Note: All characters are registered trademarks of Gundam Wing and it’s affiliates. I do not own these characters. They are used here only for humor and shall not have any money made off of them. Any resemblance of the characters and or happenings in this story to those in real life is strictly coincidental.

He was almost finished. One more word and presto, Duo had finished his list of all the ways he wanted to kill Relena for annoying his precious Heero. Unfortunately, Duo couldn’t decide just which method to use. They were all so appetizing. Then, suddenly, it hit him! He would clone 37 more Relenas and use each method. But how could he do that?

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Relena hopped happily back to her mansion after getting the mail. Very carefully she flipped through the letters. Bill, bill, bill, there seemed to be nothing of any real interest in the mail. Then her eyes fell on a small blue envelope. Turning it over, she saw that it was from Duo Maxwell concerning Heero Yuy. She ran the entire way back to the door, threw the rest of her mail at Pargain, and tore open the envelope. The letter inside read:

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"Cut! CUT! CUT!" The high-pitched chibi screamed at the top of his lungs.

"What is it, now, Chibi-Wufei?" The audience sees a kawii chibi Wufei in an extremely tall director’s chair with a huge megaphone.

"Well, Miliardo, I just can’t see Duo wanting to help Relena that much! It doesn’t make any sense."

"Wu, you must not have read the script, or else you would have known that this is just a way to get Relena to Quatre’s house so that Duo can kill her 37½ times."

"Ha, I knew that, Miliardo, I was juts testing to see if you had read the script."

"Sure Chi-Wu(1), whatever."

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Relena reached Quatre’s house the next day at three and was immediately ushered into a secluded room by one of Quatre’s Magunac servants, who also took her bags. He asked for her hair brush, saying that Quatre couldn’t stand to see them. This surprised her, but she didn’t want to anger her host, so she gave him the brush, even though it had some of her hair still in it. Then she was told to wait in the foyer, and wait she did, for three hours.

When that time was finally over, Rashid, Quatre’s manservant, came to show her to her sleeping quarters. The room he showed her to was quite dark, in fact there wasn’t any light in it. Just as she was about to turn around and ask why it was so dark she heard the door close. Terrified she began to turn around, when suddenly a bright light snapped on behind her, causing her to turn around very quickly. As soon as her eyes had adjusted to the light she saw a figure silhouetted against it. The figure drew nearer, until Relena suddenly gasped. She was staring right back at her own face!

"So", boomed a voice over a speaker somewhere farther back in the room, "how do you like my little copy?"

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(1)A Note from Miliardo: The names of all the Gundam characters are a bit hard to add chibi to all the time, so from now on they will be abbreviated thusly.

Chibi-Heero: Chi-He

Chibi-Duo: Chi-Du

Chibi-Trowa: Chi-Trow

Chibi-Quatre: Chi-Quat

Chibi-Wufei: Chi-Wu

Chibi-Miliardo: Chi-Mil or Miliardo

Chibi-Noin: Chi-Noin

Chibi-Sally: Chi-Sall

Chibi-Une: Chi-Une

Chibi-Treize: Chi-Treize

Chibi-Dorothy: Chi-Dor

Chibi-Catherine: Chi-Cat(not to be confused with Chi-Quat)

Etc, etc, etc. All names will be abbreviated using only Chi- plus the first syllable of their name. The only exception to this rule is Chibi-Rashid, who we will continue to call Chibi-Rashid because Chi-Rash just doesn’t sound right. In conversations between chibis their names may be italicized when they speak to each other.

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"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!! WHO IS THAT, AND WHO", she screamed in the direction the voice had come from, "ARE YOU!!!"

"Well, Relena, I am Duo Maxwell and that is your clone, Relena number 37. I do believe she’s a perfect replica, don’t you? Come here 37."

"Yes, Lord Duo." The clone turned sharply to her left and walked out into the shadows.

"I guess it is a pretty good match", commented the utterly brainless politician. "But why did you want to clone me?"

"So that I could kill you numerous times, of course."

"WHAT!!!! You’re gonna kill ME?!?! You can’t do that! I’m the frickin queen of the world! Besides, Heero would be angry if you killed me before he even gets a chance to propose. You yourself said you’d seen a ring."

"Yeah, I’ve seen a ring, who hasn’t you idiot. Now, I want you to see some of the fates I’m sparing you from, you moronic monarch."

The room was immediately illuminated and Relena saw that she was in a sort of Plexiglas cage. There was one door, which had a huge bolt on it. Outside the pen was a small arena with a Relena clone standing in the middle. Seated in the stands around her cage were all of the Magunacs and Quatre’s sisters, Zechs, Sally, Noin, Treize, all of the G-boys, and an entire mob of chibis. Duo was sitting next to Heero and holding his hand, which pissed off Relena even more. And all of them were staring at her. Well at the "her" in the center of the arena, anyway.

"Hey, Relena. We’re gonna kill number 37 first. Now pay attention and enjoy the show."

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Loudspeaker(Ls): Number 1; Death by Chocobos

//An entire flock of chocobos comes out of a wooden door in the arena and swarm around the clone. The fly about and peck her to death. As she screams the audience cheers loudly. When they’ve returned to their holding pen, there is nothing left of Relena #37//

Ls: Number 2; Death by Rabid Dorothy

//A second Relena clone is pushed into the arena. Dorothy, foaming at the mouth, runs at Relena and bites her head. She then shakes the clone until Relena’s arms and legs fly off. Dorothy then devours the rest of her and stalks out into a different pen. The audience begins to chant ‘Dorothy’ as the rabid blond takes a final bow.//

Ls: 3; Death by Wing Zero

//The poor Relena clone has no warning as Zero’s foot comes crashing down on top of her. The chibis begin screaming with delight.//

Ls: 4; Death by Demon Bunnies from Hell

//A huge group of black and white bunnies with glowing red eyes rise up behind Duo.//

Duo: Go forth my children, the demon spawn, go forth to hunt your dinner!

//The bunnies jump into the arena. They fill the entire thing, muffling the clone’s screams, and their eyes begin to glow brighter. Suddenly, they disappear taking the Relena with them as they return to Hell.//

Ls: 5; Death by Bulma

//Relena is strapped to a chair in the middle of the arena, bound and gagged. Bulma, our favorite DBZ chick, comes bounding into the light. She begins to complain, whine, and gripe as only Bulma can. Relena’s eyes begin to spin around and finally her head explodes. Bulma screams loudly and runs out of the room. The rest of Relena falls through a trap door in the floor.//

Ls: 6; Death by Chibi-Wufei

//Relena is chased around in circles by a katana wielding chibi that looks like he’s having the time of his life. When he catches her he immediately hacks her into small pieces. Mass cheering from the audience.//

Chi-Wu: Justice has been served.

Ls: 7; Death by Quatre’s Sisters and Servants.

//Yet another Relena clone wanders brainlessly around the arena. Suddenly the entire Magunac Core, all of Quatre’s servants, his twenty-nine sisters, and all of their chibi replicas stampede into the arena, trampling the clone into dust. They return to their seats with expressions of pure bliss on their faces.

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Chi-Wu: I like this story. Don’t you?

Chi-Mil: //while munching popcorn// Yep, it’s a really well written.

Chi-Cat: Hey, Trowa, stop kissing Quatre and come watch the rest of the movie with us.

Chi-Trow: ‘…’ (We weren’t kissing, we were just talking.)

Chi-Cat: Yeah, sure. Well, either way you were making a lot of noise, so pipe down.

Chi-Mil: Has anyone seen Duo and Heero?

Chi-Wu: Nope, but you know those two.

All: Yeah.

Chi-Cat: Look it’s starting again. Everyone shut up.

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And so the slaughter continued all night long, but, since describing it all would take to forever, I’ll just list how the other Relenas died.

8. Death by Maniacal Fanficcer(Gaia, pen and paper in had, runs around until she finally writes Relena into oblivion.)
9. Death by Buster Rifle
10. Burnt to Death
11. Death by Chewing on Live Wires
12. Death by Muffin: The Killer Attack Poodle
13. Death by Treize’s Speeches
14. Death by Colonel Une
15. Death by Repeating One’s-Self

15. Death by Repeating One’s-Self

15. Death by Repeating One’s-Self

15. Death by Repeating One’s-Self

15. Death by Repeating One’s-Self
16. Death by Being Eaten Alive by Starved Horses
17. Death by Being Fed to Trowa’s Lion
18. Death By Disco
19. Death by Swallowing Shampoo
20. Death by Beanie Babies(millions of the stuffed things crushed the Relena clone)
21. Death by Cadillac
22. Death by Strobe Light(don’t even ask)
23. Death by Microwave
24. Death by Small Shack and Tornado(Wizard of Wuz)
25. Death by Suffocation
26. Death by Dictionary(good old Webster)
27. Death by Angered Akane
28. Death by Rioko
29. Death by Ieka
30. Death by Sesame(Huh?)
31. Death by Sailor Senshi(accompanied by a massive number of catcalls from the audience; must have been the mini-skirts)
32. Death by Geometry Book(those things are big enough to kill anything)
33. Death by Philosophy(I think; therefore I am. You do not think; therefore you are not.)
34. Death by Crazed Quatre
35. Death by Catherine(that girl can throw knives with pin-point accuracy)
36. Death by Internet
37. Death by Light-bulb

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"Well Relena it is now your turn, but don’t worry, we won’t kill you."

"Then what exactly do you intend to do?"

"Well we only want to half kill you, so here is your fate. You, Relena Peacecraft, are to be tortured by hentai fanfic readers for eternity."

"No! Please! NOT THAT!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Relena’s screams are hushed as the hentais gag her, hoist her over their heads and run of chanting ‘Death to Dips! Death to Dips! Death to Dips!’

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Heero and Duo lived happily ever after in Switzerland and never heard from Relena again, but, if you ever go over the Gaia’s house, you can still hear her screaming from the depths of Gaia’s basement, where, to this day, she still suffers.

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Chi-Wu: I hope you enjoyed this fic. The next will be directed by Chi-Cat. Please come back to enjoy our product on another date. Thank you. Bye.