Gypsy: this is a stupid fic dose for all you all there that need it. It's my second fic though so please pleease be gentle with your torture and death threats. I'm too cute to die! I actually had two of my friends comment on my story about Wufei adn teh cocker spaniel so i'd thought i'd continue it a bit.
Wufei: Not again!
Nattie: injustice! how's a girl supposed to get this stupid bow off! *struggles with the huge pink bow tied around her neck*
Gypsy: Enjoy!!!! and put that bow back on! *puts a matching pink bow in Wufei's hair*and i plan on adding more fic writers to teh cast like Lili, *kelley*, r-chan and anyothers i decide to write to get permission!
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Quatre got up early one march morning Humming teh theme to "My Fair Lady". He walked into teh kitchen and saw the chaos. His prize Amarni Shoes being ripped apart by a little demon. (no and not Duo) It was that dog. Ever since Wufei had come home with teh stupid dog Quatre had lost shoes, cooking utensils, clothes, socks, the tv remote and a table to leg to it. He let out a scream loud enough to wake his dead father who was partying with teh mad scientists, marshall noventa and Treize Kushrenada. (you can just imagine what was goin on!!!!!!!)
trowa came out of his room hunter green robe on and his hair standing up, Wufei came out hair looking like abirds nest and pink nataku pjs, Heero and Duo came out.(Heero in his spandex and Duo in a sheet with a few Peanut M&M's stuck in his long chestnut hair)
"What happened?" Trowa asked looking at his lover who ahd teh ZERo system look in his eyes.
" That bitch ate my new armani shoes!!!!" the arabian pilot yelled.
"I thought we weren't supposed to call Relena that anymore." Duo mumbled "and you were teh first one to be forced to sign teh contract."
"Not Relena! This Bitch!" Quatre said picking up Wufei's adorable cocker spaniel.
"Nattie!" Wufei said in a baby voice. "i thought we talk about not eating Quatre's expensive shoes. If you're going to chew up something make sure it's Duo's or Heero's. They're teh ones who keep us up all night." Wufei took teh dog from the steaming mad Arabian. And Trowa picked up Quatre the exzact same way.
"Let me at her! I'll pull her ears off!" Quatre yelled. "don't mess with my armani shoes!" It ended up taking Trowa and Heero to hold the young pilot down.
"I'm sorry Quatre, but she's just a puppy. she doesn't know anybetter." Wufei said. :i'll save up and try to pay you back if money's that important to you."
Quatre gulped. "I've turned into my father." he groaned before passing out.
"Great!" Duo yelled. "Now who's gonna make us breakfast! Hey Wufei! let's use one of those coupons and get a some food from that pizza joint you got that from!" he pointed to Nattie before skipping off into teh kitchen.
"Hello?" Duo said into teh phone.
"Hello! Gypsy's House of Pizza Love!" a girl said. "I'm gypsy how can i help you?"
"we need pizza! now! and cappachino! and mocha fudge brownies and also some of those cheese coated breadsticks!" Duo said.
"What toppings?" she asked souding bored.
"Cheese and pepperoni and pinapple and green peppers!" Duo said yelling out his favorite combination.
"So i have one Bubbly Bishonen Pizza, a quart of Quatre Cappachino, Bodacious Brownies and Cheesy Chewy Cheesesticks?" she said sounding happier then the last reply.
'yes ma'm." he said.
"It'll be there in 30 minutes or you get a free lap dance by the gundam wing character of your choice!!!!" she said hanging up.
"weird girl.." Duo thought and in five secs later a cute girl was at teh door.
"Hi i'm blue violet happy pizza delivery girl! Told you it be here quick as a lick!!!" she stood tehre holding boxes adn bags and looking like she was gonna tip over.
"Bring um in here!" he said opening teh screen door. "Let me get teh coupons from Wufei!" he skipped off when a cocker spaniel came in adn licked Blue Violets hand.
"Hey Nattie! You keep that bow! you know Gypsy and I gotta have those home movies for references! by the way, any new info!?" she picked up teh dog which was the scret agent spy for the House of Pizza Love (AKA The University for insane fic writers *cough* Gypsy! *cough*)
"well," NAttie said scratching her ear. " Quatre calls Trowa Pookie, Wufei wears pink bunny pajamas on saturday nights, Duo has a thing for tickling, and Trowa has an obsession with "The Wizard of OZ" something about blue gingham dresses....."
"Scary!!!!!" Blue violet said setting Nattie down as she saw Duo coming back in.
"Here's teh coupons and here's a 2 dollar tip! thanks for playing with teh dog!" He said shoving her out!
"Wait!" she said. "Don't throw me out! i haven't got to touch Quatre's cookware yet!" She layed on the porch crying before a girl with silver hair dragged her away.(1)
"Pizza!!!!!!" Duo yelled loudly. Nattie layed on the floor in pain.
"That's it" she thought "if those two nut cases ahdn't promised me my human shape back for doing this i'd never sink this low! although unibang is kinda cute." and thus the evil plan began
(end of part one)
Sucks ne??? *shrugs*
1)- girl with silver hair? Dat's me! I'm helping BV through Quatre withdrawl. It's painful believe me
PART TWO!!!!
Everyone else- oh no!
Gypsy: OH YES! and here comes r-chan!!!!
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In the back corner of a closed pizza resteraunt three very crazed fic writers by teh names of Gypsy, Blue Violet and r-chan we're sitting around a pot of Quatre Cappachino...
"When do you think the dog will send us the first thing of film?" r-chan asked.
"Who knows... She doesn't have a thumb so it could be a while" Blue Violet said.
'You don't need a thumb to lick an envelope" she said back sipping her cup.
"The problem is you need a drivers liscense and legs long enough to hit the gas petal to get it to teh post office" Gypsy said. " By teh way r-chan great idea putting teh camera in teh bow.. They'll never notice!"
"Thankyou thankyou..." r-chan answered " do you think she can get in teh bathroom when Quatre's in teh shower? That would sure cure my writers block!"
"We can only hope...." Blue violet said before allt eh writers sighed with happiness and from Quatre withdrawl...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~meanwhile at teh g-boys house~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
" Hee-chan it's too hot to do anything!" Duo said leaning back int eh leather recliner wich was vaccum sealed to his legs.
Quatre came by humming with the the feather duster under one arm and a bottle of window cleaner in the other.
"How can you clean when it's a hundred degrees outside!?" Duo yelled at him.
" Dirt doesn't take summer vacation Duo" Quatre said doing into wufei's room to sust his sword collection. (2)
Just then Nattie walked in she saw a very hot and sticky Duo maxwell sitting in a chair. *she layed down where the camera in her bow could get that shot.
"Nope!" Quatre said picking her up. " No dirty dogs in teh house on summer cleaning day!!!" He walked to teh french doors and sat her outside. Nattie glared at him. No one put HER out. She saw Wufie or Wufei or Wu-chan or whatever his name was. Duo called him so many things she couldn't really tell what is was. She could see him layed out in a lounge chair. She ran over to him hoping he'd let her back in. The sun was an awful strain in keeping her hair silky smooth. Then when she ran to him she fell over. He was sunbathing naked.....
"Oh well, some poor fic writer could use this...... I'm not sure how though." She said putting teh camera in the correct position for a perfect view. Nattie herself covered her eyes with her ears.
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The fic writers were jumpin up and down. The first film casing came in the mail... Instead of waiting for te others Gypsy, Blue Violet and r-chan plopped down in front of teh tv in their Gundam shack. The Tv was shaped Like a giant deathscythe and haad a Duo tv remote. The put in teh video and watched.
First there was Quatre cooking.He was seeting the table, and doing other boring things.
"She could've captured his essence a little better then that." Gypsy said
The Quatre lifted up his pant leg and scratched his knee.
"Nice legs!" Blue Violet yelled.
" it is nice but she could have done better." r-chan said disapointed.
The scene changed. Heero was underneath the jeep fixing it and he popped out fromunder it without his shirt on. He petted teh dog and Nattie ran off. There was a grease spot on teh camera now. a little one but still it was a grease spot.
The scene changed again. Quatre was using teh vaccum and was bent over.
"Now that's a shot!" Gypsy Yelled.
The Trowa came up behind him and grabbed him.
Blue violet was taking notes for ehr next fic. " Attack of teh Vaccum!" she muttered. Gypsy and r-chan shrugged ans stared at teh screen.
Quatre hit Trowa with the feather duster and ran off. Trowa followed and so did the camera but it was met with a locked door.
"Argh!" r-chan said stuffing her hand into a bowl of m&m's.
The scene changed agin it was Quatre's and trowa's room.
"Nice color." Gypsy said. "i never would of guessed it'd be blue."
Blue Violet bopped her on the head. " be quiet!"
Trowa came out of teh shower in a towel. Then he turned on teh radio.
"Ricky MArtin!!!!" All 3 fic writers yelled. trowa began singing along with teh radio.
"Shake your bon-bon.---" Trowa sang as he changed behind an old changing curtain. Just teh sillouwette of him changing madea s little trail of drool drip from all 3 girls mouths.
The scene changed to a hot and sticky Duo maxwell in the leather recliner looking un pleasant and complaining as usual. The the camera was picked up adn sat outside.
The scene changed and a very naked Wufei was on teh screen. All 3 girls screamed. The tiny grease spot had spread out a little and blocked out most of his unmentionables.
"I love that grease spot." Gypsy said... The tape was over.
"that was pathetic!" r-chan said standing up. "I'm going over there to have a talk to that dog!" she stood up and walke dout of teh room gracefully.
"What do you think she'll do?" Gypsy asked.
"Knowing r-chan. we don't want to know." Blue Violet said " wanna play nintendo?"
"yeah!!!!" Gypsy yelled grabbing the controller and beginnning there 35,468th game of "Donkey Kong Country"
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All 5 pilots were around teh dinner table eating Nattie stared at their dinner of roast beef, mashed potatoes, green beans and baked carrots. She could die for a carrot and she would rather die then eat another can of "Puppy Lovin Dog chow" endorsed by Lili.
"Who's lili anyway, but i have to say the way she styles her ears are cute!" she thought staring at Duo hoping for a bite of food. Good thing about being a cute adorable puppy is getting table scraps.
" AWWWW" Duo said. " You know she's so much cuter then Mr. Squashy-face"(3)
" A vaccum cleaner was cuter tehn THAT was." Wufei said " and nothing cuter then my Nattie!" he did somethign and to her delight he sat down a bread plate of food on the floor
"I love that man!" she cried happily.
"No, Wufei." a voice said just as she got a peice of roast beef in her mouth. " Dog's can't it table scraps it 's bad for them." the plate went away and Nattie saw HIM. That blonde bitch was gonna get it. She began to think of evil plans to get him back. Like chew his leg off while he was sleeping or maybe knock a house plant over "accidently" and spread dirt over his NICE CLEAN carpet, maybe even a little doggy throw up in his laundry would be ncie. All over those hideous pink shirts. "heh heh" she thought. Suddenly there was a knock on teh door. Heero got up and answered it.
"Hello." A pretty girl said " my name is r-chan and i'm here from the happy hugs and flowers company. I have a delivery for Quatre Winner."
"Oh Trowa you shouldn't have." Quatre said taking an insanely large bouquet of white roses from her.(4)
"I know... I didn't." he said..
"If you didn't then who did?" Quatre asked.
"Maybe it was that hot guy you were flirting with at teh grocery store!" Duo chimed in.
"What GUY?" Trowa asked jealousy flowing through his veins.
"Why don't we just read teh card." Heero said taking it off the vase. "Dearest Quatre, we love the ground you walk on, your eyes, your hair, the way you prove "real men wear pink", the sweat, your saliva and the way you choke on your food when someone mentions sex at teh dinner table. sincerly, the we love Quatre fan club."
"Good heavens." Quatre said blushing.
"Not done yet. I've been ordered to sing and dance for you." r-chan said. "Oops! i did it again! I played with your heart!!!-" a cold hard hand clamped over her mouth.
"Anything but that song." Wufei said.
"Who let teh dogs out?" r-chan asked.
"Even worse." Heero said.
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts Diddlydidly There they are standing in a row! Big ones small ones some bigger tehn your head." r-chan sang. She was silent.
"Why'd you stop ,we like that song." Duo said.
"I don't know the rest. That's where it stops on teh lion king." r-chan said blushing.
" You know i don't know a person who knows all teh words to that song." Quatre said. (5)
"well tehre's just one more thing...... I have to give you a hug from all your fans." she said clinging to Quatre like fake boobs on relena. She pulled out a polaroid and took a few pictures.
"What was that for?" Quatre asked prying her off.
"I have to have proof i did it for my boss now my tip is usually 10% so you give me that and i'll be on my way." she said picking up teh pictures off the floor.The pilots were too busy trying to find change in teh couch that they didn't notice Nattie slipping out on the porch.
"Here you go... 4 dollars and 86 cents." Trowa said.
"Thanks again!" she said.. going out on to teh pporch. She saw teh dog sitting in teh rocker. "now you listen here." she whisperd. "we want more juicy Trowa and Quatre moments. and i happen to have a double cheeseburger from McDonalds in my car so you promise me better stuff on teh next film chip and it's yours."
"Hey i'll even sleep in there room for a few french fries right now!!!" Nattie said."and who knows what goes on in there..." (6)
r-chanre treived the heavely fat filled burger from teh car and even added a few french fries to it.
"Thanks again Nattie!!!!!!" r-chan yelled as she drove away.
Nattie in haled the burger and went inside to plan the next part of her mission.
End of Part 2
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2) my mom says crap like that all the time.
3)- Mr. Squashy face is from a fic by Lili. I hope she doesn't mind me mentioning him but i couldn't help it!! It was one of the funniest thigns i ever read!
4)- Why are always people associating Quatre with white roses and otehr white crap! it annoys teh heck out of me so i thought i'd annoy you too!
5)- Just ask around and you will find NO ONE knows teh words to that song after the place it stopped in lion king!!!!! if you do know the words email em to me! i would love to know what they actually are.
6)- WE ALL KNOW!!!!!! we should know with great authors like *kelley* always finding new creative ways to state it!!!
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PART 3
Lilly The Lion Hearted!!!!
GT- here's part three it's based around when Lili joins our group that means of course extreme silliness and stupidity on my part......
G-Boys- oh no..... Here it comes...
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They were sitting at breakfast. Quatre was drinking hsi third cup of tea. A rule in teh house no bothering Quatre till he had 7 cups of tea in.. even if teh house was burning down.. Let him at peace if you want your head still on your shoulders and not delivered to your doorstep teh next day via UPS. (7)
Then there was a knock at teh door. Nattie peeked out teh window and saw IT....
"Oh no..." she thought.. She ran and hid under Quatre and trowa's bed. "Not her."
Quatre was about to throw a stainless steel pot at the door when Trowa grabbed his arm.
"ah. ah. last week you hit teh mailman with a can of metal polish..." he said... He pried teh pot out of his lovers grip and answered teh door. A pretty girl in a red powersuit stood tehre a breifcase in hand. " Hello." he said.
"Are you Trowa Barton?" she asked.
"Yes ma'm." he said.
"I'm Lili with the Lion Tamers league as of last month your lion tamers liscence expired and you have failed to renew it. I'm here to retrain you." she said removing her sunglasses.
"What?" he asked. "I didn't think i needed one."
"The law is teh law Mr. Barton. Now i brought you teh standard training uniform. I'll meet you in teh back yard in 10 minutes." She walked inot teh house straight to teh bathroom.
"Please tell me that's your cousin." Quatre said tapping his fingers against the tile with jealousy in every vein.
"She's training me." Trowa said " My lion taming liscence must have expired."
"You need a liscnce to do that?" Quatre asked.
" Ever since those Animal rights people in teh 21st century started getting violent all animal care workers have to have a liscnce. I didn't think mine ahd expired though." Trowa said. The girl walked abck inot the kitchen in a tight leotard, black pants and a small shrug jacket with silver sequins on it. Trowa and Quatre's mouths hit teh floor.
"No..." The arabian pilot said. "No way in hell."
"Quatre, you know my job means everything to me. She's just my teacher. Nothing more. Would you want me to be jealous if INstructor H was wearing some hot little # and teaching you how to crack a whip and tame a lion????" Trowa said running out of breath. That was the most words any fic writers had eveer given him. Atleast this writer atleast....( GT: *smiles happily* good trowa!)
"If Instructer H looked like that sure because even if he was her twin he freaks me out with that whole "I'm a normal looking mad scientist" routine." (8) Quatre said putting his ahdns on his hips.
"Well i don't really care. Where's my uniform miss Lili?" he asked.
"In teh bathroom let's get started. Is That tea???" She grabbed the tea pot and poured a cup.
"Don't worry blondie I'm not gonna steal your boyfriend." she sauntered off into teh backyard the dog following her.
"Ahhhh. well They say Bitches come in Bunches." Quatre said before swilling down teh rest of the tea in sorrow. (9)
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Trowa walked out into the backyard and there she sat in her tight little outfit.
"Let's Get Started!!!" she said standing up. "Now Lion tamers have 3 major items that they must always have with them for protection adn for teh taming to be done properly. That would be the whip, a chair and if needed a lure of sometime. Now i want you to growl adn crack your whip now Come on Growl for me Lion Man!!!!"
"Grrr.." Trowa said patheticly slamming his whip harshly on a deck chair.
"More Grrr, Less Whip!!" Lili said.. " GRRRR!!!"
"gr.." Trowa said patheticly...
"GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!" Lili Yelled. " Come on Unibang growl for me!!!!!"
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Quatre slammed teh pot down he was cleaning for the 30th time. For how long were tehy gonna be yelling in teh yard. He walked into Wufei's room adn dug around in his dresser for a bit before pulling out a pair of teh EAR BLOCKERS 2000&1 after placing them in he sighed at the silence and went back to claning the kitchen. Cookie Dough was next to impossible to get off teh ceiling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~6 HOURS LATER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two very tired people in leather and other tight materials came in sweaty, sunburned and horse.
"Very good Trowa... Here's your re-newed liscence." Lili croaked out handning him the peice of paper. "Just make sure to get it renewed every 2 years. I don't wanna have to do this again." They walked into the kitchen and saw Quatre standing on the counter in a torn up t-shirt a tight pair of daisy dukes and his little pilot goggles scraping some goupy stuff off the ceiling.
"Quatre?" Trowa asked. The blonde didn't even look their way. He just kept on humming the theme to cats and scarping some more.
"Quatre!!!!!!!" Trowa yelled as best he could. The blonde turned his head slightly and thats when Trowa saw teh insanely lareg pair of ear plugs in his ears. Trowa walked up to him and grabbed his lovers ankle. Quatre jumped, shreiked and fell off teh counter directly on top of Lili.
"OUCH!" Lili yelled.... Quatre stuck his elbow in her mouth to remove teh ear plugs. She bit him.
"Ouch!!!!" Quatre said tears welling up in his eyes. "You bit me..." Trowa picked him like a child and sat him on teh counter. Quatre held up his elbow wich had a pretty nasty bite on it. Trowa kissed it then Royally Threw Lili out on her royal keister.
Lili Stood up and dusted her self off. "Oh well atleast i got to see him in leather, lycra, and spandex. and teh dog should have caught almost all of that. Including blondie in dasiy dukes." She hopped into her convertable with it's pink bunny fuzzy dice.(10)
Trowa put a bandaid on Quatre's elbow..
"That better???" he asked kissing teh arabian pilot on teh cheek.
"Oh pookie." Quatre said then he looked over Trowa's shoulder and gasped. " WHAT THE HELL!!!!" he jumped of teh counter grabbing teh gun Heero had left on teh table. "That does it dog! you and me rumble! You touch Mr. Flufflykins again and i'll ring your neck!" NAttie stared at him and began chewing on teh pink stuffed bunny again. Trowa intervened adn grabbed teh rabbit and began to pull it out of the coker spaniels mouth. The dog only bit harder. Trowa pulled harder and teh bunny's head came off. Trowa stared at teh rabbit's headless body which was in his hands. He hid it behind his back. Quatre's eyes welled up and sniffed then teh tears pured down his face he made a stranging sound in his throat adn ran of sobbing.
The dog dropped the rabbits head and ran off frightened when Trowa picked up teh gun. Trowa picked it up adn went to teh sewing kit. "Man, that dog won't last long if he keeps on ripping Mr. Fluffykins head off."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~end of part 3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(8)- i hate it that Instructor H looking normal!!!! it's SOOOOO weird. Not as weird at MAster O though He looks like Mr. Clean on steroids.
(9)- I could never hear Quatre say anything like that but you know someone may take chances on thier lives if they hit on Trowa.
(10)- Pink bunnies!!!! The christmas and Thankgivings Fics by Lili!!!! The funniest in teh world!!!!! *dies wif laughter*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~PART 4~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AKUME ATTACKS!!!!
Stereo: Dum Dum DUM!!!
Gypsy: Yea!!!! I'm almost finished now time for the real insanity!!!
G-boys: Oh god, here it comes!! *they run and hide*
Gypsy: *snags Quatre in her butterfly net* i don't think so not into you pose for my GW wallpaper for my bedroom!!!!
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Insane Fic writer headquarters AKA the pizza joint
"That last set of film was even more pathetic then usual!" R-chan said. "With a few exceptions. It sure was funny watching Lili Lose her voice!"
Akume looked over her shoulder at the other fic writers. Blue Violet was looking at her latest smash fic adn was trying at all possible to finish it!!!(11) Gypsy, and r-chan were watching G-Wing reruns and paiting up "WE LUV QUATRE" t-shirts. Lili was on teh couch trying to get over losing her voice and some major leather burns on her unmentionables. She snickered.
"What are you laughing at!" Lili croaked out.
"I just think it's funny you guys have been all such failures." Akume said laughing. "and had it not been for the pizza buisness doing so well, we'd be starving insane fic writers." She started to giggle constantly at teh thought of Lili having a leather burn all teh way up and down her legs from trying to train Trowa of all people "and Lili! The Lion Tamer's Leauge? Come on!!!!"
"Hey Trowa believed it that's all that matters. and Quatre did get angry." Lili said.
"Quatre's so cute when he's angry." r-chan said with a sigh.
"Well i just came up with my part of teh plan." Akume said getting up from teh computer.
"Atleast some one does!" Gypsy said drinking her 16 millionth glass of milk. "What is it."
"When the G-boys wake up they're gonna find a little leak in one of theirs pipes. They call a plumber and I ambush." she said stretching.
"What do you mean little leak?" Gypsy asked going to teh cuboard for some oreos.
"I drilled a hole into they're water pipes about 6 inches in diameter." she said calmly.
"They'll be flooded out!!" r-chan screamed.
"It'll be like a bad Titanic fic!" Blue Violet said putting her face in her hands.
"I'll SAVE QUATRE!!!!!" r-chan, Gypsy and Akume yelled suddenly.
"I don't think so Duckies." Akume said. "As the plumber i'll truly be victorious!" she cocked her head like MArieMai would. Then she skipped off to finialize her plans.
"That's scary." Lili said.
"No kidding." Gypsy said. " I made ginger bread gundam pilots anybody want one?" There was amad dash to the kitchen with much blood in the streets.
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Wufei looked into teh basement... "Shit!" he yelled.
""What?" Quatre asked loooking at the other pilot strangely.
"The basement is totally flooded!!!" he yelled.
"What?" Quatre opened the door and peeked in.. "OH yeah." he said nervously before backing up about 5 feets and sitting on the kitchen counter.
"What?" Wufei asked.
"A little too much water." he said "makes me nervous."
"Well here i got this coupon from that annoying pizza place for 20 dollars of our next plumber use so here call the guy up and get it fixed." Wufei said handing him teh peice of paper.
"Akume PLumbing and pipe work." Quatre muttered to himself. "Best service in town I guarentee! Now where have i heard that before?" he picked up teh phone and left a message. "his gir;friend must have done the recording for him. No guy would sound that dumb." (12)
They were at breakfast Quatre was on the couch instead though complainging about Hydrophobia and a headache. Duo was munching away on donuts, milk, toast, eggos and whatever else he could stuff in his mouth. Trowa was playing doctor with Quatre from what teh other pilots could tell either that or some other very strange thing when the doorbell rang. Nattie jumped out of Quatre's chari taking a powdered donut with her. That when she saw YET another one.
"HI My name's Akume and i'll be your plumber today!" she said sounding very much like a waitress Wufei had met in an earlier fic.(13)
"A woman?" he asked in disbelief.
"Yeah so what? do i have to show you my buttcrack to verify i'm a plumber?" she asked. She wlaked in. "where's your trouble?"
"In the basement." Wufei said pointing to the door.
'Thanks Doll Face!" she said. Quatre just then stepped into teh kitchen to grab a swiffer cloth from under teh sink.
"Nice ass blondie!" she yelled before spitting out teh window. She opened the basement door.
"Holey COW!!! what a flood! that has to be the biggest hole i've ever seen ripped!!!!"
Quatre and Wufei looked at each other then shrugged. You could hear the girls cussing about water being cold and mold allergies and something about Gypsy Never having to do this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~about and hour later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quatre and the rest of the utterly adorable G-boys were in Trowa and Quatre's bedroom hiding. About 1/2 an hour ago all hell had broken out. She had been down in the basement at first humming "The Locomotion" and "Barbie Girl." which wasn't that bad. and then she came up stairs with a super soaker.
"Here's Akume!" she said before squirting Wufei till teh point he had water pouring out of his trousers on to Quatre's newly waxed floor. Then the rampage started all 5 pilots had been cornered at some point and shot with teh super soaker. Wufei had even been beat with a very lagre plunger.
"Come out Come out where ever you are!?" Akume said sneaking around teh hallways. She had on ehr new and imporved outfit adn er little heart set on capturing Trowa. "Don't make me disconnect teh septic tank!"
"What's a septic tank?" Duo asked.
"It's what let's us flush." Wufei said holding an ice pack on the swollen bump on his forhead.
"Maybe we should come out." Duo said. "That's just gross."
"You're not the one she tried to molest!" Quatre said angrilly throwing a stuffed camel at Duo. "There's no way i'm going back out there."
"I know!" Heeo whispered. "We'll send out onw of us to distract her while teh rest of us bolt out teh window."
"I nominate Maxwell!" Wufei said. " he talks to much."
"No way in hell." Heero said.
"Then you're volenteering Heero?" Trowa asked.
"I thought you would." He said back.
"Weak bunch of sissies." Wufei muttered.
"For that comment i nominate Wufei be the victim we sacrifice!" Quatre said.
"I agree." Duo said.
"Can't argue there." Trowa said.
"Then it's settled Wufei you're a better man tehn all of us." Heero said before grabbing teh chinese pilot by teh collar and tossing him out the bedroom door.
"That's for calling us sissies." Duo muttered.
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Akume's eyes lit up when she ehard a door slam and a heap in teh hallway.
"Goody goody goody!!! maybe it's Duo or Heero or maybe even *drool* Quatre. Trowa could be a nice advantage too!" Then she saw who it really was... It was *facefall* Wufei..... "Oh well " she thought "a g-boy is a g-boy" Then she pounced...
4 other pilots watched from the window at what torture was bestowed on their fellow pilot. Big Bag Voo Doo Daddy was playing Akume was swinging Wufei around who was dressed in a red superman cape, SailorMoon boots and a bunch of pink spandex. pretty much he looked like the cadbury bunny on crack.
"Poor Wufei... We should do something to thank him..." Quatre said..
"Mission Accepted." Heero said "Trowa and I will throw out plumber pal and you and Duo go rent some Old Jackie Chan movies, get Chinise food and buy him a stuffed aminal with a balloon that's says THANKS!"
"Okie Dokey Doctor Jones!" Duo laughed before grabbing Quatre and running off "Thank god they gave us the fun stuff...."
"Think we can rent Coyote Ugly too?" Quatre asked hopefully.
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Akume dragged her aching body back into the INSANE FIC WRITERS HEADQUARTERS.(tm)
"Have fun?" Kelley asked from her spot on teh couch.
"I almost completed my mission." she moaned falling onto the carpet exhausted.
"Almost?" Blue Violet asked.
"You mean you tried and failed."r-chan said nonchalantly.
"Miserably. but NAttie told me that she got some great shots of some shirtless pilots we all love." she said.
"Man, " Gypsy said. "can not one of us kidnap Quatre and Trowa. Thye would be perfect cure for our writers block."
"Oh i'll succeed Gypsy mark my words." kelley said. "Gypsy where's that bag of costumes i had?
"Looking for the socks?" r-chan asked.
"Uh huh." Kelley said opening the closet adn throwing out the movie popcorn maker, extra computer, 3 graphic novels, a barbie dream house and life size cardboard cutout of Quatre with lipstick kisses all over it.
"Gypsy's got em on." Blue violet tattled.
"GYP~!!!!!" Kelley yelled.
"But i like em!" she complained. "don't kill me!" she removed the blue striped socks kelley ahd made Quatre where in her pirate fic...
"Deal. infact i'll kidnap Quatre and Trowa!" kelley said as te lightning flashed outside!!!!
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end of part 4
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PART 5
KELLEY COMES IN!!!!!
AN- MORE INSANITY MORE INSANITY!
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"Finally we're alone..." Quatre said laying his head on Trowa's shoulder.
"Not really angel." Trowa said. "we're walking down 5th avenue in broad daylight."
"Yeah but we don't have Duo asking what time's lunch or Heero threatening to kill someone or Wufei bleeding in a pool." Quatre said.
"well i have to give you credit there." Trowa said. "Atleast i was able to get you out of teh house for a day of romance and love."
"And shopping." Quatre said.
"Shopaholic." Trowa teased patting Quatre on teh arm.
"Well I suggest we go to the mall first." Quatre said.
"I'll get a cab.." Trowa said kissing Quatre on teh cheek. "TAXI!"
A cab pulled up as fast as lightning A pretty girl smiled at Trowa. Trowa thought it looked a little scary maybe even a little manical.
"I'm kelley the happy cab driver! may i be of service to you?" she asked.
"Hey well atleast you can understand her english." Quatre said hopping in. Trowa climbed in after him.
"Where to honey bun?" Kelley asked.
" Southside Mall." Quatre said his eyes gazing to the condom windchime dangling from the rearveiw mirror.
" Right o Doll Face!" She said pulling away from the curb. Quatre clutched Trowa's arm tightly.
"Could you please slow down." Quatre said.
"No can do dearest." she said looking back in the mirror.
"Well, Why not??" Quatre asked his hand clutching to Trowa arm.
"Well if i'm gonna kidnap you correctly we have to make a qick getaway!" she said. "Care for some licorice?"
"Kidnap us??!" Trowa asked taking the licorice from her. "WhY? i for gods sake keep your eyes on teh rode and Stop drooling over my boyfriend!"
"Jeez Tease Clown boy. My names Kelley adn you two are gonna be my models." she said turning back around. "I run The Hentai Hotline adn you two are in demand right now."
Quatre turned threw shades of purple before passing out cold. Atleast that gave Trowa some excuse for CPR which Kelley made sure to record. An hour later they arrived at an adandonned warehouse far far from civilizatiuon... (AN_ oo! oo! i know it's my home town!!!!!) They arrived and Kelley drug teh two pilots into a room curtained off. She shoved tehm on a makeshift bed made up of toxic waste drums adn martha stuwart fuzzy blankets.
" ok now! go at it." she said pulling out her tripod out of her spandex workout pants.
"How can spandex hold so much?" Quatre asked Trowa.
"GO at what?" Trowa asked her.
" Have sex. boink like minks. Make love to mister manly man. fuck him and make him scream your naem to high heaven!!!!" she said "and put tehse on and don't take um off." She handed Trowa a girl scouts patch sash adn Trowa a pair a blue adn black striped knee socks.
"Huh?" Quatre asked. "What's up with these?"
" Well you don't need to know but Quatre if you could say the lines "Captain oh my Captain!!!!" i'd appreciate it." she said putting on teh directors chair....
"ummmmm." Quatre said blushing Trowa leaned over ti kiss his lover passionatly. "Trowa you can't be going along with this!"
"well i have to admit it is one of my fantasies." Trowa said.
"oh well tehn." Quatre said getting a seductiove look on his face. "Let's fulfill it."
Kelley silently did a victory dance.
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Hours later maybe it was at 2 oclock in teh morning two piltos stumbled in. wering ripped up adn rumpled clothes and wearing a few unusual items. Like striped socks, a girl scout sash, bits and peices froma school uniform and a pirate hat. Wufei just stared at um adn NAttie cocked her head and Thought.
"Kelley queen of Kinky Combat has struck again!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~end of part 5
Gypsy- one more part to go!!!! YEA! and this is where i come in but i gotta warn ya it'll be real tiny!!!!
Duo- thank god....
NAttie- I want more lines! (Trowa and Quatre just stand there with big smirks on their faces)
Kelley- So do I! my part was way to small!
Gypsy- *sighs* PRIMA DONNAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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part 6- teh wrath of Gypsy Tollamer
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"Well nice filming." Blue Violet said.
"What tape did you use?" R-chan asked.
"Um something with "blank" written on it." kelley said
"Ack!!!!!!!! that was my copy of The BIrdcage!!!!" GYpsy yelled before pouncing adn pounding on kelley...... "well now that that's over i got a call from our spy. she wants ehr part of the deal that means it's time for operation g-boys...."
"I'll go get the duct tape, teh rolladex and the forceps." r-chan said.
"And i'll get the water guns, the butter knifes adn the chains." Akume said.
"I'm in charge of teh video camera, teh magic wands and the edible panties." kelleys aid pulling ehr body off teh floor.
"I'll get teh m&m's, the sleeping pills and the camoflauge." Blue Violet said.
"I got eh transportation and layout plasn done!" Lili yelled running in.
'Let me grab my camera, teh uniforms and my laptop adn we're outta here!" Gypsy yelled running to her room adn hitting teh doorframe in the process.
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All the g-boys and NAttie were in teh living room watching "will and grace"
"Jack is sooooooo funny!" Duo yelled. "reminds me of Quatre in some ways."
Quatre gasped. "how dare you say that!" he yelled.
"see." Duo said. All teh otehrs laughed soon a body busted threw the window. They reconized it as that crazy cab driver.
"This is a holdup!" she yelled. 2 more bodies climbed in.... It was the plumber and that lion tamer that had Quatre so jealous in part 3.
"Trowa!" Quatre yelled hiding behind him. They ehard the door break open in the kitchen adn in entered. The pizza girl, the florist and some girl with silver hair and massive gun in her hadns.
"Hey you own that pizza place." Wufei said.
"Not really i am teh captain of teh team of insane fic writers adn we have come to releave our spy of her duty." she said. "Chloe!" she yelled. Nattie ran over and sat beside Gypsy.
"NAttie!" all teh pilots yelled. Blue Violet bent over and bapped Nattie on the head with a magic wand wthere was a flash of light and a beautiful sexy woman sat on teh floor where Nattie ahd been.
"Yikes!" Wufei yelled.
She got up adn shook out her golden curls. "Hi there Boys. I'm Chloe."
"I slept in teh same beda s that?" Wufei asked. "I'm teh luckiest man on earth!"
"Not really boys..." Chloe said. "i used to a prostitute. Almost everyone's had a taste."
"EW>" Quatre yelled.
"and by teh way Quatre you're a real jealous bitch." Chloe added. The fic writers cobbered her on teh ehad.
"Don't insult OUr snookums like that!!!" they yelled. The girls removed tehy're leather jackets to reveal "WE LUV QUATRE" t-shirts.
"My god." Quatre said.
"well we're done here except for one thing." Gypsy said......
"and that is?" Trowa asked.
"Taking pictures of your asses!!!!" she yelled grabbing her camera and flashing a bunch of shots. All teh pilots ran with 7 girl following
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2 days later Wufei sat on his bed cocker spaniel- less and alone.
"Why me?" he asked... Suddenly a squirrel climbed in through his window and sat on his head. "I think i'll call you Rocky." he said picking it up adn snuggling it. he had a friend again now.
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In a safehouse far away 7 girls sat drinking coffee and eating brownies. Gypsy smiled evilly and winked.
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THE END??????