Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
Newbie:
OK Dear Sponsor - I have my inventory lists - now what?
Sponsor:
Now we come to my favourite chapter title in the Big Book - you know I am one who can analyse and worry and fret away to myself, and never get anything done - so my Sponsor asked me to look for the chapter called "into introspection":) Of course I couldn’t find it!!- the chapter is Into *action*.
Newbie:
Sounds like you have a funny Sponsor!!!
Sponsor:
Yes - and a very wise one:)
OK you have read pages 72 to 74 - what is the reason for this step, do you think?
Newbie:
I think it is about being honest - if I can share my defects honestly with my loving witness, then I can face them myself. And if I face then, then they have no power over me - instead of them being my Higher Power I can give that job to God:)
Sponsor:
And it seems I have a very wise Sponsee too:) Very good Dear One - are we ready to start?
Newbie:
Yes - (deep breath)
OK my first resentment was against my sister June. When I was still living at home I had a resentment about her, and it affected my self esteem and relationships. my part was that I would exclude her from talking to me about her important things - and I see that I was selfishly controlling and self seeking in the things I said and did here, and that there was some fear involved too - fear of what she would think of me.
Sponsor:
No Dishonesty?
Newbie:
No, I don’t think so - hmmmm - well, actually, now you make me think about it - yes - I guess I was dishonest too, not in lying to her, but in keeping from her things I could have said - yes thank you dear Sponsor, I will add that in. OK and my second resentment was to...
<later>
Yes dear Sponsor, I guess I WAS dishonest there too! I seem to have missed that a lot in my list!
Sponsor:
It is fine Dear one - that is my job - to hear what you leave out, as well as what you say:)
Newbie:
Well I see now that my defects are mostly the same - selfish and self-seeking. I have used a lot of controlling behaviours and been dishonest - not so much in what I did, as in what I didn’t do. I guess I should feel depressed at seeing me make the same mistakes over and over again - but actually, it’s something of a relief to have it all out in the open. And the fact that you didn’t throw up your hands in horror and throw me out is encouraging too - thank you!
Sponsor:
No! Thank you - you have shown great courage in doing this, and I am proud of you. And as to your feelings - lets look at the Big Book again on Page 75...
Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted.
This is what I call a check point - I know I have done a good step 5 if when I have finished I am delighted:)
Newbie:
Oh! Well I don’t know about "delight" - but maybe that is what I am feeling - delight? I certainly feel - different than before I started.
Sponsor:
And then the paragraph goes on to give us some promises:
We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.
Newbie:
Oh Wow! Will that come true for me?
Sponsor:
Well I think it is circular - you know you have done a good step if they come true - and they come true if you have done a good step:)
But that is not all we now have some specific instructions on what to do next:
Big Book Page 75
Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand?
Dear one - it is for you to answer those question - and not to me! and not now!
Newbie:
Yes - I see the sense of taking time to take stock - I will go home and think and pray about it - and I will read the first 5 steps and ask those questions as it says
Sponsor:
Excellent Dear One - and I will be praying for you till we meet next time:)