Disclaimer: I Do not own GW, or it’s charas, or any spec or part of my Baka bishounen oniichan’s car. Henceforth, I have no money for which you could sue me, so give up now. You won’t become independently wealthy because of me.
A long, jumbled stream of swears, accompanied by various banging noises, in the distance grows louder as it approaches, but, since this is a PG fic, most of this becomes one long stretch of censoring ‘beeps’. Before the audience can rebel there is the ‘scritch’ and ‘squeech’ of tape, and then blessed silence reigns.
A door opens out of hammerspace and five very tightly bound G-boys are thrown in followed by a black-haired fic writer. Ezri dusts off her hands and smiles at her enraptured audience.
Pause….
"Chotto!! Hey, you! Put down the Pocky and PAY ATTENTION! I’m trying to do a fic here!"
Pause…then, satisfied that she isn’t being ignored, Ezri makes a sweeping bow.
"Hello! I guess you’ve come to watch me discipline my little disciples here. <Whispers confidentially to the audience> I’m a new writer, and I can only marvel at the fact that all those cool authors out there have survived dealing with these five!"
"Oi! Ojyosan! What’s the deal? Are you talking about us?"
Ezri: (O.O) Duo! How did you get that tape off?…Hey! Where did it go?
<Wufei tries to knock her off her feet with his gundanium-bound legs but Ezri jumps over them just in time>
Ezri: My, aren’t we enthusiastic! <Snaps fingers, door disappears and they are suddenly inside a high school classroom>
Heero: (now unbound) Omae o korosu! <Reaches for his gun and pulls out…nothing>
Ezri: Oh, and I disarmed you all, by the way
<The boys have formed a menacing circle around her, unarmed or not, they’re still intimidating>
Quatre: Now explain why you’ve brought us here!
Ezri: You’re upset.
Wufei: (livid) Of course we’re upset Onna no Baka! You kidnapped us!
Ezri: No. I mean that’s why you’re here.
Trowa: We were perfectly fine until you showed up.
Ezri: Yes, but my point is: you’re always upset. You guys have some serious anger problems, so I’m here to help you solve them. ^_^
Heero: She-
Duo: -is gonna-
Trowa: -help us?
<Flashback to various threats, curses, brutal violence and cruel torture methods employed by Ezri-sama to get the boys to cooperate in her last two fics>
Quatre: Allah, defend us.