Epilogue
Journal of Nick Boyle
Angel Island
Friday, February 15, 2002Well, I guess Uncle Sam's decided my leg's in good enough shape. I got my marching orders. Petty Officer Nicholas R. Boyle, 9610510, USN is to report for duty at Camp Pendleton on Monday. Dammit! Derek, Sloan, everybody thought they could get me kicked loose, but the Navy seems determined to keep me. It's not a good time for this BS.
Derek needs me here. He might be reborn, but the world sure hasn't been. It's still a mess. He had to hit the ground running. We've only been home 3 weeks & he's already been to New York twice, Zurich & London once each.
I've never seen him at the point where I thought he was in over his head with the foundation & all the finances, but I think he is now. Willem's death hit him hard. He's just coming to terms with all the implications, personally & professionally - the loss of Willem's offices - Luna's private records - tossed Derek one hellava curve ball. Willem's Zurich offices can't find some of his working files in the systems, which means there could be a big chunk of change floating around in cyberspace with nobody's name on it. Derek won't say anything, of course, but I know the signs. He says he can handle it, says he needs to get back up to speed because he lost so much time while he was in the hospital.... It's like he pretty much missed out on all 2001. Same as he missed out on 1999. Hope he's not planning on taking every other year off, at least not in that way.
I gotta be honest - he's scared Luna can't survive this. The economy's bad - everything's fucked. If Luna goes down, then what happens with the Legacy? It's a weird situation. Willem was the nuts & bolts guy. He knew the book work & all the financial details inside out, upside down & backwards. Derek couldn't stay on top of all the details in the same way - not & wear all the hats he wears - but he's the actual connector. He's the physical glue that holds it all together. Now he has to be both until he can find or groom someone to be another Willem van der Linden. Impossible any way you look at it. He's gone all quiet & prickly.
When I go, I'm leaving a hellava gap. It's not pride that's talking either. I do a lot around here & I know Derek, he'll take that all on himself too... just like after my father got killed. Till he hit the wall & kidnaped me. Derek doesn't trust easily. You really have to earn it. He trusts Alex & Rachel, but they'll both have more than enough to do. He'll suspect anybody Sloan sends. He'd trust Sloan with his life, but not with his secrets. Sloan & everyone that was in the Tribunal chamber now knows more than Derek or the Luna trustees (whoever they are) would like. I wish Sloan would keep his distance, but he'll be like a hound dog on the scent of a T-bone steak.
Alex is coming back tomorrow night. She was weird after our little seance on the beach. When I got notice I was posted to Pendleton's SEAL school, she & Derek decided that she should take some time to visit that cop in LA & then go on to Louisiana to spend some time with Grandma Rose. I'm not sure what's going on there, but I think I can take a guess. I just don't know which way the ball bounced & nobody's giving anything away. Either way it's going to be awhile before anybody has time for a life.
I just can't figure out why the Navy's hanging onto a lame old man like me. Makes me think something's up. Derek might have said there was power & freedom & clarity on the wind, but yesterday he said there's evil there too. What did he say???? The tapestry is unraveling - whatever that means. The war is chugging along in Afghanistan. Who knows what, if anything, is being accomplished. It's a tough place to do anything in. Osama's gone to ground. Who knows where, but that bunch really doesn't need him. All they really need is a tactical philosophy. It's best if they keep it small & loose. Minimum comms traffic cuts the risk of surveillance. There's no way to get an intelligence operative inside - too tight a group - lots of blood ties. They'll keep it simple, stirring the pot - 100 pipe bombs can do that as easily now as an airliner into a building. The fear's already there - the world saw jets go into buildings - anthrax in the mail - Sarin gas in Tokyo's subway. The world knows now that a few men can kill thousands - & take joy in the destruction. We have to find every single needle in a thousand haystacks, while all they have to do is hit the broadside of a barn. An organized military can't fight smoke. Only a dictatorship can guarantee safety. Derek called it the Hydra of the 21st century & fears there will be no Hercules. It's all slight of hand tactics now. Keep the target thinking he's going to get a left hook, then give him a knee in the balls. Hellava mess.
But why are they keeping me? It ain't like I can teach anything in particular. Because I still have a gimp, I'll need another surgery. What did the Doc call it??? A debridement? They got to cut away more of the hard, scar-like crap, then slice some skin off my ass or my other leg & slap it on the raw place. Last time it was uncomfortable, but not too bad. It's healed quickly. Nothing can compare to when that bastard poured the water.
I'll be on limited classroom duty. Gotta laugh - me a professor - just like Derek. But what the hell am I supposed to teach? Those guys are way ahead of me in the hi-tech shit. I'm a Grandpa. One rock looks like another & that's about all I saw in Afghanistan. Oh, well. You do whatcha gotta do.
One thing tho' - I can't get it out of my mind. Derek insists he can't remember anything from the moment he stepped into the flames in the temple. Did he see God? His transformation was amazing. Not a scar left & he says his eyes are better. Everything about West is fading - not vanishing from his mind, but slotted away in the right place, like any bad memory. He almost sounds like Ingrid - God or Fate put him through all that foor a reason. Those memories are a part of what makes him who he is. PTSD's gone. He said it was like a scar on the soul or in the brain. He knows he dreams, but can't remember when he wakes up. He still has vivid memories at the wrong times, but they don't cause the emotional meltdown anymore. He thinks they'll continue to diminish until they're gone. I hope so. God I hope so. Maybe then - & after this Luna stuff gets sorted out & the world gets back on an even keel - he can find some sort of happiness for himself. If Derek Rayne can find happiness, then there's got to be a little hope for me.
The End
Authors' Note 
