Constipated people don't give a crap.
Practice safe sex. Go screw yourself.
If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
Please tell your pants its not polite to point.
If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better.
My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
Thank you for pot smoking.
To all you virgins: Thanks for nothing.
If at first you don't succeed... blame someone else.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
Horn broken... watch for finger.
It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.
If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
Very funny, Scotty.... Now beam down my clothes.
Save the trees... Wipe your butt with an owl.
Necrophilia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window.
(On the back of a biker's vest)
If you can read this, my wife fell off.
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
(On an upside-down car)
If you can read this, please flip me back over.
Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ass.
Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your crotch unprotected.
Feel safe tonight... Sleep with a cop.
Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.
GUYS: No shirt, no service. GALS: No shirt, no charge.
If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut??
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
Boldly going nowhere.
Cats: The other white meat.
CAUTION - Driver legally blonde.
Don't be sexist - broads hate that!
Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now.
WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.
Q: What has four legs and an arm?
A: A happy pit bull.
