Wonder what everyone will think when they wake up? When they find me with my wrists slit and not completely dried blood on the floor around me. It�s amazing really, blood. No I haven�t slit myself yet, just nicked my thumb to see if I really am human and if I can bleed like I�ve made others bleed. But have you ever really just looked at it? Red, slightly sticky, salty when you lick it. But I digress.
Why? Why myself to end this meaningless existence I�m living? Because nobody else will? Hah, I�ve brought death to so many that there should be millions ready to gut me for what I�ve done. Murderer, monster, sick bastard, what would they call me if they passed me on the street and knew who I was? Knew what I�ve done?
Lots of people would see a fairly short young man all adorned in black. Long, beautiful chestnut braid. Kawaii violet eyes and an irresistible face. Me. Duo Maxwell? Just a name, I�m really just some poor orphan kid that had to tough it out on the streets and watch my beloved die around me, no big deal. Why am I thinking like this? Because this is the way I often do when I�m alone.
My existence is a shell, a gorgeous body and absolutely a dead soul. Funny that as much as I appear full of life I feel so dead on the inside. I guess that�s just one of the reasons why I�m sitting here ready to cut my wrists, my black, dead soul. Actually more like a vacuum, consuming the souls of others. Shinigami? Just a title. As the merry jester I�m entitled to a title ne? Heh what a goofy sentence.
Crazy? No just tired of life. Tired of death, reaping, taking from the poor and doing it through me. Heero. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways! Hahahaha, I know that you really do have feelings for me. Try as you might you can�t hide them from me. Perfect soldier, fallen head over heels for the class clown. You don�t love me, the sick twisted fuck. You fell in love with an illusion, something I created, why?�I don�t know.
Honestly and truly I don�t know what drove me to start acting the happy-go-lucky guy role. It s fun and sometimes I almost do feel like a normal kid but I know that�s not true.
God is dead! Long live death! Enough bullshit why don�t I just cut myself? I�m not scared but I think I�m starting to enjoy the feeling of the knife gently scraping my skin.
I�m not who you think I am. I�m not innocent; I�m not worthy of even the small scrap of happiness I�ve gotten. Shimatta, enough of this. I�m the merry jester ne? I don�t think sad things.
It feels weird ne? The red ooze dribbling out of my wrists. This tainted blood. Feels sort of good though, the life leaving my body. Soon I�ll be gone and nobody else will need to suffer. I hope that none of the others follows my example. They�re all nice people, with decent souls. I had to get rid of myself before I ended up consuming them too right? I�m the merry jester Duo Maxwell! I�m the moodmaker, the guy to cheer ya up when ya down ne? I don�t want to hurt anybody else; I just want to die.
Heh, it�s almost over now. I can�t focus and it�s getting really hard to think. I�m sorry cruel world, sorry for making you blacker then you already were. I tried for awhile to brush off my shadows. For a little time I thought I could start anew, and be a totally different person. But my heart is just as black as the day I was made by that cold cruel son of a bitch they call God. I�m not that innocent of a jester. I�m a plague to all I touch and more then that I�m tired of this existence that I am.
�Not much time left so I�ll make this brief. Gomen Wufei, Solo, Trowa, Hilde. Gomen Quatre for the mess that you�ll have to clean up tomorrow. Gomen Heero.
~owari