Alex stretched as she looked out at her favorite view of the island -- the one from her balcony with Mt. Pahia in the distance. It was a bright, new day, and she was starting it off in a bright, relatively same-old way with a large, though bland, breakfast. She didn't need anything upsetting her stomach after eating so little yesterday and drinking too much. God, she hadn't been that bad since...

She shook her head. No time for bad memories. There would be enough talk about that later. She had a long day ahead of her, one in which she hoped to explain to Derek why she had been acting so strangely. They had shared that wonderful romantic lunch, and then she turned psycho on him. Did he even want to see her? If only she had gotten a decent night's sleep. And her head didn't hurt so much...

Her stomach was in knots as well. She had always wanted to have "that talk" with Derek, but things kept getting in the way. Like Megan and the Legacy. Standing outside the Legacy House that terrible November night, she had worried if she'd ever see him again, never mind having that talk. He had... somehow survived and she vowed that one day soon she was going to have a discussion about the two of them. Well, that day was finally here; it was that simple.

What should she tell him first? Should she explain the most recent events, or go back to the most difficult? She certainly had to explain yesterday, and the next step from there would be the night in her hotel room. If she was going to have a future with him, or even just a decent working relationship with her precept, she needed to talk to the man about that night. He would need to understand why to understand her actions. How much did he remember of it? How would she tell Derek, though, if he didn't? And after that...

With that uncertainty, she knew that she needed time to think and to practice what she was going to say. Thus she chose to have this meal in her room, and to avoid her colleagues for the time being. Besides, Rachel would have been very sympathetic, and she couldn't deal with that at the moment. Now that it was the "cold light of morning," Alex still wasn't sure whether it had been a good idea to inform Rachel. She had wanted to tell someone, however, and the psychiatrist swore on doctor-patient confidentiality that it would go no further. Maybe it was good that they had discussed it. Would she be feeling slightly more optimistic at this point if she hadn't? Derek wouldn't be happy if he knew... and she had to tell him.

Whatever had possessed her all those years ago to believe that Derek Rayne, the young and handsome head of the Luna Foundation, would want a serious relationship with the young woman whom, only a short time ago, had been his research assistant and student? He was one of the most eligible bachelors in San Francisco. He could have had his pick of anyone that night�

The evening's events replayed in her mind. It was such a marvelous one, and the dress had made her feel so beautiful and self-confident that she could do anything and be anyone. She didn't think there was a happier person in the world than she was. Well, up until he said...

She sighed. Thank God Derek didn't remember what she had said to him. At least he had never given her any indication that he had. How would she have ever been able to work for him after he knew that she loved him? He certainly wouldn't have hired her. If he didn't consider himself to blame for what happened, would she be working for the Legacy? Did he hire her to ease his guilt? She had wondered at times, but again pushed the thought from her mind. No, that was ridiculous. It was only her old insecurities, waiting for an opportunity to rear their ugly heads. But it reconfirmed that she had to tell him at this point for her own peace of mind, and to confront that night and another... Yet how could she tell him about that part of her life? She could, her heart told her, because she had to.

What would have happened if she had not told him that she loved him? Would he have said that woman's name, told her that he loved her? Did he merely say it in response to her declaration, or his believing that Serena was saying it to him? Would he have said nothing otherwise, and the woman in that bed who did love him would have remained happy in that fantasy world that she had built? The morning after could have been even more embarrassing, she realized. Ignorance is bliss, but he would have seen it so clearly on her face that she loved him. Being the man he was, he would have told her the truth, and she might have never been able to face him again.

They had actually discussed their affair in the briefest of terms in 1992, after she had completed the PSI project and came to work for Luna. Or, more definitively, the Legacy. He had apologized to her once more for his behavior, then told her that he wanted them to be good friends. However, he emphasized that he could not have an intimate relationship with a member of his House. She was more than happy to agree to that, and she assured him that she barely remembered the night. A nice stab at his ego. Afterward, she continued to work on getting over him, and to pick up the pieces of her life and go on. Work would get her mind off things, and with any luck she would have little time for dating. Besides, men brought too much trouble and pain into a relationship.

She glanced at the clock over the desk. Derek might be in the lobby now, waiting for Nick. That is, if Nick had done his part of the plan�

"Jeez, Alex," he had teased her when he swam over to her balcony the night before. "I can't go away for a few days without all hell breaking loose. I come back to find everything changed. Rachel threatened me under penalty of death to stay away from you tonight, but since when do I listen to anyone?"

She had laughed with him, then hugged him tight. "Oh, Nicholas Boyle, why couldn't I have the hots for you."

He grinned. "I dunno. Because you're too busy falling for old guys?" How little he knew... It was great to have the ex-SEAL back, however, and he had looked so happy when he had come to see her. The way she and Derek should have looked if things in her past didn't threaten to wreck her future.

Her friend had volunteered to get Derek to the meeting place, after she had given him a vague account of why things were going so badly. Not that she thought that Derek wouldn't be there otherwise, but this way she could be sure. Nick said that he would call her, and he had. Derek would be in the lobby, expecting that he and the ex-SEAL would be heading out to Huahine for a day of hiking. Only she would show up instead.

Her plan was coming together. She had decided to do it this way so that they would be alone and not likely to be interrupted if she was in the middle of some long or painful explanation. They would have nature around them, which might make it easier to get through some of the... more difficult chapters of her story. How would she ever tell him about... She still had difficulty saying his name or even thinking of him. No wonder Rose had had heart problems at that time. Alex bit her nail. Where would she be today if she had not found the strength to leave him, and thus go to Berkeley and meet Derek?

Not that she had made things any better when she returned home from her trip to San Francisco to be Ariane's bridesmaid. She smiled as she remembered walking through the door, the familiar screen door slamming on its hinges. It had been a wonderful sound of home and safety. Gramma Rose had been talking to Mrs. Burkman, but the latter had left so that grandmother and granddaughter could catch up.

The elderly woman had heard the false bravado in her voice, but Alex had soon been in tears. Her grandmother had not been happy to learn that she had spent the night with Derek Rayne. "What were you thinkin', child," she had admonished her as she rocked her in her arms. Alex had only cried in reply. How could she tell the woman that she hadn't been thinking, only wanting. Hadn't Rose once told her that she and Derek were destined to be together? Rose had told her that soon after she had met Derek. Alex couldn't wait for destiny to get involved, so she had pushed it and gotten burned...

Did she face things after that? No, she buried the whole experience within her. If she had confronted it then and come to terms with her... flash affair with Derek, and other issues in her past, she wouldn't have had that rebound affair with Philippe, and maybe he wouldn't have been so interested in her at the reunion years later. And why had Justine sought her out that night? Had Alex somehow ruined her friend's relationship with Philippe? Was turning her into a vampire her act of revenge?

She sighed, then quickly drained her glass of orange juice. There was no time at the moment to dwell on all that. She didn't want to keep Derek waiting too long. He would likely be there right on time, and she wanted to join him shortly thereafter. Would he be happy that she would be joining him instead of Nick? Would he turn and walk away? She squared her shoulders. Well, if he did, she would just have to go after him and make him listen.

After throwing a few last-minute things in her backpack, she headed out. Nick had said that there should be a small group of guests heading over to Huahine by launch, and that they would be meeting next to the small caf� off the lobby. She quickened her step, keeping in time with the beat of her heart. How would Derek react when he saw her...

Alex took a deep breath before she entered the main hotel. There he was, looking at his watch. She headed for him, then gave him a small smile and wave as he spotted her. *Here goes...*

"Good morning, Derek," she greeted him brightly. She tried not to fidget.

"Alex, have you come to inform me that Nick can't make it?" She couldn't tell from his voice whether he'd be pleased by the news or not.

"Yes." She looked at him, ready for his reaction. "I'll be going instead of him."

"You?" He tilted his head. "And why would you want to do that?"

She looked down and played with the strap of her backpack. "So I can try to explain..." She stole a glance at his face. "So you won't think I'm psycho."

He chuckled softly. "Alex, I never thought that you were psycho. I was, and still am, curious as to why you pulled back when I thought you wanted..." He let the sentence trail off.

"I do want to, Derek," she said quickly, then colored at what he thought of that. "I mean, I want us to have a relationship, but I need to explain some... things in my past which are..." She held up her index finger. "...temporarily making that a little difficult."

"Do you want to go somewhere to talk?" He grabbed his pack.

She smiled and nodded. "Yes, to Huahine. I want to explain things to you as we hike on the trail."

They joined the group of other couples headed to the island, but Alex and Derek elected to get off at the Te Tiare Beach Resort instead of going further north to the town of Fare and the more touristy and crowded areas. It was the sister resort of where they were staying, and Nick had arranged for a Jeep rental to take them to wherever they wanted to hike.

"Nick and I had planned to hike the larger mountain there," Derek pointed to the further one as they got into the vehicle, "but we can always take the smaller one. It's about 100 feet shorter in height."

"No, let's take that bigger one," she said. "I can do it. I'm up for something physically challenging today."

With map in hand, they set off toward Vaitou Bay for a moderate climb up an unnamed mountain a few miles inland. Derek parked the Jeep off the road, and they began their way up along a somewhat well-marked trail. It was cool out of the sun, and the shade of the thick trees added a deep green color to contrast the brilliant blue of the sky.

"It is gorgeous here, isn't it?" Alex smiled as she looked at Derek. This was the right place to tell him. She could sense the energies that seemed to be part of every plant, every tree.

He smiled back at her. "The air is so clean, the land so unspoiled. I believe the native people call Huahine their garden island." He gazed around and pointed to the strange fauna growing beneath a tree. "Most tourists don't come to this place to see such beautiful plants but tend to head to the northern part of the island." He shrugged. "Even then most come for swimming or surfing, though there are numerous archeological sites of marae."

"Marae?" He nodded.

"The sacred sites, places of worship which were important to the various clans." She smiled, hearing the professor about to lecture to his class. "They were built outside in the open air and were the central meeting point for social and religious life. Events such as births and deaths were celebrated. Close to the marae was a pit, which held sacred relics of their ancestors, such as toenails, hairclippings and the like." He saw the growing smile on her face. "I'm sorry, am I educating?"

She laughed as she began to climb again. "Yes, you are and I've missed it." And there were days when she missed those simpler times. Did she ever imagine working for him, fighting evil and demons and Legacy paperwork, as she sat in his class listening to Prof. Rayne lecture on the joys of biological anthropology? She owed him so much. In the stillness around them, she felt comfortable enough to tell him the truth. He had waited long enough.

"Derek." She stopped and turned to him. "I think it's time that I finally tell you everything, and I want to begin my explanation with an apology. And..." She held up her hand. "Please don't tell me that I shouldn't or... whatever."

"Alex..." She waved her hands in a dismissive gesture.

"No, I have to do this, and I... have to do it in my own way because it's not only about yesterday." She took his hands in hers. "I want to apologize to you for my behavior after you arranged for such a lovely lunch." Her voice softened. "I can't believe that you went to all that trouble..."

"What? For you?" He gently cupped her face. "Don't you think you deserve it?"

She closed her eyes briefly. "I don't know," she whispered. She cleared her throat as she pulled back, then began to hike again. "Unfortunately, it also reminded me of another place and another time when we shared Merlot and fish and laughter and..." Startled by the sight in front of her, she stopped short.

"Alex, what's..." She put her hand up and he soon stood beside her. "Hmm, do we interrupt them?" Derek asked quietly before he smiled. "They obviously weren't expecting anyone else to come along."

On the trail ahead of them, a naked young woman struggled to remove the tank top of the young man groaning beneath her. The woman was having about as much success as she did with that damn shirt of Derek's. She was giggling just as much too... Alex shook her head to clear it.

"No, I really don't want to, but do we have any other choice?" she asked, trying to keep her tone casual.

"Well, why don't we take this trail?" Derek pointed to a less perceptible route.

"How do we know where that one goes?" She gave him a suspicious look.

"Alex, where's your sense of adventure." He held out his hand, an impish gleam in his eyes. "Haven't we always taken our own path?"

End part 25