| August 19, 2003 Believe me, I want to break something. That's really all I have to say right now. |
 |
| August 24, 2003 Wow, a lot has happened! The poetry contest is going nowhere fast...if it weren't for Justin's friends and family, and a handful of my friends, we would have called it off a week in. Thanks again to those who entered. I have a new page, Victorious Over Nothing. It's Travis and Brad's band. Casey too, and I'd say Jack but he doesn't know he's in the band yet. I like how it turned out, and I'll be putting up a practice picture gallery soon. They have to actually practice once or twice first, haha. About all these people...Jillian left for Boston a few days ago. So far she's called Matt, Travis, most likely Erica. She was online 10 minutes ago talking to Travis. Do you think she IMed me? Yeah, I see how I stand. I'm getting sick of this. But no worries...I'm going to hang out with Travis, Brad, Mason, Lance, Casey, all those people. Now that I'm "with" Brad, I guess I don't have anything to worry about. Not that I'd be missing much if Jillian decided to hate me like the rest of them. She doesn't talk to me anyway. I will get NEW friends and get closer to some long-lost old ones. Screw all of you that have problems with me, I don't care anymore. Oh, and like I said, Brad and I are together. We hooked up last night at the stock car races. I'm happy, hehe. I'm also very happy that Travis has more or less decided to give up on the lost cause that is Jillian. I am sad however, about something esle. Something I couldn't post here even if I wanted to. Sorry guys, no one knows and I'm going to keep it that way. |
 |
 |
| August 26, 2003 AACK!!!!!!! School starts in less that 24 hours!! NOOOO!!! I'm not ready to give up my summer yet. I thought I would be when it came to crunch time, but to no avail. Sure I have new clothes, the supplies, my schedule and all that...but I feel as if there's so much left undone. So many things I started this summer that I'm afraid I won't finish now. Don't ask me what...I'm not sure I could tell you. I don't really know, that's just how I feel. I am a little excited, I must admit. New school, new people, new teachers...Even if I did get stuck with Hounshell in the Horizons Office. Ha! I already had a bout with the administration and I've never even attended East. This should be interesting, to say the absolute least. Let's see...what else is going on... I saw 28 Days Later with *Cupcake* the other day. Great movie, and "Jim" is dead sexy. I plan on buying the DVD when it comes out and when I get money. I'm never going to England though...big island...easily quarantined. That and why did they spell HELLO with one L at the end???? Not to give it away, but that just really bothers me. Ummm...anything else going on? Oh! I get to go to Travis' house today after work. Him, Brad, and Casey are going to have band practice. It might be a little challanging with no bass player (Jack can't come) and no drummer (there isn't one), but it'll be fun. I'm bringing my digital camera so hopefully I'll be able to start a gallery soon. Aargh, so much work...but these lovely boys are worth it ten times over, I'm growing very fond of them. Anything else...oh yes that one thing...oh wait...no. Um..what is it? Oh right...no... Hmm, let me think. Uhhhh, I know there was something...but I can't remember... Was it...? No, I said that. Um, nope, wasn't that... Ah damnit, I give up. NO WAIT!! I remebered...!! But I can't tell you so ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! (; P) |
| September 3, 2003 Well, let's see. It's been ummm....8 days and everything's gone to shit. Jillian and I are no longer speaking to one another, we probably never will again, and I swear one day she's going to gouge out my eyes with pencils in French. Not that she doesn't have reason...the night Brad asked me out, Travis told me he was falling for me. TADA, there it is ladies and gentlemen. My big secret. Big fucking deal. I like Travis too. I never really stopped liking him and the only reason I told Jillian she could go out with him is because I knew (or thought I knew) I'd never have another chance, so she might as well be happy right? Well then, she fucks him up...plays with his emotions for a few months, me RIGHT behind her. Then I start talking to Travis again and old flames rekindle themselves. Anyone's fault? No. Stuff like that happens, but do you think the great Jillian would understand that? Of all people, I'd think she'd be the first to understand. But I guess I didn't know my "best friend" as well as I thought I did. Through all that's happened...if nothing else is gained from this...at least I realized Jillian and I were no longer friends, no longer really knew eachother, and we hadn't for a long time. Anyway...she came back from Boston and she knew something was up. Travis and I planned this out...he was going to tell Jillian and I was going to tell Brad. We were going to wait for the right time, but essentially I ended up unwillingly telling Jillian myself. Then Travis tried to explain and she ended up calling me "sick", "hypocritcal", and "backstabbing". THEN...I called Brad. This is where the entire thing gets sticky (as if we weren't all already wading knee-deep in honey). I'd broken up with him the day before this all happened (the day AFTER my last entry). So I call him and explain what's going on. He starts crying. Fuck. We talk for a while and I start to think that I can't choose, so I should call off everything with both of them. All of us get online...well Travis, Brad, and I...and somehow, over the course of about two hours I guess, Jillian ended back up with Travis, and I ended up with Brad. Now WAIT a GOD DAMNED MINUTE!!! What's wrong with this picture...? Jillian's happily re-married to Travis and I'm less than happily still with Brad? EVERYTHING IS WRONG. Absolutely god damned fucking EVERYTHING. But what can I do about it? ... Exactly, not a damned thing. So now it's been a week or so and things are smoldering. I'm somewhat happy, Travis is somewhat happy, Brad's ecstatic, and Jillian...well I don't really give a fuck, but I would guess she's happy. Part of me really thinks that part of her is dating Travis to spite me. Before she really "found out" she mentioned that she was going to ask Travis out just so he would say no, because she'd said no to him so many times in the past few months. Then she does and he says yes...shocking I know. So, assuming she really did want to be with him, WOO HOO for her. And if she didn't, well she's pissing me off so WOO HOO for her again. Why is it she's the one that started all this and somehow she ends up getting all she wanted? I mean, we (Trav and I) discussed this and we both agreed that she did this to herself. That was before all the shit happened, and if she did this to herself, then she did a damn good job and that pisses me off... ...but she doesn't have to know that. But she willl know eventually considering she'll probably read this eventually. So Jillian...have a nice life and while I'm sorry it had to end this way, I'm not sorry it ended. Travis asked me if it was ok that he give you my URL, and why not? I have nothing to hide from you. What I know, you can know. It all deals with essentially the same people... so it should be shared information. However, I'm waiting. That's all I have to left to say. I'm waiting. For a lot of things. For a response to this, which I'll probably get unless you want to deny me the satisfaction of knowing I might've pissed you off. I'm waiting for a new development in the seeingly on-going saga. I'm waiting for someone to screw up. And lots of other things I'm not going to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing. So there. |