| August 12, 2003 Oh my good god it's been a whole 12 days and you people are freaking out!! Hehe, Just kidding. In case you're wondering where in the hell I've been...my LOVING mother grounded me for supposedly putting a virus on the computer. Now, let's think about this kids...anyone who knows me knows too that I LIVE on my computer. Until school starts (and before Nazi-mom took away my net privledges) this webpage was my only link to the outside world unless you count those long dead-boring days I spent serving Tacos to the rude, undeserving, general public. So...WHY THE HELL WOULD I DELIBERATLY PUT A VIRUS ON THE COMPUTER?!?!?!?!?! Yeah, your guess is as good as mine. Thanks to all of you that kept checking back to see if I was still alive, and to the authors of my new guestbook entries. It means a lot that someone cares enough to read this crap...lol. Anyway, Brad comes back tomorrow!!! YAY! And another yay, I register for East today. Half yay, half eek...I'm so nervous. I feel like I'm going to make an ass of myself. I have to get pictures taken today too. And don't worry this year I spent exactly $13.50 to make sure all you lovely lucky people get a picture of me. Yet again, with a job, my mom doesn't pay for anything but food and rent. The rest is up to me. So you should all feel very lucky I bought YOU pictures. Hahaha, I'm growing old far before my time. Anyway...I'm taking suggestions for additons to my webpage. I want to add more mainly because I'm bored with it...I'm seriously debating starting over from scratch. I'd keep parts of this one and then just create a new one...hmmm...interesting. What do ya'll think I should do? I NEED YOUR GUIDENCE!! But technically I'm still grounded...so it could be a while before I get around to anything. Luv ya all!! |
| August 14, 2003 Woo hoo!!! I'm finally ungrounded from my computer! My dilligence paid off in the end, teaching all of you a very valuable life lesson, never let your mother run a virus scan when you're not home. Chances are, anything she finds, she'll blame on you and your adoring public will have to tlive without you for 13 whole days. Anyway...I finally got some pictures of me with my red hair! Here ya go, but don't say I didn't warn you... I look like Marylin Monroe with red hair! I have a dinner date with Brad, Jillian, and Travis on Saturday and I was being girly trying to figure out what to wear and how to do my hair when my mom talked me into hot rollers, and I looked like Shirly Temple for two hours before the curls finally fell out enough to look at least decent. And Justin knows how much tribulation I had to go through trying to pick out clothes! (Sorry I didn't call you back by the way) I still don't know what I'm wearing, though I do have some ideas... Speaking of IDEAS...my lovely friend Justin came up with a brilliant one! I'm going to have a "Poetry Contest"! Though you can't wholly call it a contest as the only prize is having your poem judged by Justin and I and then having it posted as the winner, but I'll call it what I like since it's my site. Anyway, you're given an opening line and the rest is up to you, it can be 100% free form, or as structured as a Haiku! It's up to you. Send your entries (as many as you wish as long as they're all different poems) to me at [email protected]. The contest is open to anyone, anywhere, anytime! We'll close the contest after a while so we can judge and then we'll start a new one. Winning entries will be posted for about a month. Oh, I almost forgot, I am officially a student at East High School. My schedule is screwed up, as I only have three classes on B-day, but we're working on that. As of now my schedule is as follows: 2A-Algebra 2 (With Graphing Calculators), Room 61 3A-Prep For Advanced Placement English, Room 213 4A-Physical Education IV, Gym 5A-French 2A, Room 33 2B-Superwrite, Room 206 3B-Physical Science, Room 77 4B-World History, Room 80 5B-Unknown as of now Please let me know if we have any classes together! So far all I know of is World History with Andrew Watson. Oh, and I took the late schedule in case you couldn't tell. Have to run to work! See you all soon! |
| August 15, 2003 I'm very sad right now. I don't really know why...reminiscing I guess. Kim got me talking about Jeremy this morning and it all more or less went downhill from there. I'm very irritable too...the sound of the space bar is annoying me. At stupid as that sounds. I actually just told Brad that I don't want to talk. He seemed so hurt, but I don't want him to see this side of me. I wish no one had ever seen this side of me... "There's always this deep welling pit inside me. All the time, I can't get rid of it. The harder I try, the deeper it gets, it's always there. Every once in a while it over flows and I actually cry. Crying helps, but no sooner do I stop, it fills itself back up. I hate that feeling in my stomach...that hopeless grief over nothing. But I can't ever seem to make it go away" That's part of the conversation I just had with Brad. I'd hid it from myself, my "pit"...and I forgot about it. But then thinking about that heartless son of a bitch opened it back up and the wounds started bleeding again, and with a vengence. I am so overly Emo. It's sick and pathetic, but I've forgotten how to be anything else. I hope you're happy Jeremy...you really fucked me up. I hate the world. Strong words from a weak mouth that I'll most definitely regrett in the morning, but that's still a few hours away. Sleep well, all of you. |
| August 17, 2003 Change of color anyone? I got sick of the orange. Sure, it matched my picture, but I've never been one to match and the picture's changed anyway. I think it was Brian Notz. That put the picture in my locker? Yeah. *sigh* This happy act is wearing thin. I'm not in a good mood, and I'm not going to act like I am anymore. Suddenly I feel myself slipping...back into my dark little corner. It's comforting, oh so comforting. I don't care what you people say...there is nothing wrong with being sad. I feel warm and safe here...my sad place. Oh damnit I can't explain it. It's the same way when I get that itch...that itch under my skin that only a razor blade can scratch. Maybe it's winter approaching. I love winter. The prospect of getting snowed in is so enticing! It brings back memories... Tim. And winter also does away with my mother's "Cute" excuse. She's always trying to make me into Jillian. "Did you see those shorts she was wearing? They were so cute. Why don't you wear things like that?" Yes I saw them, yes they were cute, and FUCK YOU. I am me. Not Jillian, not Heather, not Katherine. I know she wants me to be a perky, preppy, like pink princess like all the others. But she's stuck with me. All of you are. You are the ones that talked the bottle of asprin out of my hands, and so now you will have to deal with the consequenses. I took a quiz I found in Kirk's diary... |
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| This is my result. Revealing? Scarily correct? No, it's a damned quiz. Standardized so a certain sequence of answers will give you a programmed response. Though I do like the result. And it is rather true... What self mutilation are you? Thank you Kirk. To the rest of you, read Kirk's Diary. Now. www.livejournal.com/users/iglesiabola |
| Anyway, There are a few things I'd like to say. I may lose friends over this, but right now I'm past caring. I made myself a promise not too long ago to stop worrying and to be honest. Honest with myself, honest with my friends, honest with my enimies. It may cause me to have more of the latter and a bare few of the prior but I'm sick of all the games and petty immaturity. The few friends I plan on being left with will feel the same way, and it will all be worth it in the end. I have long grown tired of trying to please everyone but myself, so here you go. This makes ME happy and if you don't like it...I really don't give a fuck. 1. To Jillian: Travis doesn't deserve what you are putting him through and Cody is far from worth the heartache you're putting yourself through. 2. To Travis: I'm sorry I got so angry last night, but it's not fair and you are far to patient. 3. To Brad: Thank you so much for dinner, I truly had a wonderful time. I'm sorry I can't commit, but I'm not ready. 4. To Justin: You may be the closest thing to a confidant I have right now, and I am more grateful for you and your patience and intelligence than you could ever know. 5. To Erica: There is something about you that deeply disturbs me. I have little or no respect for you and the way you treat people, and I'm glad I got out of your way when I did. Thank you for listening, sorry if I pissed you off but this is how I feel and I'm stepping on people's toes and feelings for a reason. Thank God for free speech. Have a nice life. |