Warnings: yaoi, lemon, angst

If you don't know...BOYS HAVING SEX! ON SCREEN! WITH EACHOTHER! Sorry to be blunt, but it had to be said. Last warning...

"Trowa," the soft voice beckoned. The silky tone made Trowa shiver as a pale hand reached out to him, fingers crooked. He found his body moving toward the angel almost on its own accord, not that he minded. Somehow, deep down, he knew this was a dream, but he didn't care.

The smaller boy wrapped his arms around Trowa gently when he got close enough, pulling him close.

"Trowa, do you love me?" he asked quietly, looking up at him. The words were innocent, but the light in his eyes was far from it. The blue depths spoke of something fiercer, a desire for more than just affection.

"Of course," he whispered, touching a hand to Quatre's cheek. The skin felt smooth. "More than anything."

Quatre smiled in a way that was even farther from innocence than the boy had been and caught Trowa's face in his hands before he had time to react. He gently pressed his lips to Trowa's. They made him think of silk...

The kiss became more insistent. Quatre pressed his tongue to Trowa's lips, which he opened obediently. He was content to let Quatre be in control; at least the other boy seemed to know what he was doing. Not even pulling away, Quatre led them to a bed.

Now Quatre's hands were moving to untuck Trowa's shirt. Trowa pulled away to help him and, a moment later, he helped Quatre out of his shirt and vest.

"Are you...sure?" Quatre asked him, his voice husky as he drew a finger down his lover's spine.

"Definitely."

The lips returned again with full force, the blonde's hands now questing without hesitation. Trowa let himself get caught up in the sensations until they both lay bare.

"Beautiful," the French teen murmured, and he was telling the truth. His angel was as lovely as he could have imagined and more. What had Trowa done to deserve him? He could think of nothing.

Quatre traced a line down Trowa's chest, making him shiver again. The smile returned--why did it make Trowa think of a cat stalking its prey?

The smaller boy trailed the finger in a circle around a nipple teasingly before he ducked down to take it into his mouth.

"Quatre!" he gasped, throwing back his head. Quatre seemed satisfied with the reaction and switched his attention to the other.

"You want more, don't you, Trowa?" he purred, moving a hand down lower to show what he meant.

It took Trowa a moment until he was able to respond, and even then it was hardly more than a shaky nod.

Quatre kissed a line down his chest and stomach, making sparks seem to fly from the areas he touched and paused before his final destination, looking up.

"Please..."

To Trowa's relief, Quatre was through with teasing. However, the boy pulled away all too soon. Trowa made a small sound in frustration at the loss but made no other comment. Quatre looked up at him, his eyes asking a question he wouldn't voice. Trowa nodded.

Quatre sought the spot he was looking for with his hand, pushing a finger inside. It hurt for a moment, but Trowa's body adjusted. Quatre gentle probed, stretching the opening until he added a second and then a third. A moment later, the fingers were gone and Quatre slid into him with one smooth motion.

"Are you okay?" the blonde murmured worriedly at the expression on Trowa's face.

Trowa realized he'd been holding his breath and released it. Yes, it hurt, but not too much. He nodded quietly. It still hurt for the first few strokes, but the pain quickly faded to give way to pleasure and then ecstasy. Quatre's lips came down on his again for a few short moments before they came together.

Quatre rolled off of him, throwing an arm around Trowa's chest and curling up against his side tiredly.

"Love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

*******

Trowa woke up sweating and for a brief, confused instant, wondered which was the reality, his cold, pitiful existence here or the peaceful haven with his angel. Between the empty bed and stained sheets, it didn't take him long to decide. He shut his eyes in brief pain.

Three years. It had been three years to the very day since Quatre had admitted his feelings for the former Heavyarms pilot. Three years since Trowa had choked, unable to answer. Three years since he had bolted like a frightened rabbit, hiding for nearly a year before he managed to face Quatre again.

Two and a half since Quatre had found a lover who wasn't afraid to love him back.

Ever once in a while, the dream came back to taunt him with what might have been. It was a blessing and a torture, welcomed for the momentary bliss that stole over him and for the warm "memories" he could look back on, and dreaded because it reminded him of how lonely he really was without his angel. What the hell had he been think that night?, he wondered, and not for the first time.

He knew what he had been thinking. He had worn the passive mask too long to give his heart over so soon even though Quatre already had it, been betrayed too many times to think he could trust even his angel. The heartbroken look on Quatre's face when he had said he didn't love him still haunted Trowa. He's had no excuse to hurt the boy like that, and had ultimately gotten what he deserved. He still remembered that night...

*******

"Trowa?"

Quatre's voice was tinged with enough nervousness that Trowa could tell even through the door. In his delight to see the platinum-haired beauty, he let the fact go without notice, simply opening the door.

Quatre hurried in, shutting the door carefully behind him.

"We need to talk."

Was this a mission or something? Why was Quatre so nervous? "Sure."

"Trowa...how do you feel about me?" Quatre asked. There was something odd in his gaze, desperation.

Where did THAT come from? "You're...you're my friend."

Quatre blushed, looking at the ground for a moment before returning his gaze to the former pilot. "That's...that's not how I feel about you."

Quatre bridged the gap between them and took Trowa's head in his hands as he would do later in Trowa's dreams, pressing a kiss to his lips with astonishing sweetness.

"I...I love you, Trowa."

Trowa paused. Love? He couldn't mean that! No one could ever love him. They only ended up dead for their efforts.

Trowa reacted the only way he could think of; he turned and ran.

"Trowa!"

He flung open the door and burst into the hallway.

"Trowa, please!"

And now the heart-shattering plea that he could hear even now, laced with pain and regret.

"TROWA!"

*******

/Are you happy with him, Quatre? I hope he loves you the way I couldn't, the way you deserve to be loved./

He felt something wet on his cheek and touched it, startled. How long had it been since he had let himself cry? The thought sent more tears coursing down his face and he collapsed face down on the pillow.

/I did love you, angel./

/I still do./

*******

Quatre looked down the balcony, not being able to stand the sight of the bed he had once shared with Duo.

/It's for the best, Quatre. You were just using him./ he thought, and that was true. Duo had seemed like the perfect solution to his loneliness, but after two and a half years Quatre couldn't lead him on like this even more. Besides, he knew who Duo loved and it wasn't him. Duo's sunshine had provided some comfort after Trowa's rejection, but once he came out of denial, he knew that he felt only friendship for the braided boy. He still found him attractive...but it simply wasn't love. He had the feeling that Duo had come to him partially out of frustration with the one he did love, whether he realized it or not.

It had still been comfort, which was more than he had ever gotten with Trowa or than Duo had gotten so far with Wufei, for that matter. And tonight, he had sent the braided boy off with his blessing. Better to end this with forgiveness and memories of the bond they'd shared than with harsh words and a broken heart. In a way, maybe he did love Duo, but not in the way he did Trowa. He could look back now on memories with Duo with fondness. He hoped they could still be friends; they'd been through so much together. Maybe things would work out with Duo and Wufei. He at least wanted his former lover to be happy...

The thought sent a pang through his chest. Anyone who had seen the look on Wufei's face when he saw Quatre and Duo could tell the Chinese youth was in love with Duo. How could he have kept them apart?! That was pure selfishness on his part.

/You've fixed that now! Duo's free now and can go to Wufei any time he wants./

Then why did he feel so...empty?

/Where are you right now, Trowa?/