By: Joryuu

Hey everyone! My name is Joryuu, I recently decided to write a fanfiction about one of my favourite TV shows Digimon. This was what I came up with. Hope you like it!

Standard disclaimers apply, I do not own digimon, they sadly belong to someone else, I am not making any money off of this, it is purely written for entertainment.

I hope you like it! After you're done, tell me what you think, I'll even read the flames if you don't like it! If you like other anime shows as well, such as Gundam Wing and Ronin Warriors, please read my other stuff, I've had only good reviews so I'm guessing that you guys out there like them. Tell me if you don't.

//Here we go again
I can't hold in the pain
The pain has knocked down this old door//

He sighed. Once again his inner pain had overwhelmed him, a pain he couldn't share with anyone else. The pain of losing the only person close to his heart.

He closed his eyes as tears came to them. He squeezed his eyes shut and put his hand over one eyebrow. The crystal like tears came to his face.

The pain that he held all inside had broken down the barrier he'd put up so long ago. As far back as the first meeting her at summer camp.

//I don't know what to do
Don't know what to do
'Bout you//

All through out their time on file island, she complained. Her feet hurt, she was tired, she wanted to rest, she wanted to go home. But none of that stopped him from falling for her. And he fell hard.

He thought of all the phone conversations that went on and on far into the night. He remembered her bravery and sincerity (hint hint) during their search for the eighth digi-destined.

He remembered the sadness she tried to keep inside when she left to move to New York. The day that he had given her, her first kiss. Nothing had come of it though.

//It's written all over my heart, my soul
I can't let her know
I can't let it show
I can't let it go//

He'd liked her ever since the moment he'd first laid eyes upon her. She seemed to be so out of reach for him though, so much better than he could ever hope for, so much better than what he deserved. Her being with all her friends and him being a sort of loner (hint hint)

Even in the digital world it was like that. Alone. The whole time he was alone while she was surrounded by people. It wasn't the right way to fall for someone but it happened anyway.

There was no way he'd ever be able to tell her, he was just to shy with the matters of the heart. Too shy for his own good. That's why he kept this all wrapped up inside. To cover up his shyness. He'd tried and tried to stop liking her but he couldn't. He'd really tried. There was just something about her. Something that no one else had, she was special.

//It's written all over my heart and soul
If I could I'd let her know//

He sighed again. He'd stopped crying but the pain hadn't been lifted at all. Usually it died down a bit after he let it out but this time it seemed even worse. He collapsed loudly onto his bed. He didn't want to deal with this anymore.

He wished so much that he could tell her how he felt. How much he liked her. How he had liked her since the moment they'd met. He wanted to tell her how he wanted to be with her, to make her feel as happy as he felt in their time together. By now he would have, if only he could.

//Here we go again
Well I can't make it on my own
Where do I begin
When I feel so all alone//

Again he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to drown out his sorrow. Why couldn't he stop thinking of her? Why was she the main point of his every thought? Why did this have to be so very very hard on him? Why couldn't she just have stayed there in Japan with him? Why couldn't she just love him back? Those questions ran over and over in his mind every second. He wanted to know the answers so badly that it hurt him not to know.

It seemed that he was alone constantly now, even in the presence of others. Even when he was with his friends, who he'd become extremely jealous of. They seemed so happy in their wonderful lives and he had no one. Even Tai and Sora had found each other. The only times he wasn't so alone was when he was talking to her.

//I don't know what to do
Don't know what to do
'Bout you//

He put his hands on his stomach, trying to ease the pain. He pulled out his photo album from under his neatly made bed. He flipped through it, stopping to look at every picture of her he had. Every single picture that he had...

Once again he sighed. They'd kept in touch, that kept him ok for a while but no longer. They'd written back and forth, called each other everyday but it just wasn't enough for him. He wanted more. He wanted her back.

The whole time she'd actually lived in Japan, she'd always said that she was too young to date. He'd waited and waited and finally when he got the courage to ask her, she told him that she was moving to New York. Now he couldn't find the courage anymore.

//It's written all over my heart, my soul
I can't let her know
I can't let it show
I can't let it go//

The day of her flight, he'd panicked. If she left, he'd never ever be able to tell her and if she left without knowing what he felt, he didn't know what would happen.

That was when he pulled her aside, cupped his hands around her face and kissed her. It wasn't a long one but it lasted enough time for him to notice her responding.

She'd looked up at him very shocked but through that, he saw the hint of contentment on her face. Then she rushed off to catch her flight leaving him with his thoughts.

//It's written all over my heart and soul
If I could I'd let her know
I'd let her know//

The next time they'd talked, they both acted like nothing had happened. That made the hurt inside of him intensify.

There was also the time that she'd called him with important news. It being the fact that she just had to tell someone about her new boyfriend. She'd gone on for hours just to tell him how cute and sweet this boyfriend was.

This had torn him to pieces and his heart hadn't been the same since. For her to tell him that, even if she didn't know how he felt was beyond cruel. It was worse than hearing that she'd died. Well maybe not that bad.

//Well I can't seem to face it
Oh that I am here and you are there
And you don't seem to really care//

Then there was also the time that she'd come down to visit everyone. All the other digi destined had gotten to see her and they were talking about it for weeks. She'd only seen him for less than ten minutes before her flight left to go back home.

He'd missed her so much and she just seemed to not care at all. She'd acted like he was some sort of disease that needed to be carefully avoided.

//And you can't seem to face it
What's left of me is for you to see
Oh//

When in the digital world he'd found out that TK no longer needed his help and protection, he'd acted even more reserved from everyone else. He became more depressed and alone than before. She seemed so cold and uncaring. It was awful! The way she acted like he no longer existed. He'd never felt so unwanted.

He was torn to shreds by his depression and then she went and left with Joe. Joe! Was he the one that she wanted. Was she just leading him on like some stray puppy? No she couldn't be. She was more sincere than that...wasn't she? He didn't know. But how could he?

//It's written all over my heart, my soul
I can't let her know
I can't let it show
I can't let it go//

Again, he squinted. The tears came to his greyish eyes. He pulled the blankets over his head and sobbed into them. How could anyone do this? Even if it was unintentional to hurt him so much, she should've seen what was happening to him. Maybe she really did only care for herself.

He squirmed closer to the wall of his bedroom. He picked up his photo album again and flipped through the pages for the millionth time. Even looking at her photos hurt him. He heard the gentle creaking of the door opening. He quickly closed the picture book and pulled the blankets back over his head.

//It's written all over my heart and soul
If I could I'd let her know//

The person, he judged by her shape that he saw through the tear in his blanket was female. It was probably his mom again. He moved closer to the wall and uttered a slow 'go away'. This only made her move closer to him. She gently took the blankets into her hands and pulled them from off his head. He looked up at her not believing who he was staring at.

"Matt what's wrong?" she asked with her beautiful sugar-sweet voice.

"Mimi?" he asked and erupted into tears. She reached out her arms and pulled him closer to her, pressing his head to her shoulder.

"It's ok.... It's ok" she repeated over and over. She rubbed his back with her kind and gentle hands.

Could he ever tell her?

//I'd let her know
Let her know//

Hey everyone! I'm Joryuu, this isn't my first attempt at a fan fiction but it is my first attempt at a Digi fan fic. If the people arn't into character, which I think they are pretty much since I really only used Matt and Mimi, tell me what you think, [email protected] I'd love to know what you think! I really would!

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