He had always believed that if he and Alex had ever had that conversation about starting a serious relationship that he would have been the one looking like a deer caught in headlights...

Alex had stammered something about needing time to think, so he had escorted her back to her bungalow. She had slept late this morning while the rest of them had gone to breakfast. When she joined them later, he was casual and cool, giving her the time and space he thought she wanted.

At the moment, however, he was anything but cool. He sat on a beach chair along the shore of the lagoon beneath the hot mid-day sun, his feet in the water, as he pretended to be engrossed in a magazine. In actuality, he was observing the two younger members of the San Francisco House. His sunglasses hid his eyes, so he could discreetly watch them as they played in the deeper waters.

It had been some time since he had seen Alex in... He thought her bathing suit was best described as a two-piece outfit. Even so, she was lovely in the brightly flowered blue suit. She had always had a good figure, but she hid it too often behind ill-fitting clothing. She appeared even more beautiful when she was so relaxed and happy.

Rachel sat in a chair next to him, wiggling her feet to splash water on them. He had caught her glancing at him several times, but she had yet to speak. Alex's sudden squeals of laughter made him raise his head, and he saw Nick stumble, unable to keep the young woman on his shoulders any longer. The two quickly fell back into the water. He kept his eyes on Alex and Nick as they continued their game, but he could sense the blonde woman examining at him again.

Damn, had Alex talked to her? It was going to be difficult enough for the two of them to attempt a romantic relationship without Rachel's... advice or encouragement. He noisily flipped the page of the magazine, acting as if he didn't notice her stares. Under that pretense, he returned to discreetly studying the younger woman -- and wondering if he had made a mistake.

It wouldn't be the first time. Did he misread Alex's interest in him? No, that wasn't possible. After all, she had kissed him at the portal, and he suspected that he was the married man that she had mentioned. He had likely just taken her by surprise.

He shook his head. He didn't think that he'd ever understand women. During his life he had his share of being involved with them, but understand them? Maybe she was still upset over that incident years ago. It was completely his fault, and he had taken full responsibility for it. They had eventually managed to return to a comfortable working relationship again, so he doubted it was that. It might simply be his declaration on top of her emotional reaction to his account of what happened at the portal.

He had not meant to state his... well, intentions would fit the word he sought. Her anger had somewhat startled him, but she did have the right. He had called her outside, and she had rushed to help him. That's what she had believed he needed from her -- her help. Instead, he had tried to tell her of his feelings, then rendered her unconscious with a chemical spray. He should be grateful she was even still speaking to him. She had to care for him in some capacity to do that.

Yet her fury at him had needed to be dissipated. Not that he had revealed such a thing simply to dissolve her anger at what he had done to her. Thankfully, her reaction after he had told them his story had kept his colleagues from asking further questions as to his survival and the sepulchres. He wasn't sure that he could give them a straight answer, or even one that made sense. Had what he had seen in the sub-basement been real? And there were other things that...

"You know, you're kind of worrying Alex and Nick." Rachel's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"I'm sorry?" He turned another page.

"I said that you're worrying Nick and Alex. You've changed, you're... different from the way you were before that night. And during it too." She gave him a brief grin, then lowered her voice. "To tell the truth, you frightened me that night. I've never seen you that depressed. I..." Glancing at her hands for a moment, she gazed at him. "I was worried at how suicidal you sounded."

His face softened as he watched her. "I had to appear that way all the blame to fall on me should we need to detonate the C-4. There would have been questions from the authorities and..." He stared at Alex and Nick. "I wanted to make it easier for them."

"Easier for them? Weren't you ever coming out?" Rachel asked quietly.

His eyebrow rose as he turned to her. "Who's asking? The psychiatrist or the Legacy member?"

She gave him a steady look and said quietly, "Derek, I hope you know that whatever you say to me will be confidential and off the record."

"Then, no," he admitted. "I was not planning on coming out. At any point. The text did foretell of a chosen one dying to seal the portal. I couldn't let it be any of you. It was my home, my responsibility." He was saved from any further explanation when Alex and Nick joined them. "Back so soon?" he asked, putting aside the magazine.

Nick shook his head, spraying water on all of them. "Nick!" Rachel laughed as she grabbed a towel and tossed it at him. "Use this!"

"It's all couples," the ex-SEAL complained, pointing to one in the water and another near them, both enjoying each other. "And it's depressing when they're having such a good time."

"Oh," Alex teased him, "aren't you having a good time?" She chuckled and patted his arm.

"Not the kind I could be having." He raised his eyebrows several times and Alex giggled. "You and I will have to be one for now. Let's go back in." Nick grabbed her hand and she shrieked as they headed for the water.

Derek and Rachel watched from shore as Alex again climbed on the ex-SEAL's shoulders and he flipped her into the water. She squealed as she hit the water and went under. She quickly surfaced and he howled as she tossed water on him.

Rachel sighed. "Youth is wasted on the young. Can you see you and I doing that?" She settled back in her chair.

Derek smiled. "I guess not." He gazed at his young team members, then at the blonde. "Well, why not?" He held out his hand. "I'm game if you are." Rachel snorted and took it. "You're on."

They ran in the water and in no time Rachel was on Derek's shoulders. Alex and Nick gaped in surprise before they began to chuckle as the older woman fell into the lagoon. A short time later, there was a mock battle between the two groups as Rachel and Alex reached for the other as the men tried to keep them steady. The older woman shifted on his shoulders and Derek could no longer hold her. Into the water they went, hearing the laughter of the younger members as they emerged.

"Why don't we switch partners?" Alex's eyes widened at Nick's suggestion, but she smiled as she nodded. "Okay."

The battle raged anew. Rachel and Nick were soon in the water again as Derek precariously held Alex up. "We win! We win!" the dark woman shouted as she bounced on the precept's shoulders.

"Alex!"

She teetered and he swayed, attempting to keep her steady. "Derek..." Her hands grabbed his head as she tried to steady herself, but the movement caused him to lose his balance and they fell backward. With a great splash, they joined the others in the water.

"Nice move, Alex," Nick told her, trying not to snicker, but finally giving up the struggle. Before long all of them were laughing and splashing each other. "Okay, I give," the ex-SEAL said after a few moments. "That's it for me, I'm going to take a shower." He swam for the shore with Rachel behind him.

"I suppose we should go in as well and get ready for dinner." Derek said to Alex. They swam back in silence and joined Nick and Rachel back at the beach chairs. As they gathered their things and wrapped towels around them, he observed his team as they talked and laughed. They had needed this just as much as he had, for they had lost as much and suffered as he had. He owed them a great deal.

"What's the matter, boss?" Nick's voice broke through his reverie. "You okay?"

Derek nodded. "I'm fine," he said as he picked up the items he had brought. "I was just wondering what I'd have for our Christmas Eve dinner tonight."

They headed for their bungalows and he grinned, listening to their excited chattering. He had a feeling that this was going to be a merrier Christmas and a happier New Year than he had experienced in quite some time.

End part 13