told her. "So what do I do, sit here?" He sits down and waits for her to take the stool. "Come on. Time's a wasting here. " He pats the stool. "Go on Mrs. Houdini. Work your magic. I'm ready."

Portia approached the stool and sits down slowly. She looked at Steve and found him shaking uncontrollably. She gave him a worried look, but he was determined. "Come on baby, just do it." He nodded at her.

"Place you hands here on the armrest." He follows her instructions. His breaths are deep. He nervously wets his lips as he waits for her to continue. "Steve, I want you to look at me. Focus on me."

"Okay!" His hands shake as he looks directly at her.

"Just quiet your mind and listen to me. Hear only my voice." He nods. A deep breath and he finds himself feeling sleepy. "When I tell you to, you will remember everything." "When I release your bonds you will tear down the walls and it will all come back to you." "They will come at you from everywhere. They will strike at you, attack you. They will bury themselves within you." "Be strong Steve! Be strong." "The pain will be overwhelming. But you must accept it."

 

"Steve, do you see me?" He nods.

 

"Do you see only me?" He nods

 

"Do you hear only my voice?' He nods.

 

She places her hands on his and moved closer to him. Steve looks deeply into her gaze, waiting for her to free him.

 

"Then Steven Earl Johnson, remember who you are. Remember your past, your family, your friends. Remember everything that has happened to you. Remember all you have done. Remember those you've loved, those you've hated. Remember all you've known. Remember it all, Steve." "Remember it now!"

At first, the sound was the worst part. It was blaring in his ears and he was sure his eardrums would break. Hundred of voices called out to him. They grabbed and threw themselves at him. They scratched at his face and all tried to enter at once. They became a single glaring noise that continuously blasted away at him. He put his hands to his ears to keep them out, but they only pushed harder. They ripped the skin off his hands as they dug a hole and reached his ears. They're bleeding he thought. My ears are bleeding! They kept coming at him. They kept screaming at him. He jerked around violently in the chair. He moved his head left, then right and back again. They showed him no mercy. He started yelling then. His own voice lost in the sea of screams.

The faces came next. He wasn't ready for them yet. His ears were hurting so much. The faces, the faces brought so much light. The brightness pushed hard at him. He felt himself falling backward. They jumped on him. They slapped away at his hands pulling them. They reached inside his shirt and peeled away at his skin. He had knock over his chair and hit the floor hard. He was a mass of living pain. His legs thrashed and kicked out as the chair went across the room. One after another they revealed themselves to him. He saw them all. Merged together and intertwining, then coming apart, his memories came at him. He remembered everything. He remembered it all.

He was a little boy, hiding underneath his bed. He could hear his momma crying. She was always crying. Billy was crying too. He wanted to go to his brother but he couldn't make himself move. He didn't want to come out. The crying was so loud, and he couldn't shut out the noise. His head hurt already. He had pushed the pillow so hard against his head and still he could hear.

Jack screamed then. He saw him falling from the roof. No, no, Billy! He yelled out to him. Kayla called out to him as he saw Jack fall. Please be all right! Billy, please don't die!

"Don't die Kayla. Oh God, don't Die!" "I Love you! Kayla, I would die for you." They were trapped underneath the rubble. Kayla was hurt. She had blood on her head and the bleeding in her leg had gotten worse. "Steve?" She was calling for him. Her voice was so weak. "Steve, please hold me. I can't feel you!"

She was in the chair crying. He wanted to believe she was crying for him. He heard her beg someone not to kill him. He waited outside the door until Orpheus left, then went in to rescue her. She looked at him with eyes full of tears. Before he knew it she was in his arms, holding him tight.

 

He grabbed him. He wrapped his arms around Jack tightly and pulled him to his chest as he struggled to break free. "You're my brother! You're my brother! That will never change." Jack pushed at him. His face was full of hatred. He hated me. My little brother whom I loved so much. He hated me with all his heart and I couldn't do anything to change that.

Nothing had changed, he was still a drunkard and wife beater. I wanted him to come at me, just once, but he was a coward when it came to facing up against a man. He would rather beat up on Jo. She was lying in that hospital bed. It was so bad this time. He almost killed her.

"I didn't kill her!" "Do you believe I killed Britta?" He didn't want Kayla looking at him like everyone else did. When they looked at him, they never saw beyond the Patch. No one did. All they saw was someone bad. He thought Kayla was different. He thought she would believe him.

"And much more than anything, I believe in you. You're not a deceiver. If you told me the ocean went dry, I'd believe it was true." He never thought he would make it that far, but there they were. He didn't want to dream. Dreams were for people like Kayla. She could have dreams and God would grant them. He was nothing but a one eyed bum who wasn't good enough, but God gave him Kayla. He gave him love. Finally she was now his wife.

"And I now pronounce you husband and wife. May I introduce Mr., and Mrs. Jack Devereau." He wanted to go in there and stop them. He was going to lose it if he stayed, but he had to see. Jack was marrying Kayla. His brother was marrying the woman he loved. It was killing him. It was killing him but he didn't stop them. He let her go.

He should have stopped her, but there she was on the plane to Stockholm. Didn't she realize how dangerous it was? She didn't have to go there. He and Roman were handling this, but she was so stubborn. Why didn't she stay home where it was safe.

He thought she was safe. With Duke leaving, he finally thought Jo was out of danger. But he didn't realize the pig would come back. He didn't know Duke would go after Adrienne. She held the gun in her hands and looked blankly up at him. Duke was dead on the floor. She didn't remember what happened. She was crying when he came up to her. He'll take care of it. He would take care of his sister. If anyone was going to jail, it would be him.

In jail again, Hope looked at him through the bars. "Please Patch, I need to know." He smirked at her. That pretty face of hers, all innocent. She didn't know what her loving husband did. Oh well! He'll have to sing her a little song wouldn't he. He would sing her a song about a boy named Bo. He was taunting her. He loved it when they were scared of him.

He was scared! Her temperature wasn't going down and he had run out of medicine. He had to go back to the hospital to get more. Would Mrs. Horton help him again? Jack was at the hospital when he got there. He started in on him, but he tried to get away. He needed to get back to Kayla. Jack wasn't budging so they got into a fight. If someone hadn't separated them�

Steve would have beaten his father to a pulp right there in Jo's hospital room. It wasn't over yet. He was just itching for a fight.

But who would have thought that such a little dude would go up against those guys all alone. Marcus was such a scrappy thing. If Steve hadn't helped him, he would have been a mess.

He tried, he did what he could and messed up all their lives. Jack was dying, what was he suppose to do. He loved Kayla. He loved Jack. He just wanted to save him. He was doing this for Jack. He gave up Kayla for Jack.

"You do this for me, I'm your brother and I'm dying, damn you." He didn't want to believe this stranger was his brother. But he was. "The DNA test don't lie Steve, you are Steven Earl Johnson, husband of Kayla Johnson, father to Stephanie Johnson." Little Sweetness. His daughter, his baby girl.

"Dad?" She stood across from him in the church hall. She was a beautiful young woman. "Baby girl, this is your papa." Kayla said as she introduced him to his daughter. She wanted to know how it was possible, what happened to him but he had no answers. He didn't know. She ran into his arms and hugged him tightly. "I missed you. I missed you so much!" He cried as he held her. Kayla stood next to them, tears in her eyes as she watched them.

She was still crying. "But you died! You died in my arms. I picked out your casket, I buried you there" He didn't know what to say. "Look it's just not possible, it's not possible."" I can�t be that guy"

"You deserve someone better." He was trying to be noble. They all said he wasn't good enough for her. He knew he wasn't, but Kayla kept coming after him. She was so beautiful, so perfect. For the first time in his life, he was trying to do something right.

So he said he would give Jack one of his kidneys. Jo was angry with him. They finally got him through the cancer and now he does this to her precious Billy. He saw himself in the operating room. He saw how well his kidney fit Jack. If he died right now, everyone would be better off. He started to leave them. Mike didn't know what was wrong. Marcus came and yelled at him to stay. He was letting himself die.

"You died when she was a baby! You've missed her whole life!" It wasn't intentional, "I didn't meant to do it."

It was an accident. Bo saw the knife by the table. He didn't even realize he picked it up. He was just so angry. Before he knew, Bo had cut out his eye. He was in such pain. It hurt so much.

Would it ever end? The images, the faces, the voices kept coming at him. He felt himself stripped to the bone. He was still on the floor, shaking and broken. He tried to sit up, but kept falling down. He had banged his hand against the table, but that pain paled in comparison to the one in his heart. "God, please!� he begged, he pleaded. The memories doubled, tripled. He saw his wedding day on the yacht and later the honeymoon in the orient. Kayla was the most beautiful bride he had ever seen. She was there beside him, always beside him.

He held her in his arms as they danced. She was so frightened, but he should her how to have courage. He had pledged his love to her in the snow. They were one, now and forever. He would never leave her. Never!

Never! In the end he came back. He was here. He was alive! He didn't die. He had come so close to giving up. He wanted to escape the pain, he would have preferred death, but he held on, barely. He was there, in that room and his was alive. He took several deep breaths and prayed again. "Please no more, no more" "It's over now." He chanted to himself again and again. "It's over now." "It's over now." "It's over now." "It's over now."

Portia watched him as he kept repeating the words. His face was white as chalk. The veins in his hands stood out. The muscles around his face were taunt and stretched. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he prayed. His hands never stopped shaking. He was struggling, with every last ounce of strength left in him he was struggling to survive. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to go over and help, but she couldn't make herself move. Finally she stood and walked over to him. She reached out her hand to him slowly. She was afraid to touch him. He was still shaking.

"Steve?� she spoke softly and gently touched her fingers to his arm.

His opened his eye and looked at her. "Get away from me!� he screamed at her. "Stay away!" He swung his hand up at her and hit her across the face. He dragged himself to the wall and leaned up against it. His breath was labored as he tried to get in control. He wrapped his arms around himself and drew his legs up to his chest. She was surprised at his actions. She didn't think there was any strength left in him, but there was. She started crying then because he lived through it. He walked through hell and came back alive. She didn't destroy him. He was in pain, but it didn't kill him. She remained sitting on the floor and looked at him from across the room. She just watched him.

He counted the seconds. He kept counting, as the voices grew silent. Slowly they quieted down until all he could hear was the beating of his heart and his ragged breaths. The faces still approached, but now they just passed before him. When he opened his eye, they stood there all around him. They were near enough to just touch. He wanted to smile because inside he was already laughing. He remembered everything, every damn thing! He slowly moved his legs away from his chest. He expected more pain, but instead he just felt tired. The pain was gone. He moved his arms and lay them down on his sides. His palms touched the cool cement floor. It felt rough and filthy but nothing more. He tried to push himself up, but his arms and legs could not support him. His wasn't in any pain, He just felt weak.

Portia rushed over and helped him up. He staggered to his feet and leaned on her for support. He didn't have the strength to refuse her help. He needed her now. He looked at her face and saw a bruise on her cheek. He had hit her. The bruise was red now and he felt bad. But she smiled at him. It didn't matter. They slowly walked out of the room and up the stairs. By the time they got to the library entrance he felt so exhausted he almost couldn't take another step. She helped him to walk over to the armchair and helped him sit down. He collapsed in the chair and closed his eyes. She wanted to take him upstairs to his room, but he didn't have the strength to move anymore.

"I'm so tired. I just so tired.� he told her.

"It's alright Steve. Just rest for now. Just rest." She touched his hand and laid it across his lap. She gently stroked his face and pushed back some loose strands of hair. She walked over to the window and slowly closed the curtains halfway to keep the afternoon sun away. Taking one last glance at him, she quietly exited the room leaving him to sleep.

 

He had no idea how long he slept. The room was dim when he opened his eye, but there was still light from the outside. He was all alone in the room. He didn't know where Portia was. The room was eerily quiet without her there. He eased himself slowly up in the chair. Taking several deep breaths, he felt a peace within himself. He smiled this time. A real smile as he ran his fingers across his lips. He looked around the room and saw that the bookcase was still opened. He got up slowly from the chair and walked wearily across the room. When he reached the shelves, he saw the book Portia had pulled out. Before returning it to the shelf, he held it in his hand a moment. Pericles, Prince of Tyre. You and me dude, we did it. We got our families back didn't we. Yeah! We got everything back!

The scent of the roses was still in the air. Steve looked over at the table and saw the scattered flowers. He took from the assorted colored blooms one of the yellow roses. Kayla's flower. He remembered he always gave her yellow flowers. The tears came fast and strong. He would give her roses again. The first thing he would do is give her yellow roses. He raised the flower to his nose and inhaled deeply. It smelled of Kayla he thought as he smiled through his tears.

He looked down and noticed the small miniature box. He had handled it earlier, but without much interest. Now he opened it up. Was there was anything inside?

The flash of gold was immediate. He looked down wordlessly with the heavy pounding of his heart hammering away in his chest. The rose had fallen from his grasp as he reached in the box and pulled out the gold band. He lifted it in the air and held it tightly between his fingers. The gold had not tarnished in sixteen years. It looked as clean and shiny as the day Kayla placed it on his finger.

"Oh dear God! Dear God!" He placed it on his lips and kissed it. The ring was grasped tightly in the palm of his hand as he held it to his heart. He couldn't control the tears. He didn't want too. He could feel the ring digging into his palm, but he didn't care. "Kayla!� he whispered, "Sweetness, I need you."

Part 5
Part 5. When I am dead my dearest, Sing no Sad songs for me.
He made his way out of the library and reached the staircase. The walk up the stairs seemed very long from where he stood. He wasn’t going to fool himself, he would need help making it to the bedroom. He turned around and glanced down the hall, wondering where Portia was. If he sat down here and waited, she would eventually have to pass by. Sounds came out of the breakfast room by the library. Taking slow steps, he walked towards the room and entered to see a table set for a meal. The smiles on his face grew more comfortable as he inwardly thanked his hostess for her hospitality. “Well, she certainly knew how to take care of her guests.” 
He was just about to sit in the chair he occupied during breakfast when Portia came in carrying a tray of food. Seeing him she carefully placed the tray on the nearest table and rushed over to help him. “Here…” she said wrapping her arm around his waist and lowering him down in the chair. “Take it slow Steve!” 
“Thanks.” 
“I was just about to get you.” She went to retrieve the tray and placed the dishes on the table close to him.” She poured him some coffee and also brought a glass of water. Reaching into her pocket, she took out a bottle of aspirin and removed two pills placing them by his water glass. “Go ahead, start eating!” she told him. Fussing over him, she reminded him of Jo. Jo! He remembered her crying over him at the church. Mama! I’m coming home, Mama.
“You know, you sound just like a mother.”, he told her as grabbed the serving spoon and placed large helpings on his plate.
“I am.”
He looked at her and nodded. The bruise of her cheek had turned a dark shade of maroon now. He knew he hit her hard. His eyes went back and forth from his plate to her face. She was reaching for the food and filled her own plate. She placed the dishes back and caught him staring at her. He quickly cast his eyes down and shoved food in his mouth. The bruise on her face, Jo had bruises like that all the time. But this was different. He told himself, it was an accident. He would never hit a woman. He wasn’t like that.
She filled her own glass with water and ate. For several minutes they sat quietly eating, each absorbed in their own plate. When he finished what he had, she asked him if he wanted more. “Here Steve, have another helping.” She didn’t bother waiting for an answer but placed more food on the plate.
He felt strange sitting there, eating a meal with the woman who nearly destroyed his life. It looked so normal seeing the two of them sitting, chatting politely away at each other. He took the aspirins and swallowed them down with his coffee. He picked up his fork and started eating again. More minutes passed.
The silence grew deeper. He glanced down at his watch for the time. Twenty past two. It had been three hours since he got his memory back. It was six hours since he last ate. It was a day ago that he had a car accident and found this house. It was over four months ago that he came back to Salem to find out who he was. It was sixteen years ago that his memory was stolen from him and he lost it all. Yes, it was so strange that he was sitting here calmly eating with Portia.
When he cleaned off his plate, she motioned again towards the dishes, but he waved his hands away. She started gathering the empty plates and placed them on the serving tray. As she stood up to leave the room Steve called out to hear to stop.
“Portia.” He stood and walked over to her. “I still need to know…things.” “I need to know who… You keep saying you won’t tell, but I’ll keep asking you. I can’t let this go…” I’ve got to know.”
She took a deep sigh and adjusted the tray in her hands. “I’ll drop this off in the kitchen. You need to get some more rest.” She weighed her words carefully. “Get some rest first and we’ll talk.” She turned away then and walked out the door. He could hear her going down the hall before her footsteps ended as she reached the kitchen. He sat back down in the chair. He looked out at the window and watched the afternoon light. Shadows of leaves and branches danced around on the floor, moving in intricate steps and motions. Would she tell him anything! How much more would she help him!
He reached down and placed his hand on top of his jeans pocket. It was still there. He could discern the round hard circle of his wedding band tucked safely away. He wanted to feel it on his finger again. More than anything, he wanted to take it out and place it back where it belonged. He looked at his ring finger and felt how empty it was. There was no white line to show the ring had once been there. 
She came back to see him staring down at his hand. He was lost in thought and she waited by the door until he noticed her. He looked over at her and then away. She didn’t hesitate but went over and helped him up. They walked to the staircase and went up its many steps. When they reached the bedroom, he pulled himself away and entered the room alone.
“I’ve washed your clothes and laid them there on the bed.” She smiled at him softly. “Go and freshen up if you’re up to it.” “We’ll talk. We’ll talk more tonight.” She gave him a reassuring smile and left him alone. He saw her go down he hall and enter her own room closing the door behind her. 
 
He slowly closed his own door and leaned against it. On the bed, he saw his clothes folded neatly. He ran his hand over his face then sat down on the foot of the bed. From his jacket’s pocket he felt his cell phone. He took it out and looked for messages. He tried calling Bo’s number and still wasn’t able to get through. Placing the cell phone by the bedside table and he remembered he still had to try and call for a tow truck. It looked like he wasn’t leaving there today. Pulling his boots off, he started to undress, then walked into the bathroom to take a hot shower.
Drying his hair with the towel, he tossed it to the chair and put his patch back on. He combed his hair back and looked at himself in the mirror. The hair had grays in it now, a lot of grays. He saw many lines around his eyes and face. He looked thinner, he thought to himself. Leaner. The face that looked back at him was the same and yet different. It was older, many, many years older. His eye looked back at him hard. His eye! A one eyed dude. How many times had he looked at himself and saw this unknown man standing there. Reaching up, he adjusted his patch. He did it again. Steve kept looking at himself, disbelief no longer in him. He was looking at himself. He was finally looking at himself.
He thought of Kayla! She was still so beautiful. Time hadn’t touched her. When he looked at her, or thought of her, his breath would still catch in his throat. She remained true to him all this years. He didn’t deserve her. After all this time, he still felt he wasn’t good enough for her. What could he offer her now? He remembered who he was, but he had nothing else. No job, no home, no money! She’s a doctor and he was...what? An orderly? They were still so ill matched. Kayla. I love you so much! How could he ever make up for all those lost years? How could he make it up to her! How could he make it up to Stephanie!
Dear God, his daughter! His little sweetness! She was all grown up, his baby. He missed her whole life. Every birthday, every Christmas was all gone. How could she possibly love him, a father she never knew! He wasn’t there for her. He wasn’t there for either of them. He cried for her, for Kayla, for himself! He cried for every second they missed spending together.
How was he going to make this work? He couldn’t even find out who did this to them! So God help, he will fix this. If it took the rest of his life to make it up to them, he would find a way to make them a family again. He quickly dressed and hurried out the room. He stopped at her bedroom door and knocked, but there was no answer. He knocked again and listened for any noises inside. Hearing nothing he went down the stairs. Searching the library and the breakfast room, he looked for Portia. He was going to get answers from her now.
There were a lot of rooms there. He didn't realize just how big the house really was. He looked in what he suppose was the living room, but it stood empty. A music room came next. Another living room, or do they call it the family room? He went from room to room and he still couldn't find her. The dining room followed, but it was quite dark there and definitely looked empty. Perhaps she was in the kitchen, but where was the way there? A sudden thought came to him that perhaps she had gone down to the room below the library. He went back there and was just about to open the library door when she came from around the corner. There was another hallway there he had not noticed before.
"I was looking for you... I didn't know where you were." He looked relieved to see her. He was beginning to think she left him there by himself.
"The kitchen's down that way." she indicated the corner from where she emerged from. "Since we had a late lunch, I though dinner could be around seven thirty, or do you want it earlier?"
"No that's fine. I'm really not that hungry." "Portia, I want to talk."
"We can talk after dinner."
"No!” he said loudly. Then he realized how forceful he sounded. "No.", he repeated again. "I need us to talk now."
She looked tiredly at him. She sighed deeply and nodded her head. "Shall we talk in the library.”? She started to walk there but he stopped her. No, not there! Right now, he couldn't bring himself to go there so soon after...they can talk in another room.
"Over there.” he pointed to the breakfast room. She walked ahead of him and he followed closely behind her. When they got inside he asked her to take a seat at the table. Sitting down, she placed her hands on the table. She watched him as he walked around the room. He paced back and forth a few times, and then stopped directly across from her. "His name, Portia. Tell me his name."
She shook her head at him. "I can't."
She wasn't going to be easy. He knew that. She was protecting him. "Is he a relative of yours.”? 
She shook her head at him and looked away "I can't".
 He tried another question "Is he here in Salem?" She glanced up at him when he asked that question. She then looked down, but didn't answer. He asked her again. "Portia, is he here in Salem? Does he live here?"
"What does it matter where?"
"Does he live here in this house?" This was a big house. He hadn't seen all of it yet. If someone else was here, would he have known?
 
She ignored the question. "He lives here then!" It was a statement, not a question now. She was contemplating her answer to him. She let the quiet grow between them. "Portia? Is he here?"
"No!” she finally answered him. "We are the only two here."
"But he lived here?" He came around the table and stood closer to her.
She hesitated again. "No. Never in this house."
"Portia, have you always lived in this house?"
A bittersweet smile came to her then. "This house was built for me." "It was built for me." She volunteered that information. "It's very beautiful here by the lake."
He nodded at her agreeing; "Yes it is" He came closer to her then. "Portia, please! You have to give me some answers"
"It won't change anything."
"How can I fight him if I don't know who he is?" "You tell me I'm in danger, my family's in danger." "By whom? Who did this?"
"I can't..."
"Why?” he pleads. He takes her by the arms, "Why can't you tell me." "You've helped me already."
"I can't... please I can't tell you!"
He let go of her then. He stood up and walked around her. He had a twisted smile on his face, but he wasn't smiling for joy. "I don't know what to say to you. You helped me, not a few hours ago. You helped me remember who I was and now... nothing!" "Tell me, what do I have to do? "
"Steve, all I can tell you is to go back home and protect your family. You're all in danger."
"Yeah. We're all in danger, but you won't say from whom. I mean who is this mystery person huh? Is he your husband? Your father? Your son?" He slapped his hand on the table startling her. His hand stung but the pain was so little to him.
A long stretch of silence came. Steve went over to the window and looked out at the lake. The sun had set and the early evening shadows were creeping in. In another hour it would be quite dark. He looked at his reflection in the glass and saw Portia sitting at the table behind him. She had not moved at all from the table. Her hands still lie on the tabletop, clasp together as if in prayer.
He turned and looked back at her. She really looked innocent. So small and graceful looking. No one would ever suspect her of any wrong doings.  He had an image of himself at the police station. He just remembered, he had been a cop. Yeah, after being in trouble with the law for so many years; he ended up being on the other side of the law. His interrogation skills were a bit rusty though. He could even scare this woman into telling him anything. What was he going to do now? How was he going to help his family?
She had been sitting there watching him. There was so much danger around him. It was going to get worse. She was afraid for him, for his family and friends. He needed to go back there to them. She couldn't do anything else for him.
Steve looked back in the past and recalled the farewell party. He was saying goodbye to family and friends before he, Kayla and Stephanie were to set off on their travels. It was all before them then. Like Bo, Hope and Shawn Douglas, they wanted to travel together as a family. They had spent so little time together. They were barely a family before he lost them. If it wasn't for the explosion on Bo's boat...
Wait, the explosion! He got injured when he checked out Bo's boat. Who was it? Lawrence Alamain! He set up the bomb, but Steve got hurt instead of Bo. Because of that he ended up in the hospital. He recovered from his injuries but someone poisoned him. Someone didn't want him alive to tell... what? Did he see someone on the boat? He tried to recall, but he couldn't. Was it Alamain? Is he the one behind all this? He walked back to Portia and took the seat next to her.
"Portia, please,... please tell me. Was it Lawrence Alamain? Did he do all this?"
"No! It's not him." So it's not Alamain! He thought maybe...but the explosion!
"It was a fortunate coincidence."
"Fortunate?"
"It was fortunate because it was an easier to kill you." "You were supposed to die after leaving Salem. An accident would happen to you and your family." "It was already being planned. It was just a matter of when. Then the explosion happened and you ended up in the hospital seriously injured. Your position became convenient. The plan didn’t have to go through. You were saving them time and trouble." 
"You were the threat." "At first the plan was to go after you through your family and friends. You were going to keep quiet or one by one someone you knew would be killed." "But after a while, it was decided that they just needed to get rid of you. But if your family happened to be with you when you were killed…" "Alamain had nothing to do with your death. He just helped the plan along."
 
"You knew it all!"
"Yes! When I heard about your accident, I knew the plan had changed. That's when I stepped in. I said there was another way. I begged to save you. If you didn't remember, if I could take your memory away, you would live." "I'm sorry for everything Steve, for all these years, but I saved you. I made the choice to save your life. I don't regret that."
She was crying softly. She made a tremendous decision back then. She didn't just save his life, but the lives of all the people he knew in Salem. He hadn't realized just now the extent of what she did. He reached over and took her in his arms as she cried. He touched his face to hers as his tears came down.
So much pain, so many things lost. For what? Why did it happen? What could he possibly have known over seen that would endanger so many lives? He gently pulled himself away from her. She kept her face down and she slumped back in the chair. The guilt that had eaten away from her was gone. She didn't know if her choice had been right or wrong. For years, she was filled with such remorse. He was glad she could find peace now. He was happy that she could finally forgive herself for what she had done to him. No, he corrected himself. It wasn't what she did to, but for him.
"Portia, I'm sorry too."
"Steve" she spoke so quietly, it was barely above a whisper, "There is a death list."
"What? A death list?" Did he hear her correctly?
"There is a list with all your names." She was taking more quickly now. "The first name has already been taken off."
"What? What are you saying? What name? What do you mean taken off? You mean someone's been killed?"
"When you came back, it changed again. It was a matter of time before I would find you. It's started. The killings have started"
"Tell me! Help me Portia? Who...? Damn it... help me!"
"It was supposed to be Jack. Because he found you and brought you back here. But Jack was already ill. He only had days left. There was no excitement in killing a dying man."
"Jack!", he thought. He and Jennifer had just left for England with Jack Jr. He had recovered. Were they following him to the U.K.?  He had to get in touch with him. But Abbey was still here. She was all alone. He couldn't let anything happen to her. It would kill Jack. He had to get out of here and get back home. He needed to call Bo, John, and Roman. They had to be warned.
 
"Steve!" She was pulling at him. He had stood and was going to get out of there. Damn, he thought, the car is still in the ditch. He had to contact Bo. If he walked closer to the highway, maybe he could pick up a signal?
"Steve!" she called to him again. "They chose someone else." "With Jack dying, another name was crossed off."
"Who is it? Who was chosen? Damn you, tell me who!"
She looked at him with such sadness in her eyes. She couldn't undo it. It happened weeks ago. There was no way he could have stopped it. She gave him the newspaper clipping. She had brought it out earlier today. There was no way to avoid it.
 He took the clipping from her and read the first few lines. "Oh my GOD! NO! NO! NO!"
 
Springfield Daily News, June 19, 2006
Prominent doctor, Marcus Hunter was found brutally murdered in his home early this morning. Multiple stab wounds were found across his chest and abdomen. Dr. Hunter was discovered by his fiancée...  From the brutality of the crime, all evidence points to a planned, pre-meditated attack. The police are asking if anyone knows or has any information regarding this murder to contact them at...
"Marcus!”
The clipping came loose from his hand and fell to the floor. He followed it falling to his knees as the pain of the death dissolved within him.
 
 
Part 6. If you wrong us, do we not revenge.
With his head was bowed down facing the carpet, he saw the intricate design of the rug and felt nothing. He tried to think of Marcus, of what he looked like, but his face was a blur. Try as he would, he couldn't get a clear image of him in his mind. Instead he saw that small, feisty, little boy back in the orphanage who had bruises over his face, but still fought with those bullies. Who would have believed that the skinny child would grow up to be the suave, posh doctor he ran into at Salem Hospital. He looked so cultured then, so preppy and uptown with his sports car and doctor's badge. But he knew where the runt came from. He knew how far Marcus had come. It was much further and more difficult then his own journey.
Marcus came to him then, helping him with Kayla after he rescued her from the Devereau's. He stood by his side as Kayla's rape trial dragged them all into the public eye. Complaining bitterly about the cold, he still dressed up as the elf to Steve's Santa so they could give the riverfront kids a happy Christmas celebration. There would never be a time when Marcus ever failed to help him. Marcus never failed him. He was the one who failed.
The anger was growing inside him. He wanted to lash out at someone, he wanted to hurt someone. He looked around the room and wanted to destroy everything there. Getting to his feet he grabbed at the dining table, and turning it over, smashed the glass vase placed on top. Shattered pieces of glass went flying across the floor as the flowers were scattered all around. He slipped slightly on the spilled water and fell against a chair. It was picked up and hurled over towards the door breaking apart. Steve grabbed another chair and started smashing it against the wall. Pieces of wood struck at him as he kept pounding the chair against the wall. It wasn't enough. The angry in his heart grew as the chair dissolved in his hands.
"Hey man, that's not how you change a diaper. You got to have those tape things facing front." "I'm doing this right! What do you know about these things? You never had a baby." "Yeah, well neither have you." He was all alone taking care of Stephanie. No, not alone, Marcus had come over to help. He needed help, but he wasn't going to admit that.
"I've known this bum longer than anyone here. Always in trouble one thing after another." "And where were you?" "Hey, right there with you." "Damn right you were! " He was there, beside him as Steve married the most beautiful woman he ever knew. The oldest most loyal friend he ever had. He would have done anything for him.
He asked him to do the operation on his eye.  He didn't care about the ISA, he was going undercover for Marcus. This time Marcus needed his help. This time it was his life in danger. Steve was going to risk his life to save Marcus. He was risking his life to save
his friend, his brother.
"What's smatter Homey? Struck out with the ladies again?" "Yeah, that's right rub it in." "Nice wheels, fancy digs, doctor's degree and still can't get the ladies to love you man?"  "Will you just let me suffer in peace." "Heck no dude. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't suffer right along with you. Two beers over here! He's paying."
He started laughing. It was really so funny. Marcus was lying there on the floor while Kayla had the gun pointed to his head. He was looking really worried down there. "Kayla baby, just give me the gun, okay." "Sweetness, meet your doctor." He couldn't help it, it was so funny seeing Marcus sweat like that. "So how did you two meet" Kayla didn't know about the two of them. She didn't know about the oldest friend he had in the world. "Hmmm? I think it was in Houston. I was just coming out of astronaut school..." "Hey, you went to school?"
He was watching, just watching the operation. "Hang on Steve, just hang on. Don't do this man, don't you bail out on us." It would have been so easy to just walk out of there. Jack was doing so good, what did it matter if he was gone. But the angel dude just wouldn't let up on him. Look at Marcus there, yelling at him not to give up. Marcus wasn't giving up on him either. He wasn't going to let him quit.
"Will you quit it! And stop banging on my car!" Steve knew it bothered him so he kept right on drumming away. "Damn it Steve, stop playing drums on my car." "I'm not hurting it. Really nice car you got here homey!" "Yeah, and I want to keep it that way, okay!" "Right Sure!" And he went right back to banging against the dashboard again.
He grabbed an ashtray and threw it against the wall. He felt the small pieces of glass come back at him making small cuts on his arms. He couldn't stop himself. Anything within reach was thrown. He grabbed a candlestick, a book, papers left on a chair. He kicked at a footstool in the corner, then grabbed a table lamp and hurled it towards the window where it fell just a foot away from the glass. They killed him! His mind screamed. They killed his brother! Marcus was his brother! Marcus... was... his... brother!
It was all because of him. Marcus died because of him. They were all in danger because of him. Kayla, Stephanie, Jack, Jo, Bo, Hope... all of them could die because of him. He tried to move the shelves. He was pulling and pulling away at it until his hands slipped and he fell down on the floor. He felt the life drain out of him and he cried out in torment and pain. 
More images of him and Marcus together filled him mind. He saw them as small kids at the orphanage hanging out. They only had each to lean on then. Then they were there, on the yacht getting ready for his wedding. Later, Marcus snuck in Kimberley, Adrienne and Roman to see his new baby girl. He was so happy for them. He was so happy for Steve. When that image came next, it was so fast he couldn't stop it. He tried hard to close his mind to it, but it slipped through.
There was Marcus lying face down on the floor. His body was turned over and he was covered in blood. They butchered him! There was blood everywhere. His face was drenched in it. His chest was slashed in so many places. They practically ripped out his heart. And dear God! His stomach! The blood had turned black there was so much of it. They ripped him open. They butchered him like an animal! Damn them to Hell! DAMNTHEM ALL TO HELL!
He screamed then. A long, howling, piercing scream of pain! Portia looked at him from across the room. She has stepped away when he started throwing things. Finally, he collapsed on the floor in defeat. Steve looked up to the heavens and asked why? Why? Why did you kill my brother? Why won't you help me?
He didn't want the pain. The pain made him weak. He wanted the anger. He wanted the hatred inside him so he could go after who did this and kill them. The anger gave him strength. It gave him a target to go after. No one else was going to die. No one was going to suffer because of him. He was going to finish it. It ends now!
He sought her out. She was standing by the window watching him. She looked at him only in sorrow, but not in fear. He had asked her, begged her to tell him and she refused. It didn't matter now. He had anger and hatred in his heart. That would lead him to this devil. Portia helped him to this point. Now it was up to him to go the rest of the way. He got to his feet slowly, wincing at the pain in his leg and arms.
There were cuts on him from where the pieces of wood and glass hit him. He swallowed that pain. He buried it deep inside him. He had a purpose now and he wasn't going to let discomforts as these sway him. He walked over to Portia and stood in front of her. The anger was simmering within his eye and he fought for control. Right now, he needed to know one thing from her. One bit of information he knew she would give him before he left to kill the devil. 
"The names on the list...who is next?"
Her voice was steady, but her eyes were lifeless. As he first saw her, her eyes became clear and empty. In the bluish-gray depts, he saw nothing. He then understood why the life was gone from within. She was going to die too. She knew that and was waiting for it to happen. There was nothing he could do to save her. She would be lost to him too.
"Kayla and Stephanie. They will...die next."
His heart slammed against his chest as she told him. The fear started to creep up but he forced it down. He wasn't going to lose. He wasn't going to lose ever again. He needed to think rationally right now. There was still the problem with the car and being unable to use his phone. He would walk to the highway. There was still some daylight outside. It shouldn't take him more than half and hour. He would call Bo and John. One of them could come and get him and the other he would send to protect Kayla and Stephanie.
He has little time left. Marcus was killed the same day he found Jack. He had been here a day now. If they watched him, they would know he regained his memory.
They would go after them. Kayla and Stephanie were alone and unprotected. He had to contact Bo. He had to let him know what would happen. He started towards the door, but Portia reached out to him, pulling at his arm. She wasn't
going to stop him now. His family came first. They needed him. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a set of keys. One was a car key and the other...
"The car is by the garden gate." She took his hand and placed the keys in his palm. "It's all I can give you." She told him softly. He clasped the keys in his hand and taking one last look at her, walked wordlessly out the door.
She closed her eyes a moment then opened them to look at the empty room. She looked towards the door where Steve stood seconds ago. 
"Goodbye Steve! God go with you."
 
He was driving recklessly down the road. The speedometer clocked in at eighty-five and it was rising. For a second he lost control of the car and it swerved dangerous close to the railing. Calm down, man! Calm down! Just get back to Salem. Just drive there and find Kayla and Stephanie! They’re all right! They’re all right! He hasn’t touched them yet. You’re not too late. They’re still alive. Just get there, man. Just drive and get there!
He had his cell phone out. Just a little more he thought to himself. Just another mile down the road and I’ll get a signal. He kept pressing down on the gas pedal as the cars in the other lanes disappeared behind him. He was passing all of them. Thirty minutes more, he thought. I’ll be home in thirty minutes. Please be safe Sweetness! Please! He saw the sign indicating his exit was coming up. Reaching over, he grabbed his cell and called Bo. The ringing came immediately. There was no problem now.
“Hello?”
“Bo?. Bo, it’s me!”
“Steve? Where the hell you’ve been man? I’ve been trying to get you since last night! All I got was this garbled message about some accident. What’s happened?”
“Look, will you be quiet and let me talk! I had a car accident, but I’m, okay. I’m on my way back to Salem!”
“On your way back? What about Bymera… You were in a car accident? What? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine! Look, I need you to find Kayla and Stephanie. Can you get to the Pub?”
“I’m here right now!”
Thank you God!  “Look, are they there?”
“Kayla’s here, but Stephanie’s at the garage.”
Damn! “Bo, you need to get Stephanie at the pub. Can you ask John to go and get her?”
“She’s probably with Max, I’ll call him and have him bring her home. Steve? What’s wrong? Has something happened?”
“Yeah, something’s happened Bro! I got my memory back!”
“You what? Damn Steve that great! I’ve got to tell Kay...”
“No, don’t! Don’t say anything!”
“What, are you kidding me!”
“No. I found out something else! We’re in danger Bo. Someone’s out to get us!”
“Steve, wait …”
“Kayla and Stephanie, someone going to try and kill them!  Just trust me, someone is out to get them. You gotta help me. You got to stay there and protect them Bo! God, please don’t let anyone hurt them!”
“Calm down man, I’m right here. I’ll get Roman on the line and have him send over some uniforms. No one’s going to get anywhere near them. They’ll have to go through me first.”
“Okay! Okay! Please just get Stephanie back home.”
“All right, I’m going to hang up and call Max right now.”
“Okay dude. Call me when you’re done.”
“Yeah, I will. Just take it easy.”
 
Come on ring. Ring damn it! Come on Bo, what’s taking so long! Ring! Ring!
“Hello, Bo!”
“Yeah, it’s me. Max and Stephanie are on the way here. I said he had to bring her home cause of some family emergency. They should be here in ten minutes or so. I called Roman too and he’s sending a couple of uniforms.”
“Thanks Bro!”
“Look Steve, can you tell me what happened. How?… How did it happen?”
“I can’t tell you over the phone. Look, I’ll be there in about thirty minutes. I’ll tell you everything when I get home.”
“What about Kay! I mean,… she’s got to know.”
“No, not yet. Don’t say anything. Just let me get home first and we’ll talk. Okay. Promise me you won’t say anything to her.”
“All right, I promise. But I hate to keep this from her!”
“I know. Man!” But I need to keep her safe for now. I need to keep them both safe first.”
“What about this threat to them. How’d you find out…”
“The person who’s behind this, he going to try and kill them to get them me. He’s going to go through people I know, …”
“Who is it?”
“I don’t know man! I don’t know! All I know is he’s after me. He’s going to kill everyone I love to keep me quiet.”
“Quiet? Quiet about what? Did you find something about…”
“I don’t know what it is,… but when I got my memory back, I was told I saw or knew something I shouldn’t. I became a threat. I’m a big enough threat that I had to be killed.”
“I don’t like this, man. I’ve got to tell Kayla, Steve. We can’t keep this from her!”
“Damn it, don’t say anything. Just wait until I get there!”
“All right! All right, I‘ll wait, but you better get your butt over here fast. I’m not waiting long.”
“I’m on my way, man. I’m on my way.”
 
The afternoon shadows were merging into night as the first stars came out in the sky.  The air was cool and breezy outside as he changed lanes again and passed by
a four-wheeler. His eyes darted back and forth between the clock and the road in front of him. He was still driving dangerous fast, but he was getting closer.
The sound of the key clanking against the ignition and key chain was bothering him. Each time he switched lanes, it would hit and make the hollow ringing sound.
He reached down to try and move the key so it didn’t touch. His fingers closed around it as he looped it over the chain. It now dangled close but was not touching.
He took one last glance at it before returning his focus to the road. It was a safe deposit box key.

 

 

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