Disclaimers and Warnings: Gundamn Wing and "Its all coming back to me" do not belong to me. They belong to Celine Dion, Bandai, Sunrise and, a shit load of other people. So don’t sue cause I ain’t making no profit out of this and I acknowledged it! Also this is a yoai so if you don’t like it don’t read it.

Note: This is a sequel to Lost Love it be a great idea to read that one first cause this is done in the first person and I never really tell you who’s speaking, though its fairly obvious. But you’ll just understand this one better if the other is read first.

There were nights when the wind was so cold

I can’t sleep. It’s impossible not after what I saw just a week ago. I have nightmares about it when I can sleep. Allah why? Why him? It’s all my fault. He did it because of me. I…I shouldn’t have left him. I just wanted him to get mad, to make him think that I might not always be there. I just wanted him to say that he loved me. I shouldn’t have been so impatient. I should have just waited until he was ready to tell me.

There were days when the sun was so cruel

I can’t even think clearly anymore. The sun seems to be glaring down at me. Cursing me for what I’ve done. Though it doesn’t need to, I’m doing a fine job myself. Damnit Heero why’d you have to be so melodramatic? You could have just told me how you feel. You knew that’s what I wanted to hear. Was it so fucking hard for you to say it?

That all the tears turned to dust

I can’t cry anymore. There are no more tears, just emptiness. When you left a part of me went with you. A part? No, more like a chunk. Allah, what am I suppose to do with out him. Why Heero? Why couldn’t you just say it? Why did you have to drive me away? Why can’t I let you go?

I finished crying the instant you left

Its been how long since you died. Three months. It’s the anniversary of your death. How hard I’ve tried to forget and thanks to Duo, Wufei and, Trowa I have. But today I can’t; today is the day that you took your life. Today is the anniversary of the day you said that you couldn’t live anymore. The day that you left me empty and alone. But who left whom first eh?

But when you touch me like this

Sitting on the windowsill, where you liked to sit, I swear I can feel your arms around me. I can almost feel your warm breath on my neck. I remember it all so well. The first time we kissed, touched, made love.

I was such a fool. I still am. I can’t get your memory out of my head. I can’t forget you. Maybe its because I see you every minute of every day. You’re always with me Heero. You think I can’t see you or feel you but I can, always have and, maybe always will.

When I touch you like this

At nights when I’m sleeping I dream of you. Though tonight I could actually touch you, hold you and you could touch me and hold me back. Like we use to do before you left me before I left you and drove to your final act. This is your vengeance isn’t Heero? You’re going to haunt me for all my days. Keep me from finding peace.

Do I really deserve peace?

There were moments of gold

Before this all happened, before I left you, before you left this world all I knew was happiness. You were always so kind and even though you hated feeling so vulnerable you opened up to me. Told me about your pains, your sorrows. And I did the same. Then I had to go and fuck it all up.

I thought it would be harmless. Act like I was mad get Trowa to help me make you jealous let you brew, get angry and finally you’d tell me that you loved me. That’s all I wanted to hear. I told you so many times…I just wanted to hear it once. I thought it was a good idea, boy was I wrong.

There were nights of endless pleasure

I can still feel your presence. Like always your watching me. You take me in my dreams like you used to when you were alive and we were together. I miss having you inside me. I miss a lot of things. We did things that most religions would condemn us for and we didn’t care. We were just happy together.

If I kiss you like this

You come out of your hiding place and walk towards me. You know that I know that your there and you find it pointless to hide. You look so sad as you put your hand on my face moving it down to my neck. I feel like I’m going to cry but I can’t, I dried out too long ago. So I just sit here as you bring your face close to mine and whisper something in my ear, but I can’t make it out.

If you want me like this

You move back slightly and look at me. You can tell I couldn’t understand and you look even sadder then you did before. I just want to take you in my arms and hold you. Make all your pain go away but I can’t. We’re in two different worlds and we can never be together again.

You smile down at me as if you heard everything that has gone through my head. You lean in and kiss me and I can feel it! Not like before when your lips would pass through mine. I can actually feel your lips but not just your lips, your love, your sympathy, your compassion but no malice.

You don’t hate me or blame me for what happened. You still love me. You love me as much as I love you. My head falls into your arms and I cry. I thought I would never be able to do it again but here I am cry in your arms.

It’s so hard to resist

Every moment, every laugh, every moan, everything that we went through together. Everything I suppressed, every feeling, with one simple touch you’ve brought them flooding back.

There were those empty threats and hollow lies

Every fight we’ve ever had

And when ever you tried to hurt me

All the horrible things you said trying to push me away when I was courting you.

I just hurt you even worse

The look in your eyes when I told you I was leaving. When I told you that there was no reason to be together if there was no love between us.

And so much deeper

Seeing you lying there covered in seaweed, face no longer tanned but blue from lack of air. You didn’t move at all you just stared up at the sky eyes devoid of the soul that was once there. The soul that I killed when I told you I didn’t want to be with you.

The water killed your body but I killed your soul.

There were hours that just went on for days

Looking at you right now, being able to see the walls through you, the small glow you emit, I can see all that I have lost. And the emptiness intensifies. There so many things I never got say, so many things I wanted to say but couldn’t. So many things that you had to say and I never gave you the chance to say them.

But you were history with the slamming of the door

It was so hard. Looking at you trying to put up a brave front, your mask of the Perfect Soldier coming on after of few seconds of visible pain. How I wanted to run to you hold you apologize for what I had just said but I didn’t. I took my suitcase and walked out of the room slamming the door behind me. Sealing you fate destroying any chance we had of living happily ever after. Because of my stupidity I lost the greatest love of my life.

But if I touch you like this

You’re trying to comfort me. Why? I don’t understand. You should hate me despise me. It was my fault that you’re dead. Mine and mine alone. So I push you away and you look at me with those sad eyes. I turn my head not wanting to see you any more. It hurts too much. What you are now is the end result of my stupidity and I can’t bare to look at you without having the urge to slit my throat.

I don’t deserve to live. I should have been the one to die. Not you.

Then you take my hand and you kissed it softly, trying to invoke some kind of response from me. Though you know that I am too stubborn and won’t turn my head willingly. I can almost hear you smile as you take my chin and turn my head, locking our eyes and leaning in to steal another kiss.

If you touch me like this

I always love the taste of your lips, the way your hands moved on my body. I miss the feeling so much and here you are kissing me, touching me, loving me and all I can do is push you away. Though you won’t give up, you never do I guess? Is this some kind of new mission Heero? If it is I don’t understand.

There were moments of gold

I move away from you. This is wrong. I can’t do it; I just can’t do this anymore. This is wrong. You’re dead. We can’t do this any more. I…you…us it can never be.

You wrap your arms around me tightly. I try to move away but you won’t let me. Our eyes lock, you look so sad. I can’t take this anymore.

"Heero your dead."

"That doesn’t mean I don’t love you." I must look ridiculous, I know my eyes are sticking out of their sockets. I knew you loved me but never thought you’d ever say it. I’m going to cry again.

Talk about star crossed lovers. It really is funny. We finally broke through all the barriers that were keeping us together except for one. No matter how much we love each other. You’re still dead and I’m still alive and we can never be together.

When you touch me like this

I’m trembling, making you hold me tighter. You rub my back trying to calm me down. Oh Heero what have I done to us? I don’t know how to apologize; I don’t know how to make it up to you. This is all my fault; I don’t deserve your love.

When you touch me like this

I feel you loosening your embrace. I guess you’ve finally realized that I’m not worth your time. I guess this is the last time I’ll ever see you. Why would you want to be with the person that killed you?

Though like always you surprise me by kissing me. Your hands sliding into my shirt. I can feel myself giving into you, even though I shouldn’t. But I want to so badly. I’ve missed you so much.

When you see me like this

Lying here, panting as your hands work my body, its almost like nothing ever happened. You look at me as if waiting for something. You take my hand place it over my heart and I can feel my heartbeat slowing down? I don’t understand. This can’t be I feel so excited but its like my heart’s slowing down. This can’t be real.

The flesh and the fantasies

But it’s all coming back to me now

You feel so real! It’s unbelievable. Holding you like this, feeling you move inside me. This can’t be real; it’s just not logical.

You bend over slightly and pull me into your arms. Your arms wrapped tightly around my waist, mine around your neck as we come together. You kiss me softly whispering words of love. I’ve lost myself in your arms, in your love and, no matter what happens I’m not letting you go again.

If you forgive me all this

And it’s all coming back to me

I run fingers through you hair, your arms wrapped tightly around me. Just like before. We’re together and I’ll never let you go again. Never Heero, you’re stuck with me forever and even longer.

When you see me like this

All coming back to me

How many times have I dreamed of this? Falling asleep in your arms, staring at your beautiful face just like before. You smile down at me, your hands running up and down my spine. Everything is perfect just like before.

The flesh and the fantasies

I can bearly recall but it’s all coming back to me now

The light shines brightly into the small room. There’s a knock at the door and Trowa steps in. He looks at the bed and sees to figures lying on it. One slowly disappears followed by the other. He smiles and nods then leaves.

"Don’t worry I’ll tell the others." He says just before closing the door.

Owari