By
Denise Galasso
Is this guy for real? I'm sitting in a caf� while this asshole is doing business on his cell phone pacing around like there is no one here. Once again its loud cell phone guy, sharing all of his intimate business details and looking at everyone while he is doing it.
He makes sure that everyone can hear what is being said. These people are so incredibly stupid. I hate them.
Now he is just walking around and putting his stuff down on tables while tossing euphemisms into the phone. He's probably talking to another asshole on the end of the line bothering another group of people ten blocks away from this very establishment.
These people with headphones on actually act like the whole world is their virtual office. Well you know what asshole? This is not your fucking office. This is a library with a caf� attached to it.
"Let me just get my laptop started. Darn these things. Hee hee hee."
He says this as if he is actually annoyed at the slowness of his five grand super fast laptop. He knows he is a cocky bastard.
He uses words and phrases like, "Okay, let's try this brainstorm."
He is dressed in a pair of cacky long shorts, a jersey, sneakers and a baseball cap. He must have just finished with a quick basket ball game at the Y. OR a quick ass fucking is my guess. I'm not sure which.
He just answered his phone.
"Doug Miller here."
Doug Miller is doing calf stretches uses the caf� chairs for support of his grimy tennis shoes while he is talking.
"Okay, Thanks, Tammy. Good luck to ya."
Now he's yelling over to the barrista.
"OH this is much better than the Americano."
The barrista smiles blankly. This guy is so tweeking.
He's going to be on that phone the entire time he is here.
This guy is in real estate. "Parcels, land, estimated quote"�..Oh yeah, he's a realtor.
He comments to his potential buyer that he has to talk to his partners about that. Yeah, after they spark up a fat doobbie. This guy graduated from real estate school yesterday. He's a go getter. He has a sticker on the back of his car that says "GO4it." What is he going for? An identity?
Doug is giving his deafeningly loud sales pitch now.
"Yeah, this is going to be a fast sell. You'd better see the property because I don't know how long I'm going to be able to hold on to it. It's going to sell pretty quick�.let me send you some email with pictures. You bet. Thaaannks Tammy."
This story ends with Doug sleeping with Tammy. Tammy and Norton get a divorce. Doug's fianc�, Meegan leaves him for a French poet that doubles as a hockey player. Norton jumps off a ferry.