I toss and turn as I lye in my bed next to my koibito, Duo Maxwell. He has always been concerned about my well being and now for the past few weeks he has been asking me why I have been tossing and turning. But how can I tell him the truth.

What is happening to me right now is not suitable for my beautiful lover. I shiver at the sound of that word, ‘lover’. Yes, he is my lover, but I can never tell him why I cringe before we make love. For you see the images I see in my sleep aren’t dreams, they’re memories.. . no they’re living nightmares.

I shot straight up from the mattress in a cold sweat, my heart racing as I tried to put those memories into submission. I took one more deep breath before getting out of bed and walking into our bathroom.

I turned on the light and splashed cold water on my face, when I heard a voice behind me.

“Heero, are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Duo.”

“But you’ve been having those nightmares for the past few weeks, I.. .”

“I said I was fine!”

“I know, but you can’t fool me, please Heero tell me what’s wrong.”

“Did it ever occur to you that I can’t?!”

“I just want to help you.. .”

“I know, but I can’t tell you. It hurts too much to even think of telling you such a story. So please, just leave me alone.” I looked into the shinning violet pools and saw a little bit of sorrow.

“Are you coming back to bed?”

“No, I’ll sleep in the living room on the couch.”

He smirked slightly, “Let me guess, as long as Trowa’s not down there.”

“I forgot he and Quatre haven’t been on good terms lately, but either way I’m not sleeping in here tonight.”

“Was it me?”

“Don’t think that. I just need some time.” With that I left my room and headed down the dimly lit hallway.

I laid myself onto the uncomfortable piece of furniture. I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, when I heard footsteps behind me.

The figure looked at me and chuckled a little, “Duo kick you out too?”

“No, I left on my own.”

“Nightmares?”

“Yeah. Trowa, can I really tell him the truth?”

“Only if you are willing to talk. I still haven’t told Quatre about my past, what I remember that is.”

“Is that why you two are fighting?”

“No, it’s a different reason. Heero, what are your nightmares about?”

“You can’t tell anyone, not even Quatre. Understood?” I saw him nod and I let out a soft sigh, “I was molested by my father.. .”

“Heero.. .”

“I still remember every last detail. Whenever a mission went awry he would take it out on me. He’d beat me for awhile and when he’d pin me down he would.. .” I couldn’t finish the statement, but I looked into the Latin boy’s eyes. I expected him to mock me for my weakness, but instead he sat on the couch next to me and put a hand on my shoulder.

“I know how you feel. When those mercenaries raised me they used to touch me in sexual ways. I used to shout out in pain and the more I did so the more they hurt me. So one day I finally gave up and let them do as they wished.”

“But have you ever cringed when you and Quatre were about to make love?”

“Of course. I was afraid that he would hurt me, but he let me take control, I just had to remember that this was someone that I love and not someone that would tare me apart.”

“I can’t tell you that because I really don’t have an answer.”

“Hn.”

He moved off the couch and lay on the floor. I lay on the couch and shut my eyes. I told one person about my problem and yet I still have no way knowing if these memories will ever leave the bottom of my heart and the back of my mind.

* * *

The next morning I awoke to the sound of Quatre and Trowa fighting. I got off the couch and approached the kitchen. I stopped in the doorway and looked at my comrades.

“Trowa, I can’t believe you would be so childish to ask me to do such a thing!”

“Quatre, it’s the best thing for you! I don’t want to be the one to bring your family bad news because of your stupidity and carelessness!”

“Well don’t worry, my family hates you and at the moment so do I!”

“SHUT UP!”

All of us turned our attention to the Chinese boy sitting at the table. He glared at the bickering couple, “I went to bed early last night because I had a headache, which I still have thanks to you two.” He stood up with his cup of coffee in hand, “Winner, you always say that we shouldn’t fight each other. So, follow your own advice and grow up.” He walked into the living room.

{Duo}

I followed my friend into the living room and saw him sit on the couch and swallow some aspirin. He looked at me somewhat curious.

“What is it, Maxwell?”

“I just want to talk to you.”

“All right, but please make it quick. I want to get some rest.”

“Okay.” I sat next to him and looked into his onyx eyes, “It’s Heero. He’s been having those nightmares again and I.. .”

“Maxwell, I know you want to help him. But if he won’t tell you what they’re about maybe you should just back off and leave him be for now.”

“But.. .”

“Just leave him alone. When he’s ready he’ll come to you.”

I could only nod, if I had made anymore attempts in making him tell me it was ‘OK’, he would have hurt me. I stood up and looked at the computer on the other side of the room, “Heero, there’s a message for you!”

He walked in and stood next to me. He opened the email and sighed, “Another mission.. .”

“It’s okay Heero, I’ll go with you even though it didn’t say to.”

“No, I’ll be all right. I should be back late tonight or early the next morning.”

I smiled at him, “Well, do I at least get a kiss goodbye?” I moved a little closer to his lips.

His Prussian blue eyes quivered at each step I took, but before I could close the gap between us, he gripped my shoulders and kissed my right cheek. He pulled away from me and walked towards the stairs, “Nimo roukai.” Then walked out of my sight.

“Heero.. .”

* * *

{Heero}

I made it to the base in no time at all. This mission didn’t require my Gundam, which made it all the more quicker. I was to obtain information on the OZ forces in space, but unfortunately Dr. J was wrong about the security in this location.

He had said that it was at low security, but that was inaccurate to say the least. There were guards every corner I turned. I just made my way carefully and silently through the base until I found the room that held the information that would complete my mission.

As I entered I felt somewhat uneasy. I couldn’t place why I was having this feeling that I was having in my chest, so I ignored it and continued to hack into the computer system.

It was only a matter of mere minutes before I obtained the information and now I was on my way out of the maximum-security base.

No more than three steps out of the room, the alarms started to blare. I must have tripped one of the laser censors. I quickened my pace with rapid strides and even then that didn’t help. One of the many men tackled me from behind and knocked me to the floor, then dragged me to the captivity sec. I sat in this cell for awhile. It was so cold and dark, that the sudden light that came in surprised me. I looked at the person approaching me and saw that it was an OZ soldier.

He looked at me with pure lust in his eyes, “So beautiful.. .” he murmured.

The more he approached, the further I backed away until I backed up into the wall. He grabbed my arms and pinned me to the cool metal floor.

“Daddy needs your help, little soldier.. .”

Images of my father flashed before my eyes, of him on top of me, touching me, murmuring sexual fraises in my ear.

I struggled against this man and at the sign of my resistance, he slapped me across the face. He smiled slightly as he saw a tiny trickle of blood make its way down the side of my mouth. He moved his face closer to mine and licked the crimson liquid away. He moved his right hand towards the waistband of my shorts and smirked like a madman, “This will be the first of many encounters, Perfect Soldier. Now lets see how prefect you really are.” He started to pull my shorts down and as he did so I could feel his arousal rub against my leg.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I tried to resist, but I couldn’t any longer. I took a deep breath and screamed out of pain and sorrow.

---

{Duo}

I’m sitting on the windowsill in my room that I shared with my one true love. I was watching the sunset when I felt a small chill run down my spine. My first thought about the chill was that something had happened to my lover, but I knew better.

Then I heard something that put that thought back into my mind, I heard a loud, anguish scream. I looked into the distance and put my hand over my heart, “Heero.. .”

* * *

The days had past and Heero still hasn’t returned. I’m sitting in my bed looking at the empty spot next to me. I shook my head and left the room. I hate being alone. Knowing that he most likely wouldn’t mind, I decided to head for WuFei’s room.

I opened the door to his room and looked at the surroundings for a few seconds. The room was really clean compared to mine; well that was to be expected I guess. The only window in his room was open slightly, that allowed a light spring breeze to flow through the room and the moon light was shinning right on my friend’s face.

I walked up to the bed and took a quick look at my sleeping comrade. Strands of his black hair were falling out of his ponytail and his face made him look so innocent when he slept. I smiled slightly and crawled into the bed next to him.

{WuFei}

I could feel something move next to me. I opened my eyes and turned on the light only to see Duo Maxwell there.

“Maxwell, what are you doing?”

“I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to be alone, so I figured you wouldn’t mind if I slept in here tonight.”

“You mean like you’ve been doing for the past four nights?”

“I didn’t think you’d mind.. .”

“Maxwell, I know you’re worried about Yuy. But one of these days he and I will have a mission together and I won’t be here. What are you going to do then?”

“If you want me to leave just say so.”

I sighed, “Look, stay in here tonight and I’ll go to that base in the morning and look for him.”

“Really?”

“Yes, it just doesn’t seem right that he hasn’t come back yet. He’s the most skilled out of all of us, I wonder what could have happened.. .”

* * *

I awoke the next morning and left my room silently, to ensure that Duo was going to stay asleep for a few more hours. He needed it.

I made my way downstairs after I had gotten dressed. I walked into the kitchen and yet again Quatre and Trowa were arguing.

“You are so insensitive, Trowa!”

“I told you that your kindness could be your downfall. You are way to trusting towards others! You could end up dead, is that what you want?!”

“No, but right now I want you out of my face!” he picked up a plate off the counter and threw it towards the pilot of Heavyarms.

The porcelain object crashed to the floor and shattered into a hundred pieces. One of the shards came at me and racked against my left arm, “That’s a nice good morning.”

The blond looked at me and gasped at the small trail of blood on my arm, “WuFei, I’m so sorry.. .” he ran over to me and looked at my arm.

“I’m all right.”

“That’s pretty deep, sit down and I’ll take care of the wound.”

I nodded a bit and sat down at the table. Quatre walked back over to me with a first aid kit. He cleaned the wound and started to wrap a bandage around it.

Trowa looked at him, “See what you did?! If he had been an OZ soldier, you would have been dead by now!”

“Shut up Trowa! I’m not that incapable!”

“Both of you shut your traps!” they both looked at me with shock written on their faces, “Look, you two can fight all you want, but not in here. Maxwell is trying to sleep because he’s been worried about Yuy all night. He needs his rest, so please keep your lover’s quarrel to yourselves. Now, I’m going to that base that Yuy had gone to. I’ll be back in a few hours.” With that said I left the kitchen and walked into the living room and checked the location. And now I was on my way to the base.

* * *

I was now walking through the base. Heero must have gotten caught; no one in their right mind would try getting information from a base at this high security.

I quickened my pace and ran into a group of soldiers.

“Freeze!”

I turned around and saw that the entire hall was blocked off. I had two options. One was to fight them off and continue looking for my comrade or two turn myself in and get the others involved in a search. My choice was clear.

I got in a fighting stance and now I was ready to take on the soldiers. My moves were matched by each of them. And on my last attempt one of the men hit me in the back of the neck and knocked me out cold.. .

{Heero}

The cell door opened again and I sighed in relief that it wasn’t that perverted guard. After the door had closed I crawled over to my new cellmate. I gasped and shook him a little, “WuFei, wake up.”

He moved slightly and opened one eye a little, “Yuy, are you all right?”

I nodded. I knew I was lying, but there was no way I was going to tell this person what really happened.

He looked at my face and arced an eyebrow slightly, “What happened to you?”

I didn’t respond. He moved closer to me and put a hand on my shoulder, “Yuy?”

I couldn’t control myself, I knew he was just being a friend and making sure I was all right, but right now I don’t want to be touched by anyone. I moved my hand back and then made contact with his face with my fist. He fell backwards and rubbed his right cheek, “I can see why Maxwell will never pick a fight with you.”

“WuFei, I’m sorry. I.. .”

“I’m all right. Don’t worry about it. Between you and Winner, I’m going to fall apart by the end of the day anyway.”

The door opened again and this time it was my worst nightmare. He walked towards me and I backed up into the wall quivering in fear for my life.

“Please no more.. .” I whimpered.

“Shh.. . little one, it’ll be over soon.. .” he continued to walk towards me and then WuFei stepped in between us.

“Leave him alone.”

“Hm, a new comer?”

The Chinese pilot looked back at me, “It’s okay, Heero. I understand your fear.” He whispered and then turned back to the pervert. “If you leave him alone and let him go.. . you can have me.”

“Hm.. .” the man took a few steps closer and put his hand behind WuFei’s head. He pulled on the hair tie and let the black locks fall onto the boy’s shoulders. “Beautiful.. . now for one more sight to be seen before I make my decision.”

He moved closer to the Shenlong pilot’s pants and pulled them and his boxers down to his ankles. He moved his hand lower and began to fondle him. I couldn’t bear to see this sight any longer, I brought my knees to my chest and buried face on the top of my knees.

{WuFei}

“I’ll tell you what. I’ll let him go, but he has to stay here and watch my first round with you.”

I looked back at the Japanese boy, then at the man in front of me, “Deal.” You can handle this, I know you can, I must protect you at any cost.. .

He moved his hands to my waist and knelt down in front of me. He placed his mouth around my cock and sucked on it. I just stood there, silently as he continued his assault.

{Heero}

I could hear the low moans from the soldier. I began to wonder if my friend passed out. I lifted my head a little and saw WuFei looking back at me. He mouthed the words; ‘It’s okay.. .’ I nodded and put my head back down.

The next thing I heard was a slight thud; I lifted my head again and saw the Chinese boy on the floor.

“Come on, let me hear you scream!” he raised his hand and struck WuFei in the face.

His lip split at the last punch that the man had thrown. I looked at the Shenlong pilot once more and he mouthed to me; ‘I’m okay.’ But his eyes had said something different.

I buried my face again, I couldn’t stand to see the sorrow in his eyes.

* * *

I heard the soldier scream and realized that he had reached his climax. I lifted my head and saw that the guard had passed out onto the floor.

I ignored him and crawled over to my comrade, “Are you okay?”

“.. .”

“WuFei?”

“.. .” he stood up and pulled his pants up.

“Let’s go.”

He nodded and I took the keys from the guard that had passed out and opened the door.

We ran out of the base and into one the trucks. As we drove off I looked at WuFei, “Thank you.”

“.. .”

“I know it was a hard decision to make.”

He shook his head.

“WuFei, say something.”

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He shook his head again.

“Look at me.”

He gave me a quick glance and then turned his gaze to the window. I sighed, “I’m so sorry.. . but now you know what my nightmares are, right?”

He nodded, “Forgive me, Nataku.. .” he whispered.

I could barely make out the last thing that he had said, but I still heard it. My heart sank at the thought of knowing that it was because of me that he has completely lost any way of communicating and now unfortunately he too knows the deeper secrets that are kept in the bottom of our hearts.