You Know You've Had
Too Much Coffee
When...
- You start skipping... uphill.
- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
- You sleep with your eyes open.
- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
- You lick your coffee pot clean.
- You spend your vacations visiting "Maxwell House".
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- All your kids are named "Joe".
- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low".
- You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
- You channel surf faster without a remote.
- When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
- You'll only go to sleep if you know you can wake up and smell the coffee.
- Your offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
- Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
- You help your dog chase its tail.
- You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
- Your Thermos is on wheels.
- You introduce your spouse as your "Coffee Mate".
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You haven't blinked since you started reading this list.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don't tan, you roast.
- You don't get mad, you get steamed.
- Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
