House on Hannibal Hill by Deoceres (Becky) Rating: G Story: Scooby Doo parody (couldn't really think of a good title, so I just adapted House on Haunted Hill...better ideas, anyone? :( ) Anyway, as for the two Clarices...lets say for the sake of the beginning of the story that they look the same, but 'Hannibal' Clarice dyed her hair. Erm...with Scooby, just take the r's etc. off the beginning of every word for it to make sense, lol. A/N: This story makes no sense and has no plotline...but it does have Scooby Snacks! :-) Characters: Shaggy = Jack Crawford Scooby Doo = Paul Krendler Scrappy Doo = Mason Verger Velma = 'SOTL' Clarice Daphne = 'Hannibal' Clarice Fred = Agent Thomas Brown Old Man Barney = Barney "Daph....hey, Daphne!" "Huh...?" Clarice woke up at the sound of the voice, and was hit with the hangover from hell. "Ugh....wha...?" She opened her eyes and blinked once. Twice. Who the hell was that? "Who...?" Squinting, she saw...herself. Well, kind of. The girl was about the same height and had the same facial features, and had the same natural brown hair that she used to have...She looked pretty much the same as Clarice did a few years back. Only she was wearing very thick glasses with chunky black rims, and a baggy orange jumper. In fact, being woken up and suddenly hit with such a bright colour was making Clarice kind of queasy. She stared up at the girl. "Who are you? And why do you look like me?" Clarice 2. looked puzzled, and then laughed. "You're weird, Daphne. Come on, the gang's heading out." Clarice sat up, her head spinning. "Waitaminute...I'm not Daphne...what gang...? What are you talking about?" The girl rolled her eyes; a weird sight with those huge lenses. "Honestly...I don't know why you're trying to be funny, Daph. We have important things to do!" Clarice 1. looked around her. None of it looked familiar. "Where am I?" The other Clarice rolled her eyes again. "The Mystery Machine, silly!" "The what?" At that second, a guy in a green t-shirt popped his head around the van door. "Like, come on you two, we're waiting!" Clarice 1. stared at him carefully. "....Mr. Crawford?" The guy gave her a funny look, and then turned to Clarice 2. "Is she feeling ok, Velma?" Velma shrugged. "She's been weird ever since she woke up, Shaggy." Clarice's mouth dropped open, and she mouthed the two names. Velma...? Shaggy...? ...no... She looked over at Crawford again. "Mr. Crawford, is this some kind of joke you guys are trying to pull on me?" Again, all she received was puzzled looks from the two of them. The guy spoke. "It's Shaggy, remember, Daphne?" There it was again. They'd both called her Daphne.... Her eyes widened in realisation, and she quickly looked down at herself. Purple 60's style dress...green scarf... Oh dear god...it couldn't be... A large brown dog bounded into the back of the van and stared up at her with Paul Krendler's face. "Rello Raphne! Rar roo rokay?" She sighed. "Let me guess...Scooby doo?" Shaggy smiled. "Well hey, at least she remembers Scoob!" Clarice sighed. "Ok, whatever. It's too early for this. I guess it has something to do with that bottle of Jack Daniels I started on last night..." Alcohol-induced dreams about the Scooby gang...interesting... 'Daphne' stood up, and headed out of the van, ignoring the puzzled looks she recieved from the two others. Once outside, she took in her surroundings. "Oh great." It looked although the van had just pulled out of the path coming from a dark, gloomy wood, and was parked outside a rickety looking cottage. The road stretched ahead up a large hill, and looming ominiously at the top was a huge, creepy mansion. "So I guess this is where we go investigate the 'haunted house' or something?" "Of course." The new voice behind her caused her to turn around, puzzled. A guy in a white sweatshirt, flares and orange neckerchief smiled at her. One of the rookie agents...Thomas something-or-other....why the hell was she dreaming about him? "Erm....Fred?" He nodded. "Yeah, Daphne?" Clarice shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Nevermind. Sooooo.....what exactly is the story here?" Velma took this opportunity to explain things, as she loved being the know-it-all of the group. "The local sherrif has been recieving several reports from various townspeople regarding the old Lecter mansion. Many have claimed to-" Clarice stopped her. "Waitasecond....the Lecter mansion?" Velma blinked several times, obviously annoyed that she had been interrupted mid-speech. "Yes, the Lecter mansion. Legend has it that a mad scientist by the name of Count Von Lecter owned the mansion many years ago, and used it as a cover so he could perform his experiments without the local police discovering him. Several villagers disappeared over the years, and the entire town claimed that Lecter used them as test subjects. No one could ever prove anything, but everyone lived in fear of the Count. But one day, one of his experiments went terribly wrong, and legend has it that he was killed in a great explosion, and people claim that his ghost still wanders...." Clarice started to get bored, and muttered under her breath. "I always found you boring in the cartoons...." Velma blinked. "Excuse me?" "Nothing....nothing...." Fred stepped in front of everyone. "Ok gang, lets head out! The path's too narrow from here on, so we'll have to continue on foot. Now we'd better be careful....there may be some pretty spooky stuff in there..." Suddenly, a high pitched voice piped up from behind Clarice. "Oh boy! Lemme at 'em! Lemme at 'em!" Sighing Clarice turned round and directed her gaze downwards. Sure enough, a small brown puppy was behind her. Only, this puppy was in a tiny wheelchair and had a messed up face, and a goggle over his one remaining eye. Clarice groaned. Great, a combination of Scrappy Doo AND Mason Verger...could this get any more annoying....? She turned and began to follow the others up the steep path, the little freak on wheels speeding after her. Just as they were passing the cottage, the door opened and an older, frailer-looking version of Barney stepped onto the porch. "I wouldn't go up there if I were you kids!" Fred stepped forward. "Why is that, sir? May I ask who you are?" "Name's Barney Ruasonid. Folks round here call me Old Man Barney. I been livin here for the past 60-summin years, an I tell ya, that there mansion is haunted! Most nights I seen a light comin from the top window, there ain't no one livin there anymore....no one alive, that is..." Shaggy gulped, and started to shiver. "Zoinks! I don't like the sound of this, Scoob!" "Re reither Raggy!" Clarice snorted. The sight of Jack Crawford in flares was hard enough not to burst out laughing at, but seeing him and Paul Krendler both looking like they were going to wet themselves with fear was seriously testing her willpower. Fred continued to talk to the old man. "Well, thankyou for your concern, sir, but we really have to check this out. We'll be careful." Barney shook his head. "Don't say I didn't warn ya!" With that, he ducked back inside the old cottage and slammed the door. Scooby shook his head and stared up at Shaggy. "Ri ron't ranna ro rup rere, Raggy! Rit rounds rary!" "Like, you said it Scoob!" Velma smiled at them both. "Come on Scooby...would you do it for a Scooby Snack?" She held up a small box, that looked suspiciously like pills of some description... "Ruh-huh!" He shook his head violently. "Would ya do it for two?" He seemed to consider this for a moment, before nodding. "Reah!" Velma threw two Scooby Snacks across to Scooby's open mouth, but Shaggy jumped in front of them and ate them. "Like, mmm, sorry Scoob!" The two of them started bickering like two little kids. Clarice rolled her eyes. "I never thought I'd say this, but I think I prefer the real Krendler..." By the time they'd reached the top of the hill, Clarice's patience was wearing thin. The uncomfortable shoes made her feet ache, and the short dress wasn't doing anything to protect her from the cold. Plus, she had to constantly fend off Mason/Scappy Doo - the annoying little thing insisted on continuing to try to hump her leg. Fred slowly pushed the heavy double doors open, sending a deafening creak echoing through the entire mansion. The six of them cautiously walked in, looking around the darkened hall. Fred took charge and addressed them all. "Alright gang, let's split up. Shaggy, you and Scooby go check out whats through that door. Velma, you take Daphne and go look around upstairs. Scrappy Doo, I guess you're with me." Shaggy and Scooby headed off towards the other side of the vast hall. "Like, I hope this leads to a kitchen, Scoob!" "Reah! Reah!" Rolling her eyes, Clarice set off after Velma. After ten minutes of wandering in and out of the many rooms upstairs, Clarice was getting incredibly bored. "Look, there's nothing here-" "AAAARRGGHH!!!!!" Clarice cringed, waiting for the inevitable... "Jinkies! That came from downstairs...come on Daphne!" Mumbling under here breath, Clarice followed her downstairs. "I'dliketoseeyoutryrunninginthesegoddamnshoes...grr...." Shaggy was stood in the middle of the vast hall, shaking, and holding a trembling Scooby Doo in his arms. "Like...I just saw the g-g-g-ghost! It w-w-went t-that way!" He nodded his head towards a secret passage that had conveniently appeared in the large fireplace. Clarice started giggling. Scrappy Doo appeared from down another corridor "Hey, that thing must have got Fred...he just disappeared about 5 minutes ago!" Velma took the lead for once. "Come on, let's go find him!" She ran off down the passage, followed by Daphne and Scrappy Doo. Shaggy ran after them, still holding Scooby. "Like, wait for us!" "Reah, ron't reave us rere!" The passage suddenly came to a dead end in an underground cave of some sort. Stood in the middle of it, was a ghostly white figure, dressed in a tattered lab coat, with gruesome facial features. It growled at them, threateningly. "Lemme at 'em! Lemme...uh...guys? My wheelchair is stuck...." Shaggy and Scooby screamed, and dived into two conveniently located barrels. Velma stared at the rope near her that was attached to a large sandbag, which was suspended over the monsters head. She began scribbling onto a notepad. "According to previous research, and judging by the angle of the-" Clarice rolled her eyes. "Oh for godsake! I'LL do it!" She untied the rope and let the bag fall onto the monster. It fell to the floor, groaning. Slowly, Shaggy and Scooby reluctantly came out from hiding, now that it was safe. Velma smiled, as though she had done all the work. "Ok, let's see who this really is." Clarice shook her head. "Come on! It's always the only person you've ever seen at the beginning of the cartoon!" Velma wasn't listening, and pulled off the mask. Everyone gasped. "Old Man Barney!" Clarice rolled her eyes, for what seemed like the 100th time that day. "Told you." "Wait a minute..." Velma reached down and tugged off another mask...to reveal...."Fred!" "I don't think so..." Velma tugged off that mask...to reveal..."Count Von Lecter!" Clarice gasped. "Dr. Lecter?" He smiled. "Yes, Daphne. I was disguised as Fred all along. I ate the real Fred with some fava beans..." Clarice interrupted. "Yes, I know. Don't you ever get tired of that line?" He shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time." Sighing, Clarice sat down on the floor next to him, and held out a small box to him. "Scooby Snack?" Clarice woke up with a start. "What the...." Looking around, she recognised the familiar surroundings as her living room. What had happened that night....? Looking down, she saw her almost empty glass of JD placed on the table...when did she do that? More to the point...why were there two lit candles on the table? The magazine, placed between the candles like some sort of centerpiece, caught her eye. It was open at a 2 page spread of a Gucci advertisement, only there was a scrap of paper over the model's head. On closer inspection, she realised it was a newspaper clipping with her face on it. Him. He had been in the same room as her while she was sleeping.... Although she made no sound, her lips slowly formed the only word that came to mind. "Jinkies." Fin