| September 11, 2002 Dear Elijah, Well, it's September 11th again, just as it's been twenty times in my life. I woke up this morning at 9:00 exactly, without an alarm or anything, in fact I was intended to sleep longer, and just realized that I'd not be able to go back to sleep. It's one of those things where you don't really know why you know something, you just do. So, I sat up, turned on my TV, and started watching MTV of all things (I only have 17 channels, so I don't have much choice.) They were showing a program about how pop culture changed post "9/11." After a while, I decided I'd had enough of that, and started flipping through to see what other channels were playing. Nearly all, even the Japanese channel, had live feed from the Three Sites. The Three Sites.... All of them hit too close to home really. The Pentagon, and indeed Washington DC, isn't that far away from West Virginia, I've been to the city on several occasions. Somerset County, PA, even closer to me geographically, is the place where Flight 93 finally slammed into the ground, showing how our way of thinking had changed in such a short time. That plane, it sharply changed course over Weston, West Virginia, before it made it north to do so though. Weston is 15 miles from my hometown. And Finally, New York City. Manhattan. The World Trade Center. I had the privilege to go there this June. It looked very different then than it did on CNN shortly after the attacks. It's so quiet there. It really is what it's come to be called, a big, empty "Pit." We ate lunch at a little sandwich shop on the corner across from one of the corners of the Site, where people still working on cleaning up, with face masks set aside for the moment, also ate. It was surreal in its normality. Some more time passed, and I got up for real. I was hungry, physically, but I wasn't ready to eat yet. I cleaned up a little. I'm lucky to have this room, lucky to have all that I have. Then, I knew, it was time to choose what my first foray into pop culture for the day should be. I listened to "Acceptance" by a Montreal-based band who played Ozzfest, called Pulse Ultra. It is a September Eleventh reaction song. "**ACCEPTANCE (PHASE I)** I won't fight for a cause that's been lost when we gave up our nature, denial Too many faces are glowing with pride and assurance, but it's their loss Don't you see? The skyscrapers They're too big to bring down Awareness of our conditioning is slowly seeping, leaking The cracks that we've made in the temple of want do seem useless But it's their loss Don't you see? The skyscrapers They're too big to bring down Step away The mind rapers They will drown in their greed Stop the want Don't you see? The skyscrapers They're too big to bring down Step away The mind rapers They will drown in their greed Stop the want Don't let it fuck with you Stop the want Don't let it fuck with you" It helped, a lot, to hear that, it really did. So, at last, it was time to eat again. I went to my little mini-fridge, given to me by a dear friend, who was close enough to "Ground Zero" on the last September Eleventh to feel a "shock wave," and I retrieved my cream cheese and a blueberry bagel. I sat down to my computer, opened it, and begin to write this passage. Though, at this point I may not be done with my food, or done with my grief, I do feel a sense of relief, having at least tried to reach out to someone, and share my experiences. I hope you will too. Love, Des |
| Always Remember, and Never Forget, the HEROS that died for you. |