Why did her heart always have to overrule her damn head when it came to this man?

Alex gazed at him smiling across the table from her, his eyes even more golden in the candlelight. Soft music played as the smell of exotic flowers wafted on the evening breeze that blew gently against her face and hair. A hint of the cologne he wore mixed in with the aroma of the flower in her hair, making their evening even more of a heady experience.

He was saying something to her, but she could only notice the way his mouth moved, the feel of his skin against hers as he held her hand. If only they could stay on Bora Bora forever. There would be no Legacy to deal with, no questions of impropriety of a Legacy precept becoming involved with a member of his House. That would also take away her fear that an affair between them would only last the length of their holiday. If only he didn't confuse her so much. She was having a problem just thinking straight when she was around him lately.

Yet if she were thinking only with her head, she would not have worn this particular dress. It was made to seduce, and she knew that quite clearly when she packed it in her suitcase. The dress was backless, and the bodice was low cut and held up by straps that tied at the back of her neck. The dark lime color was offset with a gold belt, and she wore matching gold shoes and purse. Her outfit was offset with a white tiare flower behind her right ear. She had seen the appreciation in his eyes when she had arrived at the restaurant, and his glance at her flower. He had wanted to pick her up at her door, but she insisted on meeting him here. Was she afraid that they might not make it to the restaurant?

It had been a lovely day after her disturbing talk with Rachel the night before. Her Christmas Eve had begun so wonderfully with their dinner. She had danced with Derek and Jeroen, then had a beautiful walk along the beach with Derek. She was glad that she had apologized to him about her behavior. He needed to know that it was her shock, not his words, that sent her back to her room. He had said what she had wanted to hear for so long. But now that he had said them, it made the situation a reality and set into motion a battle between her head and her heart.

Her head sometimes wished that her heart wasn't so set on Derek Rayne. She had fought her attraction to him for quite some time, and a few times she won the battle. She had even gone to her college reunion several years ago in the hope that maybe this time there might be something more romantic between her and Philippe D'Arcy than there had been when they had dated at Loyola. Look where that had gotten her...

The simple fact was that what she had wished and wanted for so long was so close to finally being hers. And that truly scared her. Her heart didn't care, since it couldn't believe that her relationship with Derek would end in any other way than as she wished. But her head? Oh, her head could conjure up all sorts of endings, from the disastrous to a heaven on earth.

Unfortunately, the former was utmost on her mind at the moment. What would happen if she and Derek had an affair but it fell apart after they returned home? Was he thinking beyond this vacation? Didn't this give him any trepidation at all? Maybe that was all he wanted, a nice little affair that had no chance of continuing when they returned to San Francisco to face all the objections and problems. Was it, as Rachel believed, only due to Derek's elation at his survival when he thought he would die at the portal? No, she didn't really believe that, but the stakes were too high for her to jump into an affair with Derek. It was better to leave things the way they were.

That decision made, yet again, she had to ignore how wonderful he had made her feel, what his mouth had tasted like against her own. How could she ignore how handsome he was? Especially in that open-neck white shirt and dark tan slacks. This vacation was doing wonders for him. He appeared more relaxed than she had seen in years, which made him appear younger. She smiled as he laughed at something, and she found that rare impish grin so appealing. Derek made it harder for her to keep her resolve when he was so charming. However, it might be easier as well if it wasn't just the two of them having a romantic dinner...

She sighed. Would she be having these concerns at this point if Rachel had not interrupted them last night? Alex still wasn't sure if she should be furious or grateful to the psychiatrist. She had talked to Rachel, and she felt even less sure of what she was doing. The other woman had asked her if she had thought of the implications of an affair with Derek. Thought of it? It was constantly uppermost in her mind.

Maybe she was overanalyzing her relationship with Derek. She was looking at the large, overall picture, gazing too far into the future when maybe she should only be going with the here and now. Why not simply be happy with the few hours or few days of bliss he could give her? Even as she thought it, she knew why. Because she had done that before and the aftermath was more pain than the pleasure was worth. Could she take another such affair, from Derek?

Her insecurity raised its ugly head. He certainly had had more lovers than she, at least from what she could tell. There were the ones that she knew about, the ones that had ended badly and the ones that were a flash in the pan of his life. Did he ever think about Mei Ling? One night and she was gone. It seemed to mean nothing more than that to the couple. Then there was Megan...

She had been angry when Rachel had mentioned the reporter's name. Did Alex know what it had done to Derek? She had fought to control her anger at her friend. Who had he called first? Who the hell had been there for him, to hear him say that he loved Megan? Who brought him home and cared for him when he wouldn't go to the hospital? Who sat by the couch and made sure that he was fine as he slept?

And why had all of it happened? Reed Horton. He had arranged for Megan's death, and Derek's private psychiatrist, to get his revenge on the precept and to bring down the San Francisco House by brainwashing Derek to kill her and then himself. Yet Derek had triumphed. Reed had learned how strong the precept could be, and Derek had taken care of him once and for all.

Alex knew that Rachel was only looking out for her. The blonde woman merely feared that what had happened to Megan might happen to her young friend. Regrettably, that's the way things were in the Legacy sometimes. Death could come at any time, as much to Derek or herself or to any of them.

Maybe if she really wanted a Dutchman, she should go after the nice, charming and safe Jeroen van Dissen. She was surprised when Rachel had told her that Jeroen had been disappointed when she hadn't returned. Evidently Nick and Suzette had left shortly after them, leaving Rachel with Jeroen. They had had a discussion about his life on the islands, and the older woman found him amusing and interesting. He wanted to take her and the rest of them on a tour of one of the islands. These islands had many local legends and he loved exploring them. Rachel said that the young man considered himself an amateur archeologist and had read several papers of Derek's.

How different Derek and Jeroen seemed to be. Had Derek been like him once? Alex remembered how charming Prof. Rayne had been when... No, she had enough problems with the man in the present without delving into their past.

"Alex? Alex?" Her eyes focused on Derek.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" She grinned at the mischievous expression on his face.

"I asked if you've heard a word I've said."

She laughed. "Obviously not." Her voice softened. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "It's all right. You are very quiet tonight though. Is there something wrong?"

Her heart twisted at the worry in his eyes and she smiled. "I just don't think I'm very good company tonight."

"Alex," he said tenderly as he squeezed her hand. "You don't have to say anything to be good company. Do you want me to take you back to your room?"

She shook her head. "No, but can we go outside?"

"Certainly." He stood, then held out one hand as the other pulled out her chair. They walked out the back entrance of the restaurant that led directly out to the beach. They walked hand in hand in silence as they took the path to the bungalows. Lights glittered on the archway to the pool, and the moon shone in the clear sky above them.

"God, it's so beautiful here," she said quietly as she stopped and walked several steps from him. She soon felt his arms wrap around her.

"Not half as beautiful as you are in that dress," he said lightly before he kissed her shoulder. She sighed and leaned back against his.

"Do you realize that when you say such things that I have trouble thinking?" He chuckled faintly into her ear.

"As do I, my dear Alex, when you look so lovely."

She turned to face him. Was he teasing her? His fingers brushed against her face as he played with several strands of her hair. Her hands rested on his waist as his pulled her face to his. His lips pressed gently against hers before they covered her mouth. She sunk into him, feeling as though she were drowning...

She pulled away and he gazed at her in concern. "Alex, I'm sorry. I thought..."

Her fingers against his mouth silenced him, and he smiled as she then traced his lips with a fingertip. Derek was with her, wanted her... Her arms went around his neck and she drew his face down to hers.

Her head be damned...

End part 18