Damn him!

She gulped down another glass of Merlot, tears mixing in with the red wine. The taste of it made her close her eyes and grimace as she shook her head. If that shit could get drunk on the frigging stuff again, then so could she. Eyeing the bottle through a blurry fog, the dinner she ordered with it sat on the tray, undisturbed. Maybe later she'd eat, but at the moment all she wanted was to sit on this floor and drink herself into oblivion.

Damn him for bringing it all back again. What an idiot she had been! A complete and utter ass. And this whole fucking trip� It had been a mistake to come to Bora Bora. She knew that now and wished that she had never come in the first place. She should have known that it would end up a disaster and not the wonderful romantic vacation she had hoped. As she swiped at her eyes, she sighed deeply. Why in the world was she fool enough to believe it would end any differently...

Why the hell did he have to have Merlot today? Did he and Megan drink it too? She picked up the bottle and poured herself another glass. "They even had a 1996 Napa Valley Merlot in their wine cellar," she sneered as she mimicked him. "Well, weren't we so clearly fucking fortunate�" Choking for a moment as she tried to finish it in one large mouthful, she tasted the chocolate and black cherry flavors of it. Just as she had on his mouth� Memories surfaced anew and she clenched her fists. It really was too bad that she didn't hit him.

She could still see the shocked look on his face as he held her hand after she tried to slap him. It was probably the same look on hers a moment later when she realized what she had almost done. Her body had reacted subconsciously, and she had reddened at her behavior. If only he didn't talk, she might have made it through and...

And what? Things would have been fine? She banged on the floor. She should have damn well hit him! He deserved it. How could he have done that to her! She gave the frigging man her heart and her body, and he simply used her. The expression on his face when he woke up and realized whose breasts he had been using as a pillow... He was lucky she didn't toss his ass on the street after he did that. Did any of his other women get that treatment?

What the hell had happened? She snorted. That was simple. What she had feared one day would happen, *did* happen. The memories which she thought were safely stored away in her mind had escaped from the locked box where she had kept them for so very long. She couldn't suppress them nor push them away any longer. They had hit her full force this afternoon and could no longer be denied. The time had come to face the whole thing and deal with it. At the moment, however, the pain was too sharp, too raw. There was only one good way to dull that pain, and she was doing it. She quickly downed another glass of wine, then refilled it.

His face swam before her eyes as she recalled how he had attempted to talk to her on the beach. He had held her hand, his appearance one of worry. What was wrong? Why was she acting this way? His voice was so fucking concerned and seductive. Shit, he was a damn seduction machine. And she had been caught up in the man since the day she first met him...

Fleeing from another man who had caused her great heartbreak, she decided to go to grad school on the other side of the country to get away from him, put some distance between them. The handsome anthropology professor she had met at Berkeley managed to make her forget the first man. Now all she had to do was to find someone who would make her forget the professor. It might have been fine, but for his wonderful lunch and his Napa Valley Merlot and his sweet whispered...

No... She tried to shake the thought out of her head. He had been lucky that she didn't hit him. She had been so afraid of what else she'd do or say next that she pulled her hand back and merely walked away. It didn't surprise her in the least that he didn't remember, or even know why she was upset. And she wasn't about to explain it all to the bastard. She had only run back and grabbed her clothes, quickly tossing them over the bikini he had given her. If she had any brains, she'd toss that fucking thing right in his face. That would give her another priceless expression on his face...

When they had returned to the resort landing, she had fled blindly to her room, her vision clouded by her tears. She dodged several people as she rushed past the pool, then sprinted down the path and onto the wooden walkway, wanting to reach the safety of her bungalow before she lost complete control. After all, that was all she had left.

When she had reached her room, she slammed the door shut, opening it again briefly to place the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the handle. With any luck, she now hoped that it would keep Rachel from butting her nose into things for the rest of the day and night. But sooner or later she knew that the blonde would come looking for her to find out what happened.

For the time being, the window shades were closed, making sure that no one could see into her room or disturb her, especially well-meaning friends. It was so lovely with the place so dark and quiet and... She stifled a sob as she fought to down another glass of wine. Maybe she wouldn't come out of her damn room until it was time to leave. She could call the airline and get an earlier flight. Maybe she could...

A wave of dizziness hit her, and she struggled to keep still. The movement was too much and down she went, the glass falling to the floor and spilling its remaining contents. She lay on the floor, momentarily stunned and looking up at the ceiling before she began to giggle. "This isn't very good." She made an attempt to sit up, but had little success. "Maybe that's all the wine I should have." She burped, then giggled louder.

She lost track of how long she was on the floor before there was a banging at her door. "Wha..." She put her hands to her head. Who the hell�

"Alex! Alex, answer me!" She tried to ignore Rachel, but the woman became more persistent. "Alex Moreau, you answer this door!" she shouted as she pounded.

Dear God... Damn her too�

Her head swam as she lifted it off the floor. How long had she been asleep? "All right! All right!" Alex yelled back at her. She groaned. That certainly wasn't the right thing to do. Her head began to throb more and her hands went back to it. "I'm coming�" she said in a softer voice.

"What do you want?" she demanded of the blonde woman as she opened the door.

"I want to make sure that you're all righ," the other said in a quieter voice. "I ran into Derek earlier, and he almost bit my head off. What happened between the two of you at lunch?"

"It's�" The younger woman held her head as she walked toward the bed. "It's a very long story."

"Well, I've got time to listen to you," Rachel said as she closed the door behind her.

"Maybe I should talk to you." Alex said. "I need a shrink, I think." She started to giggle.

"Honey�" The other woman took her hand. "Whatever you tell me, I will treat as patient-doctor confidential. I swear to you that it will not leave this room. The Legacy doesn't have to know about it either, since we're on vacation."

"Oh, Rachel, fuck the Legacy." She sighed, seeing the surprise on her friend's face. "Maybe it's time I said that to the Ruling Council and transfer to another House. Or maybe even get out of the Legacy."

"Oh, sweetie. That's a bit drastic..."

"Is it? You don't know." She stared at the psychiatrist. "Things were fine until he had to bring us to this island and want to change the way things were between us. Everything's ruined."

"I'm sure that if you and Derek talk about whatever happened," the blonde woman reasoned, "then you could work your way through it."

"Again?" Alex snickered. "No, I don't think so. It was tough enough the last time, thank you."

"The last time?" Rachel tilted her head. "Wait, you don�t mean�"

"Oh, yes I do." The younger woman picked up the fallen glass from the floor and poured more wine into it. "And I paid for it. Dearly." She raised the glass in a salute. "Because the bastard really wasn't there with me." Alex down the liquid in one gulp as a tear slid down her face. "Besides, he won't want to have anything to do with me after today. He has to think I'm psycho or some frigging tease."

"Honey, I'm so..."

"Nothing to be sorry about." Alex shrugged. "It's probably for the best. It never would have worked out. We had a good friendship, and now that's destroyed too. This affair would have probably turned out like the other. Back then, we woke up the next morning, realized we got a little too carried away when we were a little too drunk..." She tried to smile. "End of story."

"Something tells me that..." Rachel turned when there was a knock at her door. "Who is it now?" Alex muttered.

"Don't worry, I'll check it out." The other woman peeked through the drawn shades. "I'd better let him in. And then we'll finish that conversation."

"Rachel, it had better not be�" The young woman shakily got to her feet and stopped in surprise.

"Miss Moreau?" Alex mutely nodded to the hotel employee. "These are for you." Rachel stepped aside to allow the young man to carry the huge bouquet of flowers into the room.

"Oh, my� They're beautiful." She started to close the door when another entered carrying another huge bouquet. "Oh, my God." The blonde woman laughed. Another young employee carrying an even larger bouquet than the first entered. "Over there on the table?" Rachel looked at her for confirmation.

"Why not." Alex's voice shook as she waved her hand. "I don't care." She could sense Rachel staring at her back as she turned again to gaze out at the view. Damn him� Just like the last time�

"Here." The psychiatrist gently touched her shoulder as she handed her the cards. Did she really want to read them now? They'd probably say more sweet things. She could still feel the pain as she read that one many years ago.

The young woman sat on the bed as she tore open the first card. "Whatever I've done to you, whatever pain I've caused you, I'm sorry." She began to cry softly as she opened the other envelope. "Please talk to me and tell me what I've done. Otherwise, how can I promise not to do it again?" She laughed gently before a sob escaped.

Rachel rushed over and hugged her. "Alex, what's the matter? Don't you want to talk to him?"

"I... I can't. You see, it's not his fault, it's mine." She said it so softly she wasn't sure if Rachel heard her.

Her friend pulled back from her and pushed back her hair. "What's your fault, sweetie? What happened today?"

Alex nodded. "And what happened all those years ago." She stood and walked over to the balcony, raising the shades before gazing back at Rachel. "I seduced him that night."

"Who?" She saw the disbelief. "You don't mean..."

"Derek. I seduced him." She turned to stare out at the lagoon. "It was the summer that I graduated from Berkeley..."

End part 22