Derek Wong

Speech 361

Non-Assertive Behavior

I am sure everyone knows Superman's secret identity, Clark Kent. How would you describe Clark Kent? Would you say he is aggressive, assertive, or non-assertive? If you look at his behavior, he is docile and allows other people, especially Lois Lane, to make decisions for him. This type of behavior is categorized as non-assertive.

The attitude that Clark Kent present is that he is less important than others. The major goal of a non-assertive is to avoid hassle, conflict, and the disapproval of others. Non-assertive individuals seldom feel happy with themselves and they put themselves down in a destructive way. This behavior has consequences. Clark Kent never tells Lois Lane his true feelings, why? Because people who are non-assertive cannot freely express their emotions, such as real affection. These consequences may also manifest physically such as headaches, stomach aches, and fatigue.

So why do people behave this way? One misconceptions, is that the way we behave is fundamentally due to our parents. According to a recent study by the Psychological Review, people learn how to behave socially outside the home and parents do not have any important long-term effects on their child's personality. This is why you are may not be like your siblings. You have the same parents, same environment, but different characteristics.

It has been found that about half of the psychological variances in our character is due to genetics, and the other half is due to the interpersonal activities and experiences. In short, the only reason why we seem similar to our siblings and family is due to shared genes, not the shared environment.

In a recent article by the Developmental Behavior Journal, children learn how to behave outside the home by becoming members of, and identifying with, a social group. There are two processes are used to explain the variances in our characteristics. Assimilation transmits cultural norms, smoothes out the rough edges of our personality, and makes us more like our peers. Differentiation exaggerates our individuality. People will use whatever trait and process that is most beneficial in a given situation, and if a certain number of traits prove to be most useful, then those traits become ingrained in that person's personality.

Many people in Hawaii come from a background where it is taught that the value of humility should supercede your own right to be an individual. However, it is not necessarily due to the cultural differences that people tend to be non-assertive. Instead, it is due to the education system. In the Journal of Applied Psychology, it was stated that our educational institutions like the family, school and universities have mistakenly encouraged non-assertive behavior. Assertiveness is often mistakenly labeled as aggressiveness. It was taught that people being "aggressive," should feel guilty. This is why many people have not learned the responses and skills that constitute appropriate assertive behavior.

Now, if you are non-assertive, nothing may not need to change. Leaders are generally considered to be extroverted. However, there are many introverts who become leaders. This is as there is a high incidence of introversion in the gifted. While extroverts tend to attain leadership in public domains, introverts tend to attain leadership in theoretical and aesthetic fields. Outstanding introverted leaders, such as Charles Darwin, Marie Curie, Patrick White and Arthur Boyd, have led their lives in solitude.

In conclusion it is your right to stand up for yourself and to assert your individuality. On the other hand, you don't have to be assertive all the time. The goal is to be able to assert yourself, and to choose freely.