| September 7, 2003 Recent developments have drawn me to a few conclusions: 1. WHOEVER THE FUCK IS THAT KEEPS POSTING ON MY GUESTBOOK NEEDS TO GROW THE FUCK UP AND REALIZE IT'S NONE OF THEIR DAMNED BUSINESS. 2. To Brittney Giesler, none of this is any of your fucking business either you stupid fuck. You may try to justify what you said by telling me "Jillian's my friend and I always stick up for my friends". FUCK YOU. What about standing up for ME? I didn't do a god damned thing to YOU. Not one fucking thing, and you have the balls to attack my character. I could understand Jillian posting on this page her direct and unadultrated hatred for me, but you're crossing some fucking lines when you so blatantly RUN YOUR MOUTH concerning things that have NOTHING TO FUCKING DO WITH YOU. 3. To anyone ELSE who thinks this concerns anyone but Jillian, Brad, Travis, and I...FUCK OFF. This is none of your god damned business. It never was, it never will be, and to whoever told you if was, go fuck YOURSELF. I'm sick and fucking tired of all the petty drama and ignorance. Keep your fucking fingers out of the book if you don't want them closed in it. You DON'T know what happened, and until someone tells you...KEEP YOUR GOD DAMNED MOUTH SHUT. If I've offended you, I don't give a fuck. If you hate me, I don't GIVE a FUCK. If you want to blow up my guestbook with "down with Miranda" hate mail, be my fucking guest. I'm sick of you, I'm sick this bullshit (that was originally caused by TRAVIS to be-fucking-gin with), and I'm sick of being nice. FUCK OFF. |
| September 10, 2003 Ah the glories of Yahoo! Pagebuilder. I admit it, for those of you who didn't already know...I'm too lazy to put to use my limited knowledge of HTML. I use a builder, but it's so fast...and fun. WOO. Haha...yeah...I'm crying right now. Bawling I guess would be the more appropriate word. I keep thinking I shouldn't be saying this here because people will just call me a drama queen, that I have to put on a mask for all you people. But this is my webpage, my home. Shalia, once when she was yelling at me told me I had no right to call Jeremy a "heartless son-of-a-bitch". I just sat here and thought..."when did I do that?" Ahh..I remember...I put in on MY WEBPAGE. Stress the word MY. So, to finish my little story, when Jeremy asked why I was trying to ruin his life not long after Shalia was done yelling at me, I simply asked him..."how am I ruining YOUR life by posting MY thoughts and feelings on MY webpage, on MY time?" He never responded. And neither should you. Any of you. Unless you agree. Maybe that's wrong to say...shut up unless you agree with me. But again, I cannot stress this enough... this is my webpage. If you don't like it, don't read it. Simple as that. On that note...I'm going to try and explain why I'm crying. If you're telling yourself you couldn't give a fuck less, stop what you're doing right now, put your hand on your mouse, find that little X in a box at the top right corner of the page, put your mouse over it, and depress the left mouse button with your index finger. If you're still reading this either out of sheer curiosity or if you actually care to know what my problem is, by all means, read on. Travis and I are through. Over. Baminos, au-revoir, "parting is such sweet sorrow"...the whole bit. He's in love with Jillian again, he doesn't like me anymore...I doubt he ever did though he denies that...and I'm very happy with Brad. So we're over. We're not even going to talk. And FUCK that sucks...but I just have to keep telling myself it's better this way. That it wasn't all my fault. Partially, yes. But Travis and Jillian had just as much a hand in this as I did. Poor Brad...he's been drug along through all of this. He doesn't need this shit...but he loves me, and so he stays. He loves me with all of his heart and he doesn't care that I'm too scared to let myself love him. Maybe I will eventually...maybe it's an inevitable thing in a relationship...I don't know. But I know he's there for me, and that means more than anything at a moment like this. If you're reading this Brad...thank you. From the bottom of my bleeding heart...thank you. I've also realized a few things...Travis is another Jeremy. Almost to a tee. This is why: 1. He has a girl who he's been with, on and off, for a long time (long as in more than 6 months which is long for a kid in high school) 2. On one of the more "off" times in which the girl has someone else she's interested in, he found me. 3. The girl comes back from a trip ready to tell him she wants him back and there's this huge paradox because he wants me. 4. He eventually ends up back with her and the girls, which were once both my friends, hate me. 5. I get screwed out of Total: 4 friends and 2 guys both of which I cared greatly and deeply for. 6. They both apologize profusly and promise there's still a chance...but we both really know there isn't. And finally, 7. I move on and find another...all the while blaming myself (with good reason I might add) for letting them make me cry. Yep, Travis is exactly another Jeremy. And I just keep luring them in...maybe I should be a lesbian. HA!! Girls would screw me over worse than guys...I'm giving up. I like Brad. Brad loves me. I'm happy. The End. |
| September 23, 2003 It's been 13 days. Poor you. You had to go without me for a whole 13 days. Anyway...while I was "away" Homecoming happened, among other things. We had a Wild Wild West theme...blah. But I dressed up, why not? I'm only going to experience homecoming three times. Last wednesday was the carnival for which I made 4 dozen eclairs. I dressed up as a French Hooker and walked around the small gym selling them for 4 hours. Amidst all this glorious fun, I broke up with Brad. Oooh, ahhh, gasp and all that. You knew it was coming. I knew it was coming, hell he knew it was coming. Reluctant as he was to admit it. But it came, it happened, he cried...I cried...but we're friends now. First he told me he wasn't just going to give up. That was after the homecoming dance on Saturday night, at which I danced with him...and some other guys. Brandon Morgan, Andrew McAdams, and Kevin to be exact. It was a good time. Andrew pinched my ass, I got a useless if interesting insight into how Brandon picks his women, and Kevin...well Kevin and I just had a blast!!! It was so much fun, hehe. Jessica (yes Jessica, of the Morris variety. We are friends, good friends, now and I'm very very happy about that) let me wear her black and white ROTC Ball dress and I must admit...I looked Smashing. I did her hair and nails and she looked even better than I could have begun to hope to look. That sentence is confusing...I like it. Anyway, I had to work on Sunday at the ungodly hour of 8 in the morning. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not been up till 1:30 Saturday night, but, I was. David and I had a little chat about my old friend Matt Seckman while working. I had planned to meet them at the skatepark last Tuesday, but I left before they got there. So David proposed that I should meet them there on Monday. I did. I'm very glad I did. Very Very Very glad I did. Would you like to know why I'm Very Very Very glad I met David and Matt at the skatepark on Moday during lunch? I bet you would. The suspense is killing you, I can tell. I have a sense about these things. I do! You don't believe me? Well, ok...take this for example, over the Summer when my cousin Heather was here...oh. You want to know why I'm glad I met them? Well alright, you could have just asked. Sheesh...anyway. I'm very glad I met them there because David's main intention behind getting Matt and I in the same place for any ammount of time was to get us to hook up. It worked. That is to say I'm now dating Matt Seckman. The Matt Seckman. Quite possibly one of the most gorgeous guys I've EVER met...and he is my boyfriend. Nevermind the fact that it's now 5:11 on tuesday night and I haven't talked to him since lunch yesterday...I am going out with Matt Seckman!!! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! Brad hates me. He's angry and hurt. And understandably so. But I can't help that. I would if I knew any other way than to break up with Matt and go out with Brad again...but I don't. And I won't. I'm sorry. But I won't. Jillian even (sarcastically) congratulated me on Matt today. She said it in such a way that made me question if she even believed I was really with him. But I'll take it for what it's worth. And it's worth a lot. |