those "Bible-huggin', crucifix wearing, honk if you love Jesus" kinda people that Landon's friend Eric talks about in the movie "A Walk to Remember"

anyways... so yeah... i'm a Christian... but my story isn't one of completely happy endings and a perfect life. it's not even one of tragedy and horrible events. and it's definitely not one that paints me as a perfect Christian... one who is always trusting in God to get them through the hardships and is always setting their own problems aside to help others. i've done more than my share of complaining and saying "why me"... and i'm sure that i'll be doing much more of it in the future. however... i have learned some hard lessons along the way... and relearned others... many times over. this is my story...

so to begin... i've been a Christian since i was 4 years old... but all of the different facets of the Christian life didn't exactly take hold right then. i mean... how much doctrine can a 4-year-old truly comprehend? so... i've been a Christian most all of my life... but at times it's been by name only. i've grown up in the church... attended a Christian school for my whole education (with the exception of kindergarten thru 3rd grade) and am now attending Cedarville University... a Christian college. however... as i said... at times i've been a Christian in name only. in other words - i am ashamed to say that my actions don't always follow the words that are coming out of my mouth.

anyways... i'm getting ahead of myself. rewind with me for a second... i became a Christian when i was four. but back up a little bit more... cause i was diagnosed with type 1 insulin dependent diabetes about two months before my third birthday. at that point in time, the diagnosis affected my parents more than it did me. since i was fully dependent on them... they were responsible for giving me the daily shots of insulin and pricking my finger to test the amount of sugar in my blood several times a day. being a smart little kid... i soon learned that if i clenched my hand into a fist... my dad's fingers were too big to pry my little ones open. my parents would come with the test machine... and i took off running with my hands clenched. needless to say, diabetes quickly became a point of tension between my parents & i... and unfortunately can still be a point of tension even now. but i learned to deal with it... because i had to... and in my family... if you come upon a hard time... you dig your heels in & hang on for the ride... and wait for the light at the end of the tunnel.

however... for me... that light still seems like it's a long ways off. like i said... diabetes is a chronic disease, which means that it has no cure and never goes away... no matter how much you wish... or hope... or dream. when i finally realized that... it felt like i had been punched. this is not a disease that i'll grow out of or get over like an infection or a cold or the flu. it will be with me 24 hours a day... 7 days a week... for the rest of my life. but despite this "thorn in my flesh" i thank God for my diabetes. through the years i've learned to trust God's plan. believe me... it's not always the easiest thing... and i don't always do it. but i've learned the hard way that God knows what is best for my life... and if He chose to give me this disease to deal with, it is for a specific reason... a specific purpose... even if that purpose is simply to have my trust more fully in Him.

i've had my share of struggles, but before i count my trials, i count my blessings. my friends... my family... people who have stuck by me despite all the odds. i depend on these people... and i depend on my Lord. with these people surrounding me, and God leading me in every step i take, i know that my path is safe. despite the trials that i have passed through and those that are yet to come, i know that my God will see me through them and that i will be that much stronger for enduring.