Thomas Nuttall was the name, and somehow, by some other-worldly twist of fate, he managed to live from 1786 to 1859. Mr. Nuttall was a pioneer botanist, you see, who braved the most remote areas of the North-West America studying and cataloguing the various flora (we laymen call them 'plants') of this vast, new, unexplored wilderness.
As a botanist, Nuttall was second to none. (After all, there were no other botanists for miles around!) However, as an explorer, he excelled and was written into the history books as being almost permanently lost! Almost every night, his colleagues had to light huge beacon fires just so Nuttall could find his way back to camp.
One night, Nuttall failed to come back at all, even with the fire lighting trees a mile and a half away, and his camp-mates quickly arranged a search party to try and find the wayward wanderer. Undoubtedly wishing he hadn't left his security blanket back home, Nuttall could hear the search party thrashing their way through the darkness toward him, but he convinced himself that they were savage Indians and ran away. Hearing his name being yelled didn't console him, either. No, Sir! Not one bit! Nuttall simply assumed that the Indians had heard his name being spoken while skulking around in the shadows near the camp and were trying to trick him and to lure him to an untimely and rather drastic haircut. Not willing to experience such tonsorial expertise without at least a bottle of hair tonic on hand, Nuttall disappeared into the night. For three days he managed to elude his pursuers (Remember them? They were his friends!), dragging them through dense bush and across rivers until he accidentally lead them right back to camp!
On another occasion, Nuttall became so hopelessly lost that he struggled through the dense underbrush until he fell down exhausted. A passing Indian recognized him (he had developed quite a reputation in that neck of the woods), but Nuttall looked so helpless and pathetic that the Indian didn't have the heart to scalp him. Instead, the compassionate Native picked up Nuttall and carried him three miles to the river, gently placed Nuttall into a canoe until he was nice and comfy for the trip, then paddled the great explorer home.
