Hush a bye, don’t you cry, go to sleepy little baby.
When you wake, you shall have, all the pretty little horses…

All the Pretty Little Horses

 

Chapter 5. Steven Earl

 

 

 

Stopping for a quick visit on his way to the airport, Jack opened the door to the squad room and found Steve bent over several mug shots at a desk on the far right wall. Several of the officers eyed him curiously as he made his way across the room. Bo, who was on a call, glanced up from his seat and gave him a small nod. Jack pointed in Steve’s direction, while Bo raised his eyes at him. He looked to where Steve stood, with his back towards the door and then at Jack as he approached him. It had been a slow morning and most everyone was in a relaxed mood. Bo had heard that Jack was leaving today for the UK, so anything he would say would be quick and short. At least he hoped it was for Steve’s sake.

 

Still looking down at the book, Jack stood a little behind his brother, waiting to catch his attention. He saw the gun strapped in the holster and couldn’t help himself as he started to reach over to touch it.

 

“Not a good idea!” He still hadn’t turned around, but Steve spoke aloud as though sensing the man behind him. He finally turned and faced his guest who hastily lowered his hands back to his sides.

 

“Oh well… I really wasn’t going to take it, just curious about how… it would feel to hold.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“You know… I’ve always wanted to learn how to shoot those things. Maybe I’ll get myself a rifle and do some target shooting when I get back home. They always have hunting parties over in the countryside. Can you imagine me at a hunting party.” Jack asked jokingly.

 

Shaking his head at him, Steve replied. “No.”

 

Brushing off the monotone reply, he smilingly slaps Steve on the back. “Just give me a few lessons and you’ll change your tune.”

 

“Yeah. Sure. So Jack, what brings you down here?”

 

“Hey, I couldn’t leave town without saying my farewells. I already stopped by the house and saw Kayla.”

 

“I see.”

 

Licking his lips, Jack continues. “That’s right and she said you would probably be in all morning, so… I had to stop by and just say… I’ve had a great time being back… here and seeing everyone again.”

 

Smiling to himself, Steve gives him a look before nodding back. “I’m glad you did visit.”

 

“Hey, I’m just an ocean away… what’s an ocean between family.” Leaning back on his desk, Steve watches him as Jack rocks on his feet, happily content. “And I also wanted to thank you, for helping to keep an eye on Abby. It certainly eases my peace of mind, knowing you and Jo are looking after her too.”

 

“Sure Jack. I’m happy to do it.” Facing each other, the moment of silence descends on them again as Steve simply watches the man who looks sheepishly back at him. Jack glances around the squad room once, then twice as Steve just watches and thinks about all that has happened between them. “I guess I owe you a thank you too.” Getting to his feet he takes a step towards Jack and hesitates a moment before reaching over for a quick hug then stepping back away. “I owe you one… for everything you did. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. So… I just want to tell you. Thanks. Thanks Jackson.”

 

Letting the grin rest comfortable on his lips, Jack enjoys the moment before giving his brother a hug in return. “No charge. Glad I could help.”

 

Steve nods to him as he looks around the room and sees that everyone has been watching them. Trying to change the subject, he asks about the flight back. “So what time do you leave?”

 

“At Eleven. I should really get going.” Looking his watch, he checks the time and sees he only has a short time left. He decides to offer a little more advice, which he feels Steve would accept. “Look Steve, I know you haven’t been able to see Jo much lately. With her deciding to spend the holidays with us instead of being back home and now she’s visiting Adrienne, well… she’s suppose to be back at the end of the week, so maybe… maybe you could go and see her. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you.”

 

He didn’t want to admit it but Steve had been thinking of Jo. When she told him she was planning to spend Christmas in England, he had been disappointed. She tried explaining how she just wanted to see how her Billy was doing, then she’ll be back home. They really hadn’t had a chance to talk since he came back from Italy.

 

“Yeah, I was thinking of calling her… when she gets back. Maybe I’ll do it next week.”

 

“Good. You do that.” Pressing his lips into a thin smile, Jack extends his hand out to him as Steve gives back a firm shake. “Well, I’d better get going. Got to get through all those security check points, you know… can’t miss all that fun.” Smiling once more, Jack turns and starts to head out the office.

 

Before he reaches the door, Steve calls out to him once last time. “Hey, Billy-Jack, Happy-Jack… you know, our door’s always open …and the guest room’s ready and waiting… so come back… come back soon… okay?”

 

Jack stood, grinning and smiling from the inside out. The other men in the squad room looked back and forth between the two men, curious about their visit. Nodding back at him, Jack smiles hugely before giving one last wave and exiting the room. Steve sees Bo watching him as he turns away and goes back to looking at the book of mug shots.

 

 

**********

 

 

John showed up later in that afternoon. Letting Bo know he was waiting, he also spoke to Steve as the three of them went inside Roman's office for a private little chat. Bo opened up the talks by updating John on Steve's visit with Elliot Jules. John didn't seem all that surprised when Steve told him of his missing years. Considering a good portion of his past was still lost to him, finding out that the DiMera's repeated their destructive tendencies just reinforced his determination to finally end their unchecked rule. Though hearing that Steve maybe on the verge of discovering his missing years also made him hopeful to one day, possibly regain his.

 

"So Steve? What happened?" Bo started. " What did this guy say?"

 

"The only thing he could tell me is that there is definitely something blocking my memories." Walking around the room, he stops by the desk and picks up a pen, twirling it in his fingers. "Seems Portia had put up more than one mental block. She was able to remove the first one... which is why I got my memories of my life here in Salem, but there's another. She made an attempt to remove it too, but never finished."

 

Bo had been sitting on Roman's desk as John took the seat behind. Looking at up Steve, he knew the next step was to get him to remember. "And... when is he going to remove this... block?" John questioned him.

 

"He's not." Steve told him matter of fact. "He says he's not strong enough to do it."

 

"No! The guy's lying, man. I'll go back with you and get him to do this." Bo offered.

 

"I don't think so. I was watching him real careful like, and I believe him when he says it's beyond anything he can do."

 

Jumping off the desk, Bo faces Steve, questioning their next step. "So that's it! We have nothing!"

 

"Not exactly. Elliot was able to discover clues left behind by his mother." Taking a piece of paper from his pocket, he unfolds it and shows them what was discovered during his hypnosis. Four words were written with a brief description next to each one. "The slight scent was her calling card, telling me she was there. The soap was the weird part. Elliot said it could be a decoy or a symbol of something. You know... like cleansing away to find what is hidden underneath." Pausing a moment, Steve uses the pen and writes down the word "Clues" next to the other words. "The clear candy wrapper is a hint. That we should be looking for something that we may normal see through because it's transparent. It's also tiny enough to overlook, so the smallest matter, no matter how small, should be considered."

 

John looks over at the list and narrows his eyes as he focus centers on the final word on the paper. Bo frowns at the idea of a soap doorknob and shakes his head in confusion over it. "A doorknob made from soap? You sure you're not making that up."

 

"Yeah, it's crazy and dumb, but that's what I saw. A light green doorknob made of soap. The last one is the really, big clue. I remember seeing a book... a dictionary on a table and when I picked it up, one word just popped out at me. It was like looking at a hologram... the word was suspended in air and I could almost touch. Green."

 

Bo questioned him again. "Just, Green? Not green house or green car, or... green... I don't know... green sweater?"

 

"Just... Green!" Steve answered emphatically.

 

John had been thinking about the clues given to Steve. Trying to find a connection between the four, there was nothing he could discern. None of it made any sense. "Well... you have the color green and a green doorknob, so that seems to go together." John suggested. "But what would a clear candy wrapper have to do with soap?"

 

"Exactly!" Bo exclaimed. "Nothing! It's just four things that have nothing in common. You know what Steve, I think the guy was just messing with your head. He probably hypnotized you to think of all this."

 

"About half of me agrees with you there... but the rest of me... I just get this gut feeling about all this. That there's an answer here staring us in the face." Sitting down at the empty chair, Steve leans back and describes the woman he met a few months ago. " Portia was one secretive, confusing woman. All this must have been some kind of game to her. She answered my questions with weird looks and cryptic answers. I'm surprised she didn't leave a maze for me to follow along with these clues."

 

Scrutinizing the words again, John finally gave up. "There's nothing holding these together. Its just gibberish."

 

Sighing once, Steve leaned forward and started circling the word, green with the pen he held. Over and over again, he circled the word as he recalled that it was Portia's favorite color. "He said it was her favorite color, green. Sage and Forest Green." He told them.

 

John's head snapped at attention to Steve remarks. "Did you say Forest Green?"

 

"Yeah! Elliot said his mother was partial to those two shades. Why?"

 

"Forest Green... Forest?" John thought over in his head.

 

"John? You got something?" Bo asked.

 

"Forrest... Forrest Alamain." He told them. "Forrest was my birth name. I don't know if my mother gave me that name or her sister and brother-in-law did... but that was my name before."

 

John then started thinking how it was Steve who found him when he was the Pawn. Like him, the DiMera's tampered with Steve's memory. Steve, the DiMera's, him, what was the connection between the three of them? He looked at Steve, who eyed him back cautiously.

 

"You were the Pawn when I found you." Steve said confirming John's thoughts. Nodding at him, John looked pleased. "It's too easy... but the clue was, something small you could easily overlook and see through. So your past and mine are connected somehow?" Steve remarked.

 

"It would seem so."

 

"But how?" Steve questioned him as he looked to Bo, who stared wordlessly back at the two of them.

 

John looked to the other clue on the paper. "That would leave us with the cryptic symbol. A soap, doorknob."

 

"So what would that have to do with you and me?"

 

"When we find that out, we'll get our answer and unlock your past... and maybe... possibly mine..." John said as his voice trailed away.

 

While Steve and John concentrated on the clues, Bo's thoughts kept going back to Elliot Jules. There was something... he couldn't quite remember it just then, but something was nagging him about the death of the man's mother. "Damn it. What was that?" He suddenly said aloud. "There was something about her death... I can't remember... something in the house? Look. I think I remember something found at the mansion when we investigated Lansing's death. I need to go over the files, but... I know there was something off. I'm going to check up on that and get back to you on it."

 

"Hey Bo?" Steve called out to him. "Call me out the house when you find out okay!" Nodding back at him, Bo left them alone and went back to his desk. John stood and mentioned he needed to get back home before Marlena suspects something. "Aren't you telling her what's going on?" Steve asked him

 

John squinted and shook his head at him. "Not yet. Not until I have more answers." Watching the man, he asks about Kayla. "Did you tell her?"

 

"I'm not keeping anymore secrets. I'll tell her all this when I get back home"

 

"It could get dangerous." John cautions him.

 

"It could... but only if we're right about all this. I mean... it seems to fit... but it all seems too easy now."

 

"Yes... it does. Watch your back Steve. It might get real ugly and dirty fast."

 

Giving him an amused laugh, Steve sarcastically chuckles and questions him back. "Dirty enough to clean?"

 

"Perhaps." John tells him, then turns to leave.

 

 

 

 

Bo called immediately after dinner. Searching through the files from Portia’s murder, they found something unusual at her house, which at first pass did not seem all that important. Reading down the page, Bo brought up the interesting find they uncovered. “When we brushed for finger prints, we found both yours and Ms. Lansing’s throughout the house. But in the breakfast room, they found another set of prints.”

 

Steve didn’t think much about it. “It’s probably an old set. I can’t be the only person to have been there.”

 

“Well… it certainly looks like you were… at least for a long while, you were. Steve? We dusted all over… there were other, smudged prints, but the third set found in that room were fresh. Especially on the doorknob, the prints overlapped yours. That means this person touched the knob after you, not before. Someone else was with her the night you left.”

 

“Then he’s the one who killed her!”

 

“That’s possible… but we really don’t know for certain until we find out who he or she is.”

 

Thinking for a moment, Steve wonders about Elliot. Would he have killed his own mother? “You don’t think… Bo… what about her son?”

 

“I already checked his prints. Doesn’t match. It’s not him.”

 

“It can’t be Stefano.” Shaking his head, Steve knows the man wouldn’t have been able to make the international flights across. “He was too weak. That means there’s someone else.”

 

“It could still be Stefano, man. He could have sent one of his goons over to do the deed.”

 

“Bo… you said the prints were on the doorknob?”

 

“Yeah, Bro! I was thinking the same thing… but it still doesn’t explain the soap part.”

 

“No wait! It can’t be that! If that guy came after me, there wouldn’t be a way for Portia to get to me and include that. I never saw her again after that night. No, no that’s just a coincidence.”

 

“Some coincidence… but I see your point. Look, I’m going to stick around here a while longer to see if I can find anything else. I’ll let you know as soon as something pops up.”

 

“Okay. Just call me if you find anything else.”

 

“Will do! Say hi to Kay for me.” Bo told him before hanging up.

 

Coming up from behind, Kayla gave him a hug and lay her head against his back a moment. “Was that Bo?”

 

He turned around and cupped her cheek with his hand. “Yeah, Baby.” He said and nodded. “He said he found some evidence from Portia’s murder… a third set of prints in her house.”

 

“Third set? Her murderer?”

 

“Don’t know Sweetness… but it’s possible.”

 

“But I thought Stefano was behind her death.”

 

“He probably still is. Instead of doing his own dirty work, he just ordered one of his men to do it.” The explanation made sense, but he was sensing something else just then and it made him worry.

 

Seeing the look on his face, Kayla knew something was up. The man could never hide his emotions from her. He always tried, but a part of her instinctively knew when something was wrong, no matter how much he denied it. “Steve? What is it? What’s wrong? You can tell me.”

 

“I’m not sure this… unknown person had anything to do with my past. I keep feeling like I’ve overlooked something. It’s that clue Portia left… the clear wrapper… there’s something I’m not seeing. I feel like I should concentrate on that rather than the other things.”

 

“Well you’re getting all tense and worked up over this. You need to relax Steve.”  Pulling at his hand, she leads him to the fireplace where they sit and cozily snuggle together. Sitting for half an hour, they stay silent, just letting the warmth of the fire spread across them. With her back to his, Kayla buries herself deeper into his embrace and touches her cheek to his. He beard rubs at her face as she laughs and turns her head to face him as his lips descend on hers. Giving her a few small kisses, she smiles back at him, then lets her head rest upon his chest.

 

Breaking the silence, he tells her of his fears of what could happen in the months to come. “I’m worried Sweetness. John is all set to pursue this… but I’m not sure.” Holding her close, he wonders how long it will be before they can finally have a normal life. “I’m having doubts about this. I’ve lost so much time already, being with you… and Stephanie… If I have to lose more, than… than maybe its better I just let this whole thing drop… for now, at least.”

 

“Can you do that? I thought you needed to know?”

 

“I want to, but not if I risk losing you.” The emotion in his voice breaks through as Kayla forces him to look at her.

 

Holding his face in her hands, she tells him. “Look me straight in the eye, Mr. Johnson!”

 

Smiling a little, he complies. “Okay, Baby.”

 

“Good! Not listen up! You are not going to lose me, not now, not ever! Got that… Sweetness!”

 

“Got it.”

 

“Now come here!” Pulling Steve towards her, she kisses him, wrapping her arms around his neck and as they fall back on the carpet. Returning her kisses, Steve holds her head as his lips slant and mold over hers again and again. Placing several along her cheek and jaw, he whispers in her ear as she gazes back at him with half closed eyes.

 

“Stephanie’s not here, so there’s no need to take this… upstairs.” She reminds him.

 

“Oh yeah.” He says before lowering his head again.

 

 

 

 

“So what did John say?” Kayla turned back into his embrace as the light from the fire cast shadows upon his chest. She gently ran her fingers along his arm, then intertwined her fingers through his. They had yet to make it up to their room. Their clothes were cast aside as the throw blanket pulled from the sofa covered them and they lay stretched out on the floor. Steve made the brief call to John before returning to Kayla’s side.

 

"Well... he wasn't all that happy that I'm thinking about letting go of this... for a while. But I told him, something wasn't right about and... well… maybe we should just give it a rest before trying again."

 

After a moment of quiet, Kayla spoke up again. "Steve?"

 

"Yeah Baby."

 

"I'm happy you're letting this drop. I was starting to worry about how it was affecting you."

 

"I know. I'm still having that dream, but strangely enough... it doesn't bother me as much as before."

 

"Is that the truth?" Kayla asks him as he nods yes. "I just want us to have more... moments like this... where everything is quiet and peaceful... and we don't have to worry about anything."

 

"I could use a dozen more nights like this too."

 

Smiling to herself, Kayla looks back at him, as she gingerly runs her fingers along his jaw. "Maybe it's time we took this upstairs."

 

"Sweetness. How is it that you know exactly what I'm thinking?"

 

"Come on. "She pulls him up as they keep the throw blanket wrapped around them. Steve bangs up against the table and knocks down one of the small canisters Kayla had placed there earlier. Picking it up, he places it back on top as he reaches for her again.

 

"Careful with that. Jack brought those over this morning before he left."

 

"What are they?" He asked looking quickly at the three small canisters. The nearest one had the words "English Grey" written across the dark green label with a logo of the royal family crest on top.

 

"English teas." Kayla answered

 

"He'd have done better to bring me some scotch whiskey. Maybe I'll remind him when he visits again. Come along, Sweetness." He tells her as they run like children up the stairs. Leaving their clothes scattered behind, the heat from the fire warms them and the air surrounding them. It also casts shadows along the chairs, table and the contents on top. As the flames from the fire glow against the metal rim, the canister of English Grey Tea with it’s forest green label, highlights the name of what was currently the most well known flavor in England.

 

 

**********

 

 

 

When Steve called Jo, she immediately talked about preparing him a big lunch and asked that he take an extended break. But instead, he asked if she could meet him at the park. Being cooped up indoors all days, he needed to get some fresh air and better still, there wouldn’t be prying and inquisitive eyes from his fellow officers. He was certain they watched him, but their interests were more out of curiosity, than anything else. He just didn’t want to deal with their looks that day.

 

Arriving a few minutes late, Jo was sitting at one of the benches watching a few kids build a snowman nearby. She had bought some sandwiches and two cups of coffee placing them beside her as she waited for him. Seeing him approaching, she immediately stood and embraced him when he finally reached her.

 

“Oh Steve! It’s so good to have you back home, son!” Managing to both cry and practically strangle the life out of him, he hugged her back then disentangled himself from her grasp.

 

“Okay Jo! Easy, easy! Let me breath again.” He led her back to the bench as they sat down. She turned, so she would be facing him as he reached for one of the coffees.

 

She looked upon her first born with teary eyes and a big smile. Steve glanced up at her several times, then looked down focusing his attention elsewhere. Jo didn’t seem to mind his aloofness, so happy she was that her son was alive. She reached over a gloved hand and gently stroked his head, her fingers brushing through the strands of blond hair that now reached his collar. A momentary silence lingered around them until Steve asked about her recent trips.

 

“So… Jack said you had a nice visit in London. Must have been nice to spend Christmas over there?”

 

“Yes, it was. I’m sorry Steve… that I couldn’t be here for you. But… I just had to see for myself that Jack was okay. You know how he never takes care of himself, and Jennifer’s all tied up with JJ… well, at least I know he’s settled and doing really well.” Stopping a moment, she opens the brown bag and hands him one of the sandwiches she bought. Taking it from here, he keeps it in his hands, but doesn’t open it right off.

 

“Then you know, Adrienne called and wanted me to visit too… Oh Steve, you should see the boys, they are so grown up. And Alexander is already working with Justin at the office. I just can’t believe my Adrienne is the mother of four grown sons.” Taking a sandwich for herself, she starts to unwrap one, but stops and continues with her story instead. “Then all Adrienne did was ask about you… how you were, if you were alright now, how you were coping… I told her she just had to call you to find out for herself, or better still, that she and Justin, and the boys should come for a visit. Oh son, you don’t know how it means to us to have you back… and Jack. I have all my children in my life… this is… the best Christmas I have had in years.”

 

"Me too." He thought, comparing it to his last Christmas in Cincinnati. Any Christmas was better than those he had there.

 

"So, you're back at the the police station? How's that working out?"

 

"It's good. The first few days we're... kinda awkward, but not so much anymore."

 

"And how are Kayla and Stephanie? I haven't seen hide or hair of my granddaughter in a while."

 

"She's been busy with her racing. She's off to Germany soon, finally racing on the European circuit."

 

"Is she? That sounds so wonderful. Who would have believed it. My granddaughter, an international race car driver." Thinking of the good fortunes, Jo continues to gush about how wonderful their family has become. "I'm just so happy for all you kids... you, Jack, Adrienne, you just make me so proud."

 

Steve had smiled back at her, but the smile didn’t reach his eye. In there was a sadness that festered inside him. “Who would have believed it of the Johnson’s. Adrienne with a big happy family, Jack too…" His voice trailed off as he bent down and looked at the food he held. Somehow, he wasn't feeling all that hungry anymore.

 

“And you.” When he didn’t answer her, Jo looked concerned and questioned how things were. “Steve? Is everything alright with you and Kayla?”

 

“Kayla and I are great. She has been so… wonderful about everything.”

 

“She loves you Steve. She never gave up on you. Never!”

 

“Yeah I know. “He replied with a deep sigh. “I used to think I wasn’t good enough for her… that she deserved better than me or what I could give… and now…”

 

“Just what are you rambling about? Kayla’s got the best man around. She got the love she wanted… and she’s only wanted that from one person… you!”

 

“I won’t argue with that, cause I love her so much…and I don’t know of anyone who wouldn’t love her as well.”

 

“Son? What are you getting at?” Frowning at him, Jo sees more than sadness, she sees her son in pain, and her motherly instincts kick in to try to comfort and help him. “Talk to me Steve?”

 

Thinking a minute, Steve looks around him and sees several small children playing in the snow. He thinks of how small they are now and how quickly they will grow and change. He tries to remember Stephanie as a baby, how tiny and small she had been, and he turned around one day to find a grown woman in her place. As happy as he was to see how beautiful a woman she’d become, he was also hurting and angry that he missed out on her life.

 

“When I see my little girl, I keep thinking of that baby I held in my arms the first few months of her life… back then, all I wanted to do was keep her safe and happy… and I thought, if I could just keep holding her, I knew everything would turn out fine.” He paused and looked to Jo who smiled back at him with tear filled eyes. He found it hard, but he continued. “But now, she’s all grown up. I missed the times when I would have been her protector, when I could have kept away the small boys who picked on her at school, or kept her safe from any dangers that she came across while growing up. Kayla had to do all that. She had to raise our baby all alone… all by herself…”

 

“Oh Steve! Stephanie turned out to be such a fine and loving woman. She’s a wonderful daughter and you should be so proud of what’s she’s accomplished!”

 

“I am proud. I’m proud of the woman she is now, and I’m so grateful to Kayla for taking care of our baby… but don’t you see? Don’t you see, mama… it all happened without me. I had nothing to do with the person Stephanie has become. I was never there to help her, or show her what to do? I didn’t comfort when she was hurt or chase her bad dreams away. I didn’t raise her… I didn’t do a damn thing for her. She’s the incredible woman she is today because of Kayla… not me.”

 

Jo was crying as she listened to him. She felt his heart break and she understood the pain because she had also carried the same guilt in her heart for years.

 

“I guess I of all people would know how you feel.” Wiping away her tears, she tries smiling at him, all the while remembering her own past sins. “Sometimes… I still feel the hurt of knowing what I did to you and Billy. It was so long ago, but there are some moments when it seems like it happened yesterday. Then I look at you, and Billy, and Adrienne… and you all seem so happy and content now, but the pain is still there, buried deep inside me, and I wonder if it’ll ever fully go away.”

 

“Look, Jo, I’m… I’m not trying to bring up what you did…”

 

“Oh I know that… I know you forgave me long ago. But even with that… it’s still here… with me.” Looking down a moment, Jo remembers how things finally changed and how she was able to get through and start again. “It was your forgiveness that gave me hope. Yours was the one I so desperately needed. I needed Billy’s too, but it wasn’t as… strong as yours. Billy had no memories of me, he never knew the mother who gave him up, but you did…I didn’t think I would ever have another chance with you… but I did.” She told him, as she felt the hope come back to her. “And I never thought you would forgive me… I didn’t feel that I deserved it, but you did. It was your forgiveness Steve… yours that made me live again. Having that made me try, again and again until Jack could forgive me too. But it never would have happened if it wasn’t for you, son.”

 

Steve looked back at Jo, with tears streaming down his face. She was much older now. When he found her again almost twenty years ago, she still looked like the woman who left him at the orphanage. But now, he saw the tired lines around her face, and the wrinkles that lined her eyes. But her smile was still the same and the spark that came into her eyes whenever she spoke of her family was still bright and strong.

 

“You know what I see when I look at you?” She asked him.

 

He shook his head at her as she told him.

 

“I see a man that has been hurt and beaten over and over again. A man who has lost so many times but still manage to love and care about others. I see a man with a heart so big and so strong that he forgave his brother for all the pain he caused him and his family and welcomed him back when everyone else thought he shouldn’t. If you hadn’t taken the first step and reached out to Jack, he never would have changed. He never would have believed himself worthy of Jennifer and become the family man he is. And it wasn't just Jack, you also forgave Bo." She nodded at him, bringing up another long ago memory. " He took out your eye in anger and left you scared for life. All those years you thought you were nothing but a one eyed bum because of that patch. But you forgave him too. You forgave the man who almost killed you and let yourself love him like a brother again.”

 

Catching her breath, Jo had to stop again, to compose herself so she could continue and let him know how his family and friends looked at him.

 

“All those people... me… you gave us all second chances. It just shows what type of person you truly are, inside, where it counts. You’ve already forgiven everyone else Steve, everyone but one person… and he’s the person who deserves it the most." Pausing again to look him squarely in the face, she tells him what he needs to do. "Let yourself off the hook, son. Let yourself be you again, because that person is someone worth knowing and worth loving. He is a good man… he is a very… good… man… and I am so proud of him.”

 

“Are you, Mama?" He asked her. He felt so unsure all this time. The old haunts and fears returned to him, making him doubt his worth. The tremble in his voice made him sound like a small boy again. “Are you still… proud of me?” He didn’t wipe away the tears, as they left a wet trail along his cheeks to his chin.

 

Pausing only a second, Jo reached for him and wrapped her arm around as she hugged Steve tightly. “Stevie… no mother could ever… be more proud. You are the best man I have ever known… and I am so proud knowing you are my son!”

 

Held in her embrace, he let the tears fall endlessly and sobbed softly into her shoulder. She held on to him tighter as some of the pain began to leave him and was replaced by a peaceful calm. The last time she held like last this was when he was a small boy. It was the day she brought him to the orphanage and hugged him goodbye. Maybe a part of him knew then that she was leaving. She held on to him so tight and kisses him one extra time before she left. Back then, her embrace left him feeling hollow and empty inside. But not now. This time, it filled him with some hope and understanding. It felt good to have his mama hold him. It was so long since he felt this close to her. It had been far too long.

 

When she finally let him go, he saw her embarrassed smile as she hurriedly wiped her tears. "Look at us, crying like children. Guess your mama is just one silly old, woman."

 

"Well I like my mama just the way she is."

 

"Oh you! You're just the same. You're still my Stevie."

 

"Don't you think I'm getting too old to be Stevie?"

 

"Not to me, son. You'll always be, Stevie to me." Looking around she spots the sandwiches they have yet to eat. "Now see hear, you'd better start eating before these get too cold. The coffee's already cooled down."

 

Finishing off their lunch, Steve finally mentions the surprise he was planning. Telling her that both Stephanie and Abby would help him, he also needs her help in arranging everything.

 

"Listen, you just telll me when, where, and what you need done."

 

Winking at her, he said he couldn't wait for this to go through. "It's going to be such a big surprise, Mama."

 

"Now you're getting me all excited. So does anyone else know beside you, me and the girls?"

 

"No... and I plan on keeping it that way!" Taking one last bite, he turns and smiles back at her, nodding at their planned conspiracy.

 

 

 

 

After Jo left, Steve remained sitting on the bench a few minutes longer. He made her promise to keep his secret again before letting her go. Kicking at the snow by his feet, he heard the first few notes played just behind him as he turned and saw the small boy standing a several feet away. The child had a harmonica and was haphazardly blowing and inhaling nonstop, making unrelated notes pop up in the air. Steve scrunched his face as the boy kept blaring out his jumbled song. Watching him, Steve made a decision and took out his own harp and began playing one of his own tunes.

 

The small face turned to him immediately and took a couple of steps closer as Steve played, all the while watching the child slowly approach him. His baby blue eyes lit up as he looked to his own harp and tried to follow Steve's lead. Choosing a more simple tune, Steve played the first few notes and then waited to see if an echo would follow. The small hands carefully held the harp up and blew the same notes. The smile that formed was so wide and blinding, it made the sun seem pale in comparison. He looked up again and waited for more to follow.

 

Steve stood up then and turned to his face young audience. Lifting one leg up on the bench, he bent down and placed his elbow upon his leg as he continued with the next notes to the song. Keeping his eyes focused intently on the older man, the young child tried again to follow, but only succeeded in getting two of the notes right. Steve stood up straight and nodded at him to try again. While the next attempt was much improved, it still wasn't perfect and the beginnings of a frown quickly appeared.

 

"Hey, now!" Steve told him. "There's no cause for that. You just need to practice."

 

The child still stood a good distance away, but watched him interestedly as he looked at the harmonica in his hands. "I did practice... last night, but it... it still doesn't sound good."

 

"Well you just gotta keep on doing that." Smiling at him, Steve kept the comfortable distance between them as he told him of his own past experience. "Now me... I practiced day and night for weeks before I started sounding good."

 

The child frowned back at him more hearing that. "It's going to take that long?"

 

"Maybe even longer." Steve looked somberly at him, then burst out smiling. The child made him feel really happy of all of sudden. He couldn't help but feel as though he wanted to laugh and give the little fellow a hug. He was such a small little guy, no more than five years if he guessed correctly. For a moment, Steve remembered himself at that age and thought how much the little one was so like him.

 

Taking a few steps closer to him, the small boy looked at his harp again and blew a few notes before stopping once more. "My daddy... he plays too."

 

"Well dude, there you go. You can learn from him."

 

"He's... he's been too busy to show me..."

 

"Oh, I'm sure he'll find the time to teach you, you just gotta ask him."

 

Biting at his lips, he takes a couple more tiny steps towards the man. "Did your daddy teach you?"

 

Feeling the frown on his own face, Steve looks sadly back at the child a moment before brightening up again and smiling. "No little dude. I taught myself... and I tell you... I was a pretty bad teacher. That's why it took me weeks to learn."

 

Hesitating, he finally asks him for the favor. "Can you... teach me?"

 

"But dude, don't you want your father to teach you?"

 

"I want to surprise him first... if you'll teach me one of your songs?"

 

"Well now... I don't know. " Steve watches as the boy looks up to him with hopeful eyes. "My songs are really special, and I can't teach then to just anyone!"

 

"You can think about it. That's what my daddy's always does."

 

"That's what he does?" Steve asks amused.

 

"Uh huh! Why don't you sit down and think about it for a couple of minutes... and  I'll wait right here." He walks over and around the bench, and now stands a few feet away in front of Steve.

 

"Okay. I'll just sit here and think on it then." Sitting himself down, Steve makes a show of thinking deeply about the lesson. He looks to find the child staring earnestly at him, watching his every move. Finally nodding to himself, he calls the boy over and tells him his decision.  "Alright, I'll do it, but you have to promise to practice everyday."

 

"I will... I promise!" He tells him and crosses his heart.

 

Laughing back at him, Steve picks a simple melody and shows him which holes to blow through and inhale. He plays it on his instrument first, as the child follows slowly, and starts picking up the tune. Instructing him, the notes grow stronger and more stable as the melody makes a break through admist the staggered, hesitant notes. When the song begins to take shape, his eyes open wide and an even large grin appears on his small face.

 

"I'm playing... I'm playing!" He yells out loud.

 

"Yeah dude... you're a fast learner. Keep that up, and you'll be even better than me."

 

As he plays the tune over again, Steve begins to realize how alone the two of them were. Was the boy out there by himself, he thinks? He looks behind him and sees no one. The small group of children building the snowmen left around the same time Jo did and he and the child were the only ones left in that part of the park.

Feeling a little worried, he asks the child about his parents.

 

"Say, little dude? Should you be here by yourself? Where's your mommy and daddy?"

 

"My daddy's coming to get me."

"He is? When?"

 

"In a little while." He tells him as he continues playing the song which is sounding better at his next attempt. "I think I got it... listen to this." He stands right in front as he bends his blond head down and slowly plays the melody. Steve smiles back at him, nodding at how quickly he picked up the song.

 

"See... I told you, just keep practicing."

 

"I will." He tells him as he starts walking away. After a few steps he turns and faces him again, ending the song. "Thanks for teaching me that. Now I can surprise my daddy."

 

"You bet."

 

Waving to him, he walks further and away and goes behind the small groups of evergreen trees. "Bye."

 

"Bye." Steve replies back as he waits for him to emerge on the other side. Several seconds pass as the path remains empty. Steve frowns then and quickly runs over to where the child walked. Looking behind the trees, Steve stares at the empty clearing and gasps in shock. The child was no where to be found. He runs a little further down and looks again, but realizes he is the only one there.

 

"What the hell is going on!" He says aloud. He starts walking back to the bench when the bright glare hits him in the face. For a moment, he thought he saw the dude again, the one all in white. But when the clouds came and the glare vanished, he knew he was still alone. He listened intently as he thought he heard the notes drift around him, but there was nothing. Thinking a moment, he tried to rationalize what just happened, but he couldn't. One minute that child was there and the next he wasn't.

 

Strangely, he didn't feel scared once the shock wore off. The strange comforting feeling returned to him as he started to walk out of the park. He glanced around once more before leaving through the gates. Thinking of the small boy, Steve started smiling again.

 

Peeking from behind the wall, Marcus looked to his father, as Steve stood by the park gates, staring at the bench where they sat. He felt His hand touch him on the shoulder and he looked back at Him and smiled too."Thank you... for letting me see him."

 

"You're welcome Marcus." He replies, then reaching out His hand, Marcus took hold and let the angel bring him home.

 

 

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