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Frozen body plane crash horror Monday's front page news, as a plane with 170 people crashes in Greece. On Thursday, page 12, an article an inch tall was given to a plane crash in Venezuela when 160 people died, French nationals from Martinique. Why didn't this get the same coverage?
What is to be expected from a paper which has a headline on Wednesday claiming 'Seven year olds hooked on booze' with a story baring no resemblance to it. A solitary seven year old was among a number of children admitted to hospital after drinking alcohol in the last month. The report of the incident failed to mention any addiction, nor any other seven year olds. Not quite as spectacular news it seems. Mullet removal free on the NHS? Yet another great SNP health service revelation, as Shauna Robison claimed that the government wasn't meeting targets on hospitals seeing outpatients within 6 months... ...however failed to mention that the patients not being treated were those who didn't bother to turn up. Bengali FC 1 Integration of minorities in sport 0 The news of the 19th August celebrated the creation of an immigrant football team which is competing in the FA cup. Not denying anyone the right to identity. The Irish in the west of Scotland felt a compulsion to create their own team, however historically this division seems to have caused nothing but a problematic polarisation on grounds of race and religion (as if the playing for another team was not enough of a factor to inflame passions). It becomes apparent that society has failed to make Asians feel welcome at football grounds; evident in both attendance figures at football grounds, and in this creation of a team defined as such. Missing links. Dancing Guinness man became an alcoholic. The Marlborough cowboy died of cancer. Dr Atkins died clinically obese, as did Ben of the "& Jerry" fame. Pope says….it’s my way or the highway.
(The highway in question being the one ac/dc sung about) Which kind of holy man advises against any kind of personal spiritual development? The broker has an obvious reason for not wanting you to shop on the internet. "You can't buy direct" he screams. Why does Ratzinger consider himself to have exclusivity as a wholesaler of 'god'? It's like being told by the manager of Argos that you're only permitted to buy items from "the good book". Edinburgh Festival Fun You spend entire lifetime learning to juggle, swallow swords and go on a unicycle at the same time, whilst blindfolded. I spend 15 minutes before finding it boring. I failed to believe the explanation that you did this for my benefit and that I should finance this hobby of yours. Congratulations on being double jointed, what do you want exactly? Oh look, there you are pretending to be behind a piece of glass, or walking into a strong wind. What about these idiots getting paid for standing still? Here I am, miming putting money in your hat for your astounding ability to do nothing. Perhaps the motionless drug addled beggars should re-brand themselves as "living statues". Now, please piss off, I'm going to a show to watch someone with an actual talent.
Fame
and happiness Robbie
the boy. Karaoke star wonders if anyone likes him for who he is? Or is it
just the looks, money and fame? Knowing all the time, he wouldn't even have
passed the audition if he were ugly. It all plays on his mind. How can I be
so successful, yet so lonely. Always playing to the crowd, the charming cheeky
chappie. All these Cricket; an perfect excuse for Australians or English to strut about in an arrogant manner for something they personally had little to do with. What's new? Product bought to re-affirm self. No other product has the audacity to infer so directly that it's purchase shall be because "you're worth it". In the current social context, or rather in the timeless manner; it's the suggestion of being worthy of love and attention. Conversely the suggested implication is that you must lack esteem if you consider the product unsuitable, and are destined to be a lonely, unloved spinster with no money and lifeless, poorly conditioned hair. Correction by Mr B.Pitt: she's not worth it. |
Government streamlines process for instating new laws.. (& repealing some old ones on human rights)
Blair aims to cut red tape and streamline government and services to save tax payers money. Blair’s advisors to say; all opposition MPs, cabinet ministers and back benchers to go. This isn’t a dictatorship.
"We couldn’t trust those government officials with all the important details on Iraq. They might have told the press...and then who knows who might have found out what we were doing."
If the state doesn’t trust the people; why do the people trust the state? The government was being strongly challenged on the issue, so needed all of their members to turn up. When the Channel 4 reporter outside the voting chamber revealed that some MPs weren’t even quite sure what they were voting on.
Just a movement... they didn't know what they were voting for?!! What impact does toeing the party line have on the concept of democracy? It’s a two point five party system as it is...without proportional representation this is reduced to a two horse race...and when one horse is lame, you end up with a stubborn donkey in power.
To those who accuse me next Jong-il of the dynasty …I’m the daddy and I’m very much alive. The national anthem changed is to be changed to “God save the Blair”. The days of calling me "Tony" are long gone. We want the Olympics here in London…I only hope it can be as good as Munich was in 1940…
The government's latest law making policy reminds me of a Buggs bunny cartoon "Mr Devil and Mr Hare". The Tasmanian devil cleverly amends his encyclopaedic entry which says that he "Eats horses, cows, giraffes, hippopotamuses, lions, tigers, dogs, cats, wildebeasts.." "....and rabbits!"
Front page news: Royal scandal as prince says he doesn’t like those chips.
Another Royal soap opera unfolds in the tabloids. The Adrian mole-esque character, son of domineering mother, with an un-pc right wing father, whose slutty wife runs off with the son of the guy who runs the corner shop <cue dramatic drum beats, fade to black>.
Public concerned after journalist exposes weaknesses in the security protecting the prince.
Just a moment....he's an army college and 'the public' is worried about his safety from journalists? He's only allowed to shoot people if Tony and his granny say it's ok. Osama Bin Laden exposé.
I'm not really a terrorist, I'm a journalist exposing this loophole in international security. With just 40 years, and extensive funding from the west and many of their eastern allies, I've managed set up this underground terrorist network. Purely for the purposes of showing just how easily it could be done, should some fundamentalist want to do something so extreme as organise terrorist attacks. But, it's lucky for you guys I'm just a reporter for the Sun, and not some really evil bastard like those Daily Mail news hounds. North Korea exposé
Kim Jom Il reveals that he's not really a despotic leader of a 'rogue state' but merely a journalist from the guardian demonstrating the futility in trying to create a Marxist utopia.
Sad in the city.
Point counterpoint. Sadamn vs Sadamn.
Hey, I'm with you guys...I'd give my life for the cause....especially now it seems like I'll probably be executed...I may as well look like it means something. Sure, I took money from the states to fight the 20 years war against hard-line religious Iranians. But now I say, your enemy is my enemy...those damn infidel Americans...Allah give me strength! I'm not just a dictator...I'm a Muslim too...just like you!
Don't ever accuse me of not being a sensitive guy, in this fair city of mine. Haven't you read my books? I'm a real romantic. Do go there, girlfriend! Sure, if you disagreed with me, I tortured you to death, or got my son to, but, hey, I didn't make you cover your lovely faces...and you were allowed to walk in public, hold jobs, drive cars...just like in the west. I didn't let these religious types have an effect on my despotic regime... in fact I even prevented religious celebrations such as the pilgrimage to commemorate the martyrdom of Musa al-Kadhim.
Whose shizzle is it anyway?
5 year old "Fearless" What a strange way for parents to describe their deceased child, instead of the usual "angel" or "princess". Children, are, by their nature unaware of dangers, such as digging in a 6 foot deep hole liable to collapse with fatal consequences. Luckily most have attentive parents who prevent them from taking such risks...unfortunately this "brave" toddler wasn't one of them. There has to be a balance between wrapping kids in cotton wool...and doing things like buying them quad bikes or letting them dig their own graves. Rejoice: Guinea pig farm forced to close Commiserate: humanely controlled guinea pig farmer terrorised until quitting; pharmaceutical company sources animals for experiment from less scrupulous breeders abroad. Tom Christmas - arseholes reunited
Remember me, the one who still emails your ex-girlfriend, and slags you off
about your greyness/balding/belly, despite insecurity about my own
shortcomings - it's just banter! Did I mention how successful I am? Shock horror revealed: patients on anti depressants likely to be suicidal. The study suggested that suicide rates increased when mentally ill people took medicine. The facts, figures and permutations weren't discussed in the news which could have lead some people to the worrying conclusion "I'd better stop taking the pills". A more obvious conclusion would be that only the very ill seek medical help. Another cheap headline with little logical explanation...would it have been patronising to tell us some of the details? Were high risk patients not given any treatment to act as a benchmark placebo group? Is that ethical? Were those patients from the higher risk group put on the drug those most likely to commit suicide anyway? Was the comparison to another form of anti-depressant? Trevor didn't say: Hey, this is the news, if you want the implications, go buy someone's opinion. Harry Potter and the UCAS clearing system. Ah. Potter. Just looking over your CV. Ability to talk to snakes? Not quite what we're looking for, but at least it proves you've got an interest in languages. Wait a minute...how do snakes speak when they're deaf? Magical horticulture? Our course requires a Sciences, ideally biology, but we can make an exception. No Maths or English...that will count against you...and what the hell is this as your third subject? You know an A* for media studies is next to effing useless...get out, get out, get out! |
Taxi firm humour drunken advanced booking for 2020 hover taxi. Almost with you...any Crack squirrels After revelations of squirrels digging up and devouring drug dealer's hidden stashes... allegations surfaced that Rocky's claimed flying abilities result from LSD.
Bullwinkle was not available for comment, due to being a f*cking cartoon character. Kelly Homes a great hope for winning losers everywhere. "I used to self harm when I was a failure, but now I've won 2 gold medals and have multi million pound sponsorship deals, I don't cut myself any more. Why don't you do the same? (you looser)" Liar, Liar After purchasing asbestos slacks, Mr Blair vehemently denies pants on fire allegations, despite the billowing smoke. Interview with a upper class wierdo. If the original book on Vampires was on Eastern European toffs, their supposed barbarism and perverse sexual practises... Then isn't pretending to be a vampire a fashion fetish which pandering to this 19th C xenophobic, class discriminating propaganda? What do Goths wear for Halloween anyway? Gordon Brown - heroically cancels African debts (that never would be paid anyway)* *It also happens to be a useful accounting trick to write a bad debt off the balance sheet. So how much did it cost the government to do this? Nothing. London Olympics : Handier for someone living in Paris than they are for someone living in Scotland. Kit cat Self assembly bag of feline pieces bought by customer seeking chocolate covered wafers. A Team theme tune causes ‘Nam flashbacks in ten year olds. Burger joint encourages healthy eating with a two for one offer. But I only wanted one... Here's two! Have a nice day (fatso)! Blow football Maradonna unapproved biography title. Baa Humbug Mutton flavoured confectionary shows poor first quarter sales. Club choice in difficult circumstances. Man sneaks downstairs with 3 wood to confront intruder...only to find giant golf ball walking off with his stereo.
Perfect match. Junkie musician. Junkie look-a-like model. Aren't these celebrities worth celebrating!! Congratulations on being born attractive, that must have taken a lot of hard work and clever planning. Well done on squandering your talents; aren't you the lovable embodiment of the words "fuck" and "up"? Correction: junkie model. Sunn headlines: Pete- off his tits. |
Taz eats the
rulebook.
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