April 20, 2003

  With the liberation of Iraq, the first stirrings of freedom are now being seen amongst her people.  On street corners in the twisted, smoking rubble of Baghdad, crudely printed newspapers are distributed sporadically through the central neighborhoods.  The first fledgling roots of capitalism are growing.  eSLASHculture is proud to present excerpts form the April 18th edition of:

                        THE THRIFTY DRACHMA

"Helping you get the most for your money and stretch your drachma!  A guide to Baghdad's best bargains!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   101 - Garage Sales                                                                                 

4 Family Garage Sale:  Our brother-in-law is Tariq Hussein.  Moving to Lebanon and everything must go!  Waterbeds, dark oak dinette set, 26 foot camper, Siminovostok K.V. particle accelerator and accessories.  Saturday-Sunday.  9AM to 5PM, Mardiqqi  Court.

I Buy Ugly Armoured Personnel Carriers!  Will pay top  $$$ for any APCs, Russian, American, or French, running or not!  Call Ali at 37-1946.

Rags to Riches!  Earn $$$s for your rags!  Talib the Rag Man wants your rags!  I pay 1 drachma per 20 pounds of rags. No blood soaked rags, please.  Call 69-7462.

Full of Shi'ite!  That's what we say about our competitors.  Advertise in The Thrifty Drachma today!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    226 - Collectibles

Ancient Baghdad Art!  Burial urns, scrolls, vases, and more!  Top quality at wholesale prices!  Priceless centuries old artifacts priced to move NOW!!!  Museum quality art for your home!  Call 26-5439.

War Surplus Sale!  Guns! Guns! Guns!  AK47s, RPGs, fragmentation grenades!  Choose any three weapons for 6 drachmas!  Buy ten or more weapons and get a free full dress Iraqi general's uniform! 1-800- CALL ALIQ.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    499 -  Miscellaneous

Flags!  Flags! Flags!  Halim's Flag City closeout sale going on now!  All Iraqi flags on sale!  Eight full-sized battle flags for the low, low price of 1 drachma!  Special Easter Sale!  Buy one car antenna size American flag for 30 drachmas, get a free Mystery Grab Bag filled with Syrian, Iraqi,and Afghanistanni flags!  Unbeatable deals!  It's a Price War!  56-9632.

CDs For Sale!  Dixie Chicks Rule!  All your favorites as heard on Al-Jazeera Radio!  "Fly," "Wide Open Spaces," and "Home" only 5 drachmas each!  Buy all 3 and get free boxed set 6 CD collection of Saddam Hussein's greatest inspirational speeches!  Call 65-4708.

R.U.  A Crazy Radical?  If you don't use The Thrifty Drachma for all your advertising needs, you must be crazy!

Fireworks!  Big Fourth of July Sale!  High explosives, smoke grenades, and RPGs in three colors.  Celebrate U.S.A.'s birthday with a bang! Buy any four grenades and get a dozen free sparklers for the kids and a laser guided Stinger SAM.  Call 1-800-CALL  ALIQ.

Garden Statuary:  Spruce up your backyard with a life-sized Saddam Hussein bird feeder, a marble Saddam garden gnome, or our new deluxe custom made Saddam head six nozzle sprinkler.  Buy now!  Everything must go!  62-8943.

Weapons of Mass Destruction!  Be your own boss!  Control your hours!  Increase your income!  Our nerve gas and biological weapons starter kits will give you a jump on the competition!  Must be over eighteen or accompanied by a parent to purchase.  Call Mr. Ali @ 39-0867.

Freedom is Overrated!  For only drachmas a month, The Thrifty Drachma can sell your goods all over Baghdad!

Bumper Stickers for every occasion!  Patriotic favorites "I Heart Bush!," "USA 4-Ever!" and humorous new bumper stickers:  "Don't Kill Me! I'm Ruled Mercilessly By Stupid!," "Official Baghdad Booty Inspector," "Warning:  This Tank Makes Frequent Stops For Looting!," and "Don't Blame Me!  I Voted For the Dixie Chicks!"   Call 78-4523.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    500 - Vehicles

Kalishnikov TC-500 main battle tank!  Excellent tank!  Loaded with weapons systems!  25 drachmas down, 20 drachmas a month for 20 months!  Guaranteed credit approval with cash down payment, current drivers license, and if you are breathing!  Lucky Ali's Used Ordinance 67-4180.

Unbelievable Huge Tractor Trailer:  2003 clearance.  4 bedrooms, 2 full baths, fireplace, corner tub, ventilated hot lab, cooling chambers, and plutonium accelerator rods.  Water bed and 2 decontamination suits included!  You must see this mobile lab!  Call 38-5682.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    700 - Homes For Sale

Incredible 5 Bedroom Home.  3000 square ft. home.  Island kitchen, fireplace, two living areas, and huge master suite!  Hurry! Won't last!  Was 670 drachmas a month, now just 20 drachmas!  Big lot next to Saddam Airport and Iraqi Air Force Radar Station.  Check it out!  All looters will be shot on sight!

House in the Country:  Massive 30,000 sq. ft. getaway located just outside Mosul.  Amazing palace and grounds!  Some bomb damage in master suite and hot tub.  Currently occupied by 101st Airborne.  Will price to sell!  A must see!  98-2350.

Infidels Must Die!  if they pay more than 3 drachmas a month for a three line add!  Advertise in The Thrifty Drachma and keep capitalism alive!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    699 - Business Opportunities

$$$ Earn $$$:  Work around your own schedule.  We will train you!  Work indoors or outdoors!  Make friends!  Earn cash!  Destroy evil despots!  CIA operatives are needed now!  $$$ Earn $$$s!  Call 1-800- 4 SPOOKS!