March 29, 2003

The eSLASHculture Internet Action Line

by Russ Pendelman

FREE BRANSON VACATION INTERNET SCAM

    Recently several eSLASculture readers have reported a nasty new type of internet fraud.  The scam is sent out as an e-mail promising an all expenses paid trip for two to Branson, Missouri.  Here is a copy of the offer that was received by one eSLASHculture reader:

    Congratulations!  You and your spouse have been selected as the lucky winners of an all expenses paid promotional package trip to Branson, Missouri.  Normally the Branson Escape Getaway Vacation for 2 is a $386 value, but for a limited time it is available to our winners free of charge!  Escape from the ordinary and stay at the Bright Leaf Music City Inn for 2 days and 2 nights.  Enjoy food and fun at the Bright Leaf - Branson's only all smokers hotel - located in the heart of the Live Entertainment Capital of the World!

- Start each day at Porky's, our acclaimed complimentary breakfast buffet featuring unlimited all-you-can-eat trips to the Pork, Beef, and Veal Bars.

- 2 days and 2 nights Deluxe Accommodations with Jacuzzi and complimentary cigarettes in every room.

- Dinner for 2 each night at your choice of Branson's finest restaurants including Roseanne's Country Cookin' Kitchen, Home of the Bottomless Fried Meat Feedbag, Wrangler Bob's Big Steak Buffet, or George "Goober" Lindsay's Jumbo Waffle and Ham House.

- 2 Music, Comedy, or Attractions of your choice including "Little Jimmy Lamprey's Country Jukebox Jamboree" featuring Little Jimmy Lamprey and his amazing bluegrass bagpipe revue, "The Smoking Mountain Hoedown and Dinner Show" featuring all-smoking singers, dancers, and wandering fiddlers in a down home country setting, or "Jackov Yankov's Hello Amereeka Comedy Capers" featuring direct from war-torn Bosnia Branson's favorite ethnic funnyman and a full Mongolian BBQ buffet.

- 2 Free Admissions to "CRASH! The NASCAR Museum and Interactive Racin' Tour," Branson's #1 auto exhibition.

    To claim your Branson Escape Getaway for 2, just download this offer, sign the accompanying six page waiver, and list your two day vacation preference.  All participants must be between the ages of 18 and 35 and must be accompanied by spouse.  This offer is brought to you by the Branson Howdy Hose marketing Council and the Comptereau Corporation.

   Too Good To Be True.  If there is one thing I have learned in my years of studying consumer scams and internet frauds, it is that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.  "Mike," a recent victim, detailed his experiences.  The trip started well enough.  The accommodations were fine, and he and his wife had all the free cigarettes and meat they wanted as well as enjoying some top flight country-style entertainment.  Their problems began when at the end of the second day Mike and his wife LeeAnne went to the NASCAR museum.  As they were having their picture taken with an incredible animatronic likeness of the late Dale "The Intimidator" Ernhart, a trap door gave way beneath them sending them tumbling down a dark chute.  Soon they found themselves trapped in a dirty, cramped, unlit truck with over forty other winners.  They endured a grueling thirty-four hour drive across the border into Canada and far north to the French Canadian village of Sept-Illes Baffin near the Arctic Circle.  They were unloaded and chained together then forced to work for six weeks in the frozen subterranean bauxite mines of the Comptereau Corporation.  Their cruel supervisors spoke only in French, but Mike and his wife pieced together the facts that apparently the waiver they had downloaded and signed contained a partially encoded clause binding them to a six week period of indentured servitude.

    Paid In Meat And Cigarettes.  Dave describes the work conditions as harsh.  For six weeks, he and his spouse were never allowed to emerge to the surface.  They lived in the dark, smoke-filled mine in primitive underground shanties.  They were paid in meat and cigarettes each day only if they filled their carts with the daily quota of eighty pounds of bauxite ore apiece.  Other winners were forced to spend their days manually pumping freezing cold air into the mine shafts while chained to huge treadmills in groups of eight.  The mine foreman, known only as Big Jacque, was a cruel taskmaster ruthlessly working the two hundred winners during daily eighteen hour shifts.  If it weren't for the meat, the cigarettes, and the country music piped into the mines day and night, Mike and LeeAnne would have given up hope in the first few days.  However, when they were released after their six weeks were up, they stumbled out into the frigid artic night with mixed emotions.

    Really Not All That Bad.  Though the bauxite mines at Sept-Illes Baffin were a brutal and trying environment, the fact is that many of the other winners had come to Branson from equally severe and primitive locales such as Stillwater, Oklahoma, Tucker, Georgia, and Baton Rouge, Louisiana and worked in grueling jobs at Wal-Marts, car seat assembly plants, and fast food restaurants.  Dave and LeeAnne, like many of their other fellow winners, found they had come to look forward to the simple, rustic life in the mines.   The days filled with meat, country music, and cigarettes were a welcome break from their usual responsibilities such as paying rent, car notes, and utility bills.  Mike reports that he was pleasantly surprised upon his return to find that a nominal fee of twenty dollars a day had been deposited into escrow accounts for he and LeeAnne during the six weeks.  This money along with the fact that they had accrued no expenses and not used their credit cards for over a month resulted in Mike finding his credit rating had been cleared in his absence.  Additionally, LeeAnne had lost over forty pounds and three dress sizes during the vacation.

    Bauxite, The Mineral Of The Future.  In a time when our country faces chronic shortages of bauxite, the Comptereau Corporation has found a novel new way to address this ongoing problem.  Not only have Dave and LeeAnne told all their friends back in Wiggler, Kansas about Sept-Illes Baffin, but they are also looking forward to returning to Branson and the mines for a six week getaway in the fall.  If you and your spouse are interested in learning more about bauxite, Branson, Missouri, Sept-Illes Baffin, or opportunities with the Comptereau  Corporation, please visit our web site at <TheMinesAtS.I.B.net> and don't forget to forward this e-mail to a friend.  Remember, more inexpensive, readily available bauxite means a stronger America!