Breakout by Deoceres (Becky) Rating: PG-13 Story: Clarice's thoughts about the Good Doctor. Based on the Foo Fighters song "Breakout". ("Breakout" Is the property of the Foo Fighters and I do not profit from it's use in this story in any way...yada yada yada...) Set sometime during Hannibal. You make me dizzy, running circles in my head. One of these days, I'll chase you down. Well, look who's going crazy now We're face to face, my friend, Better get out. Better get out. You know you make me break out, You make me break out. I don't want to look like that, I don't want to look like that. You know you make me break out, You make me break out. I don't want to look like that, I don't want to look like that. You know you make me break out. You can see this on my face, It's all for you. The more and more I take, I break right through. And therapy still scares me, Putting me on my back again. I may be crazy, little frayed around the ends. One of these days, I'll phase you out. Burn it in the blast off, Burn it in the blast off, watching me crawl away, Try to get out. Try to get out. You know you make me break out, You make me break out. I don't want to look like that, I don't want to look like that. You know you make me break out, You make me break out. I don't want to look like that, I don't want to look like that, I don't want to look like that. Break out! Break out! Break out! Break out! Go! Go! Go! You know you make me break out, You make me break out. I don't want to look like that, I don't want to look like that. You know you make me break out, You make me break out. I don't want to look like that, I don't want to look like that, I don't want to look like that, I don't want to look like that. You know you make me break out, You make me break out, You make me break out. Clarice Starling remains seated in the rickety office chair in "Hannibal's House" long after the last sane person has left the building. It is dark now, but still she hasn't bothered to switch on the lights. The pale blue flicker of the computer screen casts eerie shadows over her, distorting her features. Where the hell are you? No-one knows how long it has been since she first started the search, but all results have been coming up with negative leads. She feels like screaming. His voice is constantly in her head, mocking her, tauntingly telling her to come and find him. That's what I'm trying to do! Great, now she wasn't just hearing voices, she was having a conversation with them. Hell, just call out the guys with the white uniforms right now.... Letting out something halfway between a growl and a scream, she threw her notebook across the room and angrily pressed the power button on the computer, plunging the room into total darkness. "For fuck's sake! Where are you?!?" She didn't even realise she was speaking out loud. "Where the fuck are you?!" She slammed her fist onto the desk, enjoying the jolt of pain that coursed through her fingers, punishing herself for being so stupid. There had to be some clue to where he was...she just wasn't seeing it. She could feel the beginnings of a major headache coming on, and she groaned loudly in the silence of the room. Her eyes stung, and she decided against switching on the light. She rubbed her fingers gently over her temples, in a vain attempt to soothe the dull ache that was making her head feel fuzzy. Sighing she lowered her head into her arms and rested on the desk. The cool, smooth wood served to comfort her burning forehead. "Doctor Lecter!" They were dragging him away from her, and no matter how hard she tried, her legs seemed to only move at a snail's pace. It was like she was running in water. "Stop it! Come back!" She was shouting out to them, but they weren't listening. The two faceless F.B.I agents that were pulling him away didn't even look at her. But Lecter did. His dark maroon eyes seemed to glow red, and she could almost feel them burning her skin. There seemed to be no restraints to stop him from escaping, but still he didn't move to attempt to free himself. He called out to her: "Will they give you a medal now, Clarice? Is this what you wanted?" His words burned her, leaving deeper wounds that his piercing gaze. "No..." Her voice was choked, seeming tiny and meaningless. He smiled condecendingly. "Come now Clarice, I thought you knew not to lie to me." He paused as a lamb skipped past his feet, which trailed on the floor as he was pulled by his arms. "This is what you wanted...you've been looking for me all this time...Now you've found me...just like you wanted." She was shaking her head, tears blurring her vision. "No, no...not like this..." "Then why else? Why else would you tell them where I was?" She looked down, away from his accusing gaze. "I don't know." When she looked back up, one agent was already on the floor, lying face down in a pool of blood. Lecter was already finishing the other one, whose limp body he let fall to the floor. His gaze met hers, and he smiled, his lips covered in blood. She gasped. "Doctor Lecter..." He carefully moved towards her, taking slow, deliberate steps. "Well, Clarice. What now? I'm free, it's just the two of us. No agents here for you to protect, it's too late." She drew her gun, her eyes never leaving his. "Freeze! Doctor Lecter, raise your hands where I can see them and lie face down on the ground!" He continued, as though she hadn't spoken. "There is no need for you to be loyal now Clarice...what is making you do this?" "Don't do this doctor! Stop walking and lie face down on the ground!" He smiled and continued to slowly walk towards her. "Or what, Clarice? Could you shoot me? Would you shoot me?" She tightened her grip on her .45. "Stop walking and neither of us will have to find out!" Her mind was racing. She didn't want to shoot him, he meant too much to her...stop it! She couldn't have feelings for him, he was a cannibalistic serial killer! "That is rather slippery of you, Agent Starling." His direct quotation of himself drew her mind back to Baltimore...seeing him for the first time...and later, their meeting in Memphis when that one slight touch of their fingers had caused electricity to surge through her entire body. She shook her head, dismissing those thoughts. He was still moving towards her, no more than four meters away. "Freeze! Doctor Lecter, don't do this!" The gun was pointed directly at his heart, and her fingers trembled as she held the cold, hard metal. He was still walking. "This is your decision to make, Clarice. I will not make it for you." He was a meter away now, and in the split second before he reached her, she squeezed the trigger. A voice in her head was screaming at her, telling her to stop and just admit how she felt, but Special Agent Starling took over and pulled the trigger. Everything seemed to go in slow motion as his lifeless body fell to the ground, bouncing slightly before he lay still, blood pooling around him. Screaming, she dropped the gun and fel to her knees beside him, taking his head in her hands. "Oh my god! What did I do?! Doctor Lecter...speak to me! No! You can't leave me!" Tears rolled down her cheeks as she leaned down to him, pulling him towards her. Her entire body shook as she sobbed, grief stricken and horrified. She whispered against his ear "I love you, Hannibal." A flock of lambs surrounded them both, somehow bathed in his blood. They screamed at her, and she brought her hands to her ears to try and block out the relentless, heart renching screams, now louder than ever. The harsh, shrill wailing wouldn't go away. "No...no...no..." She felt herself being pulled away into blackness, away from his body. "No! No!!!" "NO!!!!!!" Her head snapped up off her arms and she gasped loudly. A dream. But it was so vivid... The tears continued to fall down her cheeks as she remembered how she had shot him. Shot the only person in the world who she truly loved. The dream had brought a lot of repressed feelings to her attention, and the emotion overcame her as she sobbed into her hands. I love him. I can't do this anymore, I can't work for them anymore...they want me to kill him...or capture him...and I can't. I won't! He drives me out of my mind...but I love him. Suddenly, she realised that she could still hear the shrill screams of the lambs. No...it had been the phone that woke her. It was still ringing, and she reached for it, sniffling. "Starling." "Clarice." Her eyes widened with recognition. "Doctor Lecter...." "Yes, Clarice. You sound upset. May I ask why?" She drew in a deep breath. "I...I realised some things...." He chuckled. "Oh? And what might those 'things' be?" "I dreamt...that I shot you....and the lambs...were all around...screaming..." He sighed, and his tone sounded less harsh and questioning. "And this...upset you?" "Yes...Doctor Lecter, I can't do this any longer! I won't play any more games! No more chasing you..." Amusement was evident in his tone, but he was not mocking her. "So what does that mean, Clarice?" Her words were spoken with strength and confidence. "I don't want to work for them anymore...I couldn't take your freedom any more than I could kill you." There was a brief pause as he considered this. "So what would you want then, former Special Agent Starling?" She inhaled deeply. Now or never. "You." "...Clarice...you know what this means...?" She breathed deeply, still unsure of his feelings towards her. "I...I...what does it mean...? "It means I'll never be able to let you go." She released the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. The raw emotion in his voice, that he never usually let show brought fresh tears to her eyes. But they were tears of happiness. "Doctor Lecter..." "Hannibal, Clarice..." She smiled. "Hannibal..." His tone was soft, and she could hear the happiness in his words. "I will be waiting at your house for you. I hope the ride home isn't due time for you to change your mind...?" It was the last challenge before they could be together. "I will never change my mind. Never." As she spoke the words, she knew she sould never ever regret her decision, not in a thousand years. "See you soon, Clarice." As she hung up, a huge smile was on her face. She snatched her notebook off the floor and wrote a quick note to Pearsall, or Krendler or whichever other bastard would read it, and then ran out to her car, to the start of her new life. The next morning, one of the newer Agents knocked on the door to Pearsall's office. "Come in." The man walked in, holding a note. "Erm...Sir....I think you should read this..." Pearsall's eyes narrowed as he read the note and then slammed it down onto the desk. "Alright. Get out of here." As the agent left, Pearsall reached for the phone. If we look over his shoulder, we can read former Agent Starling's letter of resignation. Whoever is reading this I have finally broken out of this endless cycle of hate, betrayal and lies. Gradually Learning To Fly ~Starling~ (former agent) Fin