Far beyond the heavens and the reaches of space were two twin goddesses. Liahna, better known to the mortals as LiLi the psychotic fan fic writer, was goddess of guns, spandex, mechas, the homicidal, trigger-happy owners of said guns and spandex, death obsessed talking braids, annoyingly quiet clowns/assassins/pilots and whatnot, deceptively cute and innocent, very dangerous blond haired, blue-eyed angels, freaky eyebrow guys who are alternately lusting after and lusting with bleach-blond madmen who have this thing with wearing tin cans on their heads and justice spouting, Nataku worshipping, sword-crazed lunatics, not necessarily in that respective order, and then some.

Jab, roundhouse, turning hook kick, uppercut- BANG!!! "Damn you, Maxwell!!!" Chang Wufei glared at the grinning braided pilot, who scurried back into Quatre�s mansion. "Now let�s see� where was I? Oh yeah." Uppercut, knifehand- *click!* "What in the name of-?" RI~IP!!! "Those were my best pants, dammit!!!"

Poking out of Wufei�s tightly pulled back hair were two large wolf ears and his bushy wolf tail had split his pants right down the middle. Let�s just see what kind of boxers Wu-Chan decided to wear today�

His eyes got this really funny look in them, one that would make any sane person run away screaming. Wufei opened his mouth and� "JUSTICE!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" ^^;;;

The Chinese wolf pilot took off for the mansion, stopping in a nearby telephone booth to transform into�

"CAPTAIN JUSTICE!!!" *kazoo fanfare* "PROTECTOR OF, OF ,ER, JUSTICE!!!"

Wufei stood proudly in the cramped booth wearing a bright yellow spandex suit, that would�ve made even Heero green with envy, with CJ printed on it bold purple, yes purple, letters. He wore neon pink tights and blue bunny slippers. Over his costume, he wore a pair of 80% gundanium tightie-whities. To complete his colorful ensemble, he had a striped red towel around his neck and neon green swim goggles. In his left hand, he held a plastic katana the size of Shenlong.

After coughing up all the smoke used for his not so grand entrance, Wufei then turned and zoomed to the mansion. Duo was sitting comfortably on the couch with his Hee-koi when the door swung open and Wu- I mean, Captain Justice stood, plastic katana at ready. The plastic was pointed at Duo and Captain Justice barked out, "You�ll be punished for your crimes, you bastard!"

Duo scratched his head and stared cross-eyed at the plastic sword pointed at his nose. "Huh? What crimes, Wu?"

The Chinese boy�s eyes bugged out and he shrilled, "Another crime! You *will* be brought to justice!" *WHAP!* Heero was swiftly beaned on the head with the plastic sword and fell off the couch. Wufei chose that moment to throw Duo over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and run like a bat out of hell.

"HEE~EEELP!!! HEE-KOI, SAVE ME!!!"

"Silence, knave!" *whap!*

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"Let me do~own, Wu!"

"Justice will be served, Maxwell!" Duo was hanging from the roof of a cave several miles away from the Winner estate. From his mock priest�s collar to the toes of his black boots, he was completely covered with brightly colored masking tape. The bright colors were braided into a thick rubber rope, which stretched up six feet to the rocky ceiling above. Somehow, despite his mental problems, Wufei had measured it perfectly so that he and the DeathSycthe pilot were only a few inches different in height.

The braided cocoon pouted and whined, "But I don�t even know what I did, Wu-Chan!"

"*gasp* You did it again! Have you no shame?!" Captain Justice quickly drew his katana and whacked the other boy on the head.

"W~ah," Duo whined, "Stop i~it."

"Justice will be served!" Wufei ranted, his face starting to turn as purple as the letters on his chest.

"B~ut," The American drawled out, not even noticing that he was whining, "I�m hu~ungry!"

"You will-"

"Get me some food, Wu-Chan."

That did it. Wufei�s face turned bright purple, complete with bulging veins that looked ready to explode. "YOU INSUFFERABLE, UNDIGNIFIED, DISHONORABLE LITTLE CUR!!!"

For once, Duo looked really, really scared. "Uh, Wu?"

"DIE, EVIL MORTAL, DIE!!!"

"Waa~aah, stop hitting me! I want my mommy!!!"

*whap* *whap* *whap* *whap* *whap* *whap* *whap*

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"Heero, are you okay?" Quatre asked as he handed the Japanese boy a bag of ice. Heero started to glare, but stopped when he saw Trowa�s warning look.

"Where�s Wufei?"

"He hasn�t been around for two hours." Quatre answered, never noticing how Trowa was stealthily crawling on the floor toward him.

Ice bag still attached to his head, Heero stalked over to the closet, pulled out a rifle, and stomped out, leaving a cloud of dust in his wake. Quatre blinked and turned to his silent lover, who was no longer standing behind him. "Trowa? Where are- BY ALLAH!!!!!"

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After an hour of much hitting, cursing, and whining, Captain Justice cut the rope of masking of tape from the roof of the cave, slung a sore and whiny Duo over his shoulder, and strode out to a wide river. It was the exact kind that one would find on a calendar or a postcard. It was also exact kind that was fifty degrees below zero. Grinning like the madman he was, Wufei attached the masking tape rope to a tree branch that stretched over the river. Then he did something he had wanted to do for an extremely long time- he dropped Duo in the river.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! COLD!!!!" The American thrashed around in the icy water, but after figuring out that it obviously wasn�t working, he stopped. "Wufei, get me out!"

"You will pay for your crimes, Maxwell!" Captain Justice crowed from his position on the tree branch.

"But Wu~u, I don�t even know what I di~id!!!"

Captain Justice�s eyes bugged out and he shrieked, "WHAT?!?! YOU REFUSE TO HEED THE CALL OF JUSTICE?!?! YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLE!!!!" He jumped down from the branch, standing on Duo�s tape-covered shoulders, and started whacking him over the head with the plastic katana.

"Wu~u-"

"SLANDER!!!" *whap*

"Wu-Cha~an, let me out, I literally have blue-balls!"

"SEXUAL SLANDER!!!" *whap*

"Lemme ou~ut, this ain�t fair!"

"GRAMMATICAL MISTAKE!!!" *whap*

Meanwhile, Heero was crouched in a bush nearby, aiming his rifle for a direct hit.

"Ple~ease, I�ll whine like Relena if you don�t!"

Relena. Relena Peacecraft. Relena Peacecraft, Queen of the World. Just from hearing the girl�s name, Heero�s cobalt eyes spun around and around in his head and he passed out, yellow-sneakered feet sticking straight up in the air.

About then, somewhere in the prairies of Central United States where the cows roamed free, a cuckoo clock chimed and the planets broke out of their alignment.

Now, across the globe, several miles from Quatre�s estate, the apparently insane Captain Justice transformed back to Chang Wufei, Gundam Pilot 05, and plopped into the fifty degrees below zero river. Half an hour later, Iria Winner found her little brother�s friend floating in the duck pond in the backyard, spouting water like a geyser.

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Duo sneezed and groaned under three quilts and a hot water bottle on his head. His feet were dunked in a tub of hot water and a twelve-inch thermometer stuck out of the corner of his mouth. Wufei was sitting across from him and was in exactly the same situation, except for the fact that he was cursing everything from Duo to his ancestors, whereas Duo was whining about his headache, his stuffy nose, his turquoise blue balls, etc. Heero was laying on the couch, frozen stiff. His legs were sticking up in the air and he had a funny look on his face. The Japanese boy kept mumbling, "Relena, omae o korosu, Relena, omae o korosu, Relena, omae o korosu."

Quatre looked from each boy to the other with a worried look on his face. "Trowa, do you think they�ll be alright?" No answer. "Trowa?" Two hands grabbed him by the shoulders and hauled him off to their bedroom. "They�ll be just fine, now get in there and let me fuck the living hell out of you."