March 25, 2003

The following is an excerpt from the March, 2003 edition  of  "Industry Leech Magazine," a monthly journal for lawyers and agents in the entertainment industry.

CRIME PAYS:  MEET MARVIN WALTZMAN

    After a quick look around the smartly appointed waiting room of entertainment lawyer Marvin Waltzman you might think this was just another affluent law firm instead of the home of the hottest talent agency in Los Angeles.  However, it is only when you see the glittering nameplate in fourteen karat gold on platinum which reads "Thugz-R-Us Representation" that you begin to notice the little differences that mark this as the hottest new concept in the industry.  Note the gleaming diamond encrusted gun rack in the alcove, the hot tub in the antechamber, and the very attractive receptionist dressed in a Fendi kevlar bullet proof vest. 

        Marvin Waltzman - or "Money Marv" as he is known to his clients - has brought a new attitude to entertainment law and artist management.  A  quick look at today's Top 40 music charts confirms an incredible trend:  convicted criminals sell records, lots of records.  Crack dealer and self-professed gun-toting gang member 50 Cent tops the Rap chart.  R. Kelly, once again dogged by allegations of statutory rape and illegal pornography, ships platinum and his album "Chocolate Factory" with its sweaty love grooves tops the Soul charts.  Eminem, arrested for aggravated assault and possession of an unlicensed gun, wins an Oscar and has sold more records than any other artist over the last three years.  Waltzman represents these superstars and over thirty other convicted felons who are currently busting up the sales charts with the same élan and streetwise savvy with which they had previously broken the laws of this great nation.   

Despite running an aggressive new empire in the world of artist management, Waltzman is in person quite genial and unprepossessing.  Dressed in a well-tailored Brooks Brothers suit, he is a paunchy but youthful fifty-three with a ready smile and a perpetual twinkle in the blue eyes behind the simple horn-rimmed glasses he wears.  His gray hair brushed back in neat cornrows festooned with silver and turquoise beads and the eight matching silver piercings in his left ear mark him as what his clients refer to as a "playa."  When asked about the secret of his success, he is very open with more than a little trace of his New Jersey origins in his jovial, accent.

    "Art is our business, yet it remains art first and foremost.  When I represent a creative artist, it is my job to bring forth the vision, the substance, and the spirit of my client's work into the crowded milieu of popular culture where it can have its fullest impact, particularly if he has recently popped a cap in some homie's ass."

    Some critics accuse Waltzman of not only profiting from the lawlessness of his clients but even fostering further transgressions to fuel their fame.  His response to these charges comes in calm, measured tones.

    "Bitch, are you for real?  I contend that my clients ... my artists ... live on a creative plane far above the norm where they cannot be forced to conform to small-minded, petite bourgeoisie moral schemata.  If we were debating philosophy , I would say that morality and laws are for the poor.  However, we are discussing business so I say, 'It's all about the Benjamins.'  Now if someone like R. Kelly worked in a bakery and bought a house in your neighborhood he would have to go door to door and report his criminal record to the police and chances are he would lose his job.  Fortunately for today's artists, morality is relative not absolute.  So when R. Kelly  the funky soul love man singer comes to your town he will sell out your metroplex arena, and I get 15% of the gate, 25% of the merchandizing, and 30% of the CDs and T-shirts.  Some might say I profit not-so-indirectly from the suffering of others.  I say, 'Word to the mother!  Proper!' or whatever it is they say these days.  The consumer doesn't read philosophy, economics or even the newspaper so why should I?"

    Although Waltzman is known for working with the cream of today's best-selling criminals, he is also quite respected for his fine eye for discovering new talent.  He shared some of his tricks of the trade with us.

    "Usually I hang around the courts and prisons looking for someone with the attitude and the rap sheet full of heinous crimes to make a move in the entertainment business, but sometimes talent just jumps out at you.  Like last month.  I was outside a recording studio in Burbank after a late night of going over some mixes with Snoop.  I'm going to my car a block away, and I see this kid, a white kid no less, just walking through the parking lot smashing all  the cars' windshields with a tire tool.  My eyes lit up, and after he broke my arm and took my wallet, I gave him my card.  Turns out he's just seventeen, but he has done tons of juvenile time for assault, drug dealing, and -get this - he even has an arson conviction.  We're calling him Flame Throwa, and he's already done a guest shot on the new Jay Z single and the Neptunes are cranking out his first album now.  The boy's gonna be large!"

    When asked if there are any up and coming artists he would like to work with, Waltzman singled out Grammy winner Norah Jones.

    "That voice, those looks, and the depth of musicality and emotion!  She has it all.  Now if she could just pistol whip a gas station attendant or beat up a concierge I could take her to the top," Waltzman mused wistfully.

    Of course, there are some young artists he has no interest in whatsoever.  "Justin Timberlake," Waltzman recalls.  "He came up to me at a party last week.  A good looking kid, got a great set of pipes, and a dynamite little performer, but I told him, 'Look, kid.  Everyone thinks you're just a punk ass little  bitch.  Why don't you come back when you've done some crimes.'  Well, he said, 'Thank you, sir' and all, but you just know it is never gonna happen for him."

    The latest thrust for Thugz-R-Us Representation according to Waltzman is diversification beyond his core demographic of the inner urban youth market.  As we were leaving, Waltzman was quick to take a call from suddenly hot again Academy Award winning director and fugitive from justice Roman Polanski.  Waltzman also has planned meetings with Pete Townsend and former Enron CEO Kenneth Lay, whom Waltzman describes as a surprisingly gifted country singer/songwriter.

    On parting, we asked if given the wide variety of violent crimes his clients have committed there was any type of crime he found too personally offensive to prevent him from working with a potential client.

    "There are two things," he said very seriously.  "Embezzlement and breach of contract.  Looting, shooting, pushing, pimping: to me it's all good, but what kind of depraved individual would knowingly violate a clearly delineated contact clause or a codicil in a legitimate, notarized document?  The thought of it makes my skin crawl," the great man said as he strapped on  his bullet proof vest and tucked a nickel plated nine millimeter pistol into the waistband of his trousers as he left for an important meeting with his new client Robert Blake.