Summery: this is a very depressing fic about Trowa and his sis Catherine. If you want to cry then read this, if you don’t cry then I must be a worse writer then I thought. (Oh and my spelling sucks, I know!)
(Warning: extreme angst. And mild swearing.) (Rated pg./ pg-13 )
(This means present time with Trowa. This means past time with Catherine. This means past time with Trowa)
(A Year earlier)
Catherine lay in the hospital bed, breathing hard. The cancer had spread from her arm to her chest and the doctor had said that the keemo therapy she had been receiving wasn’t helping!
~ I wish that I could have been there for you the hole time Catherine ~
(A year and a half earlier)
Trowa turned his back on them and began to walk away. "Wait! Trowa please don’t go and die on me" yelled Catherine. Trowa turned his head and looked at his circus ‘sister’. Trowa smiled and said, "of course I wont die" and turned around. "Just incase I don’t see you ever again, goodbye Trowa" yelled Catherine after him. "Ill be coming back so no good byes are needed." Said Trowa, walking away. Trowa had left that day, getting into his gundam and taking off for yet another one of his missions. The mission was simple, infiltrate the enemy as an oz soldier. Trowa knew that it would mean dedicating allot of time, but he also knew that to sabotage the enemies plans from within would be better then to fight. Trowa took off in his gundam (heavy arms), glancing once more at the tiny speck, which was the circus tent ~ my home (thought Trowa)~.
~ That had been a year ago (thought Trowa)~ Trowa pressed his head into his hands as he felt the tears welling up. ~ Your not going to cry again! ~ Thought Trowa as he began to cry. Trowa hurriedly wiped the tears from his eyes, glancing up at the circus tent that no longer felt like his home. "It’s ok Trowa, you couldn’t have done anything" said the circus ringleader. Trowa looked up at him "I’m sorry" said Trowa. "There’s nothing to be sorry about," said the ringleader. "Come on now Trowa, smile and be the clown that this circus needs," said the ringleader (I’m going to start calling him Fred). Trowa looked at Fred "I may be a clown, but I’m a sad one" said Trowa. "I promise that you will one day be happy again Trowa, just give your heart time to heal" said Fred. Trowa looked up at him "I hope your right" said Trowa. Fred nodded and began to leave, not wanting to bug Trowa any further. Trowa buried his face in his hands again and tried to remember.
Trowa arrived at the OZ base successfully registering himself under the name Matt McCormick. His hair had been combed back and he wore glasses as a disguise. He had been given a uniform and number. ~ All that trouble thinking up a good alias and they give me a stupid number ~ thought Trowa ~ that really says that they care about their soldiers ~. Trowa was now Matt McCormick, number 673.
~ What had Catherine been doing while I was being numbered? (Wondered Trowa) ~
Trowa fingered a picture of Catherine that he had in his hand, and tried to remember more
The rest of the week had gone by extremely quick (remembered Trowa). He had been placed in a room with two other OZ soldier recruits. It had been a-bit cramped but nothing to bad. He had spent most of his time drilling and ‘training’ so his room space didn’t matter that much anyway. Trowa had also spent the week becoming the ‘teachers pet’ of his commanding officer. It hurt Trowas pride to always be agreeing with the Sargent, especially because the guy was an utter idiot when it came to battle technique.
Catherine looked up at the ceiling tiles. ~ Hurry up and come back to me Trowa, I need you to help me get better (thought Catherine) ~. A knock came at Catherine’s door "come in" said Catherine. "Its time for your shot Catherine" said a nurse as she opened Catherine’s hospital room door. "Ok" said Catherine offering her arm to the nurse. The nurse looked at Catherine’s arm, ~ poor girl, it looks like she’s been taking heroin her arms so shot up! (Thought the nurse) ~. The nurse got Catherines shot ready. Catherine closed her eyes because she was deathly afraid of needles!
Trowa shuddered, thinking about how alone Catherine must have felt in that hospital. At the same time a wave of guilt washed over him, making tears threaten his eyes once more. ~ Why couldn’t I have been there? (Thought Trowa angrily) ~. Trowa got up and walked to the wild cat cage. Trowa put his hand through the bars and stroked the majestic head of his favorite one, hearing it purr loudly. Trowa looked at the (I don’t know if Trowa has lions or tigers but I’m gunna have these be Tigers) Tiger fondly. "You where Catherines favorite to" said Trowa, a tear falling from his face and landing on the Tigers (face). The Tiger ‘purred’ its deep throat vibrating in a sad way. Trowa stroked its ears and felt the pain and guilt inside of him well up. ‘You always did help me get through tuff times tiger" said Trowa lovingly to the animal. The tiger growled a sympathetic growl as Trowa scratched under its chin.
Catherine prepared herself to brave the ex-ray machine for the 7th time that year. She closed her eyes as she was put into the small-enclosed place. Catherines breath was a bit ragged because she was extremely claustrophobic. She felt the usual shudders from the machine and heard the usual wurr as the doctors tried to see if her cancer had grown. Soon the machine stopped and Catherine was let out, ~ free again ~ A nurse came in. Catherine looked over at the nurse who had just come in; hoping there would be good news. She noticed that Fred was with the nurse. "Hi Fred" said Catherine, trying her best to sound cheerful. ‘Hi Catherine" said Fred. Fred surveyed his once cheerful and healthy circus star worriedly. She had lost allot of weight (and she never really had any weight to begin with) and her once almost pail olive skin was deathly white! Her hair was a-bit out of place and noticeably thinner ~ she’s already loosing her hair (thought Fred) ~. "Catherine, the cancer hasn’t let up any, but it hasn’t spread either, we are going to change your keemo and hope that it lets up" said the nurse. Catherine sighed in relief "that’s good to hear" said Catherine. Catherine attempted a smile as Fred and the nurse led her out of the room. ~ I wish Trowa was here to tell me that I’m fine ~ thought Catherine as she cradled the letter she had received from Trowa to her heart ~ only a few more weeks (thought Catherine)~. The nurse took Fred aside. "Her cancer by all means has been taking over her body, do you know why she would have all of a sudden gotten the will to fight it?" asked the nurse. "She recently received a letter from a friend," said Fred.
Trowa had infiltrated most of the computer logs. It had been about a month and a half sense he had gotten there. Trowa sat down and began to write a letter to Catherine. (The letter) ‘Dear Catherine, how are you? I am well and hope to be with you shortly. Ill be back in about another week or two depending on how well this anti mobile doll program I’m installing works. I hope that you are well and I can’t wait to perform with you and the tigers again. Say hi to the head tiger, the one we both like the most. If there any changes in the plan ill write to let you know, expect another letter soon. And say hi to Fred to. Sincerely, Trowa Barton’… Trowa had mailed the letter; not knowing that Catherine was not well. There was no way that Catherine could Mail Trowa back (!!!), Trowa realized after he had mailed his letter (he had asked how she was).
Catherine looked up at Fred as he laid her back in her hospital bed. "Fred?" Catherine said. "What is it Cathy?" asked Fred. "Can you take me to see the tigers?" asked Catherine. "But Cathy, your not well enough to be getting up" said Fred. "I need to see the head tiger, I need him" said Catherine, tears in her eyes. Fred saw the sadness in her eyes and realized that the tiger wasn’t the ‘him’ she needed (Trowa was)! "Ok Catherine, ill see if I can bring him in," said Fred. Catherine smiled at Fred and closed her eyes, falling asleep.
She had needed him! She had needed him and he hadn’t been there! Trowa felt really crappy as he remembered something Fred had told him. "When she got your letter she insisted that she see the tigers" Fred had said. Catherine had needed him, and he hadn’t been there. Trowa withdrew his hand from the tiger cage, mad at himself for no one reason.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN MALICIOUS BEAST?!" yelled Fred from the lobby. The head tiger was on a leash by his side. "I’m sorry sir, you cant bring a Tiger into the hospital, your going to have o leave" said the person at the front desk. "Please, she really needs him, and he’s harmless" said Fred. "The Tiger could be carrying any number of germs, he’s a health hazard," said the person. "HEALTH HAZERD?! This tiger is cleaner then you!" yelled Fred. "I’m sorry sir no amount of yelling will change the hospitals policies" said the person. "THE HELL IT WON’T" yelled Fred. Finely Catherine’s doctor was called to deal with Fred. "Fred I know she wants to see him" said the doctor. "What if you brought her to the lobby?" said Fred. After allot of arguing the doctor gave in and had Catherine brought out to see the Tiger. As Catherine was wheeled out tot he lobby in a weal chair her face brightened. Catherine smiled when she saw the head tiger, and for the first time for awhile her smile wasn’t forced or fake. Fred smiled as Catherine petted and talked to the tiger, scratching under its chin. Tears came to her face because the tiger reminded her of Trowa ~ what is he dies before I do? (Thought Catherine) ~. "Cathy what’s wrong?" asked Fred. "Oh nothing, I just miss Trowa" said Catherine. Fred saw how remembering Trowa hurt Catherine and hid the letter from Trowa behind his back. Fred had read the letter before hand and he didn’t want Catherine to know that Trowa would be gone at least another month!
Trowas plan had succeeded but not on all of the mobile doll suits, so he was going to have to stay at least another month. Trowa sat down and wrote Catherine another letter. (The letter) ‘Dear Catherine, I hope you are better then I am. My mission isn’t gong to well so ill be stuck hear for at least another month! Sorry but we will see each other again soon. The leader of OZ is getting a-bit violent and they’re searching for traitors so I’m going to have to be careful. Sincerely, Trowa Barton.’
Trowa realized how his letters must have affected Catherine. How worried had she been? Trowa felt even more guilt wash over him. He hadn’t been very positive in the letters, but then maybe hearing from him had helped Catherine.
Trowa had written allot of letters to Catherine over the next month. He was nearing the end of his mission and couldn’t wait to see his sister again.
All of the letters where confiscated by Fred! Fred didn’t want Catherine to be Worrying about Trowa in the state she was in. But little to Freds knowledge, Catherine was suffering more from not getting them! Fred hadn’t read the first letter so he hadn’t known that to Catherine Trowa was very late! Catherine had been expecting another letter from Trowa, or to have him get back two weeks ago! Catherine was making herself sicker with the worry she felt about Trowa! ~ Where did you go Trowa? Are you still alive and then why have your letters stopped? (Wondered the sickly Catherine) ~
Trowa continued on with his mission, successfully turning the mobile dolls off. Trowa hurriedly hoped into an escape pod and set a course for his home. Trowa smiled at the prospect of going home.
Fred walked up to the crying Trowa, the unread (by Catherine) letters in his hand. "Trowa… I have to tell you something," said Fred. "What is it Fred?" asked the sad Trowa. "Catherine never really got your letters," said Fred. "WHAT?!" yelled Trowa, "What do you mean?" Trowa asked. "I didn’t want her to know that you where in danger at times…I read them before hand and didn’t want to wrist her knowing" said Fred. "But you said that when she got my first letter" said Trowa. "Yes, she got that one," said Fred. "YOU IDEOT! No wonder she wanted me back so much, she must have thought I was dead!" Yelled Trowa. "What do you mean?" asked Fred. "That first letter promised other letters or me in one to two weeks" said Trowa. Freds jaw hung open "I’m, I’m, I’m so sorry" said Fred feeling tears in his eyes. "What have I don’t?" asked Fred. Trowa turned silently from Fred. "Get away from me," said Trowa, his heart in allot of pain. Fred turned and left, falling back in his own room and crying.
Trowa had gotten back to find a stone-faced circus. "What is it? Not to glad to see me?" Trowa asked the fire-eater. "Catherines dying" said Stan (the fire-eater). "WHAT?!" exclaimed Trowa, the foul force of her dying not hitting him yet. "She got cancer not long after you left… she when into a coma yesterday." Said Stan, hanging his head. Trowa looked at Stan with glassy eyes "take me to her" said Trowa. Stan silently drove Trowa to the hospital.
Fred sat by Catherine’s bed; she had been in and out of continuousness sense yesterday. Catherine looked up at him and smiled. "Tell Trowa" said Catherine. "Tell him what?" asked Fred. Fred took the silent Catherine by the hand and cupped it in his palms "what is it Catherine? Tell him what?" asked Fred.
Trowa burst into the hospital room to find Fred sobbing over Catherine. She had died just a minute before Trowa had gotten there! "CATHERIN! Yelled Trowa, running up to her bed. Trowa took her by the shoulders and began to shake her "CATHERIN ITS TROWA! IM HERE! GET UP CATHERIN!" Yelled Trowa. Trowa saw a tear run down Catherine’s dead face and he moved to push it away; Trowa drew back fast at the cold feeling of her dead skin! Trowa jumped back, tears coming form his eyes. ~ Catherine is dead! She’s dead! (Thought Trowa) ~. Trowa pushed Fred away and hugged the dead Catherine in his arms, cradling her and crying. The only sounds in the room where Trowas sobs and the continuous beep that meant she was dead.
~ I never got to say goodbye, thought Trowa as he stepped into the wild lions cage ~
~ BUT I NEVER GOT TO SAY GOODBYE! (Trowa thought as he was ripped to pieces by the lions)
GOOD BYE TROWA… -end
- Eep! Don’t kill me! I know the ending sucks! I tried and tried to re write it! I’m sorry! Sorry sorry sorry! Well e-mail me at
[email protected]. -