On Silent Time

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During a very busy time of my life, needing to slow down and go inward, I went to participate in a spiritual retreat. It was a yoga retreat, where the head teacher is a monk who, forty years ago, took a vow of silence. He has not spoken since, and communicates by writing. During this retreat, my husband and I decided to take advantage of the special environment to practice silence on our own.

We had done this in the past but it had been a few years for me since I practiced silence for a stretch of four days. The main benefit I found, that I want to write about here, is that I noticed a tremendous quieting of my thoughts and a developing tranquility that grows beyond the time spent doing it. This was not particularly surprising to me, however, I am newly aware of some benefits and inspiration that continue to endure, long after the retreat occurred.

First of all, this was not a practice of complete silence, such as occurs on many Buddhist retreats, which could include elements like no intentional eye-contact, no reading. What I was doing was practicing silence with communication. Meaning I wrote on a small, slate chalk board and participated fully in events of the retreat (yoga asanas, meditation, yoga philosophy classes). I also read a  book I’d brought with me.

I also want to say that it is easier to do this now than it was the first few times I ever did this practice. It can get tricky sometimes, for instance, when meeting someone I had not seen in a long time, it was hard to do their “Hi how are you!” justice with a little chalk board. Not to mention trying to work out a room accommodations problem. Both of those situations came up for me during the retreat. It can be done, however and is so worth the effort!

The lingering benefit I have noticed is my awareness of how much the practice calmed my thoughts. I am the type of person who often finds it challenging to wind down at night. Sometimes I fall asleep too late, especially after a long day when my body is tired but my mind is very active.

During the retreat, I found it so peaceful to go to bed at night. Feeling silent inside and as if enveloped by a penetrating tranquility. Which in this case was penetrated by the sound of raindrops outside. I drifted off to sleep as if held gently in velvet.

Upon coming home from the retreat, as I re-entered an active (and verbal) life I noticed that gradually, the soft tranquility begin to dissipate. In the first few days I had arrived home, I noticed that speaking felt like speeding up somehow. Whether from time constraints, or having a lot to say (for example, my husband and I trying to figure out a home repair problem). I found myself growing increasing frustrated because, the more I tried to hold onto the slower pace, (the increased activity notwithstanding), it was growing increasingly elusive.  The interesting thing was that, after breaking silence, on the fourth day, it was difficult to get started talking again. I had gotten used to not speaking and each time I did, it felt like I was doing something odd. As if I was surprised at the sound of my own voice.

So, what I did was decide to return to practice regular periods of silence. And decided that, after 9:30 at night, I would practice silence.  I talked it over with my husband, so that it didn’t seem like a I was giving him the silent treatment! He decided he would join me occasionally.

As I returned to this practice, I noticed an immediate effect of returning to a pervading quiet. Instead of finding myself, at 11 p.m., still wound up from the events/thoughts/communications of the day, I found myself gradually becoming at ease, tranquil, calmer. Sleep seemed to beckon in harmony with my own inner rhythms. I was going to bed at least an hour earlier, effortlessly.  I was falling asleep sooner and more peacefully. The physical effect, I would say, has been the equivalent of doing an hour of yoga asanas.

Not speaking seemed to follow me into the next day. In the morning, I find the peace pervading. It is easier to enter into morning meditation.

Another benefit is that, I find myself calmer in general. The effects of the silence seem to last beyond the time of actually doing silence. And around 9:30, I find that my body remembers that it’s time now. I find that I look forward to it.

One of the aspects of this is that it is helpful to not watch TV, movies or read. I have not been doing that. Although I am watching TV less. I find that it becomes a kind of stimulation, just like speaking with someone else. Although different in many ways, of course.

One of the biggest revelations that has occurred for me is an awareness of how much what we say is unnecessary. My husband and I are able to communicate with few words. Often times a gesture is sufficient. And when I do speak, I experience an inner pause before forming words and expressing them.

I want to emphasize that this form of silence is not a withdrawl from communication. In many ways, it enhances it. I find that I feel even more connected, to myself and to my husband. It is very nourishing.

I highly recommend this practice to anyone looking to find more peace in their lives, peace in relationships, a more centered calm in general. It can take some explaining to family members who do not understand the practice. It also takes tailoring to your own life schedule. For instance it will likely be more difficult at work. The main point is that it is intentional silence. If you are alone, you might notice ways that you are verbal, even if there is no-one to talk to. For instance, it is challenging to not talk to my cats. However, they too are quieter when I am quiet.

I was recently reading a book on Ayurveda (an over 5,000 year old Indian system for health and well-being), by Dr. Vasant Lad. He says something I find relevant to this practice:

"Finally, before you to to bed, do a few minutes of meditation. Sit quietly and watch your breath. In the pauses between breaths, you'll meet with nothingness, and nothingness is energy and intelligence. Allow that intelligence to deal with your problems. In this way, you'll begin and end you day with meditation and meditation will stay with you even during sleep."

The Complete Book of Ayurvedic Home Remedies
by Vasant Lad

You too may find this practice to have relevance and meaning in your life. If you feel drawn to try it, begin with a small period of intentional silence. For example a half-hour. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. In time, you may notice benefits that are life-enhancing and healing.

Here are some links that relate to the practice of silence.

Additionally, if you would like to learn to practice silence, you may find it valuable to do it in a class setting, such as in one of my all-day MBSR retreats, or other types of class situations, like on a yoga or meditation retreat. It’s often easiest if there are others doing it with you. It is also more fun,

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