Chapter 2. Dr. Johnson
Turning the small knob, Kayla winds the little music box to play her favorite song again. While running her fingers over the engraving of a rose on the cover, she hums along with the song as she puts her jewelry on and gets ready for work. Steve had given her the music box for Christmas. Early Christmas morning, he woke her up with light, feathery kisses along her arm, stopping to place a kiss in her palm. Still half asleep, she smiled as he leaned against her back and covered her with his warm body. The roughness of his beard tickled at her shoulder as she awoke and turned around into his embrace. Their lovemaking was gentle and sweet that morning. Afterwards, he reached into the drawer at his nightstand and gave her the present to open.
"Don't you want to wait until Stephanie wakes up so we can open presents together?' She had asked him.
But he just shook his head at her and tapped at the gift in her hands. "This one's just for you, Sweetness. I want you and just you to be the first to see it. Go ahead. Open it."
Smiling back at him, she worked on the ribbon first, and then quickly tore off the wrapping paper. Inside the box was a perfectly square rosewood music box with ivory borders. On the cover, engraved in gilded gold, was a single rose. Lifting the lid open, the first notes filled the air and danced around them. Kayla looked to her husband with misty eyes as she reached over to pull him closer to her. Gently lowering the music box onto the bed covers, she takes hold of Steve's face within her hands and gives him a kiss.
"Do you like it, Sweetness?" His words sound out in between the many kisses she places on his lips.
"It's just beautiful, Steve." She softly whispers to him.
"It doesn't compare to you." Taking the music box, he places it on the nightstand beside her as he pushes her back into the pillows. He pulls at the sheets as they bury themselves underneath. Just the soft rustle of sheets is heard until the knocking at their bedroom door stops them. Kayla peeks up from beneath the covers first, while Steve holds his breath and looks back at her with a wicked grin.
"Shhhh! Sweetness. If we stay quiet, maybe they'll go away."
"Steve, don't be silly!"
But he just places one of his fingers across her lips to hush her words. The knocking sounds again, louder this time. Kayla starts giggling then, as Steve focuses his attention on the door. For a moment, there is silence, and he winks back at her, pleased at their success. But all too soon, Stephanie's voice sounds from the other side, clearly frustrated.
"Mom! Dad! Are you up yet? I want to open presents!"
Laughing at the disappointed look on his face, Kayla pushes the covers off them and tries to sit up. The sun has already flooded their room with light and looking at the clock, she sees it is midmorning already. She calls out to her daughter, as Steve moans beside her on the bed.
" Honey! Your father and I will be down soon. Give us twenty minutes to shower and dress."
"Okay! Hurry up!" The sound of running feet is heard as Stephanie runs down the hall and staircase.
She tries to get him out of bed, but he rolls over and covers himself with a pillow as she finally gets up and heads over to the bathroom. Waiting his turn, he remains in bed, listening to the noises around him. Closing his eye a moment, he almost believes he could hear his daughter downstairs as she goes through the presents under the tree. Placing the blame on his imagination, he nevertheless, stays still under the covers.
Trying to forget the last Christmas he spent alone, the image of his small apartment in Cincinnati enters his thoughts. How bleak and dismal Christmas had always seemed to him. Sometimes, he went and bought a small tree, trying to bring what holiday cheer he could. But most years, he just tried to forget how lonely he was. Looking around him now, he started to wonder if he could ever forget all those empty years. There were just so many of them and they were all inside him still.
"Hey you! Better hurry up and get dressed. Stephanie's like a small child at Christmas."
Kayla had come out and already was sorting through the closet for clothes. She had her back to him as he finally got out of bed and went to take a shower. The hot water felt relaxing as he lathered and washed himself clean. On the outside, he looked like a new man. Inside, he found the man he was before and wrangled himself back in his old skin. As good a fit as it was, there were still dark spots all over him. No matter how hard he scrubbed, they just didn't wash away.
**********
People were beginning to comment on how remarkable Dr. Johnson looked whenever they saw her. She seemed to glow from the inside out, the nurses were won't to say. She heard their small talk when they thought she wasn't listening and it made her smile all the more. Shaking her head at them, she thought they just had to look to see she was simply a woman in love! Everything was perfect in her life just then. Her daughter was happy, healthy, and though currently in Italy for her race in Milan, she knew Stephanie was also safe with Benjy watching over her. Her husband was back in her life and their marriage was just wonderful. To top it off, her job at Salem University hospital was as rewarding as it was challenging. With the New Year already three days old, Kayla didn't think her life could get any better than it was at that point.
As Kayla positively radiated smiles, Steve seemed to hold back a little though his joy was just as evident whenever Kayla or Stephanie was around. Naturally gravitating towards them in a crowd, it was a rare scene when he wasn't standing near her or touching his wife. But he held himself more at check and acted more cautiously. Perhaps it was a lingering effect of the hardships he experienced, but Steve now seem to take an extra step or wait a couple of seconds longer before deciding on things. He eyed people with a wariness that bordered on inquisition at times, but that was to be expected.
With the subject matter of possibly returning to the police academy was finally broached by Roman, Steve was free to explore the pros and cons of returning to police work. He had thought about it more often than not after returning from Italy. There were times where he spent a whole morning down at the station, getting caught up in the research work. It was during those times that he felt useful. His adrenaline would soar and he could almost imagine himself back in the thick of things again. Bo joked that they were getting free labor from him, and that maybe he should consider being a consultant if he was still undecided.
The idea of being a cop again appealed to him, but it didn't stop him from considering other options. He racked his brains trying to think of what else he wanted to do and came up on a clear empty slate. He thought to himself, asking, what else was there? His job training on any other work always came up short. It was highly unlikely he could revert to being a pool hustler again, so his options were really quite small. It was either police work or something in the same field. The idea of starting his own business didn't sit to well. The fact was, he was planning to invest as much as half of the money Portia left in stocks.
He mentioned the idea to John Black and after looking at the high company profits from Basic Black. It was a worthwhile idea and a good nest egg for him and Kayla later on. Of course, it didn't solve the problem of today. As often as he went down to the station, the more comfortable he felt there. At first, he attuned the feeling of ease to the return of his memory. He had spent enough time at the station on both sides of the law to feel very welcome there. But lately, he started to feel more edgy, and anxious.
While practicing target shooting one day with Bo and John, Steve held the gun in his hands and remarked how naturally it felt. Accompanying that was a sense that he had done this type of thing many more times, but just not there. Bo ragged on him as his target had scattered shots all over while both Bo's and John's were grouped together.
"You going to have to do better than that if you're going back to the academy, Steve. Better start practicing everyday if you want to be up to date with the rest of us." Bo had already reloaded and started on another target.
John looked over at Steve's page; squinting at many of the flyaway shots he had bordering the center.
"You're losing your focus there." He advised him. "Concentrate more, or the shots will go wild."
On the second around, he grouped more shots together, but a few still scattered off around the outer rim. Bo said it was getting better, but he still needed to practice. Holding the gun in his hand again, he tried for a third round. Taking a slow breath, he focused not so much on the target in front, but the feel of the gun in his hand and let his arms fall naturally at ease in front of him. Just then, he felt something inside of him. There was the sense he did this hundreds of times already and had never missed. Grabbing at that, he looked once more at the target and started shooting.
"Damn! Steve! Forget what I said about practicing!" Bo exclaimed.
He centered all his shots within a radius of two inches at dead center. John's eyes opened wide at the clear and precise placement of each shot, as Bo shook his head at amazement.
"You holding out on us, Bro?"
He looked at them, slightly unsettled by what he just did. He didn't have a gun in Cincinnati. The last clear memory he had of holding one was during his last days here at the station. They looked at him as he tried to brush it off as natural talent and skill.
"Just like riding a bike, I guess. Once you learn, you learn for life."
"Yeah, Steve. But you were never this good before." Bo told him.
Steve looked back at the target as it hung several feet in front. He could feel John's eyes on his back as Bo went back on his booth to try his luck again. No, he was never this good, he thought to himself. Working the controls, he waited until it came to him then he took his page down and folded it in half as John watched beside him.
Later that evening, he sat by the chair near the fireplace as Kayla worked on dinner for the two of them She had the next two nights off and insisted on doing the cooking. He had just checked his emails and received two from Stephanie who was several hours away from her first European race. If it is was possible to email excitement, then Stephanie did just that. Smiling at the pictures she sent of the car, track and her pit crew, he said a small prayer for her safety and hopefully a win.
He almost called to wish her good luck, but that would just jinx it, she told him. Kayla told him to do it if he really wanted to, but he held firm. Benjy emailed him also that everything was fine and not too worry. He included snaps of Stephanie at the track and at practice. So far everything looked good and normal. It still gnawed at him that he couldn't be there, but he promised himself the next time, he would get front row seats. Checking the clock, he saw it was around five am in the morning in Milan right now. The race would begin in about six hours. He doubted he would get much sleep tonight. The thought didn't give him too much grief seeing that he would probably sleep late in tomorrow morning, once he knew his daughter was safe.
Kayla had brought out their dinner and placed the dishes on the dinning table. She saw him staring off into the fire, lost in thought and clear contemplation. Walking up to him, she reached at his shoulders and started to rub them, as he leaned back against her hands and slightly rotated his head.
"That feels great, Baby."
"You're all knotted. I can feel the tension in your shoulders. Is everything okay?" She was looking down at him, concern written all over her face.
He gave her a gentle smile and then took one of her hands and kissed it before placing it against his cheek. Returning his gaze to the fire, he gave a deep sigh. "Just worried about Stephanie. Can't help it."
"I know. I use to worry before at every race she entered. Now, with her half way around the world... I don't know if I will ever get used to her racing."
"She so grown up... and I missed so much of her life." He replied bitterly.
"Steve... we don't blame..."
"I'm sorry, Sweetness. I just can't help feeling bad about not being there for either of you." Getting up to stand in front of the fire, he places his arm against the mantle and looks the pictures Kayla has placed there. Beside their first wedding photo, there are several of Stephanie, from a baby all the way up to her high school graduation. He fingers one probably taken around her first day of school. In a jumper dress with a sweater, his daughter looks adorable chubby, her red hair in long curls as she carries her Barbie book bag and smiles up at the camera.
Kayla comes up behind him and slowly leans against his back, circling his waist with her arms. For a moment they stand, not speaking but letting the silence grow deeper around them.
"So many lost years... I came back too many years too late... "
"Steve... Please look at me." Kayla tries turning him to face her, but he fights against it, before finally giving in. He dreads seeing the pain in her eyes.
"Steve... no matter how many years you were gone, you were never out of our lives. You have to believe that."
"How? How could I possibly be a part of your life if I was dead?"
"You just were. We loved you! There wasn't a single day that went by when our love for you stopped. You were in Stephanie's heart and my heart."
Steve lifted a finger and gently stroked at her cheek. He tried smiling back at her, but it felt so hard just then. More than anything he wanted to believe what she was telling him. Maybe then he wouldn't feel such regret at all the time they lost.
"While you and Stephanie loved me, I loved no one..."
She tried shaking some sense back into him. "You may not have known that you loved us, but you did. It was just buried deep inside here. " She placed her hand over his heart and felt the steady beating just below.
"Maybe I should have tried harder then to remember. Looking back on the past, maybe I gave up to easily and decided not to even try. At some point I just accepted I was never going to know who I really was."
"Didn't you say you saw doctors? They all tried to help didn't they? After so many years, it was only natural you would just accept what was."
"You never did. You never lost hope. You never gave up. You never stopped loving... "
She cuts him off, placing her fingers on his lips. "Shhhh!" Letting her fingers fall to his chest, she gathers her words carefully. "I know that you're blaming yourself and you shouldn't. If it's anyone's fault, it's Stefano's. But listen to me, you've got to try and accept and let yourself of the hook. I don't blame you. Stephanie doesn't blame you. It's time you forgive yourself. Just forgive yourself for being a victim... because that's the only wrong you've done in all this."
Pulling his wife into his arms, Steve swallows the sadness and holds her close. The heat of the fire pricks away at them as they continue to stand embraced. Finally pulling away, he smiles down at her and places a kiss upon her lips. Her face breaks out into a smile as she mentions their now cold dinner left on the table. Gently taking his hand, she leads him over to the dining table to eat. Sitting across from her, Steve notices the soft glow on Kayla's face and thinks to himself that he hasn't seen her looking so radiant in a long time. Lifting his fork to start eating, he finds himself captivated by her.
He wonders then if it is a good time to tell her about his decision regarding the police academy. Over the past week, he felt more and more certain he was making a good choice in giving police work another try. Roman, Bo, and John all supported him, but what he needed was Kayla's approval. What he didn't like was the three-week separation they would have when he returned to the academy. He would tell her tonight after dinner, he decided. Roman had already made the arrangements for him and he would be leaving as soon as Stephanie got back next week. That would give them a couple days together to be a family before he had to go. At least with him away, Kayla wouldn't be completely alone with Stephanie there at home.
**********
Lighting the candle, Kayla turned and saw the small boy sitting at the last pew in church. His blond haired was like a magnet pulling her towards him as she finished her prayer and slowly started to approach him. Steve has left yesterday for the police academy. It would be the first time they would be apart from each other. She almost changed her mind when she watched him load his suitcase in the car, but she knew she had to be strong and that Steve needed to do this for himself. She, Steve and Stephanie had spent a whole day together after she arrived back home. From building the snowman in the park, to a harbor cruise ride after lunch; the three of them were inseparable all day. Now she came to the church before going to work to light a candle and say a small prayer for Steve.
Out of habit, she always lit a candle for him on his birthday. Arriving at the church a few minutes ago, she hadn't seen the boy when she first entered. He sat alone in the pew, looking through one of the songbooks, his blond curls glowing in the dimly lit room. She guessed his age to be around four, maybe five, and she worried then at what he was doing there by himself. Cautiously, she took a seat at the pew in front of him and waited for him to notice her. He had kept his head down looking through the book but finally raised it to look directly at her. His eyes were as blue as the sky Kayla thought to herself.
"Hi." She asked him. "Are you here by yourself?"
He didn't answer but just shook his head back at her.
"Are you here with your mom?"
Slowly he nodded yes and looked down avoiding her glance. He lifted his eyes at her to take a peek and found the pretty lady smiling at him.
Scrunching his face a little, he finally spoke. "I'm not supposed to speak to strangers." He told her.
Kayla continued smiling down at him as he fiddled with the book on his lap. "Did your mommy tell you that?" He nodded yes again. "Well she is right! You really shouldn't."
Continuing to peek up at her, Kayla found his behavior utterly charming. She wondered why his mother would leave him here all alone. Closing the book he held, he placed it back on the pew beside him and took hold of his coat, draping against his lap.
"Would you like me to go and find your mother?"
"No thank you." He answered her so politely. "She's not far."
"Oh, okay. What about your daddy? Is he here too?"
The expression on his small face changed so fast, from smiles to sadness, Kayla almost reached out to him, sensing the pain on his face. "He's gone away."
"Away?"
Nodding his head at her. "He's going to fight some bad men."
A moment of confusion crosses over her as she tries to understand what he means. Fighting bad men... was his father a soldier, Kayla asks herself. "Do you mean your father is a soldier...in the war?"
He nods quickly back at her. "My daddy's in a war. My mommy lit a candle for him... just like you did. I saw you light one over there." He points to the alcove by the front of the church.
"Yes, I did light one." She decided to tell him why she was there. "My husband had to go away too, for a little while. I lit a candle for him and said a prayer for his safe return."
"My mommy did that too!"
Smiling at him she introduced herself. "My name is Kayla and my husband's name is Steve."
"Kayla?"
"Yes. Kayla. Kayla Johnson." Sitting there smiling back at her, he still hadn't told her his name. "And what's your name?"
"My mommy said I shouldn't tell my name."
"Well, you're mommy is right again. I apologize. I should have known better." She winks back at him. Checking her watch, she sees the time and starts gathering her things. "I have to be going now or I'll be late for work."
"Do you work here?"
"No. I'm a doctor at University hospital."
"You cure sick people?" His face lights up just then as he sits up and leans forward in her direction.
"I try."
Playing with the hood on his coat, he bites at his lip, while relating a little more about his family. "Sometimes people get hurt bad. My daddy was hurt."
"I'm sorry he got hurt. But he's all better now?"
"My mommy says he is... I don't want him to get hurt again." He was just a scared little boy and Kayla's heart went out to him. She sat back down again and thought carefully about what to say to him.
"I... I don't know if your daddy will get hurt again. I'll say a prayer for him too that God keeps him safe. But I believe there are many good doctors who will take care of him if he does and make him well again."
With his scared little voice, he looks back at her, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "I pray too... before I go to bed."
"If we both pray, then God will be sure to watch over him." Giving her a smile, Kayla puts on her coat as she looks down at him. "I tell you what, if you ever get sick or hurt, just ask for me at the hospital and I'll come over right away and make you all better. Deal?"
"Deal!" He reaches out his small hand to her as she shakes it to seal their contract. As her hand wraps around his, she feels a slight tingling and for a moment, it seems as though his hand has disappeared and she is just embracing the air. The feeling quickly passes as he pulls away. Jumping down from his seat, he walks towards the doorway. Before leaving her, he turns and takes a couple of steps back.
"I like you Kayla." He tells her. "I'm going to ask my mommy if you can be my friend."
"I'd like that." Kayla answers him. With that, he turns again and runs out of the room.
Kayla hugs her arms around her as she looks back at the row of candles by the altar. She thinks for a moment and then decides, as she goes back there. As a second candle is lit, she bows her head and says a prayer for the soldier sent back into battle. Finishing her prayers, she makes her way out the side entrance and gets into her car to go to work. The sun has already set, as the early evening shadows darken the snow covered streets. Kayla wishes she had learned the child's name before he left her. Brushing the thoughts aside, she continues down the street towards the hospital and another long evening shift.
**********
Steve was able to call her last night and give her the run down on what was happening with him. He sounded pretty exhausted as he told her how they were testing him on the quickness of his reflexes. The written tests had been easy but it was the physical endurance ones that taxed at his strength.
"Maybe I'm just too old for this, Sweetness. I'm keeping up, but man, am I tired each night. Sure could use a massage right now."
"You can have all the massages you want when you get back home." It had only been three days, but it already felt like three weeks to them. "I miss you so much, Steve!"
"I miss you too, Sweetness! Dream of me tonight, okay... cause I have a few kisses I want to send your way."
"I'll be waiting for them."
"Look I've got to go. There's some kind of training film I'm supposed to see. It'll give me a chance to take a nap. I'll call again tomorrow." She heard him give a loud lip-smacking kiss over the phone as her face broke out a huge grin. "Did you catch that one, Baby?"
"Right on the mouth!" She teased him back "Be careful. I love you."
"I love you back."
With Stephanie off at Max's garage again that morning, Kayla found herself with several hours of free time. It had been a while since she had practically nothing to do. On a whim, she decided to walk through the park on her way to the riverfront. Stopping to watch the kids skating over the frozen pond, she saw a familiar figure sitting alone at a bench. Kayla wasn't sure if it was the same little boy, but as she got closer, she recognized him and walked faster to where he sat.
He was holding a wrapped present in his hands, but strangely, on his face was a frown rather than a smile. Almost reaching him, he looked up in time to see her before she sat down next to him. The frown quickly disappeared as he recognized her and looked happily back.
"Hi Kayla!" His high-pitched voice rang through the air, as his greetings warmed her insides.
"Well. Hello to you too." Looking around, she was hoping to see the boy's mother, but he appeared to be alone. "You're not here by yourself, are you?"
"My mommy's here."
"That's good... cause I'd like to meet her." She started rubbing her hands together. Even with gloves on, the cold seeped in and her fingers felt stiff.
"I asked her... I asked her about being your friend."
"You did!" She looks excitedly back at him.
Nearly leaping from the seat, his twists his body around to face her as his eyes grows big and his chubby cheeks turn a rosy red color. "And you know what she said!"
Playing off his infectious charm, she shakes her head at him. "Nope. I just can't guess."
"She said yes!" And we that exclamation, he rewards her with his biggest smile yet that morning.
"Oh that's wonderful. I love having a new friend." Pausing a moment, she looks at the small group of women standing near the pond. Wondering if any of the women there was his mother, she motions to them as he cranes his neck to where she is pointing. "Is your mother over there? Maybe I can be a friend with her too!"
Searching through the small group, he shakes his head back at her. "My mommy went that way." He said. She looked to where he pointed and saw a path leading to the gardens just beyond the park gate. Kayla felt a little worried then, that his mother had left him all alone at the bench. It was starting to feel a bit strange. She was going to ask him again about her when she noticed that his attention had once again shifted to the box he held. He gaze lingered on it, as the frown reappeared on his face.
Kayla saw that it is very nicely wrapped with a small card on top. Bringing it to his attention, she asks him about. "That's looks like a present. Are you going to a birthday party?"
His frown grows deeper as he answers her. "My mommy just gave it to me. She said it's from my daddy."
"Well that's sounds really nice. Your daddy must love you very much to give you a present even if he's far away."
But his sadness just grows stronger as he hands hold tightly to the box. "It's not from him ... I saw my mommy wrap it up last night."
"Oh! Well... you know what, I bet it is from your daddy. He probably just forgot to wrap it and asked your mommy to. I bet that's what happened."
A small hint of a smile finally appears on his face as he looks down on his gift. His hopeful eyes look at her as his fingers grasp it tighter. "Do you think so, Kayla?"
"Yup. I'm sure that's what happened."
Relief pouring into his face, he starts to rip at the paper, but pauses and pulls out the small card on top. Reading slowly, his childish voice works on the words printed down on paper.
"To my li..i..ttle... ma...an Ma... a...ar....rc, He... he... er... re is, so... so... m" "I don't know what that says." He tells her as Kayla takes the card from him and reads the rest.
To my little man, Marc, Here is something thing for you to practice with until I get back home. I LUV U! Daddy.
"So, your name is Marc!"
"Uh huh. But sometimes my daddy calls me Marky."
"Well nice to meet you Marc." She takes his hand and gives it's firm shake.
Pulling the rest of the wrapper off, he dives into the box and pulls out a fishing reel. His eyes nearly bulge out of his face as he throws the box down and starts working the reel.
"Oh boy! I always wanted this."
"Do you like to go fishing?"
"I love fishing! Daddy, grandpa, and me go all the time. Wait till grandpa see this!"
"You know, my dad's a fisherman and he used to take me fishing all the time when I was your age."
"He did? But girls don't like to go fishing!"
"Well I do! I love to go fishing!"
Turning back to his present, he starts to practice reeling in the large catches he plans to make some day. Kayla laughs along with him as he pretends to catch a swordfish as big as a boat.
"She's really big... but if I reel her in fast... she won't get away from me!"
Looking at him acting out his fishing expedition, the thought comes to her again that his mother had left him alone for a while now. She looks around them again and sees no one. "Marc?" She questions him. "Where did you say your mother went?"
"Just over there." He tells her but his eyes are on his present.
"Marc? Look at me a second." She turns him to face her. "I haven't seen your mother around. Did she say she was going on an errand or something?"
"No. It's okay, she's not far."
Frowning herself, Kayla feels her own motherly instinct rise up. She knows she would never have let Stephanie alone like this when she was his age. But before she could question him again, he suddenly looks over her shoulder and recognizes someone behind her.
"There's mom! He yells out. "Bye, Kayla." Grabbing hold of his gift, he runs past her and disappears around the corner.
Kayla starts to give chase but a small group of youngsters temporarily block her way and she has to wait until they pass before she could follow. Reaching the gate, she looks but doesn't see anyone. She seems a bit confused at their sudden departure, feeling certain she would have caught a glimpse of them. By the time she reached the riverfront and sat down to have a bowl of chowder at the Brady Pub, she had forgotten about Marc's sudden exit and just enjoyed the warm soup. Steve called her again that evening, but only stayed on the phone long enough to tell her how much he missed her. He was just too tired then and wanted to get some sleep. She told him to dream of her too and blew him a kiss goodbye before hanging up.
The next morning, Kayla woke up with a gnawing feeling at the pit of her stomach. It was the same feeling she got when there was something she had forgotten to do. She volunteered to be on call that morning since the hospital was short staffed. Her next shift was the following night so once again, she nearly had a whole free day to herself. Dressing in a thick sweater and long skirt, she sat in front of her vanity to apply some make-up. As she brushed away at her hair, the image of Marc alone at the park came to her. It was starting to bother her that she had not yet met the boy's mother. She wondered, if she went to the park again this morning, would he be there again?
Checking to see that her beeper was on, Kayla entered through the park gates and looked around. The groups of children who came to skate at the frozen pond had grown in number today. It looked like there were twice as many kids there that morning from yesterday. She walked in and among the little ones when she saw his blond hair. The sun bounced off his light locks as his red cheeks burst with color. He was laughing and skating along with the other children and she watched him enjoying himself. But the longer she looked, the more the scene in front of her looked slightly off. He skated among the other children, but it didn't look like he actually mingled with them.
As pairs and groups of children skated together, Marc skated alone. It was a little strange at first glance, but maybe he didn't know any of the other children. Kayla went over to where he was, and when he saw her approaching, he waved his hands to her as they met up at the bank.
"Kayla, guess what! My daddy called last night." He looked so happy at her. His eyes were literally glowing with happiness
"That's wonderful!" She told him as she stepped over a small mound of slushy snow. "Did you get to thank him for your present."
"Yeah I did, but I only got to speak to him a short while. He said he wasn't allowed long calls."
She reached over and gently ruffled his hair. "Well maybe next time you can talk to him longer."
He got back on the ice then and tried skating backwards, making jagged, broken lines. "Watch this, Kayla!" He told her. "I can skate backwards now."
"That's great, Marc!" Looking around again, she tried to see if his mother was nearby, but she didn't know which of the women there was her. "Marc, is your mother here with you?"
"Uh huh! Keeping his focus on his skates, he continued to skate just around the ice by the banks. The winds blow at his hair while he waves his hands up in the air, trying to maintain his balance as he tried more difficult moves.
"Is she over there?" Kayla had pointed to the group of mothers across the pond, but he keeps his head down as his concentration remains on his skating rather than her question. Trying again, she asks a second time. As he does a slight jump and lands, her beeper goes off then and Kayla calls up the hospital to tell them she is on her way. "I'm sorry, but I can't stay. I've got to go work."
"Huh?" He finally looks up at her and skates over to where she stands.
"The hospital called me, so I've got to go. Maybe I'll see you around again tomorrow?"
"I suppose. Bye, Kayla." He tells her as he skates back to the center, joining the other groups of children. As she drove to the hospital, she is thinking how strange it was that once again, she still hadn't met Marc's mother. Was the woman avoiding her, she wondered? Next time, she will definitely try to find out who the woman was.
**********
Stephanie had been talking nonstop about what she wanted to do for her birthday next month. Mentioning a party aboard a boat sounded expensive, but her daughter was trying to convince her how unforgettable it would be to celebrate her birthday party that way.
"You should know mom. Your first wedding was on a yacht and you can't tell me that it was not the most fantastic thing to ever happen to you."
"No I can't say that it wasn't, but it was also very expensive." They had walked along the boardwalk above the pier on their way to pick Caroline up. Kayla had to work later that night, but she promised her mother a trip to the store to look at some tablecloths. "How about you just celebrate at home, or better still, we can ask your grandparents if you can have the party at the Pub."
"That's not the same thing and no where near as exciting."
"I know, but a boat? I just don't thing we can swing that."
"Can't you at least think about it? I mean come on, Mom! I only turn twenty-one once in my life. Please, think about it." She kept begging.
"Stephanie...? Look your father and I will think about it when he comes back home, okay."
"That's all I'm asking."
A thick fog had rolled in and the path before them was covered in dense patches slowing down their progress to the pub. As sections cleared, Kayla glanced towards the water and for a few seconds, she thought she saw a small child standing at the pier with a fishing pole. She paused and walked closer to the railing, stopping a moment to see if what she saw was real. The fog rolled in and out, but focusing her attention to the spot where she saw him. She looked again and could just make out the small figure. "I don't believe." She said aloud.
Stephanie saw her mother stop and walk over to the rail to join her. She tried looking in the same direction, but saw nothing. "Don't believe what, Mom? " She asked her.
"It's the little boy I met a few days ago. He's out there by himself fishing!"
Stephanie looked again at where her mother had pointed. The fog had lifted slightly for a few seconds but she saw no one at the pier. There weren't even any boats out that day. "There's no one there, Mom. No one in their right mind would go fishing today!"
Kayla looked again, but this time the pier was completely empty. Her brows knitted together, as she questions what she knows she just saw. "I... I guess I must have imagined it..."
"Well... if someone was there, they're not there now." Stephanie tells her as they look again at the pier.
Pulling at her arm, Stephanie reminds her that grandma Caroline was waiting for them as they continue down the street. The cold air strikes against her cheeks as Kayla raises her scarf up around her face. Stephanie had already walked past her as they reach their destination. As she settles down at a booth for a few minutes, she thinks again about the figure she thought she saw on the pier. Her imagination must be playing tricks on her. It was her only explanation. She must be missing Steve more than she thought, that now she was starting to see things that weren't there. Still, it bothered her strongly because she knew she saw the fishing pole. If she was going to imagine something, why imagine that.
**********
Close to finishing the last two hours of her shift, she passed by the room and saw the small child inside. Kayla checked the patient names on her list, but didn't see his on it. Hospital rules aside, she went in away to see how he was. Sleeping soundly, he looked so much smaller in the hospital bed. She softly came up to him, and so as not to disturb his sleep, very gently brushed her finger across his forehead. His head was cool and his complexion very pale. She also noticed the dark circles under his eyes and wondered what could have happened to him.
Marc had his hands curled under his chin while his small legs were pulled up towards his chest. He was like a small ball, all bundled up beneath the covers. His features were so delicate and she couldn't help think that he was an extremely beautiful child. In many ways she thought of Steve when she looked at him. Perhaps when Steve was younger, he would have looked very much like Marc did. Pulling the covers up around his shoulders, she slowly excited the room and went to the nurse's station to retrieve his file.
There were three nurses on duty in the early morning. While two had gone off to answer pages, the third remained at the desk and was currently on phone with another doctor. Kayla looked through the log but couldn't find any with Marc's name on it. Checking through each file now, she couldn't find the one of the small, ill boy she just left. Confusion setting in fast, she spoke to the nurse as soon as her call ended.
"Where's the file for the patient in room 1171."
"Room 1171? It should be right there Dr. Johnson."
"I just checked and it's not."
Standing up to take a look herself, the nurse went through the files and saw it was missing. "Huh? That's strange. I guess Janet must have it. She's just answered a patient's page down the hall."
"Do you know anything about the child in room 1171?"
"Sorry, I don't. He's not one of my patients. He must be one of Janet's or Chris's."
Frowning slightly at the nurse, Kayla should have been used to the more lax atmosphere at University hospital. Still she was bothered that Marc had been admitted. It was only two days ago that she last saw him at the park. Two days ago when he was the picture of health, and now, he was so pale and fragile looking. Something wasn't right here?
"I've got to finish my rounds but I'll come back again before my shift ends to read through it."
"I'll let Janet know Dr. Johnson."
Taking the rest of her files into her arms, Kayla went down the other corridor to finish checking her patients. As she walked down the hall, a slight pain in her side caused her to pause in her steps. As she waited for the ache to dissipate, she took several deep breaths and pressed against her side. The pain had been quick, but now stopped as she stood upright and continued walking.
"I'm probably just tired." She said to herself as she stopped outside a room and searched for the file for her next patient. "What I need is a nice hot bath and a good long sleep."
Perhaps it was because she had been on her feet all day and was very tired, but the sharpness of the pain made her gasp aloud as she leaned against the chair for support. In her office, she had just taken off her white lab coat and was getting ready to leave when the pain came back. Centered around her abdomen and lower back, the sharpness increased as she yelled out and fell to the floor. The chair slid across the room and banged up against the wall as the nurse outside rushed in. Kayla looked to her leg and felt the wetness there as the first large red stain appeared in her skirt.
The pain grew steadily worse as she began to lose consciousness. The last thing she remembered seeing before darkness claimed her was the nurse calling for help and more people entering her office. Their faces grew blurry as they told her not to worry. The blood pooled around her as she was lifted and placed on a bed. The nurse called her daughter as she was taken into an empty room in the maternity ward and examined by the doctor on call there.
When she woke, Steve was right there beside her, holding her hand and placing small kisses on her forehead.
"Sweetness? How are you feeling?"
"I feel ...I feel so tired." She was having such a hard time keeping her eyes open. She tried moving, but she felt a little pain again and stopped. Trying to focus around her, she saw the IV of blood by her bed and the tubes attached to her arm. Thinking back, she remembered entering her office after finishing her rounds, but the rest became a blur.
"What...what happened? What time is it?"
"Shhhh. Just take it slow."
"Steve? When did you get here?"
"Stephanie called me this morning after you were admitted. I got here about an hour ago."
"What happened? I don't remember...I fell...there was a lot of pain. I started bleeding ..."
"Relax, Kayla. The doctors said they were doing some tests. They just need you to relax for a while."
"I was bleeding Steve! I think...I may have mis..."
"Now hush now. Don't start worrying about anything yet. They said I had to keep you calm and that's what I plan to do. Just close your eyes baby and get some more sleep."
He started rubbing his hand across her face as her eyes began to close. She wanted to ask him how he was. He looked so tired himself and worn out. With her eyes closed she turned her face towards him and spoke in soft whispers. "You look tired too...you should get some rest." Her words trailed off as she fell back asleep.
"Don't worry, Baby. I'll get some rest as soon as I know how you'll be fine."
Kissing her forehead, Steve continues to softly caress her face as he watches sleep. He had panicked when Stephanie called him early that morning. All she had to say was the Kayla had been admitted and was bleeding before he asked for an emergency leave and took off. Hardly noticing the long drive back, all he could think of was that he wasn't there for her again when she needed him. Building up the guilt already inside him, he wondered why Kayla even put up with him, when he never seemed to be around for her.
"I'm sorry, Sweetness." He told her as he laid his head beside her on the pillow and pulled at the sheets to cover her. Taking her hand in his, he held on to her tight as he closed his eye and listened to the sound of her breathing.
**********
Marc tiptoed into her room and stood by the side of her bed. Steve had gone down for coffee a few minutes ago as Stephanie also urged him to get something to eat before continuing his bedside watch over Kayla. The test results still had not come back and Steve grew more anxious as the clocked ticked away. Marc had watched from behind a cabinet for Steve to leave before entering the room. Looking at Kayla sleeping, he put his small hand over hers and whispered for her to wake up.
"Kayla?" His tiny voice called out to her as he began to squeeze her hand.
Her eyes fluttered open and she saw Marc standing by her bed. She thought she must have been dreaming because he looked so healthy standing there. Smiling up at him, she tried sitting up in bed, but found her herself to tired to move.
"Are you okay Kayla?"
She touched his arm as he leaned in closer to her. "I'm fine sweetie. How...how did you get here."
"I snuck in when no one was looking." His sweet face looked over at her with worried eyes as she tried to calm his fears. "I heard the nurses...they said you got hurt!"
"I just got hurt a little, but I'm getting better. Don't worry."
"I got scared...that there was no doctor to take care of you."
"Don't be scared, there's so many doctors here who are taking such good care of me."
He suddenly placed his hand on her chin and for an instant, Kayla actually thought it felt like a kiss, so soft was his touch.
"I'm glad you're better Kayla."
"I'm glad too."
Moving in yet closer to her, he started whispering a secret he just learned. "Kayla? You know what?"
"What?" She replied as she also moved her face to his and they nearly touched foreheads to each other.
"My daddy is coming home soon."
"He is?"
"I heard my mommy talking on the phone and she said...she said he would be home in a week."
"Oh, honey! That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you!"
"Yeah! Now we can go fishing everyday!"
Fishing? The scene at the pier popped into her head just then, But thinking back on it now, she realized she just imagined the whole thing. It was impossible that this small child could have been out there all on his own that day. She was starting to feel sleepy again as her eyelids began to droop.
"I'm sorry Marc, but I just feel so sleepy." Her eyes started to close as she forced herself to keep them open. He was still standing beside her bed, looking so sweet and innocent. "I think I may fall asleep on you."
"I think I'm feeling sleepy too."
"Tell you what...why don't we both get some more shut eye and later this afternoon, we can visit again. Sound good?"
The expression of his face grew sad just then, but just as quickly, he brightened up and smiled back at her. "Sounds good!"
"Okay! Well you hurry back to your room and I'll close my eyes and take another nap."
She gave him a gentle pat on his arm then watched as he walked towards the door. As he reached for the handle, he looked back and saw that her eyes had already closed. Quietly walking back to her bedside, he remained standing until he appeared at the corner of the room.
"She's asleep now. Time to go, Dude"
"Oh. Can't I stay a little longer?"
"Now you know the rules. I've got to get you back home."
Marc still hadn't moved but looked down again at her. The whiteness of his clothes shimmered as he walked to the little boy and knelt down on the floor beside him. He turned the child to face him and gently held his shoulders.
"Do you remember what I promised you?" Marc nodded as his smile began to falter and the first tears appeared .
"I remember."
"Then you'll know one day, you and your mommy and daddy and sister will be a family again. I promise it will happen and...I always keep my promises."
"Okay." Marc looked a little scared then, but he smiled at him and playfully clipped his chin that the smile came back to the child's face. "Can I kiss her goodbye?"
Nodding at him, Marc carefully climbed on the bed and gave Kayla a kiss on the cheek "I love you Mommy... don't... don't forget me."
"Come Marcus. Don't want to be in trouble for bringing you back home late now do I."
The angel extended his hand out to him as Marcus grabbed hold and they started to leave. Taking one last look at her, Marcus let his gaze rest on her pretty face before he faded away.
Dr. Garrett told them both without fan fair or hesitation that Kayla had suffered a miscarriage. She wasn't too far along, only a month. But unfortunately, there was more bad news. In all likelihood, she wouldn't be able to have any more children.
"The tests show that you wouldn't have been able to carry this baby to full term and the chances that you will in the future...are slim. I'm sorry Kayla " Dr. Garrett left the test results with her and patted Steve's arm as she walked by past him, gave them sometime alone.
Steve was looking down on the floor as Kayla watched him. She reached for his hand as he looked back at her with a tear stained face. "
"Steve? Please hold me!"
He wrapped his arms around her as she let her tears fall. For long moments, only the sound of their soft sobbing could be heard in the room. Kayla held onto her husband tightly as he placed healing kisses on her head and face.
"I'm here, Sweetness. I'm here."
She smiled through her tears as she felt his strength around her. She needed him. She needed him there beside her. To Kayla, he was the only person in the world who could help her get through this. He held her against his heart and could feel her sobs subsiding. But as relief flowed through her, anger and more remorse filled his veins. It wasn't his fault, but he still took the blame on top of everything else. He turned to look at results in the folder at the edge of the bed. Though it was clearly stated Kayla wasn't physically able to have any more children, Steve still felt it was his fault that she lost this baby. If only he hadn't left her alone. If only he had stayed by her side, maybe things would have been different.
He looked within and asked, how could he ever forgive himself for not being there for her again. How could he?
**********
Kayla insisted, but Steve was being stubborn. She stayed one more night at the hospital and was discharged the next day. She planned to stay home only one day before going back to work.
"It's too soon." He argued with her." Caroline said she would come and take care of you for a few days."
"I already talked to mom and told her I'm fine."
"You're not fine."
"Yes! I am. I really am." He started pacing around their bedroom as Kayla sat down on the bed and watched him work himself into another anxious state. "Steve? Dr. Garrett gave me a complete check-up before she discharged me and I am physically fine."
"But you just had a... "
"Yes, I had a miscarriage...and I'm better now."
"But it's too soon to go back working. Look...I'll just stay here instead of returning to the academy. It was a stupid idea to go back there in the first place. You need me more here."
"Is that what you really want?" She stood and held his face in her hands. "I can see how much you want to go back there. So I'm telling you, go...and finish what you've started."
"Kayla?"
"It hurts Steve. It hurts so much knowing I lost our baby, but...but I just can't sit around all day feeling sorry for myself. I can't change what happened. I just hope and pray maybe someday...it will happen. Maybe, we'll be blessed and have another child."
"I'm sorry, Baby. I'm sorry you had to go through this on top of everything else."
"I know. As much as it hurts...I guess it wasn't meant to be. Still doesn't stop the pain in my heart."
"Mine too. Are you sure you want me to go, because I can always stay here and try again another time."
"No, you need to do this for yourself, Just as I need to go back to work."
Nodding at her, she mentions telling Stephanie the news. He sits down as Kayla tells him how Stephanie reacted to what happened.
"How did she take it?"
"She cried. She said she would have loved a little brother to pick on and annoy...and ...spoil rotten."
"Yeah. That's sounds like something my baby girl would say."
Taking a seat next to him, she places her hand in his and leans against him, placing her head on his shoulder. "We'll be all right. Just give it sometime. We just all need some time."
"Time?" He sighed. "At least we have that between us now."
Checking at the nurse's station, Kayla asks for the file on Marc and was given blank stares by the nurses. Looking through the records for the past week, there have been no children admitted at all.
"Look again." She told them. The worried knot in her stomach grew stronger as they brought all the current patient files to her attention.
"Dr. Johnson, you can see for yourself, we've only had ten patients and none of them are children.
Flipping through all the files, Kayla searches, but comes up empty handed.
"But who is occupying room 1171?"
"No one? That room's been empty all week."
Trying to keep the shocked expression on her face hidden, Kayla walks to the room in question and flips on the light to find it empty. Just four days ago, she stood here watching over the small boy she befriended and now, she was staring at an empty, clear room.
"It's impossible!" She thought to herself.
Looking around again, she sees it by the window ledge. Taking slow steps, she stops and picks up the yellow rose left behind. Next to it was a piece of paper, where a note was scribbled on in childish scrawl.
He promised we would all be together again someday. I'll be waiting Mommy.
I LUV U, Marcus
Kayla touched her stomach, feeling for the child she just found and then lost all too soon.
"Marc...us!"