| Quotes |
| As said by Greg |
| "I am old and my knowledge is strickly horizontal" |
| "There's no smoking and no penetrating the chicken in the state of California" |
| "In LA, you've always got to look for intelligent thought, because it's never going to come at you" |
| "When it comes to cows, it's them or us...If a cow could eat you, it would" |
| "Of course the kid was killed by a gun...But my goodness! If a flying wombat killed a small child, you wouldn't ban marsupials from taking to the air" |
| "Because it's the west coast, macromere, f**king yogart - eatng, checking the sell - by date on the cottage cheese while you're booting - up in the f**king bathroom nonsense, that f**king LA brings to the world, man" |
| "Cuz it seems to me that this country is so often a rednecked, dickhead, peckerwood, bo - hug, he - haw, gun - totin', psycho - christian, antichoice, homophobic, gimme - cap wearin, militia arm band, sportin' a huge belt buckle with your name on it that you wear upside - down so you go 'Oh sh*t that's my name!" |
| "Animals have two roles in today's society: to be delicious, and fit well" |
| "The endust not justify the meandust" |
| "Today's topic: premenstral syndrome, the bastards that inflict it upon women, earthquakes, and stuff that falls down" |
| "Contact lenses are for vain, weak - willed piglets who swan around showing off. 'Look everyone. I can see without spectacles. No one at first glance will ever assume I know how to surf the net.' Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need galsses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do - like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously" |
| "Ish. I am not for the many. I am for the few. that's cool" |
| "I think comedy should be left up to the professionals, that way everybody's safety is protected" |
| "Hollywood isn't even a city, really. It's just kid of a, I don't know, an idea, held simultaneously by, like, a million a**holes" |
| "I just feel like history is very much alive and important and I don't , you know, I can't worry about whether people get it or not, per se" |
| "Talking to British people about sex is like talking to Americans about reading, not too high on the agenda" |
| "Cause there are four exciting channels in England. 'Did you say four channels?!' Why, yes I did. Funville Trolley! Ding! Ding! Get off here, it's world entertainment headquarters! And you're the emperor!" |
| "Next to having your teeth drilled with your hands over your ears, or watching 'Riverdance' for the rest of your life, I can think of nothing more pleasant then listening to [bag]pipes" |
| "White pants should be worn on two occassions: 1.Never...and 2.If you're selling ice cream" |
| "Don't yell at people. Stand up for what is right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love" |
| "Lock up a bunch of people for hundreds of years in a remote location, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!" |
| "I love a good cat fight. Makes life worth living" |
| "We don't reallyknow anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an Australian guy painted his face blue and somehow they won" |
| "Thank you. Look for the sarcasm, you'll find it contained in every joke" |
| "I'd really love to chat, but I'm kinda in the middle of an improv show here" |
| "Thine mouth waggles like a duck's butt sliding down an icy hill backwards" |
| "There are so many that aren't going to get on the air. (shaking head) No, no,no,no" World's Worst Person to narrate a Joy of Sex video |
| Drew: What holds you to the earth? Greg: Why my love for you, Drew |