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Any girl can look dead. All you have to do is stand still. The Orleps take an early 300-point lead and the Angel of Life is knocked out of the game January 19th when Hedy Lamarr finally establishes once and for all that she is not a glamour girl.

Not so grand slam. Just a week later Keith S. and Marsha move into second place with 150 points apiece as tennis great Don Budge budges no more.

Forget about kicking the ball--you're a dead man, Charlie Brown. Keith S. moves into first place with 400 points all scored on February 12th, as Tom Landry doffs his trademark fedora for good. Holly and PDM also get on the board with 100 points apiece when Charles Schulz enters permanent syndication just one day before Peanuts does the same. No word on any Met Life insurance policy.

And another coaching position available. Keith S.'s score increases again, now to 850 points, when Bobb McKittrick's coaching career ends on the Ides of March.

Archdiocease. Keith S. scores yet another 100 points May 3 when John Cardinal O'Connor is called to his boss' office. PDM and Holly move into a third-place tie behind the Orleps.

Gunga Din't. Just four days later Douglas Fairbanks Jr. fades to black. Keith M. gets on the board with the full 300 points, tying the Orleps for second place.

Noble endings. Another two weeks and the extremely prolific careers of both Dame Barbara Cartland and Sir John Gielgud come to an end. Marsha scores a whopping 400 points and pulls into second place, while Keith M. moves up into third and Mark K. finally gets on the board with the other 100 points.

Syriasly, he's dead. President Hafez el Assad kicks off Syria's official 40-day mourning period on June 11. The full 300 points put Mark K. in a tie with Keith M. for third place.

Livia and let die. A week later Nancy Marchand's role in "The Sopranos" proves her last. Keith S.'s score reaches a whopping 1250 points as he continues to reap the benefits of his apparent deal with Satan, taunting, "How many people will die before I win the game???? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Grumpy dead man. On July 1 Walter Matthau ensures that there won't be an "Odd Couple 3." Keith S. scores yet another 150 points for 1400 while Marsha's second-place total comes up to half of that.

Guinness...now in a can. Sir Alec Guinness was struck down August 5--but will return in a form more powerful than you can possibly imagine. The Orleps blast past Keith M. and Mark K. into third place just 100 points behind Marsha.

Uncle Scrooge McDead. Cartoonist Carl Barks can't take it with him, and has to leave everything to his quack nephew Donald on August 25. Mark K. takes the full 300 points to waddle into a second place tie with Marsha.

Your man in the grave. Two quiet months go by, but then just in time for Halloween, PDM pulls away from Holly and past Keith M. into 5th place when comedian, author, pundit, songwriter, musician, talk-show pioneer, and would-be TV censor Steve Allen's many activities are all left off, perhaps to be taken over by Jack Paar.

Dead? Dead! Dead. Almost two more months pass before Victor Borge punctuates the game with a final Etude on December 23rd, bringing Larry onto the board with 300 points and leaving Rob firmly in last place with a big fat goose-egg. The remaining week sees the passing of hearty Jason Robards and diminutive Billy Barty (neither of whom were ever on the Game lists) and Ray Walston the day after the Game ends, though he was only on Keith M's list in 1999. This leaves Keith S. to collect on his diabolical bargain as the GAME OF DEATH 2000 WINNER!