����"Quatre." The blonde paused. He turned his head, and saw that it was only Trowa. "Quatre.. can I.. can I please just hold your hand? I know it's wrong of me to ask, but.."

His eyes pleaded what his voice could not. Haunted green depths screamed for comfort, for a touch, a hug, an embrace to stave off the nightmares. Eyes that begged for the body to be held, but eyes that would settle for a hand.

A slender hand moved cautiously out to cover his own. Trowa's long fingers entwined themselves with Quatre's pale ones. The brunette squeezed the offered hand in gratitude.

"Thank you.. thank you." Tears formed at the edge of the verdant eyes. "I just had to touch you in some way. I needed to feel you, to know you were alive. To be connected to you. Thank you for letting me." The tall boy paused. "Can I..?" He untangled their fingers, and lifted Quatre's hand to his cheek. His eyes searched Quatre's, looking for signs of fear, or unease, or any misgivings.

"I know it's selfish. I should be the one comforting you. But please..," his voice cracked. Quatre nodded. Trowa sighed, and placed both his hands over Quatre's on his cheek. His eyes closed, causing tears to spill over. The blonde could feel them running down his hand. They sat like that, with Trowa clutching Quatre's hand to his face, until the blonde moved his hand, sliding it behind Trowa's head to pull the brunette against him.

Trowa buried his face in the thin hospital gown, letting his emotions flood out and soak the material.

�����"Why does it hurt, Quatre? I wanted him dead. I wanted to kill him myself! But now that he is.."

�����"So Wufei is.. dead then."

It wasn't a question, merely an acceptance of the fact. Trowa looked up, his eyes meeting Quatre's. Trowa's eyes were wet, and bloodshot, Quatre's eyes were wild, and frightened. Trowa reached a hand up to touch Quatre's cheek.

�����"I didn't do it Quatre. Neither did Heero. Wufei.. he took his own life."

The blonde flinched as Trowa's fingers touched his cheek, and yet, at the same time he pulled Trowa closer to him.

�����"I didn't think you did..," his voice lowered to a whisper so quiet that Trowa had to strain to hear it. "But.. I'm scared.."

The taller boy straightened up, trying to compose himself and be strong. �����"Don't be scared Quatre. I'm here for you. Nothing can ever hurt you again."

Blue green eyes regarded him sadly. �����"Never did I regret what I did. I did it to protect my sisters, and Heero, and.. you. But I always thought that I'd die by Wufei's hand. It was rather selfish in a way, me thinking I could be so noble. That in death what I did could be seen as some great sacrifice. But I'm not dead.. and what am I supposed to do now? How can I live after all he.. after everything.. I can't ever be who I was before. And I'm scared Trowa. So very scared..."

Trowa could feel his heart breaking. It was a painful clenching at first, and then a deafening shatter. Quatre was so hurt, and so broken, that Trowa felt pain.

�����"We'll start all over Quatre. We'll go somewhere quiet, and.."

�����"That can't erase the past."

Trowa took both of Quatre's hands in his own. �����"I know.. but together we can build a new future. And we'll work through everything that happened. Together, Quatre, together. I'll be there every step of the way."

The blonde jerked his hands away. �����"You don't know what you're promising Trowa! A lifetime commitment to a basketcase? What if I never get better Trowa? What then?"

�����"You will, Quatre, you *will*"

�����"You say that now, but what will say in a year? Or five years? Will you still be so quick to pledge your life? To be bound to some lifeless emotional wreck? You'll regret it Trowa. And either you'll leave, or you'll grow to hate me. And I couldn't stand either."

Trowa looked at him for a minute, and when he replied, his voice was solemn, and serious.

�����"I could never regret loving you. And I could never hate my life as long as you were in it. And even if it takes the rest of my life to heal you, then at least I'll know I did something worthwhile. One day I'll make you understand that you *are* life to me."

�����"Trowa, please..," he pleaded, "please think about what you're saying. You have to know that if you left me.."

�����"Only in death will you be rid of me."

Quatre sighed, and closed his eyes.

�����"You're so certain."

�����"Only of you, love. Only of you.."