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August 30, 2002
The following is an excerpt from a letter from Mars
Plasterfisterparsson, Vice President of International Creative Talent
Management Agency (ICTMA), to Bane Coughlin, personal representative to
Nia Vardalos.
Dear Bane,
We here at ICTMA are excited to participate in developing
projects for your client. With the surprise smash success of her
film "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" in theaters all over America, we see a
wide variety of opportunities for Nia, the star and writer of the
feel-good hit movie of the summer.
"My Big Fat Greek Wedding" succeeded because of its
idiosyncratic, charming characters, its earthy comic style, and its
tribute to the lasting values of family, romantic love, and tradition.
We at ICTMA want to take those winning traits and open them up for a
broader audience demographic, refine them, cross-market them, and develop
them into a huge, soul-crushing empire based on the MY BIG FAT GREEK (MBFG)
Brand Name. We see chubby, charming every-woman Nia Vardalos and her
family as the next )Oprah, Rosie, or Martha Stewart.
While you and Nia focus on the proposed sequel theatrical
film releases including MY BIG FAT GREEK HONEYMOON and MY BIG FAT GREEK
TWINS, we at ICTMA, working with a highly skilled team of producers and
writers paid to crassly and shamelessly ape your client's style, have
developed a full slate of programs for network and cable television
crossover. Here are our proposed projects:
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Lifetime Network Project. A monthly
made-for-television series of women's films aimed at timely topics dealt
with in the warm, comic style of Nia Vardalos. Already in
pre-production are the first three titles: MY BIG FAT GREEK GAY
SON, MY BIG FAT GREEK ALCOHOLIC FATHER, and MY BIG FAT GREEK MENOPAUSE.
-
The Health Network Project. A weekly series of
informative yet humorous hour-long specials in the rich MBFG tradition
hosted by world-famous celebrity surgeon Dr. Theo Papadopoulos will
explore different compelling medical topics. Already in scripting
stage: MY BIG FAT GREEK BREAST IMPLANTS, MY BIG FAT GREEK RADICAL
PROSTATECTOMY, and MY BIG FAT GREEK GALL BLADDER SURGERY.
-
CBS Hour Long Drama Series Project. Combining the
gripping drama of forensic investigations with the comical family
bickering and hi-jinks of a team of Greek detectives, MY BIG FAT GREEK
CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION UNIT is scheduled to debut in September.
A cross over show MY BIG FAT GREEK LAW AND ORDER is still in the
planning stages.
-
Nickelodeon Network Project. MY BIG FAT GREEK POP
STARS is a reality television hybrid. In the form of a weekly
contest, chubby, unattractive, talentless teens are selected, coached,
and rehea5rsed into a real, live pop group. It will teach the
inspirational message that every teen regardless of ethnic background or
weight can make his or her dream come true while being cruelly mocked by
a huge, international audience.
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Fox Network Projects. Fox has expressed great
interest in developing a nightly news and opinions show using the MBFG
platform. Tentatively titled MY BIG FAT GREEK RIGHT WING ATTACK
SHOW, it will feature Michael Dukakis and Hershel Bernaradi badgering
politicians, insulting phone-in callers, and closing each show with a
big family-style Greek buffet.
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CNBC Project. Financial expert Cosmo
Petropoulatakis will host a week-in-review hour long program on Fridays
stressing stock market analysis, global financial trends, and good
old-fashioned Greek family fun. MY BIG FAT GREEK ASSETS-BASED LONG
TERM FINANCIAL PLANNING SHOW will roll out in October just in time for
the next big stock market crash.
With a full slate of MBFG based projects ready to go,
all we need is your client's signature on the enclosed contracts to
green-light the Fall Schedule and send you the first check for twenty
million dollars. Sincerely yours, Nars
Plasterfisterparsson The following is
an excerpt from an e-mail to Nars Plasterfisterparsson from Bane Coughlin.
Nars, Talked with Nia and it is a BIG FAT GREEK YES! Send that
first check now! Love, Bane |
