December 19, 2002

The following is an excerpt from USA TODAY, Blue Section, Friday, December 20, 2002:

SENATOR LOTT IN TROUBLE AGAIN

    Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott has found himself embroiled in controversy yet again due to his remarks and actions at a recent office Christmas party for his staff.  The party was a private function limited to members of Senator Lott's staff and their guests. However, an anonymous eyewitness source detailed the sequence of events that shocked and offended many of those present. 

    "It was just a regular office Christmas party," our source confirms.  "We had it Monday night in the private function room of the downtown Olive Garden restaurant in Washington, DC.  There was the usual office party stuff:  drinking, pranks, and gag awards.  With all the controversy over the past week about Senator Lott's comments about Strom Thurmond, everyone was ready to loosen up and blow off some steam.  Admittedly, people had been doing a lot of heavy drinking by the time we got to the awards part of the evening.  Still when Senator Lott was announced as having won the 'Most Racist Senator' award, you could see folks tightening up.  That's when T.L. Smoove - that's what we all call Senator Lott - appeared dressed up in costume and black face as rapper Snoop Doggy Dogg.  To see the distinguished Senator from Mississippi staggering around drunk as a lord in a full length fur coat pimped out to the max and yelling 'Where's my bitches? Where's my dawgs?' was a bit much."

    Lott's press secretary K.J. Olderrperrsson has been quick to point out that the Senator at the time was on both antihistamines for his chronic allergies and powerful prescription painkillers for carpal tunnel symptoms.  This, in combination with over a dozen shots of tequila, took their toll on the  Senator, whom Olderrperrsson characterized as "a bit tipsy" at the time of the incident.

    "Plastered, shit-faced, stinking drunk ... that is how I would characterize him at the time," our source says.  "Still I was surprised by the little speech he made when he accepted the award.  He said, 'Racist?  Am I racist?  Hell, I'm a Republican Senator from Mississippi.  Of course I am racist.  Now where's my bitches?'

    "It was at that point that the Senator led the whole crowd out of the Olive Garden and down the street to a 'gentlemen's club' called Silky Ladies.  It all became a bit of a blur, but I distinctly remember him punching a bouncer and having to be pulled off a stripper onstage who was dressed up as a sexy Sandra Day O'Connor.  By two in the morning, there were only a dozen of us left and we wound up at an all night tattoo parlor.  The party eventually broke up when the cops came.  The common law husband of one of the office receptionists had brought along an unregistered AK47 assault rifle, and he and the Senator were shooting out streetlamps in the parking  lot of the tattoo parlor and singing the Ole Miss fight song when the police arrived.  I hear they charged him with twelve counts of drunk and disorderly."

    The widely published mug shots from that night show the Senator to be shirtless and dazed-looking with some residual black shoe polish smeared on his face.  Close examination of the first picture reveals a fresh tattoo on the Senator's left bicep which reads "I Hate Black People."  The other photo shows a second new tattoo on his right bicep which reads, "I Hate Everyone Else, Too."  These shocking images are a far cry from the appearance of Senator Lott a little over twenty-four hours later when he appeared at a packed press conference on Capitol Hill. 

    Senator Lott read his prepared statement in a calm, authoritative voice and seemed relaxed and at ease.  Dressed in a conservative navy blue suit and impeccably groomed, he stated that his actions - though on the surface rather troubling - were the result of a potent chemical cross reaction of medications prescribed for him by his personal physician who was closely supervising his treatment.  After reading the brief statement, Senator Lott took a few questions from a clearly adversarial Washington press corps.  When questioned as to whether his actions at the Christmas party were a true reflection of his personal beliefs about the state of race relations in America, Senator Lott was quite direct in his response:

    "I cannot be held responsible for anything I say unless it is within the context of formally scripted, officially sanctioned statements such as this one."

    Reporter Flave Nassterrperrssonn from The New York Times was persistent in his questioning.  He asked if it was fair to assume that jokes, off-hand remarks, or a person's tattoo's could be reasonably expected to offer an insight into the heart of a public figure such as the Senator.  Lott remained strangely calm as he answered.

    "I firmly believe," the Senator replied, reading from his notes, "that the public, voters, and the press should be willing to accept that I am at all times exactly who I pretend to be in formal settings such as these.  I refuse to be held publicly responsible for any informal comments or actions that could accidentally reveal my true feelings and attitudes on important and controversial issues.  Thank you and good day."

    As the Senator turned to walk away from the podium, everyone in the room could clearly hear Nassterrperrsson's incredulous response, when he called the Senator "a spineless, lying weasel."

    At that point the Senator spun quickly and  lurched to the microphone to address the reporter, angrily waving a finger at him.  "Come on, Flave.  Getting all bent out of shape about a few off-the-cuff remarks from a politician is about as ridiculous as going to see 'The Muppets On Ice' and afterwards getting all shocked and  upset when you find out Kermit isn't a real singing, dancing frog but just a big puppet.  And another thing, who out there hasn't taken a poke at a bouncer or groped a stripper?"

    It was at this point that the Senator's handlers quickly turned off the microphones, closed ranks around the podium, and escorted the Senator back to his private chambers to "review some important upcoming Congressional matters."