Beneath the Bitter Snow
Day 6 - March 11th
1:18 a.m.
He
didn’t know where he was. One minute he was in a room, the next, he was out in
an open field. The sky above was overcast and there was a chill in the air. He
knew he should feel cold but he wasn’t. All he had on was a shirt as he looked
around, expecting to see his jacket. The grass was just starting to sprout;
it’s tiny green needles barely showing in the soil. There were a few trees not
too far off and what appeared to be a roof top just beyond. But none of it
looked familiar.
Steve saw himself walk towards the house when a
movement just to his right caught his eye. He turned and saw the small girl
again. Just as he remembered seeing her at the fair, she sat in the middle of a
blanket, playing with a doll. She seemed to be humming a song and as he got
nearer, he recognized the melody. The words ran through his head as she
continued humming. Taking a few steps closer, he stood just at the edge of the
blanket looking down at her. Her light blond curls bounced around her shoulders
as the wind swirled and streamed passed them.
She looked up at him and smiled then took her doll and
rocked it to sleep in her arms. A weight was felt in his hand as he glances
down and saw a gun appear. He lifted it up slowly until it was at the level of
his heart. It fit so naturally in his hands, his fingers clutching tight and
secure. When he looked down at the girl, it was to see her staring at him, her
large blue eyes looking sadly back at him.
"Where did you get that?" The softness of her
small voice reached straight into his heart. She remained on the blanket, but
now got to her feet and stood in its center.
"It was given to me."
"By who?"
"Someone... someone who isn't very... good."
"You should give it back then." She told him
as took a couple of steps from him.
"I've tried... but he said... he said it's mine
now."
"If you don't want it... you should give it back.
You don't want it... do you?"
Steve shook his head at her as she smiled back at him.
She started walking away and he followed her. "Wait!" He called out.
"Where are you going?"
"My dolly's cold... and it looks like rain. It's
much warmer inside my house. Would you like to come home with me?"
"Yes... but what about your mommy? She may not
want me there."
She stopped then and faced him. "Why not?"
"Because... I'm supposed to kill you."
Suddenly she smiled at him and gave a small laugh.
"Don't be silly Mister. You can't kill me... I'm already dead."
Steve felt the tears fall then as an ache grew at his
heart. He watched the small child slowly turn and walk away from him. She was
still so small and fragile, and he remembered how ill she had been. He never
heard what happened to her. Even though he spared her life that day, he
realized she must have died not too long after. Looking down at the soil, he
could feel the fear growing inside of him. It was not knowing what he was
supposed to do, that scared him. All he wanted to do was go home, to be as far
away from here as he possibly could be. Clenching his hand, he felt the gun. It
was still there, softly nestled within his fingers. He tried to open his
fingers, to let it slip from his grasp and fall to the ground, but it remained.
It would not leave him.
When he heard her call his name, his head snapped up.
She looked so young as she walked towards him. Taking a seat at the nearby
table, she motioned for him to join her. He looked around confused as he
approached her. "When... how did we get here?"
"It was too cold outside to talk. I like this pub.
I come here all the time when I'm in London. Are you going to sit down or stand
there all night?" Billie teased him as he took the seat opposite her.
"You look tired? Are you getting enough sleep?"
Placing the gun on the table, he saw her glance at it a
moment before calling the barkeep over. "Can I have a bitter? Steve?"
She turned and asked him.
"I'll have the same." Their drinks came
quickly as Billie took a deep drink from hers. Her hair was shorter and she
seemed slimmer, but her face was the same.
There were a few others in the pub with them, but they were on the other
side of the room. "What are you doing here? I didn't know I would see
you...?"
"The ISA sent me here on a mission. It's okay; I'm
only here for the night. We leave tomorrow for France." She took another
drink and saw he hadn't touched his. "Aren't you going to join me? I hate
to drink alone."
"I can't... I'm supposed to...? Billie! You have
to leave. You have to leave right now!"
"Why? We just started talking."
"No! No... You’re in danger. Just get up and go
before you get hurt."
"Steve? What are you talking about? Nothing's
going to happen to me. Just relax and join me in a drink."
"You don't understand... something is going to
happen to you."
"Like what?"
"I'm... I'm going to... kill... you. They ordered
me to?"
"Just tell them you can't. I'm a friend. Friends
don't kill friends?"
He heard the song again in his head. No, It wasn't in
his head; it was on the jukebox. Someone put some money in and played it. The
words kept at him, growing louder and louder as he put his hands on his ears to
block out the singing.
"Hey! Just relax Steve! It's not that bad!"
The volume grew stronger as he stood to his feet. His
head started to hurt as the voice was telling him to pick up the gun. He tried
fighting against it, but they pounded on him. It pricked at his skin, like
thousands of needles until he reached and took the gun in his hand. He felt
himself shake as he stared down at her. She was angry at him, her face drawn
into a big frown as she watched him.
"Get away from me Billie! Just get out of
here!" He yelled at her.
From a frown, her expression changed into a scowl as
she stood, picking up her drink and walked to the other side of the room.
Closing his eye a moment, he tried to get control of himself, but the feelings
just exploded inside of him. It urged, nudged, pushed at him to do something.
It was there, just beside him, telling him what he needed to do.
It's not hard the voice said. Just walk over there and
pull the trigger. You've done this a thousand times over in your dreams
already... why hesitate now? Just do it. Do it. Do... it. When it's over, you
can rest. You'll be able to rest. You can finally... rest. Finally! Finally.
Stop it, he screamed. Stop! Leave me alone. I won't. I
won't do this!
The figure came up to him. "Is everything
alright?" It asked.
Steve felt his heart racing, beating violently against
his chest. He took deep breaths, but the pressure remained and then
intensified. It was growing out of control, taking over him and he couldn't
stop it. Someone stood just behind him. He heard the breathing as his eye
focused unsteadily at the table before him. Slowly turning, he looked at the
faceless stranger at his side. The figure was a blank, lacking a color, a
shape, and a form, it lingered just near him, waiting and watching as he slowly
grew mad.
"Do you need some help? Do you want me to help
you?"
Help me, he thought? How can you help me? I am so lost.
They're winning, no matter how hard I try. You can't help me... no one can. He
closed his eye once more and lifted the gun. His finger undid the safety as
turned it over in his hand. He looked at the figure, his face full of sorrow.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Are you going to do this?" It asked him.
Steve nodded back. "I don't want to kill you... I
don't!"
"But you have to?" It asked as Steve nodded
again. "Do it quickly then. Maybe it won't hurt so much if you do it very
fast." After a moment, it spoke again. "I just wish I knew why... I'm
supposed to die."
Taking a deep breath, Steve lowered his eye a moment.
When he looked back up, Kayla walked into the room carrying a vase full of
yellow roses. "They are so beautiful." She came over and kissed him
as she placed the flowers on the dining room table. "I have the most
thoughtful husband in the world."
"Sweetness?"
"Oh I know! You don't want people to know what a
softie you really are."
Standing just a few feet away from him, Kayla continued
arranging the flowers until they were set just as she wanted. "Where do
you want to eat tonight?" She asked as she went to get her purse from the
table by the stairs. "We can go to the pub if you like? Mom and Pop says
we haven't been around lately. Is that okay with you, or do you want to stay in
and cook me one of your gourmet meals?"
With the gun still in his hand, he faced his wife in
the living room of their home. Kayla sat at the table going through her purse,
looking for something. He looked around the room, looking for the figure. They
were expecting him to kill it, He had been ready, he was just about to shoot
when he returned home. It was just the two of them in there. The figure had
vanished. But what about his orders, he thought. I'm supposed to... I'm
supposed to kill it.
"So what did you decide?" Kayla had called
out to him from the table. She held a small piece of paper in her hand as the
contents of her bag were scattered on the table. She finally noticed it in his
hands. As she stood, she pointed to the gun he held. "Steve? Where did
that gun come from?"
"Kayla, baby... don't! Don't come near me!" He started to back
away as she came closer to him.
"What's the matter with you? Are you ill?"
"No, baby! Please! Don't come nearer!"
"Steve? What's wrong?"
"Sweetness!" The single word was pulled from
him as he lifted his hand and pointed the gun at her. "I won't do this! I
can't! I can't... stop!"
She rushed at him, her eyes full of worry as the gun
went off and the bullet tore through her heart. She falls to the ground, her
eyes still open, staring back at him in shock. The blood pools at her chest as
she tries to say something. The red appears on her lips now as the blood slowly
falls down her chin.
Steve collapses on the floor next to her as he takes
her in his arms, crying out in torment. "I didn't do it! It wasn't me!
Don't die Kayla!"
"Kayla!" He screamed her name as the dream left him. Steve woke up screaming as Kayla tried to calm him. He grabbed her and held her to him tightly as the tears poured out from him. "I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry!" He cried out, rocking her in his arms.
"Steve! It was just a dream! I'm here! I'm here!"
But he didn't hear her. He kept her within his arms, holding her tighter and tighter against his chest until she finally had to push away. He was a man possessed as he gripped her face in his hands, keeping her close to him. His hands shook as they cupped her cheeks and he placed kisses all over her face.
"I tried to stop... but I couldn't. It was inside of me, pushing... forcing me to shoot. Oh my god." He yelled. "... it wasn't me! I didn't do it!"
"Please Steve, stop... it's just a dream. I'm fine... we both are."
But he doesn't listen to her. He gets up from the bed, pulling at her to follow him and runs around the room looking for her bag. "You've got to get away from here... I've got to get you some place safe!" He yells out as he starts grabbing at her things and throwing them in her case. He turns to her suddenly and holds her tightly again. "I've got to protect you, Baby! I won't let anyone hurt you! Not ever!" He pulls away from her as her holds her face in his hands. "Do you hear me, no one will ever hurt you! They'll have to kill me first!"
"Steve, you're scaring me!" Kayla starts crying as he hugs her again.
"I'm sorry baby, I just want to keep you safe. I can't stop until you're safe, Sweetness!"
"What happened? Did you remember something in your dreams? Tell me! Let me help you!"
"No! I've got to get you out of here first!" He looks around the room, his gaze darting all over as though he expected to see someone in there with them. Kayla sees his crazed motions and call him up on it.
"What is it? Do you see something? Steve! Talk to me!"
“…Not here?” The words are mumbled on his lips as Kayla turns him to face her.
“What’s not here? Please talk to me!”
The knocking on the door startles them both as Jack’s voice is heard on the other side.”
“Steve! Kayla! Are you guys alright?”
“Jack!” Steve yells out then rushes at the door pulling it open.
In his pajamas with the robe hastily put on inside out, Jack stands in his bare feet looking scared as Steve grabs him and hauls him inside.
“What hap…?” His words are cut off in mid sentence. Steve holds tightly onto his arms as he yells at him to take Kayla out of there.
“She’s in danger, Jack. You do this for me! You get her out of here right now!” Roughly shaking him, Jack slightly stumbles and falls against the bed frame.
“Calm down! What happened?”
“Just shut up and listen! You’ve got to leave now! It’s not safe here anymore! Just do it, Jack!”
Trying to calm his brother down, Jack tries to pry Steve’s hands from his robe, but his grip was strong and unyielding. He sees the wild look in his eye and the desperation on the man’s face. Gone was the voice of reason. In its place grew a fear so deafening and malignant, that it shook Steve from the inside out and wrapped its coils tightly around him.
“Did someone break in? Is that what happened? We just need to call the police…?” But Steve shook him more and tugged hard at his collar.
“Are you listening to me, Jack?” He screamed at him. “You need to get Kayla someplace safe!”
But Jack continued to reason with him, to try and get him to listen. “She is safe. She’s here with you… and me! No one can harm her if she’s with us!”
Steve feels the tears roll down his face as he looks back at him. He knows Jack doesn’t understand. He doesn’t realize that the danger was coming from him, not an unknown assailant. He presses his lips tightly together and takes several deep breaths as he looks over the man’s shoulder at the shadows in the room.
When her hand touches his shoulder, Steve turns quickly to face her, then collapses to the floor. Kayla tries to hold him as he suddenly reaches out and hugs her tightly to him. His head falls to her shoulder as countless sobs and tears pour out from him. The words are incoherent and are released through broken, jagged breaths. “It wasn’t me! It wasn’t… I’m sorry… sorry!”
Kayla wraps her arms around him as she pulls him even closer to her. She looks up at Jack with a tear stained face and seeing his grief stricken look, closes her eyes again. Her fingers gently stroke at his head and down his back. Pressing her cheek against his, she feels the wetness there as her tears are mingled with his. Giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek, she opens her eyes as his sobs are heard in the quiet room.
“Dear God!” She says aloud. “What did they do to you?”
Jack remains standing by the foot of the bed. His robe is askew on his shoulders and he feels the moisture build around his eyes. Not knowing what to say, he can only stand, stunned and numb at his brother’s fallen form.
**********
2:55 a.m.
Listening to the sound of her breathing, he lay next to her on the bed. Sleep had eluded him. Even if it tiptoed over, Steve would brush it away that it no longer ventured an attempt to approach him. For the last several minutes, he looked around in the dark room searching, expecting to see the monster that had invaded his dream. The beating of his heart was strong and he heard it in his ears, pounding along with the ticking clock. But the monster wasn't lurking in the darkness, it had been born and formed inside him. Slowly and surely, it was crawling to the surface, poking it's head out at the world, ready to strike when given the opportunity.
Kayla turned in her sleep and faced away from him as he reached out and gently ran his fingers through her hair. As he continued to stroke her curls, his hand suddenly poised a moment, suspended in air, before continuing. The voice that whispered her name to him years ago, showed him in his dreams what would happen if he failed. The thought of her loss was unbearable to him. It brought with it a pain that was so deep and consuming that covered him whole and buried him within it's unyielding and uncaring stretched arms.
To save Kayla, he had to kill someone else, a nameless face who was unaware that his or her life would be cut short by him. However guilty or innocent of the crime they were thought to have committed seemed so irrelevant. They were in the way of keeping his wife alive. The situtation made him think of Lansing, of the choice the man made... of how he taunted him that he of all people should understand, considering how he felt about Kayla. Yes! He did understandand but at the same time, he wanted no part of it. This was not his fight. He did not choose any of this. When they returned home, it would only be a matter of time before Elliot Jules gave him his mother's gift. Steve held his tears in check as he watched over his wife, letting her sleep in peace as he stayed awake and kept the darkness away from her.
7:26 a.m.
Sometime during the early dawn, he had risen and walked to the window to watch the sunrise. Pulling the curtains aside, Steve looked out the window as the last remnants of night's dark shadows crept back and the suns rays casts out it's long tendrils through the air. From where he stood, he could see only a few scattered clouds. Apparently, it would be a pleasant, sunny day with warmer than normal temperatures than the local inhabitants had seen in the past weeks. On a day like today, it was so hard to think that anything bad could happen.
His eye felt heavy and he knew dark circles had formed. Staying awake the past few hours, he could feel how tired he was, with his muscles protesting as he tried to stretch and excercise them lose. Unable to sleep, Steve had watched Kayla, noting each movement she made in sleep, trying to burn the image of her forever in his heart. Sitting on the window seat, he continues watching her from across the room, letting the sun rays slowly crawl towards her. Inch by inch they venture closer as she continues sleeping, unaware of their approach.
The knock on the door is soft, but the silence within the room amplifies the sound. Getting quickly to his feet, Steve walks to the door and slowly opens it. Jack stands, already dressed just outside.
"I'm sorry if I woke you." He notices Steve's tired face and tries to smile back at him.
Keeping his voice at a whisper, he answers him back. "It's okay Jack. What did you want?"
Uncertain whether to tell him, he pauses a moment before explaining. "You have a visitor! Benjy's here. He's waiting for you downstairs in the dining room." He thinks about the early morning intrusion and decides to take care of the matter. " You know what... I'll ask him to come back later."
"No! No I'll see him. It must be important. Could you tell him I'll be down in a few minutes."
"Sure... I can do that." Jack looks a little uncertain at Steve's decison, but agrees all the same. "Are you okay... I mean.. do you need anything?"
"I'm fine... just let me get dressed."
"Okay." Jack gives him a small grin before turning and going back downstairs. Steve closes the door and leans against it for a moment. He wonders what Benjy could want with him now. For a moment, he felt worried that there were other unknowns left to be told. Taking a few deep breaths, he calmed his racing heart and hoped the young man had come here to him with help rather than give him anymore bad news.
Waiting at one of the tables, Benjy sat watching as the other guests each enjoyed a hearty breakfast. He stood when Steve came into the dining room and motioned over to him. Giving the younger man a strong hug, they settled back down as a young woman came over to take their breakfast order. Deciding again on that day's specials, Benjy signed to him that there was something he needed to do when they got back to Salem.
"It's it something... bad? Should I be worried?" Steve asked him.
Shaking his head, Benjy mentioned seeking help. Confused by his request, Steve mentioned the police department. "Should I get the Salem PD to help me? Roman and Bo would help, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea."
"No!. No!" Benjy signed to him. "Not the police. You need to ask someone to help you with what you need to do. You need help from someone in the family." He looked woriedly up at Steve, trying to get him to understand his meaning.
"Someone in the family? I don't understa... you mean in the Brady family?"
Nodding at him, Benjy's hands flews excitedly as he tried to sign his answer. "It's got to be someone you can trust... trust to keep quiet... about what has to happen? Do you understand?"
"Whoa, slow down, dude. I'm getting confused here." Their breakfast was brought around then as two large plates of eggs and sausage were placed in front of them. A small basket of toast was also added along with a container of jam. Asking if they needed anything else, the young woman left them alone to enjoy their breakfast as Benjy starting signing again.
"You need to find someone who will work with you... who will go along with what you have to do and not say anything."
"I don't get it. Why would I let anyone else in on this? How could this help me?"
"You have to explain what you need to do. They need to understand you must do this... and trust you. They need to trust you."
"You mean like an allies?"
Nodding at him excitedly, Benjy smiles back. "You need someone on your side Steve. Someone you will keep quiet and trust you."
Steve looked cautiously back at him. He wondered if Benjy knew about Kayla. "Benjy... did you know Kayla was... the other target?"
The young man's eyes opened wide at his question as he slowly shook his head. "I didn't know." He told him. "But it makes sense that she was the one chosen." Glancing down a few seconds at their plates of food, Benjy looks up at him again. "You have to do this... you must accept what has to happen, there's no other way to stop it."
"I can't Benjamin! I can't kill anyone." The shock of what was asked of him showed on Steve's face. He didn't understand why Benjy was pushing him to follow through. "I need to find a way to undue this... brainwashing. There's got to be something else...?"
Benjy faced him, his eyes focused hard on Steve. "No! There's no other way. It has to happen! It has to!"
"You want me to kill someone Benjamin? Cause that's what will happen. I'll be a murderer!"
But Benjy just shook his head again. "Steve... I need you to trust me now. Can you do that?"
"Of course I trust you, dude, but what you're asking... I just can't do it."
"Don't worry... just get someone to help you. And they mustn't say anything... nothing! Is there someone you can go to? Someone you can trust with your life?"
Steve thought for a second and a single name popped up in his head. Benjy saw the change in him as Steve bent over to sign the name to him. But Benjy took hold of his hands as Steve frowned at him. "No, don't tell me who. Only you should know. It is safer that way. As long as you can trust them, that's what's important. Contact them as soon as you get home. Promise me, you'll do this. Promise me!"
"Yes I promise!" He was still unsure. How could getting another person involved help him. "Benjy... I still don't understand? How could they help me?"
"Trust me too Steve. Trust and believe me... and no one will get hurt." He leaned over and quickly gave him a hug before standing and walking away. Steve stood to follow, but Benjy quit the room before he had a chance. He remained standing a minute longer before sitting back down. It was all so confusing and for several minutes, he sat thinking about what he had been asked to do. How could I go through with this and come out without anyone being hurt, he asked himself. Scowling down at his cold break, Steve thought about what Benjy had requested. Maybe the other person would speak for him, maybe they would be his witness, because if it all happened as planned, he would surely be charged with cold blooded murder. No one could help him then, not even if they trusted him.
**********
5:34 p.m.
The train ride back was quiet and uneventful. No one felt much like talking and it was just as well. Talking about it would just make Kayla worry again and that seemed to lead to her crying not too long afterwards. Steve just held her during the two hour ride back. Keeping his arms securely around her, they sat, almost unmoving while Jack watched from across in his seat. He had already called Jennifer to say they were arriving home that night. She asked if everything went well and if they got the information they wanted. Jack almost choked on his reply, but managed to say, they found out what they needed to know. As she pressed him for more details, he told her it's better they talk in person.
"Is it bad, Jack?" Jennifer asked.
"On a scale of one to ten?"
"Yes?"
"It's about a thousand!"
"Oh God! What are we going to do?"
Jack laughed a little then as his wife waited for his answer. "I was sort of hoping... you could tell me."
"Just come home safe, okay?"
"Yeah! We'll be home soon... safe and sound."
**********
8:04 p.m.
Arriving back at the Deveraux flat, Steve took their bags up to their room as Kayla stayed below with Jennifer. She had just started to cook dinner as Kayla offered to help. Protesting that she was a guest, Kayla insisted saying she needed to keep busy. When Steve came down a few minutes later, Jennifer told them she had just gotten a phone call from Bo. John was found shot and was at the hospital in a coma. They were still investigating who did this to him, but so far there were no witnesses. Bo said it looked bad and he would get back to them when he had more information. Kayla mentioned the obvious first.
"John's not the target, Steve."
"No, Baby. He's not." He told her and took a seat at the dining table. Jack had come from his library-office when Jennifer repeated the news about John. He mentioned checking his emails and told them there was nothing recent from Salem.
"Then it's Bo?"
"I don't know? I hope not." Her husband looks at her before turning his gaze away.
Steve sat thinking at the dining table when JJ came walking on. His uncle picked him up and settled him on his lap. In child's hands was a stuffed toy animal that he clutched protectively at his chest. Steve held him within his arms, as JJ played contently. It was a few minutes before Jennifer offered to take him so Steve could get a little rest. But Steve told her he was no bother. He liked playing with the little dude. It was a shame he didn't bring his harp cause he could have started him on some lessons already.
Durung dinner, the only one with much of an appetitte was JJ as his was the only plate cleaned of food when dinner was over. Apologizing to their hostess, Jennifer brushed their excuses aside saying, it's normal considering this is English food. After helping to clear the table, Steve and Kayla excused themselves and went back to their room to pack for their flight back home the next morning. Jennifer tried to say something, but Kayla only hugged her and said she was sorry their visit was so short.
"Next time... you'll have to stay several weeks... so we could do a lot of sightseeing and shopping!"
Kayla smiled at her as she nodded in agreement. "Next time, definitely. Maybe when Abby visits... we'll be back again."
"I can't wait." Her sister-in-law tells her.
In their room, they pack their few belongings quietly and quickly. When they finish, Steve places them by the wall as he goes to the bathroom. Kayla sits on the bed, listening and waiting and when he comes out, he sees her staring off into space. He approaches and softly touches her head.
"Sweetness?"
When she looks at him, it's with a smile, but he sees the tears that have formed in her eyes. Standing up, she asks if he's done. "All finished?"
"Uh huh."
"I hope you didn't use up all the hot water?" She tries to tease him.
"I left you some. Are you okay?" His concern is written all over his face as he looks at her.
"I think I should be asking you that."
"I'm fine Baby." He lies to her. "I'm fine as long as you are."
"Then I'm fine too. I won't be long." She tells him as she goes to use the bathroom.
**********
10:23 p.m.
The room seemed darker that night. Maybe it had always been that way, but somehow, it appeared as though the darkness was more widespread and abundant. Steve checked the time again from the clock on the nightstand. They had turned into bed early but he has yet to fall asleep. He knew once his eye closed he would fall asleep. And in sleep, he would begin to dream. As the dream came, so would the nightmare follow. He kept his eye opened and tried to focus on what he could see in the room, but it was too dark. Kayla stirred beside him and turned over in his direction.
"Sweetness?' He said softly.
"I can't sleep." Kayla answered him.
"I know, Baby. I can't either."
He reached for her, as her arms went across his chest. For several long minutes they held each other in the dark. The minutes came and went on the bedroom clock, as Steve held his wife, placing small kisses on her forehead. The night drifted in and around them, trying to lull them to sleep but failed miserably.