I took a walk around the world
To ease my troubled mind

Duo frowned at Hiiro when he slammed his laptop closed. "Where 'ya going, Hii-chan?" he asked.

"Out, " came Hiiro's short reply.

"When'll 'ya be back?"

"When I damn well feel like it, " Hiiro snappedand walked out of the door.

I left my body laying somewhere
In the sands of time

Hiiro wandered into the neat little backyard of their current safehouse. It was decorated tastefully by Wufei in the traditional Chinese Garden style. In its center, a beautiful topiary that Quatre had hand-grown sat. The little blonde had been so proud when the orchids had finally bloomed within their glass shell.

Sometimes Hiiro wondered what it would be like to be someone like the other pilots. Cheerful and emotional, like Duo. Brave and intelligent, like Trowa. Kind and innocent, like Quatre. Determined and sure, like Wufei. He couldn't see himself as that type of person. Sometimes, along with the rest of the world, Hiiro wondered if he reallyeven was a person.

I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah

Hiiro never bothered to ask himself why he fought. He remembered the answers the other pilots had given in response to the same question.

'I want revenge, ' Duo had stated, tears brimming over in his amethyst eyes. 'I want revenge for the peoplethey took from me.'

'I haven't a life. Who better to fight, than a nameless nothing? Why make people who matter die, when I can do it?' Trowa had returned with a question of his own. Quatre's aqua eyes had filled with tears to hear it.

'That's not true, Trowa. You do matter to somebody, ' he had placed a warm hand on the tall boy's arm. It made Hiiro's insides burn to hear something so caring directed at someone who needed it so badly.

'I fight so no one else has to, ' Quatre hadanswered softly.

'I fight for justice, ' Wufei had given the expected answer. 'I fight for Nataku, ' he had added in a hoarse whisper. 'Meiran.' Hiiro wondered if he would ever care for anyone the way Wufei had for his wife. The young man was in the prime of his life and was still mourning Meiran.

I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be
Something to do with you

Two people confused Hiiro more than he dared think about. Duo, his cheerful, eternally energetic roommate, and Relena, the obsessive, yet persitant girl that was inlove with him.

Relena was pretty, smart, kind, and innocent. She was everything he wished he could be. Duo was always teasing him about her adorations. Who in his right mind could refuse the Queen of the World?

On the other hand, Duo confused him in a different way. His feelings for Relena could be interpreted fairly well, but Duo was another boy! Boys weren't supposed to feel this way about other boys!

Hiiro knew that one day, if they all lived through the war he would have to choose. However, until that day, he decided not to make a choice. That way, if something happened to any of them, it would be easier on all of them. Plus, it would give him time to sort out his feelings.

So for the time being, he would try to ignore the pained expression on Relena's face when he dismissed her, and the confusing flutters in his stomach when Duosighed his name in his sleep.

I really don�t mind what happens now and then
As long as you�ll be my friend at the end

Although he tried to deny it, the comeradery between the pilots was so strong it was almost tangible. Still, he often lay awake at night, wondering what would become of them when their duty was fulfilled.

Duo would probably move back to L2, likely to open a scrap compound with Howard and maybe even Hirde. Hiiro disliked this Noin look-alike, and he didn't know why. It probably had something to do with the way she always had Duo's undivided attention. Trowa would go back to the circus with Kathrine. There was no doubt in Hiiro's mind about that. Trowa belonged at the circus, with his wild lions that he loved so much. At times, it seemed that Trowa was one of the graceful creatures. Wild and beautiful, yet dangerous.

Quatre had obligations to fill on L4. His father's shoes were a big pair to fill, but Hiiro knew Quatre could handle it. Family was very important to the Arab boy. Hiiro could see him raising a family with a lovely young lady. He wished them the best. Still, there was a possibility that Quatre could end up with Trowa. The tall boy was oblivious to the tiny blonde's longing stares and gentle guestures. In turn, the small boy was unaware of Trowa's fierce protectiveness over him, and the two made quite an adorable pair.

Hiiro wondered how at least three out of five of them had ended up being 'gay. ' He hated the word. In fact, he was almost certain that the three of them were bisexual, not completely homosexual. Trowa had explainedit to him once.

'When you've been through as much as we have, gender suddenly stops mattering as much as it did, ' the lanky pilot had said quietly to him. Trowa rarely said anything, but when he did, it was always important.

He chocked the entire thing up to an article he'd read somewhere. It had stated that when a young male put in a close area with another for an extended period of time, they had a chance of becoming 'confused. ' Especially when it occurred before or during puberty. It had been called 'post-war syndrome, ' and had been rumored to have been studied in A.D. 1990-something.

Wufei. He could not see a future for Wufei. No matter how hard he tried, it would not come. Wufei was a match, struck quickly and used just as fast. He was bright, powerful, and dangerous. If he continued at the rate he was going, he would burn out before he even had a chance tomake a difference.

Hiiro saw no future for himself, either. All he knew was war. He had seen nothing else, had lived nothing else. He was a soldier. The Perfect Soldier, as he had been dubbed by the scientists. He knew it was just a name, but when he recieved the e-mail from them stating that they had changed his codename, it made him angry. He felt as if being the Perfect Soldier was the only thing they knew him for.

He wanted to be more. He wanted to so badly, but didn't know how.

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I�m alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
I�ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite

All his life, Hiiro had been kept away from things. Duo would tease him constantly about his upbringing, how he'd never been to a movie before, how he'd never been kissed, how he'd never really done anything just for fun. He didn't understand that that also meant that he'd never been hugged, never been told how important he was. He never assumed that maybe Hiiro didn't know what he was missing.

You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times
I never let you down

Hiiro secretly hated responsibilities. He hated having the fate of the entire free world rest on his thin shoulders.

If he ever let them down, he knew, he would become the worst of villains. It was depressing to think that if he made even the tiniest of mistakes, the earth and the colonies would burn himat the stake.

What he hated even more than that was the sad look would appear on Duo and Quatre's faces when the news came on. Flashy banners would streak across the television screen, saying things like, "Gundam Pilots Murder 1,000 Today, " or "Do YOU Support the Gundams? Keep These Radicals Out of Space." Hiiro wanted to smash the television set into splinters, and would have if it would keep the ungrateful colonists from saying more. Hypocrites.

You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you'd be dead

The colonists were ungrateful, in Hiiro's opinion. The five of them worked constantly toward peace, only to have to build it up again the next day. It was like busy ants storing food for winter only to have a pestering gardener, who didn't know what he was doing, wash their home away.

It was times like these that Hiiro really hated Lady Une's choices. The death of Mr. Dorlian was a very big tragedy, and Hiiro wasn't about to pretend that it wasn't. Dorlian had preached the very things they were. He was influential and would have been a real help to their cause. Damn Lady Une. Damn OZ, making everything harder.

I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground

There were so many deaths that were regrettable. One that wasn't was Duke Dermail. Hiiro smirked to himself and thought of a joke Duo had told Quatre after they described Dermail and his granddaughter.

'I'll get you my pretty, and your Grandfather, too!' Duo had cackled. At first, no one had gotten the point, but Duo persistantly dropped hints until Trowa finallypointed it out.

'Dorothy. Wizard of OZ, ' Trowa almost smiled. Hiiro almost smiled at the comment, now. Duo had a quick wit, and knew of a lot of American history. At one point, he made a joke about Wufei that no one had caught onto until a month later.

'This from the guy who thinks Julia Roberts movies are biographies of himself!' Duo had snickered. It had taken a month of research, but finally Quatre had discovered a 20th century movie called "Sleeping With the Enemy." He procured a copy, promptly whapped Duo across the forehead with it, and gave it to Wufei. Who, in turn, paled and didn't speak tothem for a week.

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I�m alive and well,
Will you be there holding my hand

Hiiro hesitantly reentered the safehouse. Duo was still sprawled across the couch, but snoring loud enough to wake the dead. He walked down the hallway toward his room, intending to go to bed. As he passed the kitchen, he noticed that the lightwas on.

Hiiro ducked his head into the kitchen and saw Quatre at the table. A scrapbook was displayed in front of him, and the tiny blonde was crying. Hiiro almost left, but Quatre looked up.

"Don't worry. I'm alright, " Quatre smiled, wiping his eyes. He guestured to a nearby chair. Hiiro sat down and looked at the pictures.

"Who's that?" He pointed to a beautiful woman holding a young girl, with several more in the background.

"That's my mother, " Quatre gently traced the edges ofthe photo.

"She's pretty. Do you miss her?" Hiiro nodded.

Quatre sadly shook his head. "I've never met her. She died giving birth to me. The girls are my sisters. "

Hiiro was at a loss for words. He'd always thought of Quatre as untouchable. A distant angel that couldn't be peircedby Earth's pain.

"Do you miss your mother, Hiiro?" Quatre bit his lower lip. Hiiro shook his head. "Why not?"

"I never met her. I was raised by J. "

"How horrible!"

Hiiro mutely nodded. "I'll leave you to your peace. I'm going to bed, " he said as he stood up. "Hiiro, " Quatre started. Hiiro looked down at him and nodded. "Don't tell the others what I told you tonight, please?"

"I won't tell if you don't tell that I talked to you, " Hiiro's mouth turned up at the corners. He left the room, carefully closing the door behind him. The dark hall loomed ahead of him. At its end, the familiar sound of Wufei meditating was heard. The light bells he chimed as he sat on the floor were sweet with unnatural peace.

He opened the door just a bit and peered in. Wufei had fallen asleep meditating. It was kind of cute, because Wufei was just as rigid asleep as he was awake. A small framed photograph lay next to him. The picture was of Meiran, Hiiro knew. He closed the door again and left Wufei to his peace.

Hiiro turned around to go to his own room when he noticed that the door to Quatre and Trowa's room was open. Trowa was curled into a fetal position, clad only in pajama pants. His sheet had slipped off of him and the moonlight shone on his bare back. It was striped and criss-crossed with long, jagged scars. None of them ever asked Trowa about his past, and Hiiro understood that this was as close as he was probably going to get to finding out.

Trowa cried out softly in his sleep and shuddered away from the gentle moonlight. A slendar, yet strong hand reached over his dark shoulder and pulled the blanket back over his abused back. Hiiro didn't know what had happened to the tall boy, but it had been bad. He slowly backed away and wentinto his own room.

Hiiro shared his room with Duo. Duo's side of the room was a mess. Manga covered the floor and bed, and clothes were draped across the bed. A gun lay partially submerged under a pile of clothes, a reminder of the war they fought. Hiiro carefully lifted it and put it away.

His own side of the room was neat and orderly. It looked as if no one was living there. Perfect. Just like he was. Growling, he folded back the sheets on his bed. There was nothing he could do about the nickname, even if he couldn'tlive up to it.

I�ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Yeah!!
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I�m alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I�ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might

~OWARI~

Like it? Hate it? Give me feedback either way! I wanted to do a serious fic about the way Hiiro might feel. Just because he acts like a rock doesn't mean he is one! Anyway, I was listening to the radio and this song just reminded me of him. Don't you agree?